Neuroshambles

Mark is joined once more by Neuroshambles favourite Pete Wharmby as they take a deep dive into rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). They look at what RSD actually is, why it isn't an official diagnosis, and why it's most famously linked with ADHD but seems to show up across other neurodivergent people too.

Pete shares how RSD plays out for him, from avoiding his own Amazon reviews to the rumination that can write off a whole week, and why he suspects much of what gets called RSD is really a trauma response to a lifetime of corrective criticism. Mark brings tales from the trenches of his own neurochaotic setup to discuss how RSD could be showing up differently in his three kids.

Along the way they unpick perfectionism, people pleasing, the class clown and what we can do to help reduce the impact of RSD for our neurodivergent kids.

 

Chapter Timestamps (Estimated)

00:00 – Intro to episode 64

00:53 – Meet the guest: Pete Wharmby returns (and starting secondary school)

03:35 – Topic of the week: what is RSD, and why isn't it an official diagnosis?

08:42 – ADHD, autism or both?

11:19 – Is RSD its own thing, or a trauma response to being neurodivergent?

14:16 – "Everyone hates criticism": scepticism, a one-star review and Pete's Amazon pages

19:20 – Self-esteem, the scales of criticism and a lifetime of micro-corrections

25:32 – How RSD shows up in kids: school, meltdowns, rumination and monotropism

31:38 – Avoidance: Otto, table tennis and the football trial

42:35 – Perfectionism, people pleasing and the class clown

50:22 – Denial: India and the spilt water

57:46 – Bad losers: Jay, rage-quitting and the table tennis club

1:06:07 – How parents can respond: kid gloves, picking battles and specific feedback

1:12:54 – Praise that gets through the RSD shield

1:17:47 – It's not all rubbish

1:20:36 – Neurodiversity Champions

1:25:05 – Tiny Epic Wins

1:29:29 – What the Flip Moments

1:32:53 – Wrap-up

 

Links to stuff we mention in this episode

Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, by Pete Wharmby - https://amzn.eu/d/06eJRnUX

Pete Wharmby’s website: https://petewharmby.com/

Emily Katy’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/itsemilykaty/

Emily Katy Substack - https://itsemilykaty.substack.com/p/i-walked-300-miles-on-the-south-west

Spilling the Tea on Autism and ADHD, Michaela Silsby - https://www.instagram.com/spilling_the_tea_on_autism/

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) - https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/

The double empathy problem - https://www.autism.org.uk/learn/knowledge-hub/professional-practice/double-empathy

 

📣 CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

 

✨ MORE FROM NEUROSHAMBLES

🌐 Website: https://www.neuroshambles.com

📬 Mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Neuroshambles

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod

 

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by OctoSound on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/users/octosound-39205072/

To kick off season four of Neuroshambles, Mark is joined by returning guest Rebecca Huseyin, as they discuss their recent experiences of taking neurodivergent kids abroad. Turns out, neither trip was for the faint hearted, but they have both sufficiently recovered to be able to compare notes and look at the highs and lows of their respective adventures.

They dig into the challenges of holidaying with autistic, ADHD and PDA kids: choosing a destination when everyone needs to be on board, the nightmares of packing, surviving airports, flights and working out what your kids are able to manage when you actually get there. Mark and Rebecca swap honest autistic parenting advice on special assistance, sunflower lanyards, feeding kids when the food is unfamiliar and what happens when the end of the holiday goes disastrously wrong.

It’s not all bad though, Mark and Rebecca look at the positives, shout out some neurodiversity champions, share their tiny epic wins and round things off with some classic What the Flip moments from the holiday. It’s a candid, funny and relatable listen for any neurodivergent parenting podcast fan, and for anyone who has ever wondered whether a family trip is even possible.

 

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:00:00 Welcome to season four
00:01:40 Meet the Guest
00:05:17 The Topic of the Week: Taking Neurodivergent Kids Abroad
00:10:33 Choosing where to go
00:19:15 The nightmare of packing for neurodivergent kids
00:26:10 Navigating airports and the lifeline of special assistance
00:40:14 Sunflower lanyards and arriving abroad
00:44:41 Feeding the kids in a different country
00:54:22 Itineraries, control and planning with PDA
00:58:04 Choosing activities on holiday
01:03:30 Mark’s penultimate day shit show
01:16:59 Rebecca’s nightmare at 40,000 feet
01:28:58 The Positives
01:31:38 Neurodiversity Champions
01:34:02 Tiny Epic Wins
01:37:52 What the Flip Moments
01:40:42 Wrapping up

 

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Neuroshambles YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/@Neuroshambles

A Boy Less Ordinary (Rebecca’s blog) - https://aboylessordinary.com/

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

Lalandia - https://www.lalandia.dk/en/billund

Airport special assistance - https://hdsunflower.com/uk/insights/post/the-autistic-traveller

Hidden Disabilities Sunflower - https://hdsunflower.com/

Google Translate (camera translation feature) - https://translate.google.com/

 

📣 CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

 

✨ MORE FROM NEUROSHAMBLES

🌐 Website: https://www.neuroshambles.com

📬 Mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Neuroshambles

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod

 

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by OctoSound on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/users/octosound-39205072/

The final episode of season 3 marks a first for Neuroshambles, as it’s the first ever live recording, performed in front of an audience. Mark is joined by returning guest Lisa Lloyd (@asd_with_a_g_and_t) for a raucous and laughter-filled discussion around what it's like to be a neurodivergent parent raising neurodivergent kids.

They examine a wide range of autistic, ADHD and PDA traits, and discuss how each of these can impact a neurodivergent parents’ experience of raising neurodivergent kids. They shine light onto sensory sensitivity, touch aversion, and the chaos that unplanned changes can cause in a home that runs on routine. They also talk candidly about masking, difficulty with social interactions with other parents, executive functioning, rejection sensitivity and the challenge of navigating your own overwhelm while supporting a child through meltdown.

There are plenty of positives too, as Mark and Lisa find the upside of autism parenting in shared understanding, a healthy disregard for authority, and the sense of injustice that fuels so many neurodivergent parents’ advocacy work. This warm, insightful and hilarious episode is a must listen for anyone navigating parenting through the lens of their own neurodivergency.

 

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:26 - Meet the guest: Lisa Lloyd

00:06:07 - Topic of the week: parenting neurodivergent kids as a neurodivergent parent

00:13:24 - A shared neurotype and a closer bond with the kids

00:15:48 - Sensory sensitivity and touch aversion

00:21:22 - Coping with changes of plan

00:27:13 - Masking, social struggles and finding your tribe

00:35:10 - Executive function and the never-ending admin

00:40:36 - Rejection sensitivity

00:47:13 - Navigating overwhelm and meltdowns together

00:58:39 - The Positives: the upsides of neurodivergent parenting

01:07:09 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:13:31 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:18:08 - What The Flip Moments

 

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Neuroshambles mailing list sign-up (with free PDF of What the Flip moments) - https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

Unmasking Mum by Lisa Lloyd - https://amzn.eu/d/0gbnKiwm

Lisa Lloyd (ASD with a G&T) on the socials:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/asd_with_a_g_and_t/

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@asd.with.a.g.and.t

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ASDwithGandT

Includes Us Too - https://includesustoo.org.uk/

Spinning World of Autism (Laura Brown) - https://www.spinningworldofautism.com/

Speak Up for Autism petition - https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/764248

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

 

CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

📬 Sign up to the Neuroshambles mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

 

CREDITS

🎧 Sound recording by CRT Audiotech: https://www.instagram.com/crtaudiotech/

🎥 Video recording by Brown Bear Studios, Brighton: https://brownbearstudios.co.uk/

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Mark welcomes back a Neuroshambles favourite Lisa Galley, for a deep dive into one of the topics every family raising neurodivergent kids will recognise: meltdowns. As an autism family consultant and mum to three of her own, fully grown neurodivergent humans, Lisa brings a wealth of lived experience to help unpick what is really going on in a child's brain and body when their nervous system tips beyond its limits.

Mark and Lisa explore the three main contributing factors to meltdowns, before working through the four main survival responses that PDA and other neurodivergent kids can show when overwhelmed: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. They also tackle one of the most frustrating bugbears for parents of autistic, ADHD and PDA kids - the assumption that a meltdown is simply a tantrum. They dissect exactly why the two are worlds apart and why treating one like the other often makes things worse.

They share honest, sometimes hair-raising stories from their own households, from the most extreme of flight responses to an epic meltdown triggered by an Easter egg hunt and they offer a genuinely practical rundown of what can help before, during and after a meltdown happens. It's the kind of grounded, funny, non-judgemental chat about parenting neurodivergent kids that Neuroshambles listeners are looking - whether they're seeking autistic parenting advice for the first time or simply want to feel a little less alone in the chaos.

 

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:10 - Meet the guest: Lisa Galley returns
00:03:02 - Topic of the week: what actually is a meltdown?
00:04:48 - The window of tolerance and the nervous system
00:13:37 - Three main causes of meltdown: sensory, communication and unpredictability
00:23:15 - Fight, flight, freeze and fawn: the four meltdown responses
00:43:00 - Tantrums vs meltdowns: what's the difference?
00:49:31 - Common misconceptions about meltdowns
00:50:55 - Public meltdowns and dealing with judgement
00:57:53 - Spotting the signs before a meltdown happens
01:06:43 - What actually helps during a meltdown
01:18:39 - The Positives
01:21:48 - Neurodiversity Champions
01:26:31 - Tiny Epic Wins
01:30:39 - What The Flip? Moments

 

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Parenting Your Autistic Child: Permission to Do It Differently, by Lisa Galley - https://amzn.eu/d/09LMvRVR

Lisa Galley's website - https://lisagalley.com

Lisa Galley's free Autism Parenting Guide to Meltdowns (plus bonus meltdown tracker) - https://learn.lisagalley.com/meltdownsguide

Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, by Pete Wharmby - https://amzn.eu/d/0cE2Sjcq

Neuroshambles mailing list sign-up (with free PDF of What the Flip moments) - https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

 

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

📬 Sign up to the Neuroshambles mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

 

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

The issue of how to navigate sleep with our neurodivergent kids is one of the most requested topics on Neuroshambles, so Mark brought in someone who actually knows what she's talking about. This episode tackles the question that haunts pretty much every household raising neurodivergent kids: how do you get them to sleep, keep them asleep, and stop them waking up at some ungodly hour demanding an apple?

Mark is joined by Michelle Cyril, a children's nurse and fully qualified paediatric sleep consultant who specialises in supporting families of autistic, ADHD and PDA kids. She's also a parent of neurodivergent twins herself, so this isn't advice from someone lecturing from a textbook - it's advice from someone who's been on the sharp end of three-hour bedtime battles too.

Mark and Michelle break bedtime down into its component parts of chaos: the bedtime routine itself, actually getting to sleep, staying asleep through the night, and waking up - wether that’s ludicrously early, or begrudgingly late. They cover why traditional sleep advice is largely useless for neurodivergent kids, how PDA turns bedtime into a demand minefield, and dive into the knotty issue of melatonin. Anyone wondering whether melatonin is safe, why GPs are so reluctant to prescribe it, or why their kid can't seem to switch their brain off at night will find answers here.

Whether it's a PDA profile, an ADHD brain that won't switch off, or a kid who just runs unnervingly hot in bed, there's something in this episode for most Neuroshamblers.

 

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (Estimated)

00:01:48 - Meet the Guest: Michelle Cyril
00:04:00 - Topic of the Week: Why Sleep Is Such a Battle
00:13:39 - The Traditional Sleep Advice That Just Doesn't Work
00:16:13 - Making Bedtime Routines Fun Instead of Boring
00:26:35 - PDA, Demand Avoidance and Bedtime
00:34:06 - Getting to Sleep: Busy Brains and Familiar Stories
00:45:11 - The Melatonin Debate
00:58:39 - Staying Asleep: Night Waking and Anxiety
01:10:46 - The Early Morning Wake-Up Struggle
01:17:23 - The Impact of Poor Sleep on Parents
01:23:02 - Sleep Deprivation and Its Ripple Effects
01:26:44 - Finding the Silver Linings
01:28:39 - Neurodiversity Champions
01:31:48 - Tiny Epic Wins
01:35:58 - What the Flip?

 

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Neuroshambles mailing list sign-up (with free PDF of What the Flip moments) - https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

Michelle Cyril, Family Sleep Specialist - https://familysleepspecialist.co.uk/

Busy Brains at Bedtime (Michelle's free download) - https://familysleepspecialist.co.uk/busy-brains-guide/

Greeking Out (National Geographic podcast) - https://www.nationalgeographic.com/podcasts/greeking-out/

Michael Gradisar - https://winksleep.online/about-michael-gradisar

Confusional Arousals - https://www.sleepfoundation.org/parasomnias/confusional-arousal

Neuro Embrace, Madeleine Woolgar - https://www.neuro-embrace.com

ARFID Life UK - https://www.facebook.com/p/ARFID-Life-UK-61569140673395/

 

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

📬 Sign up to the Neuroshambles mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share

 

CREDITS

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com