Adoption: The Making of Me. An Oral History of Adoptee Stories

• Carol: For This Adoptee, Early Searching Led to Present-Day Understanding

  Carol Hoeksema was born at the Salvation Army Evangeline Home for unwed mothers in Grand Rapids, Michigan, in 1957, where she stayed the first 13 days of her life before going to an unknown foster family arranged by Bethany Christian Services. At 3 months, she was given to her adoptive parents and raised in the Dutch immigrant community of Pella, Iowa. She always knew that she was adopted and was curious about her roots. At age 19, she started her search by going to the adoption agency, and over the next 15 years, she was able to find and contact the families of both birth parents. After experiencing a secondary rejection by her mother, she found healing and belonging in doing genealogy research. In contrast, her late father’s family welcomed her with open arms. She has lived a rich life, full of family, friends, and adventures. A retired family physician, Carol lives with her husband on Camano Island, Washington. They have 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren. In this interview, she tells the story of her adoption and search for her roots so that her descendants will know their history, too, and wants to give hope to others experiencing birth mother rejection.Sign up for our mailing list to get updates and the Eventbrite - (soon to be published) - for our September 12th & 13th Washington, D.C. Event!Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, June 7th, @ 1 PM ET.RESOURCES for Adoptees:S12F Helping AdopteesGregory Luce and Adoptees Rights LawFireside Adoptees Facebook GroupDr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness MovementMoses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocateNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.Unraveling Adoption with Beth SyversonAdoptees Connect with Pamela KaranovaBecause She Was Adopted by Kristal ParkeDear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika RoudaSupport the showSupport the showTo support the show - Patreon.

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• Stephen: A Chance Viewing Led to a Search for Identity

  Born in 1963, Stephen Payne was five weeks old when his parents adopted him through the Volunteers of America. He grew up an only child in a loving family. At age three, he overheard his parents discussing his adoption with friends. His mother explained it to him in age-appropriate terms, which mostly satisfied his curiosity, yet occasionally left nagging questions.That inner conflict may have affected his earliest days in school, where he struggled. A diagnosis of ADHD confirmed some of this inner turmoil. A portion of this, Stephen has since learned, was hereditary, possibly caused, too, by adoption. Plus, some cruel neighborhood children ridiculed him about his parentage. Yet 4th grade marked a shift.Better study habits, unwavering support from family, and several kind teachers and librarians fueled dramatic improvement in his grades, then and later. Nonetheless, it hid his insecurities and anxiety, starting a vicious cycle: an obsession with high grades, which led, inevitably, to more insecurity and anxiety, all in the name of approval. In 1988 or ‘89, he watched a talk show highlighting a biological mother’s search for her daughter. Haunted by their story, Stephen declared to his mother, “I think I want to look for my biological parents.” Teary-eyed, she gladly offered her and his dad’s help. Days afterward, she located his final decree of adoption and his birth name. Thus began his search. Plus, he witnessed, anew, his parents’ undying devotion to him and eventually, his and their unknown, marvelous connection…Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, June 7th, @ 1 PM ET.RESOURCES for Adoptees:S12F Helping AdopteesGregory Luce and Adoptees Rights LawFireside Adoptees Facebook GroupDr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness MovementMoses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocateNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.Unraveling Adoption with Beth SyversonAdoptees Connect with Pamela KaranovaBecause She Was Adopted by Kristal ParkeDear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika RoudaSupport the showTo support the show - Patreon.

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• Mary: How a Search Angel and DNA Changed This Adoptee’s Life

  Mary, a seventh-generation Tennessean born in Memphis in 1986, was adopted and raised in Jackson, Tennessee, by a supportive family who encouraged her search for her biological relatives. In 2007, she connected with her birth mother, who had mistakenly identified the wrong man as Mary's father.  Then, in 2019, a "search angel" and a DNA match through Ancestry.com unexpectedly revealed her actual biological father and a previously unknown family. She has since developed relationships with these newfound blood relatives, while maintaining a connection with the family of the man her birth mother initially believed to be her father.The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment by Cameron Lee SmallMagic Mind - Use Code: MAKINGOFMEAPR  https://www.magicmind.com/MAKINGOFMEAPR Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, May 10th, @ 1 PM ET.RESOURCES for Adoptees:S12F Helping AdopteesGregory Luce and Adoptees Rights LawFireside Adoptees Facebook GroupDr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness MovementMoses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocateNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.Unraveling Adoption with Beth SyversonAdoptees Connect with Pamela KaranovaBecause She Was Adopted by Kristal ParkeDear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika RoudaSupport the showTo support the show - Patreon.

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• Heather: A Longing Led to Searching

  Heather G. Marshall is an adoptee, author, speaker, and workshop facilitator. Her TED talk, “Letting Go of Expectations,” centers around her adoption and reunion. Her second novel, When the Ocean Flies, released in February 2024 (Vine Leaves Press). The novel is an adoptee-focused exploration of love and longing, of identity and belonging, and of healing from trauma. Heather was born in Leith, Scotland, in 1967, relinquished at birth, sent to foster care, and subsequently adopted in Scotland. She has been in reunion with her mother for twenty years, and was in reunion with her father for the last six years of his life. In her writing, Heather explores family, adoption, women (especially older ones), the natural environment, and how these intersect. When she isn’t writing, she likes to hike, travel, practice yoga and meditation, do a wee bit of knitting, and, of course, read. Originally from Scotland, Heather now lives in the United States. You can find out more about her at heathergmarshall.com.The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment by Cameron Lee SmallMagic Mind - Use Code: MAKINGOFMEAPR  https://www.magicmind.com/MAKINGOFMEAPR Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, May 10th, @ 1 PM ET.RESOURCES for Adoptees:S12F Helping AdopteesGregory Luce and Adoptees Rights LawFireside Adoptees Facebook GroupDr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness MovementMoses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocateNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.Unraveling Adoption with Beth SyversonAdoptees Connect with Pamela KaranovaBecause She Was Adopted by Kristal ParkeDear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika RoudaSupport the showTo support the show - Patreon.

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• Kate: For This Adoptee, the Surprises Kept Coming

  Kate was born at a Florence Crittenton home in Kansas City, MO, in 1970 and placed with her adoptive family at 9 days old. She always knew she was adopted and has always wanted to find her family of origin. This was finally made possible when Missouri changed its laws allowing adopted people access to their original birth certificates. She has been in reunion with her mother since 2018, meeting her in person and getting a life-changing hug in 2019. That hug was the first time she had a feeling of being home. Kate is also in reunion with her father’s family, who have been welcoming.Reunion has been beautiful, messy, painful, liberating, and the most life-impacting thing Kate has ever experienced. Finding her story and learning about her people, though sometimes painful, has been incredibly grounding, and she now feels like a real person.While finding family has been an overall positive experience, some of the stories have been quite difficult. Her father went on a shooting spree, killing three people, including two police officers, and wounding several more before taking his own life in Harrisonville, MO, in 1972. As luck would have it, she had a chance encounter with an author while visiting his grave for the first time. The author was doing research for a book he was writing about her father. This encounter was instrumental in helping Kate find healing, as it led to factual information about what happened that day in 1972, as well as connections with some of her father’s friends, giving her an understanding of the kind of person he was beyond the story he is most remembered for. Kate has been fortunate that her mother was willing to answer all of her questions, even though they were uncomfortable and seemed repetitive. This helped her to understand the decisions made by her grandparents. Had things turned out differently and Kate remained with her natural parents, her name would have been Lisa Simpson, which makes her giggle.The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment by Cameron Lee SmallMagic Mind - Use Code: MAKINGOFMEThank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. The next meeting will be on Saturday, May 10th, @ 1 PM ET.RESOURCES for Adoptees:S12F Helping AdopteesGregory Luce and Adoptees Rights LawFireside Adoptees Facebook GroupDr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness MovementMoses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocateNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.Unraveling Adoption with Beth SyversonAdoptees Connect with Pamela KaranovaBecause She Was Adopted by Kristal ParkeDear Amy, letters to Amy Coney Barrett. A project by Meika RoudaTo get your subscription of Magic Mind, go here: https://www.magicmind.com/MAKINGOFME.Support the showTo support the show - Patreon.

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