The Redeemed Marriage Podcast

After 30 years of marriage, we’ve learned a few things along the way—some the easy way and plenty the hard way.

In this first episode of a two-part series, we’re sharing 30 lessons from our 30 years of marriage. We talk about expectations, why keeping score never works, learning to accept the ways your spouse is different from you, the importance of our words and affection, and why being right isn’t nearly as important as we sometimes think it is.

These aren’t lessons we learned from a marriage book or a class. They’ve come from actually living life together for three decades—the good seasons, the hard seasons, the mistakes, the laughter, and everything in between.

We definitely don’t have marriage figured out, but after 30 years, there are some things we know now that we wish we had understood a whole lot earlier.

This is Part 1 of 30 Years, 30 Lessons.

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How long should you keep talking about a betrayal after it’s over? At some point, are you supposed to stop bringing it up and move on?

In this episode, we talk about something we’re still learning 15 years into our own story. For the betrayed spouse, the memories and pain of betrayal don’t just disappear. Sometimes talking about it isn’t about trying to punish your spouse or make them fix something. It’s simply wanting reassurance that they haven’t forgotten what you went through and that they still understand why certain things hurt.

But there’s another side to the conversation too. The spouse who was unfaithful may not think about the affair nearly as often, and when they do, what surfaces may be shame, guilt, and regret. Those feelings matter too, even though they can sometimes feel difficult or even unfair to talk about.

We share some of what we’ve learned from our own marriage and the conversations we continue to have about betrayal, reassurance, shame, vulnerability, and healing. Maybe the goal isn’t to finally reach a point where you never talk about the affair again. Maybe the goal is learning how to talk about it in a way that brings you closer instead of keeping you stuck.

Learn more about The Redeemed Marriage at https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com

And be sure to visit our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos https://www.youtube.com/@TheRedeemedMarriage

College football is back—and if you know us, you know that’s a pretty big deal in our house! But what happens when the thing you love isn’t something your spouse cares about at all?

This week, we’re talking about how to handle different interests in marriage. Whether it’s football, hunting, golf, shopping, TV shows, travel, or something else, we don’t have to love all the same things to have a great marriage. But we do believe there’s something powerful about taking an interest in what makes your spouse light up.

We share a little about how we’ve learned this in our own marriage, what we’re discovering now that we’re empty nesters, and why giving each other freedom to enjoy separate interests is just as important as finding things we genuinely enjoy together. We also talk about compromise, avoiding resentment, and why friendship really does matter so much in a healthy marriage.

And yes, there’s plenty of football talk along the way—including what our new daughter-in-law has taught us about loving what somebody else loves simply because you love them.

You don’t have to share every hobby. You don’t have to spend every free minute together. But you can choose to step into your spouse’s world—and sometimes that small step can make a much bigger difference than you realize.

Learn more about The Redeemed Marriage at https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com

And be sure to visit our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos—including our Coach’s Film Room football parody about getting your marriage ready for game day: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRedeemedMarriage

There are three dates we talk about often in our story: August 23, when Heather confessed. August 26, when everything became public. And September 2, when something finally changed inside of her.

In this episode, we talk about those ten days between confession and what we now recognize as true brokenness. What does it actually mean to be broken over your sin? How is that different from being sorry, ashamed, or simply wanting the consequences to go away? And what finally changed for Heather when she stopped trying to control the outcome and completely surrendered to God?

We also talk about Rusty’s role during those early days and why encouragement matters when you begin to see real change in your spouse. Restoration didn’t happen for us in ten days, and it certainly didn’t happen overnight. What began during those ten days has become a 15-year journey of surrender, obedience, healing, and God continuing to change both of us.

If you’re praying for your spouse to change—or you’re the one desperately wanting to change but wondering why you keep falling back into the same patterns—we hope our story reminds you that real transformation is possible. God is still in the business of redeeming broken things.

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August 23, 2011, is a date we will never forget.

It was the night Heather confessed her affair, and in a matter of moments, everything about our marriage and our future seemed to change. For years afterward, August 23 carried a weight of its own. As the date approached, the memories would come back: the conversation, the shock, the pain, and the days that followed.

But today, 15 years later, August 23 doesn't feel the same.

In this episode, we talk honestly about what those early anniversaries were like, how we learned to communicate about the emotions surrounding this date, and why we eventually decided we weren't going to allow one painful day on the calendar to continue having power over our marriage.

We can't change what happened on August 23, 2011. But God has completely changed what that date means to us.

What was once a reminder of betrayal has become a reminder of redemption. What once represented everything that was broken now reminds us of everything God has restored.

If you have a date on the calendar that still carries pain—a discovery day, a confession, an anniversary, or simply a day you wish you could forget—we hope our story reminds you that the way that date feels today doesn't have to be the way it feels forever.

Healing is possible. Redemption is possible. And the darkest chapter of your story does not have to be the final one.

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