The Family Podcast

Pornography ruins intimacy in marriage by creating a “digital third party” that distorts a spouse’s view of sex, erodes foundational trust, and replaces real-world connection with a fantasy. Instead of building a deep, emotional bond with their partner, a person using pornography trains their brain to seek satisfaction from a screen. This habit builds a wall of secrecy and shame that prevents the vulnerability and oneness God intended for husband and wife.
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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.
Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.
Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.
Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.
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The Distortion of Sexual Reality
Pornography acts like a funhouse mirror for human sexuality. It presents an unrealistic, hyper-sexualized version of intimacy that real life can never match. When a person regularly views pornography, they aren’t just looking at pictures; they are training their brain to expect a specific, curated experience. This process, often called “brain plasticity,” means the more someone watches porn, the more their brain craves that high-intensity visual hit rather than the steady, emotional warmth of a real spouse.
This creates a massive barrier in the bedroom. Real sex involves two imperfect people, communication, and emotional connection. Pornography is one-sided, silent, and physically “perfect” in a fake way. Over time, a spouse may start to feel like they are competing with a screen they can never beat. This isn’t just about physical attraction; it’s about where the heart goes for satisfaction. As Jesus pointed out, the eyes are a window to the soul, and what we fill them with changes who we are inside.
The Erosion of Trust and Safety
Every healthy marriage is built on a foundation of trust. Intimacy requires a “safe space” where both people feel fully known and fully loved. Pornography shatters that safety because it almost always involves secrecy. When one spouse is hiding a habit, they have to maintain a double life. This dishonesty creates an invisible wall. Even if the other spouse doesn’t know about the porn use yet, they often feel a sense of distance or “checked-out” energy that they can’t quite explain.
When the secret eventually comes to light, the damage is profound. The betrayed spouse often feels like their entire relationship has been a lie. They wonder, “Who else have you been looking at while you were with me?” This sense of betrayal is a form of infidelity that wounds the spirit. Without total honesty and transparency, true intimacy is impossible. You cannot be “one flesh” with someone while you are keeping a significant part of your life hidden in the shadows.
Trading Oneness for Isolation
God’s design for marriage is “oneness”—a beautiful blending of two lives into one. Pornography is the exact opposite of oneness; it is the ultimate act of isolation. It is a solo activity that focuses entirely on “me” and “my needs.” It turns other human beings into objects to be used for a momentary thrill rather than people to be loved and respected. This “objectification” eventually spills over into the marriage, where a spouse becomes a means to an end rather than a partner to cherish.
Genesis 2:24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.When we choose the screen over our spouse, we are actively undoing the “united into one” part of God’s plan. We are choosing a counterfeit version of intimacy that leaves us feeling emptier than before. True intimacy is about being seen and known—flaws and all—and still being accepted. Pornography offers the illusion of intimacy without any of the commitment or work. Over time, this makes a person less capable of handling the beautiful, messy reality of a real-life relationship.
The Path to Restored Intimacy
Here is the good news: pornography does not have to be the end of your marriage. While the damage is real, God is in the business of restoration. The first step toward healing is bringing the struggle into the light. James 5:16 tells us that confessing our sins to one another brings healing. This means moving past the shame and being radically honest with your spouse and a trusted mentor or counselor. It involves setting up boundaries, like web filters or accountability software, to protect the home.
Restoring intimacy also requires a shift in focus back to Jesus. He is the one who truly satisfies our deepest longings for connection and worth. When we look to Him to fill our hearts, we stop demanding that our spouse (or a screen) do a job only God can do. Healing takes time, and it requires rebuilding trust through consistent, honest actions over a long period. But with God’s help, a marriage can move from the isolation of pornography to a deeper, more authentic intimacy than ever before.
Romans 8:11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.The Takeaway
Pornography ruins intimacy in marriage by replacing a real, sacrificial relationship with a selfish fantasy. It distorts how we see our spouse, breaks the vital bond of trust, and leads to deep emotional isolation. However, through confession, accountability, and the grace of Jesus Christ, couples can break free from this cycle and rediscover the joy of true, God-honoring oneness.

The Bible defines the vow “to love and to cherish” not as a fleeting emotional spark, but as a deliberate, daily action rooted in the heart of God. While “love” often refers to the selfless commitment to another’s well-being, “to cherish” takes it a step further, meaning to protect, nurture, and value something as a precious treasure. In a Christian marriage, maintaining romance isn’t about chasing a feeling; it’s about intentionally cultivating a garden where intimacy can grow and flourish.

The Bible teaches that you can guard against temptation in your marriage by intentionally building spiritual and emotional hedges around your relationship. While temptation is a common human experience, God provides a way of escape through prayer, transparency with your spouse, and a commitment to honoring your marriage vows. By prioritizing your connection with Jesus and each other, you can protect your covenant from the subtle drift that leads to infidelity.
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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.
Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.
Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.
Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.
Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].
Donate Now
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Understand the Reality of Temptation
Temptation is not a sign that your marriage is failing, but it is a signal that you are human. We live in a world that often celebrates the "new and exciting" over the "faithful and steady." Even the strongest couples face moments where their eyes or hearts might wander toward someone else. Recognizing that you are susceptible to temptation is actually your first line of defense. When we think we are above falling, we stop being careful.
The Bible warns us to stay alert because our spiritual enemy looks for cracks in our foundation. In marriage, those cracks often look like unresolved conflict, loneliness, or a lack of physical intimacy. If you feel a "spark" with someone at work or find yourself hiding text messages, don't ignore the warning lights. Acknowledge the temptation immediately so you can deal with it before it grows into something destructive.
1 Peter 5:8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.Build a Hedge of Protection
One of the most practical ways to guard against temptation is to create healthy boundaries. These aren't meant to be "rules" that feel like a cage, but rather "hedges" that keep your garden beautiful and safe. A hedge means deciding not to have private lunches with someone of the opposite sex or sharing your phone passwords with your spouse. These choices build trust and eliminate the secrecy that temptation needs to survive.
Building a hedge also means being proactive about your emotional health. Often, people fall into affairs because they are looking for emotional validation they feel is missing at home. Instead of looking outward, look inward and toward your spouse. Make it a priority to date your spouse, talk about your dreams, and stay curious about their life. When your "emotional tank" is full at home, you are far less likely to go looking for a "refill" elsewhere.
Lean on the Power of Jesus
We cannot win the battle against temptation through willpower alone. Real, lasting protection for your marriage comes from a shared spiritual life centered on Jesus Christ. When you and your spouse are both pursuing a relationship with God, you naturally grow closer to each other. This is often compared to a triangle: as both people move toward God at the top, they inevitably get closer to one another at the base.
Jesus understands the struggle of temptation because he faced it himself, yet he remained without sin. When you feel weak, you can go to him in prayer. Ask God to give you a "distaste" for things that would harm your marriage and a renewed passion for your spouse. Spiritual disciplines like praying together or reading the Bible as a couple create a spiritual bond that is difficult for temptation to break.
Hebrews 4:15-16 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.Practice Radical Transparency
Secrecy is the oxygen that keeps the fire of temptation alive. If you are struggling with an attraction or a "crush," the best thing you can do is bring it into the light. This sounds terrifying, but telling your spouse or a trusted mentor takes the power away from the temptation. When a secret is shared, the enemy loses his leverage over you.
Transparency also involves being honest about the state of your marriage. If you are unhappy or feeling neglected, talk about it. Don't let bitterness simmer under the surface. Healthy marriages are built on the "messy" work of honest communication. By choosing to be an open book, you create an environment where temptation finds no place to hide.
The Takeaway
Guarding against temptation in your marriage requires a combination of spiritual dependence on Jesus and practical boundaries in your daily life. It starts with acknowledging your vulnerability and ends with a commitment to total transparency. By keeping Christ at the center and intentionally investing in your spouse, you can build a resilient, joyful marriage that honors God and stands the test of time.

Using technology as a babysitter can be harmful to a child’s development when it replaces consistent human interaction and active play. While digital devices offer temporary relief for busy parents, over-reliance on screens often leads to behavioral issues, delayed social skills, and a lack of emotional regulation. The Bible encourages parents to intentionally shepherd their children’s hearts, suggesting that passive screen time should never substitute for active, Christ-centered parenting and engagement.
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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.
Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.
Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.
Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.
Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].
Donate Now
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The Science Of Developing Brains
The general consensus among developmental pediatricians, including experts at Cedars-Sinai, is that children under age 3 should have little to no screen exposure. This is because their brains are in a critical stage of development involving myelination—a biological process that coats nerve fibers to speed up brain signals. Research shows that excessive screen time is associated with lower integrity in the brain's white matter, which is essential for language, literacy, and cognitive processing. When a young brain is overexposed to screens, it can overstimulate the visual cortex at the expense of the auditory cortex. This is a major concern because the auditory cortex is vital for developing the social skills and language children need to navigate the world.
Ideally, early learning should be grounded in real-world, interactive, face-to-face experiences rather than passive viewing. Studies have shown that the more children engage with electronic screens, the more likely they were to develop socioemotional problems. A meta-analysis published by the APA, reviewing data from over 292,000 children, revealed that high screen use is linked to internalizing problems like anxiety and depression, as well as externalizing problems like aggression and hyperactivity. Interestingly, girls are often more susceptible to internalizing issues, while boys are more likely to increase screen use as a coping mechanism when they are already struggling.
The Trap Of The YouTube Algorithm
We live in a fast-paced world, and the temptation to hand a crying child a tablet is incredibly strong. It works instantly, providing a "digital pacifier." However, the platform matters significantly. Streaming services like YouTube are designed with algorithms specifically engineered to maximize "watch time." Unlike traditional television, which has a set duration and natural stopping points (like the end of an episode or a commercial break), YouTube utilizes auto-play and a "infinite scroll" of suggested videos to keep kids hooked.
These algorithms analyze every click and "re-watch," serving up "bite-sized hooks" and constant novelty that can overwhelm a child's underdeveloped self-regulation skills. This creates an addictive "just one more" loop. From a biblical perspective, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. We want our children to grow in their ability to regulate their impulses through the help of God and the guidance of their parents. If technology becomes the primary tool for emotional regulation, children miss out on developing the "inner muscle" of character required to navigate boredom and big emotions without a digital escape.
Practical Steps For Intentional Parents
Instead of turning to technology to give yourself a break, try creating a structured family schedule that fosters imagination and creativity. Parenting requires us to be the architects of our children’s environment. By setting clear boundaries, we provide a safe framework where they can flourish without the overstimulation of the digital world.
Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.Here are a few practical strategies to avoid using tech as a babysitter:
Create a Family Schedule: Designate specific times for chores, reading, and play to reduce "pester power."
Prioritize Outside Play: Aim for two hours of outdoor time to help kids burn energy and improve focus.
Implement Imagination Time: Encourage "quiet time" in their bedroom with blocks or books to build self-reliance.
Strict Tech Boundaries: Maintain a "no tech" rule at the dinner table and for at least an hour before bed.
Set Fixed Limits: If you use tech, allow for a specific 30-minute window or one single 30-minute show, then turn it off.

Reclaiming The Parent-Child Bond
The heart of this issue isn't that technology is "evil," but that it is an inadequate substitute for a parent. God gave your children to you, not to an algorithm. Every time we choose to engage with our kids instead of outsourcing that time to a screen, we are making an eternal investment. We are showing them that they are seen, known, and loved—which is exactly how God feels about us.
Jesus placed a high value on children and wanted them in His presence. When we prioritize being present with our kids, even when it’s exhausting, we follow Christ's example. We are building a foundation of trust that will eventually serve as a bridge to talking about deeper spiritual truths. Reclaiming this bond starts with putting the phone down and picking up the calling God has placed on your life as a parent.
Mark 10:14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, "Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children."The Takeaway
Using technology as a babysitter can be harmful because it replaces vital human interaction with passive consumption that can delay brain development and increase socioemotional problems. Biblical parenting requires intentionality and presence. By replacing excessive screen time with physical play, family schedules, and focused attention, we shepherd our children’s hearts and help them grow into the people God created them to be.

To honor your father and mother means to treat them with respect, value, and care, recognizing the God-given position they hold in your life. In today’s hectic world, this goes beyond simple childhood obedience; it involves a lifelong posture of gratitude and responsibility. Honoring your parents is a choice to prize their well-being and dignity, ensuring they are not forgotten or discarded even when life becomes overwhelmingly busy.
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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.
Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.
Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.
Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.
Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].
Donate Now
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The Cultural Weight of the Family Unit
In the Old Testament, the family was not just a social group; it was the essential building block of the entire nation. The Hebrew culture was deeply “collectivist,” meaning the identity of the individual was inextricably linked to the family line. To honor your parents was to protect the integrity of the family legacy. This was a society where the elderly were viewed as the keepers of wisdom and the link to God’s promises given to ancestors like Abraham and Isaac.
Unlike our modern, individualistic culture that often prizes youth and independence above all else, the biblical culture saw the family as a permanent safety net. Families lived in close proximity, often in the same “bet ab” (father’s house). In this setting, honoring parents was a daily, practical reality. It meant contributing to the family’s survival and ensuring that as parents aged, they were cared for within the home they had built.
A Commandment with a Promise
The instruction to honor parents is the fifth of the Ten Commandments, and it holds a unique place in the Law. It serves as the bridge between our duties to God and our duties to our fellow human beings. While the first four commandments focus on our vertical relationship with God, the fifth commandment kicks off the horizontal requirements for how we treat others. This suggests that how we relate to our parents is a primary reflection of how we relate to God’s authority.
Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.This is often called the “first commandment with a promise.” The Bible links the health of a society directly to the honor given within the family. When we respect the generational link, we preserve the values and faith that sustain a community. In a hectic world that constantly pushes us to “move on” and “look forward,” this commandment calls us to look back with reverence and stay connected to our roots.
Honoring in a Modern, Hectic Context
Today, honoring your parents looks different than it did in ancient Israel, but the heart behind it remains the same. It requires intentionality to cut through the noise of our busy schedules. Honoring might mean picking up the phone when you’d rather be scrolling social media, or navigating the complexities of elder care with patience rather than resentment. It is about “weighting” their needs—giving them a place of significance in your life’s priorities.
Proverbs 23:22 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.In a world that often views the elderly as a “burden” or an “inconvenience,” the Christian is called to a different standard. We honor our parents by listening to their stories, valuing their perspective, and providing for their needs. This doesn’t mean we agree with every choice they made or ignore toxic patterns, but it does mean we choose to treat them with the dignity that every human made in the image of God deserves.
Connecting Honor to the Heart of Jesus
Jesus took the command to honor parents very seriously. During his ministry, he rebuked the religious leaders who tried to use religious excuses to avoid financially supporting their aging parents. He pointed out that true devotion to God cannot exist alongside the neglect of one’s family. Even while hanging on the cross in agony, Jesus looked down at his mother, Mary, and ensured she would be cared for by his disciple John.
When we honor our parents, we are participating in the self-giving love of Jesus. We recognize that we did not bring ourselves into this world and we did not raise ourselves. By showing grace and care to our parents—even when they are difficult or failing in health—we mirror the way God shows grace to us. Honoring our parents is a tangible way to practice the “Jesus-centered” life in the most private and foundational area of our existence.
The Takeaway
To honor your father and mother is to give them the respect and care they deserve as your biological and spiritual precursors. In a fast-paced society, this means intentionally slowing down to value their presence and provide for their needs. By embracing the biblical view of the family unit, we honor God’s design and ensure that the wisdom of the past continues to bless the generations of the future.