The Selfish Woman

What if the same conditioning that teaches women to abandon themselves in life is also showing up in the bedroom? 
In this fascinating and often hilarious conversation, Valerie sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton to explore what happens when women reclaim their desire, their pleasure, and their right to experience the full spectrum of who they are. 
Together, they unpack the impact of cultural conditioning on intimacy, why so many couples struggle to talk openly about sex, and how creating a thriving intimate relationship has less to do with performance and more to do with curiosity, communication, and connection. 
Susan shares surprising insights on everything from libido difference and orgasmic potential to the male loneliness epidemic, erotic play, and why great sex can continue to evolve throughout our lives. 
Whether you're single, partnered, divorced, dating, or simply curious about your own relationship with desire, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on intimacy, pleasure, and what it means to come fully alive. 
In This Episode: 
The hidden impact of cultural conditioning on men and women in the bedroom 
Why living as your full self transforms intimacy 
The intimacy gap many people aren't discussing 
Orgasmic cross-training and expanding your pleasure potential 
Practical ways to get your partner engaged in the conversation 
Why orgasms are the fountain of youth! 
About Susan Bratton 
Susan Bratton is a leading advocate for passionate relationships and lifelong intimacy. She is known for helping people create deeper connection, greater pleasure, and more fulfilling relationships through practical, approachable education about intimacy and sexual wellness. 
Connect with Susan
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Nobody teaches women how to leave. 
You get handed a lawyer's number, a horror story from a friend, and the quiet impication that if your marriage ended...somethig must have gone wrong. 
But what if divorce didn't have to become a bloodbath to be real? 
In this episode, Valerie sits down with Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, to talk about the divorce conversation almost nobody is having: 
How to end a marriage without destroying yourself in the process. 
This conversation is practial, honest, emotional, and surprisingly hopeful. Especially for women trying to navigate the impossible tension between choosing themelves and carrying everyone else's emotions too. 
Whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of one, or rebuilding after it, this episode witill change the way you think about what's possible. 
IN THIS EPISODE:  
How to have the conversation without it becoming emotional warfare 
What to do before lawyers get involved, and why it matters 
The mistake women make when managing their partner's emotions 
What 'amicable' actually means (and why it's not weakness)
The two things that truly impact kids during divorce 
How to co-parent without losing yourself 
The new rules for communicating with your ex 
Why divorce may not be the end of your life, but the beginning of finally living it. 
THE SELFISH WOMAN TAKE: 
Most women spend years managing the marriage long before they ever leave it. Managing moods. Managing tension. Managing disappointment. Managing themselves. This episode is about another way. Not perfect or painless, but conscious, clear, and far less desructive than the story we've been sold about what divorce has to look like. 
Go to Amicable for free resources

The Confession Booth is open! 
I'm calling BS on the 'reinvention trend'....one that I was fully participating in for the last few years. 
Nobody reinvents themselves on purpose. Not the way the industry sells it. Real change doesn't start with a plan, it starts with one thought that won't let you go: 
I want something different. 
In this episode, I'm dismantling the whole reinvention myth, and replacing it with something that actually works. 
It's a confession, a rallying cry, and the most extravagant permission slip I've ever handed out. 
You'll hear: 
The reinvention lie 
Why your perspective is supposed to shift as you grow 
What real change looks and feels like, and why there's no parade for it 
The one sentence that starts everything 
Why 'terrixciting' is the most honest word for where you are right now 
 
Resources mentioned: 
The Selfish Year
The Phoenix 
The Quiz: why you keep holding yourself back 
Book a call with me!

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it. 
I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist, NYU professor, and a leading expert in the mind-body connection who has shared her insights alongside icons like Oprah and Mel Robbins. 
Ahead of the April launch of her highly anticipated book, "When Life Happens," Dr. Rachel breaks down the science of CBT and explains why we need to stop trying to 'delete' stress and start building a Coping Toolbox. 
This episode is a survival guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the weight of 'doing it all' and is ready to reclaim their peace of mind. 
What We Discuss: 
The Stress Reframe: Why stress is inevitable, but our physiological and mental reaction to it is a choice. 
The "All or Nothing" Trap: How to break the cycle of perfectionism when things go sideways. 
Building Your Coping Toolbox: Specific strategies to regulate your emotions in real time. 
Mindset as a Skill: Why resilience isn't a personality trait - it's a strategy you can train. 
When Life Happens: A deep dive into the mindset shifts needed to navigate life's messiest moments. 
Resources & Links: 
Pre-Order the Book 
Follow Dr. Rachel 
Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Spotify 
Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Apple

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me. 
I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros. 
And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet. 
So I left. Convinced I was the problem. 
I was wrong. 
In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the middle of a meditation that turned into a download - and I finally understand what I was actually running from. And why leaving was the most sane thing I ever did. 
This is the episode for the woman who has spent years trying to fix herself. The woman who has read the books, done the work, followed the rules - and still feels like something is fundamentally broken. 
Nothing is broken. 
But something is wrong. 
And until you figure out what that is, you will keep building beautiful lives on foundations that cannot hold you. 
This is where we start. 
Join The Phoenix 
Get the book