Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

In this episode, I'm sitting down with two women who went from struggling while single to calling in the love of their life.  We talk honestly about what they learned about themselves, the patterns they couldn't see before, and what actually changed for them when it came to love and relationships.
If you're a woman who deeply desires partnership with a man who can truly meet you, and you want to feel safe, seen, loved and fully yourself in your relationship, join my husband Stef and me for LOVE MAGNET, our free 3-day workshop.
Join us at christinehassler.com/lovemagnet.

What if the reason love hasn't happened yet isn't because you're meant to be alone—but because part of you is still protecting you from the risk of losing it?
In this deeply insightful coaching session, Christine works with Meredith, a 44-year-old woman who has built a full and fulfilling life. She's dated throughout adulthood, had long-term relationships, and created a career and life she enjoys. But she's never been married or engaged, and she's beginning to wonder: Do I actually want partnership anymore, or should I simply accept that this is my life?
Yet underneath that question, the longing is still there.
Meredith wants companionship, attraction, shared interests, and the feeling of coming home to someone. At the same time, her history has taught her that loving someone can mean losing them.
Meredith suddenly lost her father when she was 13. Her mother was emotionally unavailable for many years, and just as their relationship eventually changed and Meredith began receiving more of the connection she needed, she lost her mother to cancer.
Christine helps Meredith recognize the competing intentions operating beneath the surface: one part deeply desires love, while another part has learned that love is risky because the people you love can disappear.
Rather than treating Meredith's relationship fears as evidence that she's broken or needs to fix herself before she can find love, Christine reframes them as protective parts doing exactly what they learned to do. The work isn't becoming perfectly healed before entering a relationship. It's understanding those parts, accepting them, and consciously deciding that love is worth the risk.
Together, they explore grief, fear of loss, subconscious protection, self-acceptance, relationship insecurity, and why healing is very different from fixing yourself.
If you've ever wondered whether you should give up on finding love, felt exhausted by the idea that you need to do more work on yourself before you're "ready," or found yourself simultaneously longing for intimacy and pulling away from it, this conversation offers a completely different perspective.
Press play to discover what can shift when you stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and begin telling yourself: "I'm willing to risk it for love."

Consider / Ask Yourself
Do you genuinely no longer desire partnership, or have you become discouraged after years of disappointment?

Do you have one part that deeply wants intimacy while another part keeps its foot on the brake?

Have experiences of grief, abandonment, or loss taught you that loving someone isn't safe?

Are you afraid of the relationship itself—or are you actually afraid of losing the relationship?

Do you believe you have to completely heal or fix yourself before you're worthy of healthy love?

What happens inside your body when you say: "I'm willing to risk losing again to call in great love"?


Key Insights and A-Ha's
We can consciously desire something while subconscious protective parts are working hard to keep us from experiencing it.

When it comes to competing intentions, the protective parts often win because they're wired toward survival.

Meredith isn't necessarily afraid of love itself; she's afraid of experiencing love and then losing it.

Sudden loss and emotional unavailability in childhood can create powerful subconscious associations between intimacy, instability, and grief.

What we often label as insecurity may actually be fear that makes complete sense in the context of our history.

You don't need to fully love every part of yourself before you're capable of receiving healthy love.

Acceptance and compassion toward the parts of yourself you don't love can actually be powerful forms of self-love.

Healing is different from fixing. Fixing assumes you're broken; healing involves understanding your wounds and protective patterns.

You don't need to enter a relationship without any "scabs." You can take responsibility for your wounds while allowing someone to walk beside you.

Part of healthy intimacy is accepting that loving another person always involves some degree of risk.

The goal isn't to eliminate your desire for love so you won't be disappointed. It's learning to experience desire and longing without turning them into suffering.


How to Deepen the Work
Instead of asking whether you're destined to be single, become curious about the part of you that still wants partnership and the part that feels safer without it.

When insecurity appears, ask what fear may be underneath it.

Explore whether you're afraid of being in a relationship or afraid of eventually losing one.

Practice telling your protective parts: "I understand why you're scared, and I'm willing to risk loving again."

Stop treating your wounds as evidence that you're broken or unready for love.

Notice the difference between healing yourself and trying to fix yourself.

Practice accepting your fears and vulnerabilities rather than believing they must disappear before you're ready for partnership.

Allow yourself to desire love without judging yourself, becoming frustrated with yourself, or making the absence of partnership mean something is wrong with you.


Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Love Magnet — Free Three-Day Workshop
Christine and her husband are teaching Love Magnet, a free three-day workshop taking place October 13, 14, and 15.
The workshop focuses on magnetizing healthy love, moving beyond the belief that you need to continually fix yourself, and creating more fulfillment and relief around dating, intimacy, and relationships.
Christine shares that the workshop has been refreshed with new material since she last taught it in February 2025. A VIP upgrade is also available.
Learn more and register for Love Magnet
Be the Queen
Christine also discusses Be the Queen, the deeper program she teaches with her husband for women who want to call in a healthy, side-by-side partnership.
In the program, Christine goes deeper into subconscious blocks, protective patterns, feminine magnetism, and the different kinds of relationships we can attract.
Learn more about Be the Queen

Social Media + Resources
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts including Coaches Corner

Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler

Facebook — Christine Hassler

Instagram — @ChristineHassler

Instagram — @SacredUnionCouples

Apply to be coached on the show

Courses, retreats, and more resources

Growing up, Eliza learned that having a stable job meant you were doing well—and that people who didn't have one could be viewed as lazy or unable to get their lives together. She also missed an important developmental stage: the freedom to discover what she liked, who she was, and how she naturally wanted to express herself.
Now, through raising her own children, Eliza has an opportunity to give herself something she didn't receive: permission to discover herself without pressure.
Together, Christine and Eliza explore identity, people-pleasing, parenting, boundaries, self-worth, generational patterns, and the difference between who you truly are and the roles you play in the world.
If you've ever thought, "I should know what I want by now," or felt ashamed because your career doesn't look the way you thought it would, this episode offers a powerful invitation: stop forcing yourself to have the answer and allow yourself to enter a season of discovery.
Press play to explore how reconnecting with your authentic self may bring far more clarity than trying to force yourself into another role.

Consider / Ask Yourself
Do you feel pressure to have your career or next chapter figured out?

Was your worth growing up connected to achievement, productivity, or having a "good" job?

Are you making choices based on what you genuinely want—or what you believe other people will approve of?

Did you have the freedom as a child to discover your interests, preferences, and authentic self?

Have you confused your job, career, or other roles with your identity?

Where might people-pleasing be making it harder to hear your own desires?


Key Insights and A-Ha's
Not knowing what you want doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. You may never have been given enough space to discover it.

When worth becomes tied to productivity or employment, career uncertainty can trigger deep shame.

Feelings can be powerful without necessarily being facts.

Missing a developmental stage in childhood can create patterns that continue showing up in adulthood.

Parenting can provide an opportunity to reparent ourselves alongside our children.

Moving from authoritarian parenting to overly permissive parenting doesn't necessarily break the pattern; healthy boundaries still matter.

People-pleasing makes discovering yourself difficult because so much energy is spent monitoring what everyone else wants.

Setting boundaries doesn't mean you're dishonoring someone else's feelings or desires.

A career can be one expression of who you are, but it does not have to define your identity.

Sometimes clarity comes after discovery—not before it.


How to Deepen the Work
Give yourself permission to put the pressure of finding the "right" job aside for now.

Consider this season a discovery process rather than a problem you need to solve.

As your children explore what they enjoy, allow their curiosity and playfulness to reconnect you with younger parts of yourself.

Notice the qualities, interests, and forms of expression that begin coming back online.

Practice stronger boundaries while remembering that honoring someone else's desires doesn't mean always giving them what they want.

Notice when you're making a decision because you're afraid someone will be disappointed in you.

Explore who you are through your qualities and authentic expression rather than through your job title.

Release guilt or shame around making a self-honoring choice that works for your family during this stage of your life.


A Powerful Reframe on Identity
Christine offers Eliza a helpful metaphor for separating identity from the roles we play.
Think of your authentic identity as water.
Your roles—mother, wife, teacher, coach, podcaster, employee, entrepreneur, or anything else—are the different glasses that hold that water.
The glasses can change.
You are the water, not the glass.
Instead of asking a job to give you an identity, begin by discovering the authentic version of yourself. Then ask: What roles allow that version of me to express itself?

Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Free Love Magnet Workshop
Christine and her husband, Stef, are teaching a free three-day virtual workshop on October 13, 14, and 15 for those who desire a healthy, aligned partnership.
Christine shares that they'll be teaching the work they did to call each other in and invites listeners who desire partnership to learn more and register.
Register for the free Love Magnet workshop

Social Media + Resources
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts including Coaches Corner

Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler

Facebook — Christine Hassler

Instagram — @ChristineHassler

Instagram — @SacredUnionCouples

Apply to be coached on the show

Courses, retreats, and more resources

Dr. Isaiah Pickens is a clinical psychologist, organizational development specialist, and nationally recognized trauma expert. He is the founder and CEO of iOpening Enterprises, where he helps organizations create healthier, more emotionally intelligent work cultures without sacrificing productivity or well-being.
He previously served as Assistant Director at the UCLA-Duke National Center for Child Traumatic Stress and as a clinical assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine. He is also a Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Culture of Health Leader and Fellow, a Stanford-certified Compassion Specialist, and a recipient of the American Psychological Association Early Career Achievement Award.
He is the author of Trauma-Informed and Culturally Responsive Practices in Schools: Building a Climate of Compassion, and through his work, Dr. Pickens is helping individuals and organizations redefine success and unlock their potential through psychological science.

What if part of you wants success—but another part believes achieving it will cost you your health, relationships, or well-being?
In this insightful coaching session, Christine works with Maya, an ambitious entrepreneur who knows she's capable of achieving big things in her career. But after years of professional success coincided with increasing health challenges, Maya has begun to associate achievement with stress, exhaustion, and physical suffering.
Now, as she intentionally slows down and prioritizes her health, she notices something surprising: the better she begins to feel, the more she slips back into old habits. It's almost as if part of her doesn't want to fully recover—because getting better might mean returning to the same version of success that depleted her in the first place.
Christine helps Maya reframe what looks like self-sabotage as protection.
As they explore Maya's childhood, another layer emerges. Health challenges were present from a young age, while success was modeled as something that required hard work and sacrifice. Maya also remembers desperately wanting friendship, belonging, and romantic attention as a young girl—only to experience rejection and disappointment.
Could a younger part of her have learned that putting herself out there isn't safe?
Together, Christine and Maya explore the connection between physical health and emotional patterns, subconscious protection, childhood experiences, belonging, success, relationships, and the possibility that we don't have to choose between thriving professionally and thriving personally.
If you've ever said, "I know what I want, so why do I keep getting in my own way?" this conversation offers a compassionate alternative: perhaps you aren't sabotaging yourself at all. Perhaps a younger part of you is simply trying to keep you safe using an outdated strategy.
Press play to explore how curiosity, compassion, and working with—not against—your protective parts can begin creating a new definition of success.

Consider / Ask Yourself
Do you unconsciously associate success with stress, overworking, or self-sacrifice?
Do you believe you have to choose between your health and your ambitions?
Is there something you consciously want but continually find yourself resisting?
When something fulfilling is followed by discomfort, do you automatically conclude that you shouldn't have done it?
Could what you've labeled "self-sabotage" actually be a protective pattern trying to keep you safe?

Key Insights and A-Ha's
What looks like self-sabotage may actually be a subconscious attempt at protection.
We can consciously want something while a younger part of us associates getting it with pain, rejection, exhaustion, or danger.
Early health challenges can influence how safe or reliable we believe our bodies are.
The way success was modeled in childhood can shape whether we associate achievement with ease or with sacrifice and overwork.
Experiences of rejection and not belonging can create protective patterns around relationships, visibility, and putting ourselves out into the world.
Physical and emotional experiences don't always have to be viewed separately; Christine encourages a holistic approach that considers both.
When discomfort follows an enjoyable experience, immediately deciding "I shouldn't have done that" can reinforce an existing protective pattern.
Both the part that wants expansion and the part that wants to retreat may ultimately be trying to create safety, health, and happiness.
Our conscious adult self may feel ready for something while a younger part of us still needs reassurance.

How to Deepen the Work
When resistance appears, get curious instead of immediately trying to override it.
Ask the protective part: "What are you afraid will happen if I do this?"
Explore: "What does this remind you of?"
When you're experiencing physical discomfort, focus on what your body needs rather than immediately connecting the symptoms to something enjoyable you recently did.
Notice when you're telling yourself, "I shouldn't have done that," and consider whether that story is reinforcing an old pattern.
Explore both physical and emotional avenues of support rather than assuming everything has a single cause.
Begin creating a new definition of success that includes health, relationships, connection, and well-being rather than requiring sacrifice.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode
Love Block Quiz
Christine and her husband created a free Love Block Quiz to help identify subconscious blocks that may be getting in the way of calling in the relationship you desire.
Take Christine's free Love Block Quiz
Be the Queen
Christine and her husband teach Be the Queen for women who are ready to call in healthy, aligned partnership and explore the conscious, subconscious, energetic, and relational patterns that may be affecting their love lives.
Christine is currently taking names for the early-bird interest list, which includes access to a special early-bird discount before the program launches.
Join the Be the Queen interest list
One-on-One Coaching with Christine
Christine shares that she currently has space for a couple more private coaching clients for those interested in deeper individualized work.
Learn more about one-on-one coaching with Christine

Social Media + Resources
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
Facebook — Christine Hassler
Instagram — @ChristineHassler
Instagram — @SacredUnionCouples
Apply to be coached on the show
Courses, retreats, and more resources