Boundaries play a vital role in our lives, defining the limits of our identity and creating a sense of ownership. In this episode we explore the significance of boundaries as discussed in the book "Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. From the different types of boundary conflicts to the stages of boundary development, we will delve into the intricacies of this crucial aspect of our relationships and personal growth.
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51:41
Managing a Relationship with a Vulnerable Narcissist
In today's episode Bryan and Tracy discuss "vulnerable narcissism" - a sense of superiority and inflated self importance in order to hide deep wounds of inferiority and fear of rejection. Like an addict, narcissists feed on the supply of affirmation and attention to feed their ego. When that ego is threatened, narcissists go on the attack in order to protect themselves from being “found out” or faced with the reality they fear most-they aren’t good enough.Click here for the Boundaries series.Five Things about Vulnerable Narcissism: Core Features: Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a combination of narcissistic traits and a tendency towards vulnerability and insecurity. Individuals with vulnerable narcissism may display self-centeredness, entitlement, and a constant need for validation and admiration, while also experiencing significant self-doubt, hypersensitivity to criticism, and feelings of shame or inadequacy.Mask of Fragility: Vulnerable narcissists often present themselves as fragile and sensitive individuals who require special attention and care. They may appear modest or self-effacing on the surface, but underneath, they harbor a deep-seated need for constant affirmation and reassurance. This mask of fragility can be manipulative, as it elicits sympathy and support from others while maintaining a sense of superiority.Avoidant Coping: Vulnerable narcissists employ various coping mechanisms to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may engage in avoidance strategies such as social withdrawal, passive-aggressive behavior, or excessive fantasizing to shield themselves from potential threats to their self-image. These individuals may struggle with criticism or failure, often perceiving them as personal attacks rather than opportunities for growth.Covert Grandiosity: Unlike the overt grandiosity commonly associated with classic or grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissists manifest their grandiose fantasies and desires in a more covert manner. They may engage in daydreaming, idealizing others, or seeking special treatment while downplaying their own accomplishments or achievements. This covert grandiosity serves to preserve their fragile self-esteem and maintain a sense of superiority without drawing attention to themselves.Relationship Dynamics: In interpersonal relationships, vulnerable narcissists often seek out individuals who can provide them with the constant validation they crave. They may become dependent on others for emotional support and have difficulty empathizing with their partner's needs. This can lead to a cycle of idealization and devaluation, as vulnerable narcissists oscillate between adoration and resentment when their expectations are not met. Ultimately, these relationship dynamics can be challenging and emotionally draining for both parties involved.
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Helping Your Kids Deal with Weird Sexual Thoughts
Join Bryan and Tracy in this frank conversation about dealing with weird sexual thoughts, a topic covered in the student section of pursueGOD.org (click here for student topic). While it may be uncomfortable, it's crucial for parents to have this conversation with their children. They discuss personal experiences and the importance of creating a safe space for kids to discuss their thoughts without judgment or panic. The podcast also highlights three key talking points for parents: letting God's truth define their children, taking wrong thoughts captive and aligning them with Jesus, and encouraging regular Bible reading to counter societal influences. The episode emphasizes the need for parents to equip themselves with a biblical worldview on gender and sexuality before addressing these topics with their kids. Tune in to gain insights on how to navigate these conversations with love and clarity.
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Parenting Principle #3: Affirm Your Kids
Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.The Power of Words Think about things people have said to you-both positive and negative things. How did those words impact you?Our words have power. We need to use them wisely in every relationship, but especially with our kids. Q1. Describe the “love” climate in your home growing up (affectionate/affirming or cold/distant?) How have those family dynamics affected the way you express love to your kids?Talking Points:God the Father spoke publicly about the Son twice in the gospel of Matthew. Both times it was to affirm him. Matthew 3:17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”Matthew 17:5 But even as he spoke, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.”If the perfect Son of God received words of affirmation from his Father, how much more do our imperfect kids need affirmation from their parents? Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 16:24, Ephesians 4:324 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.24 Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.In our last principle, we learned about the importance of loving discipline. But we need to be careful that we don’t stay constantly in the state of correction with our kids. They need positive interactions as well. They need to hear affirming things about who they are. As parents, we need to pull ourselves out of “critical” mode focusing only on the things we want to change in our kids and spend time celebrating how God created them as special, unique humans who sometimes drive us crazy!Remember the 3 B's:Be intentional.Be authentic.Be unique.Q5. What does it look like for you to be intentional with affirmation moving forward? Identify three unique traits for each of your kids that you will work to affirm more.Use the 3 T's of Praise:Talk: use your words to speak love and praise over your kids.Time: spend time with your kids and show them that they are a priority to you.Touch: show affection to your kids.Q8. Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? What would you guess is your kid’s language? How can knowing their language help you to love them more?
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Parenting Principle #2: Discipline With Love
There’s an ancient parenting paradox: those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24Proverbs 13:24 says “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.Share about how discipline worked in our homes growing upShare how we’ve disciplined our kiddosSpanking? “Mommy spank vs. daddy spank” , spank SaturdayWriting letters explaining where they were wrong (teenagers)Contrary to popular opinion, there is such a thing as right and wrong. It’s the parent’s job to teach this in the home. Proverbs 22:6, 2 Timothy 3:16-17Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.Parents have a responsibility to train and to teach. Contrary to our culture, there is such a thing as right and wrong and parents need to teach their kids what those things are. But the manner in which we teach and train matters.Parenting PrincipleThat’s why our second Parenting Principle is: discipline with love. Loving discipline turns your child’s heart toward God. First they learn to honor you; later they’ll learn to honor God. Hebrews 12:11The 3 C’s of loving discipline:Clear: establish clear rules and expectations and the consequences for each.Consistent: follow through every time a rule is broken.Corrective: consequences should deter them from making the same mistake again.
Join Tracy and Bryan Dwyer every week to talk about marriage and parenting and everything that makes for a healthier family. Find resources to continue the conversation with your family, group, or mentor at pursueGOD.org/family.
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