Neuroshambles

If you are a parent or carer of a neurodivergent child, the chances are that school attendance has been a topic that has kept you awake at night. Whether you know it as school refusal, emotionally based school avoidance, or one of a dozen other terms, it is one of the most stressful and isolating things a family can go through.

As a neurodivergent parenting podcast, Neuroshambles has been asked about this topic more than almost any other, so this week’s guest is one of the best in the business. Heidi Mavir is a best-selling author, public speaker, late-identified autistic and ADHD adult, and one of the most knowledgeable and tireless advocates for SEND families in the UK. Her own journey with her son Theo, who went from full school attendance to none at all in the space of a few months at the age of fourteen, gives her both the lived experience and the hard-won expertise to talk about this topic like very few others can.

This is Part 1 of a two-part episode, so here we focus on what barriers to attendance actually looks like in neurodivergent children and young people - from the terminology chaos to the sensory nightmare of school environments, the morning meltdowns, the masking, the after-school explosions, the physical symptoms, and ultimately what can happen when it all builds up into burnout. Part 2 will focus on the family impact and what you can actually do about it.

If you are a parent trying to make sense of what is happening with your child and school, this one is for you.

 

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:37 - Meet the Guest - Heidi Mavir

00:05:08 - What is EBSA? Unpacking the Terminology

00:19:01 - Why School is a Sensory and Emotional Minefield

00:30:40 - The PDA Dimension - Demand Avoidance in School

00:35:27 - Early Signs of Barriers to Attendance

00:42:00 - Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn and Flop - Polyvagal Theory

00:45:33 - After-School Meltdowns and the Masking Behind Them

00:52:19 - Physical Symptoms - When the Body Tells the Story

00:57:01 - What Changes Outside of School?

01:03:41 - How Barriers to Attendance Build Up Gradually Over Time

01:07:42 - Autistic Burnout - When It All Catches Up

01:17:22 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:20:13 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:23:04 - What the Flip?

 

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Your Child Is Not Broken by Heidi Mavir - https://www.heidimavir.com/i-wrote-a-book

EOTAS Matters - https://www.heidimavir.com/forfamilies

PDA Society: School Distress - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-helps-guides/pda-and-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa/

Kieran Rose: School Induced Trauma - https://theautisticadvocate.com/school-refusal-or-school-induced-trauma-rethinking-ebsa-ebsna-and-the-harm-we-call-help/

Audhdacious Humans - https://www.audhdacious.com/

Polyvagal Theory - https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory

Scouts UK - https://www.scouts.org.uk/

Heidi Mavir/Rachel Filmer webinar on SEND Reform Proposals - https://eotasmatters.kartra.com/page/WhitePaperWebinar

Black SEN Mamas - https://blacksenmamas.com/

Rachel Filmer - https://www.instagram.com/sendra.uk/

Not Fine in School - https://www.notfineinschool.co.uk

Square Peg - https://www.teamsquarepeg.co.uk/

Define Fine - https://www.definefine.org.uk/

 

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles/

 

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

This week we're back with part two of a candid, deep dive into screen time. Last time we covered all the good stuff - the regulation, the social connection, the sense of mastery. This time, we're braving the darker side of the coin.

Mark is joined again by Hannah, mum to nine-year-old Henry (autistic, ADHD, PDA profile) and six-year-old Thea (suspected neurotypical). Together they work through the thornier aspects of neurodivergent parenting and screen time - addiction, in-game spending, safeguarding and parental controls. They also take an honest look at crushing guilt and the shame that often lies underneath it, as well as how to handle transitions off screens without descending into full-scale conflict.

For anyone trying to navigate neurodivergency parenting without a rulebook, this episode won't give you all the answers, but it will make you feel considerably less alone.

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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:10 - Meet the Guest

00:02:34 - This Week's Topic: Screen Time - The Difficult Bits

00:03:48 - Screen Addiction, ADHD and the Dopamine Loop

00:16:12 - Managing Screen Time: Swapping One Dopamine Hit for Another

00:21:57 - In-Game Spending, Roblox and Robux

00:29:16 - Safeguarding and Online Safety

00:34:10 - Parental Controls: A Full-Time Job

00:46:52 - Are Screens Putting Our Kids Off Other Kinds of Play?

00:50:39 - Using Screens as a Tool for Transitions and Outings

00:56:38 - Getting Them Off Screens: Transition Strategies That (Sometimes) Work

01:01:45 - Parental Guilt, Shame and Societal Judgement

01:12:46 - It's Not All Rubbish

01:15:12 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:21:43 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:25:48 - What the Flip Moments

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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Neuroshambles Live, Brighton (23rd July 2026) - www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers

Alternatively, search "Neuroshambles Live" on https://www.eventbrite.co.uk and use the access code “Neuroshamblers” for the discounted rate of £8 throughout May. After that, tickets go on general sale for £10.

Screen time: Part 1 episode - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/screen-time-part-1-the-benefits-for-neurodivergent-kids-hannah-woods

ADHD and dopamine - https://www.additudemag.com/brain-stimulation-and-adhd-cravings-dependency-and-regulation/

Roblox - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox

Grow a garden - https://growa-garden.io/

Apple parental controls - https://support.apple.com/en-gb/105121

Google parental controls - https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/15077835?hl=en

Microsoft parental controls - https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/microsoft-365/family-safety

Crunchyroll - https://www.crunchyroll.com/

Tech Smart Parenting book by Catherine Knibbs - https://amzn.eu/d/0iqIy0cv

Holidays Episode of Neuroshambles - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/holidays-dr-hildi-mitchell

Cards against humanity - https://amzn.eu/d/08Dn7YIt

Smartphone Free Childhood - https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/

Spectrum Squad Penarth - https://www.facebook.com/groups/2039735040102766/

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📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

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🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Description

If you're a parent of a neurodivergent child and you've ever felt quietly judged for your approach to screen time, this episode of Neuroshambles is for you. Mark is joined by Hannah Woods - one of the founders of the Spectrum Squad, a neurodivergent youth group in Penarth, South Wales - to tackle one of the most requested topics the show has ever had: managing screen time with our neurodivergent kids.

This is part one of a two-part deep dive of a particularly knotty topic, and it's entirely focused on the positives of screen time. Because if you're navigating autism parenting, ADHD parenting, or PDA parenting, you'll know that screens aren't just a lazy shortcut - they can be a genuine lifeline. Whether it's helping your child regulate, learn and connect with peers, or just giving you ten minutes of respite to gather your energy, screen time is doing some heavy lifting in a lot of neurodivergent households.

This is an honest, relatable conversation about the gap between the parents we thought we'd be and the parents our kids actually need us to be. Part 2, covering the potential downsides of screen time, is coming in the next episode. But for now, let's hear the case for the defence.

 

Chapter Timestamps

00:00 - Introduction and Neuroshambles Live Announcement

02:56 - Meet the Guest: Hannah Woods

08:10 - Topic Introduction: Screen Time with Neurodivergent Kids

10:00 - How We Thought We'd Parent Around Screens (Before We Met Our Kids)

14:29 - The Stigma Around Screen Time

15:23 - Screen Time Limits, NHS Guidance and Why It Doesn't Apply to Our Kids

18:17 - Dr Naomi Fisher: It's Not the Screen, It's What's Behind It

21:59 - Screens for Regulation - Meltdowns, Overwhelm and India's Wardrobe Nook

29:29 - Special Interests, Hyperfocus and Letting Them Go Deep

39:17 - Online Connection, Belonging and the Social Value of Multiplayer Gaming

42:39 - Building Friendships Through Minecraft and Shared Play

50:04 - Sharing Content as a Love Language (YouTube Clips Count)

55:16 - Watching Online as a Gateway to Special Interests

57:40 - Screens as a Learning Tool - Laptops, Writing and Demand Avoidance

01:01:08 - Reading Apps and How They Changed Everything

01:03:20 - Self-Esteem, Gaming and Finding Your Thing

01:04:53 - Screens as a Social Bridge

01:07:44 - From 3D Printing to School Fair Entrepreneur

01:09:52 - The Parental Sanity Argument (Yes, It Counts)

01:13:16 - Screens for Sleep and Winding Down

01:15:20 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:18:22 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:22:09 - What the Flip Moments

 

Links to Stuff We Mention in This Episode

Neuroshambles Live, Brighton (23rd July 2026) - www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers

Alternatively, search "Neuroshambles Live" on https://www.eventbrite.co.uk and use the access code “Neuroshamblers” for the discounted rate of £8 throughout May. After that, tickets go on general sale for £10.

The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker - https://amzn.eu/d/02qGPcjD

Dr Naomi Fisher article on screens - https://naomifisher.co.uk/tags/screens/

Bluey - https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m000vbrk/bluey

Gravity Falls - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_Falls

How To Break Up With Your Phone - https://amzn.eu/d/04PSfLq9

Roblox - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox

JusTalk Kids - https://kids.justalk.com/

MindJam - https://mindjam.org.uk/

Super Mario Odyssey - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Mario_Odyssey

Audible storybooks - https://www.audible.co.uk/

Calm app - https://www.calm.com/

Greeking Out (National Geographic podcast) - https://www.nationalgeographic.com/podcasts/greeking-out/

Have Fun, Get Fit (South Wales) - https://www.facebook.com/HaveFunGetFitRossParsons/

Neurospicy Wings (South Wales) - https://www.neurospicywings.co.uk/

 

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles

 

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com

If you've ever found yourself having to outline the entire day's schedule before you've even had your first coffee, or negotiating bath time as a sacred non-negotiable human right, this episode might just be the one you didn't know you needed. Mark is joined by the brilliant Jo Matthews for a deep dive into what it really means to be your child's safe person.

Whether your neuroshambolic family is shaped by autism, ADHD or PDA, so many of us know the exhausting, relentless, sometimes claustrophobic experience of being the one person our child needs above all others. It's a privilege and it's hard work, but it's almost never talked about with the honesty it deserves on a neurodivergent parenting podcast.

In a Neuroshambles first, this episode also features a second guest - Dotty Matthews, Jo's 19-year-old autistic daughter - who joins Mark for a candid, funny and genuinely moving conversation about what it felt like to be that child. From the early days of demanding apple juice to command her mum's attention, through to slowly learning to find safety in other people, Dotty's perspective is the kind of lived experience that makes this show worth your time.

There's also a listener email from Lydia, whose 13-year-old daughter's intense attachment prompted this whole conversation - and both Jo and Dotty have something genuinely useful to say in response. Autistic parenting advice doesn't get much more grounded in lived experience than this.

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:08 - Meet the Guest: Jo Matthews

00:03:40 - This Week's Topic: Being Your Child's Safe Person

00:04:22 - Lydia's Listener Email

00:07:06 - Dotty's Early Attachment (and the Gee Story)

00:10:25 - Transitional Objects and Starting School

00:18:58 - Co-regulation: Being Your Child's Emotional Anchor

00:25:54 - Scaffolding the Day: Structure and Predictability

00:30:54 - Being Their Executive Function

00:37:45 - Advocating for Your Child

00:43:41 - Being a Physical Safe Space (Including Co-sleeping)

00:48:05 - Being an Emotional Outlet

00:56:34 - The Guilt and Exhaustion of Being a Safe Person

01:03:12 - Attachment Theory and Building Independence

01:06:58 - When Only One Parent is the Safe Person

01:14:17 - Meet the Second Guest: Dotty Matthews

01:38:51 - It's Not All Rubbish

01:41:07 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:43:46 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:47:04 - What the Flip Moments

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Attachment Theory (John Bowlby) - https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html

The Loxdale Centre, Portslade - https://www.loxdale.com/

mASCot - https://www.asc-mascot.com/

Mark's talk: "How Dads Can Show Up Better For Our Neurodivergent Kids" - https://neuroshambles.com/page-gazc-3dk8-ywa8-dnly

Raising SEND kids: The Dad's Perspective (with Terry Lloyd) - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/raising-send-kids-the-dads-perspective-terry-lloyd

 

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

If you've ever stared at a parenting book and thought "none of this applies to my child whatsoever" - this episode is for you. Mark is joined by comedian, author, and fellow parent-in-the-trenches George Lewis for a proper deep dive into one of the great unspoken challenges of neurodivergent parenting: figuring out who your kid actually is, and how to parent them, when the instruction manual simply doesn't exist.

Because most parenting advice out there is written for neurotypical kids. And when you've got autistic, ADHD, or PDA children, you quickly discover that you essentially have to work it out yourself. That means years of research, trial and error, conflicting information, and the occasional moment of going "hang on… is THIS a thing I need to learn about now?" It's exhausting and exasperating, but it's also, occasionally, brilliant.

This is an honest, funny and insightful autism parenting podcast episode that covers the whole messy journey - from those early days of thinking something's different but not knowing quite what, through diagnosis (including the woefully misguided NHS leaflet with their list of top tips), to the point where you cautiously start to feel like you might actually know what you're doing.

If you're deep in that process right now, or just starting out, this one's for you. And if you're a seasoned neurodivergent parenting veteran, you'll recognise pretty much every single moment of it.

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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (Estimated)

00:00 – Intro

01:15 - Meet the Guest: George Lewis

06:28 - Topic of the Week: Writing Your Own User Manual

08:18 - Imagining parenthood vs the reality

12:04 - Apraxia of speech and George's early diagnosis journey

18:19 - Understanding autism: the spectrum, spiky profiles and the mixing desk analogy

31:32 - Navigating the NHS diagnosis route (and the unhelpful booklet you receive when they're diagnosed)

58:16 - Information overload and knowing when to put the lid back on

01:03:39 - Discovering PDA and low demand language

01:05:31 - Conflicting advice and how to navigate it

01:11:36 - Trusting your gut when some recommended approaches don't sit right

01:20:44 - It's Not All Rubbish: the positives of doing the research

01:25:52 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:28:53 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:32:24 - What the Flip! Moments

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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

George Lewis website - https://www.georgelewiscomedian.com

George Lewis Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/georgelewiscom

George Lewis TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@georgelewiscomedian

George Lewis Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/georgelewiscom

George Lewis YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@georgelewiscom

Autism Colour Wheel - https://community.autism.org.uk/cfs-file/__key/communityserver-discussions-components-files/4/autism-colour-wheel.pdf

Government SEND white paper - https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/every-child-achieving-and-thriving

Neuroshambles Episode with Kieran Rose: How Autistic Is Your Child? – https://neuroshambles.com/episode/how-autistic-is-your-child-kieran-rose

Autistica - https://www.autistica.org.uk/

Pierre Novellie “Why can’t I just enjoy things?” - https://amzn.eu/d/0fL1X5Fb

Fern Brady “Strong Female Character” - https://amzn.eu/d/07Uk4H6a

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📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: @neuroshambles

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🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com