The Untypical Parent Podcast

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A little content note
In this episode, we talk openly about distress behaviours, physical aggression, injuries, parental exhaustion and the impact of living through a family crisis. Some listeners may find parts of the conversation difficult, so please listen with care.
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There are some things about parenting that we don't talk about enough. Sometimes because they're difficult to put into words, and sometimes because we're frightened of how other people might react.
In this episode of The Untypical Parent Podcast, I'm joined by Caroline Sutton, a mum of two, nurse and therapist, who shares her family's experience of raising her son Max, now 23.
Max has a rare genetic condition, is autistic, has ADHD and a significant learning disability. He's also funny, determined, full of energy and brings an enormous amount of joy to his family.
But life behind closed doors hasn't always been easy.
Caroline talks openly about the reality of parenting a child whose distress and impulsivity could sometimes result in physical behaviours towards those closest to him. The constant supervision, the exhaustion, the fear of someone getting hurt and the impact on the whole family.
And then there's the judgement.
Because how do you tell people that you're frightened, exhausted or being physically hurt by your own child, when you're also desperately trying to protect them from being misunderstood?
Caroline and her husband spent years asking for help. During lockdown, when the support they relied on disappeared, things reached crisis point. Even then, getting the right support wasn't straightforward.
We talk about what that does to parents, the impact of living in a constant state of high alert, and why telling an exhausted parent to take some time for themselves really isn't the answer when the demands of everyday life are simply too much.
But this isn't just a story about the difficult times.
It's also about love, humour, determination and finding a different way forward. Caroline shares how Max now lives in his own home with a care team around him, and how the family are finally beginning to have some space to recover and enjoy life differently.
We also talk about the importance of recognising what children and young people can do, rather than focusing entirely on what they can't.
A very open, sometimes emotional conversation about the realities of family life that aren't always visible to the outside world.
And a reminder that sometimes families don't need more advice about how to cope. They need the right support.

Find out more about Caroline
Caroline works with children and young people, including those experiencing anxiety around school.
Caroline's Instagram account

Useful resources
Helping police recognise additional support needs
During our conversation, I mentioned the Pegasus card scheme, which can help police identify and understand the needs of people who may require additional support when interacting with them.
There are also other schemes available, and what's offered can vary depending on where you live.
You can find information about the different schemes and options here:
https://www.appropriateadult.org.uk/information/for-vulnerable-people/identifying-vulnerability
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What does it actually mean when we say a child is gifted?
And what about when that same child is really struggling?
I’m joined by the wonderful Mark Talaga, a counsellor who specialises in working with gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) children and adults.
This one is quite personal for me because giftedness is part of our family story too. And I’ve often found it quite difficult to talk about.
Because saying your child is struggling feels acceptable. Saying your child is gifted can somehow feel like you’re showing off.
But the two can absolutely sit side by side.
Mark and I chat about what 2e actually means, why being incredibly capable in one area doesn't mean everything else comes easily, and why these kids can sometimes be completely misunderstood.
We talk boredom, anxiety, shutting down, the pressure of having “so much potential” and what can happen when the way a child thinks and learns doesn't fit neatly into the classroom.
There’s a lot in this one about looking beyond what a child is struggling with, understanding what might actually be going on underneath and, perhaps most importantly, finding people who get them.

If you want to connect with Mark you can find him here: 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hopelesslygifted
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopelesslygifted/
Center for Identity Potential: www.centerforidentitypotential.com

Mentioned in this episode
If This Is a Gift, Can I Send It Back? by Jen Merrill

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This episode comes with a content note. Rachel and I talk openly about suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation in parents, including our own experiences and what it can feel like when everything becomes too much.

Please listen with care. If today isn't the day for this conversation, give this one a miss and come back to it another time.

Rachel Winder from Auticulate joined me for a conversation that went in quite a few different directions.

Because that's how our brains work.

We make connections, go off down a completely different path, forget where we started, find our way back again and occasionally get completely distracted by a dog.

This isn't the neatest, most linear podcast conversation I've ever recorded. But perhaps that's exactly why I didn't want to edit all of that out.

It's two neurodivergent brains having a conversation in the way that comes naturally to us.

We started with suicidal ideation in parents and the shame that can come with admitting that you are struggling and you have had thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. Especially when you're a parent and there's that added voice saying, *but how could you ever think about leaving your children?*

We talk about what can sit underneath those thoughts. Overwhelm. Isolation. Not feeling understood. Asking for help and being told there isn't any. The fear that admitting you're struggling could lead to people questioning your ability to parent.

And that really important human need to feel that we belong somewhere.

Rachel also talks about what happens to her executive functioning when she reaches that point of overwhelm and some of the things she has learnt can help.

And then, because this is us, we travel through meltdowns, autistic social skills, Girl Guides, David Attenborough, thinking in pictures, education, AI as an accessibility tool and linear ableism,

It is a very human conversation about a very difficult subject. There is laughter in it too, because sometimes there can be lightness alongside really hard things.

**Please remember:** if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts or feel that you may not be able to keep yourself safe, you don't have to sit with that alone.

**Samaritans:** Call 116 123, free, 24 hours a day
**Shout:** Text SHOUT to 85258
**NHS 111:** Call 111 and select the mental health option for urgent mental health support
**Emergency:** If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

You'll also hear more about Rachel's work with Auticulate and her experiences of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, education and communication.

You can find Rachel here:
https://www.instagram.com/auticulate_autisticallyblunt/
https://www.tiktok.com/@auticulate
 @Auticulate  

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This Bookshelf episode reminded me that sometimes a book gives us far more than just a good story.
Jo joined me to talk about Passiontide by Monique Roffey, but we ended up chatting about so much more than the book itself. We talked about finding a bit of escapism when life keeps you close to home, why some books completely pull you in, and how reading isn't always straightforward for all of us.
As two people who both find reading hard work, we also found ourselves talking about dyslexia, audiobooks, rereading pages and why the right book is worth the effort.
Jo also shared something I hadn't expected. As the story unfolds, women from very different backgrounds come together to stand up for what's right. It reminded her of the SEND parent community and how parents so often find strength in each other when the system feels stacked against them.
If you've ever been looking for a book that transports you somewhere else, or you've wondered whether you're the only one who struggles to read, I think you'll really enjoy this conversation.
 
 Jo has definitely persuaded me to add a few more of Monique Roffey's books to my ever-growing list. If you'd like to have a look at her other books too, you'll find them on her website: www.moniqueroffey.com
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The Untypical Podcaster Lab 
If you'd love to start a podcast but the usual advice just doesn't seem to fit you, come and have a look at The Untypical Podcaster Lab. I'll help you go from podcast brainwave to your very first episode in just two weeks, in a way that works for you. It starts on Monday 17th August.
https://info.the-untypical-ot.co.uk/untypical-podcaster-lab

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There is a quiet strength to this episode. From discovering his own neurodivergence later in life, to supporting children in ways that help them feel understood rather than managed, Simon Airey shares what teaching looks like when you experience the world a little differently.
When we think about what makes a good teacher, we often talk about knowledge, experience and patience.
But what happens when the teacher is autistic too?
In this episode I sat down with autistic teacher and consultant Simon Airey to talk about how his own lived experience has shaped the way he teaches, supports behaviour and works alongside families.
We talked about why neuroaffirming practice is so much more than a poster on the wall, how understanding behaviour changes when you stop asking "What's wrong with this child?" and start asking "What does this child need?", and why some of the simplest adaptations can make the biggest difference.
What I could hear was was how often Simon noticed the things that could easily be missed. The child who isn't refusing to start their work but doesn't know how to begin. The child who needs movement rather than being told off. The teacher themselves who quietly puts on ear defenders or takes ten minutes to reset so they can keep showing up for their class.
It's a conversation about education, but it's also about understanding people.
You can connect with Simon here: 
https://www.instagram.com/neuroaffirmingwithsimon/
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The Untypical Podcaster Lab 
If you'd love to start a podcast but the usual advice just doesn't seem to fit you, come and have a look at The Untypical Podcaster Lab. I'll help you go from podcast brainwave to your very first episode in just two weeks, in a way that works for you. 
https://info.the-untypical-ot.co.uk/untypical-podcaster-lab
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Thank you to this season’s sponsors:
Terri Wyse & Rachel Helm
They are offering EBSA support through webinars and workshops.
Upcoming Sessions:
 📅 2nd September – Webinar for Parents & Families 
 📅 16th September – Joint Workshop (Parents + Schools) 
Podcast listeners receive £5 off using this code UNTYPICALPARENT5.
Parent/carer webinar
Workshop
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