Flying Free

In this third episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we shift from personal validation to legal strategy, exploring why the very word that brought you clarity could be the thing that sinks your court case. We’ll look at how judges actually view labels like "narcissist" and why focusing on clinical diagnoses can unintentionally dilute accountability and hand a "gift" to your ex’s legal team.
🎯 Key Takeaways:
The label that saved your sanity might lose you your case. While identifying narcissistic patterns is vital for your personal healing, using that language in a courtroom often leads judges to label you as "high conflict" rather than a victim of abuse.
 
Judges don't care about "psychobabble"; they care about concrete behaviors. An armchair diagnosis of NPD carries no weight in family court. To get the court's attention, you must swap labels for facts, like financial lockout, surveillance, and threats.
 
Calling it a "sickness" can accidentally excuse the harm. If you frame his behavior as a mental illness he "can't help," you invite the court to suggest treatment instead of accountability. In reality, his actions are often calculated, strategic choices, not symptoms of a disordered brain.
 
There is a more powerful legal framework: Coercive Control. While the court may ignore "narcissism," they are primed to hear about patterns of isolation, degradation, and entrapment. This shift moves the focus from who he is to what he does, which is a language the law is beginning to criminalize.
 
Deep-diving into his psychology keeps you stuck. Spending years analyzing his "damaged inner self" or "Dark Triad" traits prevents you from the real work of safety planning and documenting the behavior that matters for your future.
 
You don’t need a diagnosis to justify seeking safety. You cannot heal from a diagnosis; you heal from harm. Stop waiting for professional validation or a formal evaluation that will likely never come, and start tracking the ongoing patterns of intimidation and control. 
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

In this second episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we open up the DSM-5 and walk through the actual clinical criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but with a crucial twist.

🎯 Key Takeaways:
The diagnosis you're hunting for might be the least of your problems. Even if your partner doesn't meet all nine DSM-5 criteria for NPD, you can still be experiencing serious harm in your relationship.
Everyone has narcissistic traits, but it's about pattern, pervasiveness, and pathology. The difference between normal self-esteem and a personality disorder comes down to whether the behavior is consistent, shows up everywhere, and causes real damage.
Not all narcissists look the same. Grandiose narcissists bulldoze you with charm and dominance. Vulnerable narcissists guilt-trip you with sensitivity and victimhood. Both cause devastation.
You're likely dealing with coercive control, not just a difficult personality. This systematic pattern of isolation, gaslighting, financial control, and micro-regulation is psychological warfare, and it's actually a criminal offense in some countries.
The label matters less than the behavior. Whether he's a clinical narcissist, has traits from the Dark Triad, or is just plain abusive, what matters is the harm you're experiencing, and you don't need a diagnosis to know it's not okay.
Stop waiting for him to be diagnosed. Narcissistic traits are "ego-syntonic” which means he sees them as strengths, not problems. He'll never walk into a therapist's office asking for help, which means you can't wait for professional validation to seek safety.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

🦋 Join me and hundreds of other Christian women for the transformation of your life inside the Flying Free Kaleidoscope! Learn more at joinflyingfree.com

In this kickoff to a powerful new series, The Narcissism Trap, Natalie Hoffman challenges a popular narrative in abuse recovery: labeling an emotionally abusive partner as a “narcissist.” 

While that term may feel validating at first, Natalie explains how it can actually work against your healing by keeping you locked in the wrong story. 
If you've been Googling “narcissist” at 2 a.m. to make sense of your painful marriage, this episode is for you.

🎯 Key Takeaways:
Stop giving the abuse a medical label.
 Narcissism is a clinical diagnosis that can distract from the very real pattern of covert oppression you’re living in.

Start calling it what it is: oppression.
 This isn’t about someone who’s mentally ill or just "struggling." This is about power, control, and silencing your voice.

Shifting the language helps you shift your mindset.
 When you stop analyzing him and start focusing on your own story, healing becomes possible.

You're not crazy or overreacting.
 You're likely experiencing strategic emotional abuse often invisible to outsiders but deeply damaging inside your home.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What happens when you stop asking for permission in an abusive marriage?
Today, Jillian shares her story of waking up to covert abuse in her Christian marriage and what it took to finally get out.

You'll hear how she recognized the patterns, why she chose to leave despite having a young son, and what life looks like now on the other side. If you've been wondering whether things could actually be different, this conversation will show you what's possible when you start rescuing yourself.

🔑 Key Takeaways:
The warning signs started immediately after marriage: Jillian noticed holiday ruining, rage, silent treatment, and passive aggression within the first year—but spent nine more years trying to fix it.
The permission trap: When Jillian hired a life coach without asking, her husband threatened consequences and demanded she "ask permission"—revealing his need for control.
Staying "for the kids" actually harms them: Jillian left because of her son, not despite him, knowing that growing up watching dysfunction would hardwire toxic patterns into his brain.
Divorce doesn't have to be a war: Jillian's divorce took just three months because she was willing to "buy her freedom" and give him what he wanted (money, custody, reputation).
Post-divorce transformation is real: Two years out, Jillian has rebuilt her self-trust, started a successful business, and is leveling up emotionally—proof that change isn't just possible, it's exponential.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.

What if an AI could help you organize your abuse evidence, understand your trauma, and save you thousands in legal fees?

Aimee Says isn't just another AI tool—it's a specialized digital health platform that understands power and control dynamics, helps you document patterns of abuse, organizes your evidence for court, and keeps your data completely private and encrypted. Whether you're trying to understand what's happening in your marriage, preparing for custody battles, or just need someone to help you see the patterns you can't yet name, this tool could change everything.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
Privacy matters: Unlike ChatGPT, Aimee Says doesn't use your data to train AI models, and your conversations are encrypted and completely private which is critical when you're dealing with abuse.
Specialized training: Aimee is educated in power and control dynamics, trauma-informed care, family court systems, and the intersection of faith and abuse. 
Timeline and documentation: The paid version tracks everything you tell it, creates timelines of abuse, identifies patterns, and organizes evidence in ways that family court judges and attorneys actually want to see.
Removes the emotion: Aimee takes your raw, emotional experiences and translates them into clean, professional documentation that won't trigger the "allergic reaction" judges have to trauma responses.
You are the one rescuing you: The women who fare best are those who stop waiting for someone else to save them and use tools like this to take back control of their own stories.
Get Today’s Free Resource:

🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com

I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, the AI companion for victims and survivors of domestic violence.  She is a fierce champion for the rights of survivors and children, and systems that hold perpetrators accountable.
Prior to working with survivors, Anne founded and directed an elementary school that became a model for micro-schools across the United States. In her spare time, she enjoys urban homesteading with her partner and their blended family in Denver, Colorado.