Trashy Royals

Born into a noble French family in Brittany,
Louise de Kérouaille's road to the English Court, and to Charles II's bed, passed through Charles's sister, Henrietta Anne Stuart, Duchess of Orleans. Her family, focusing on a well-worn path to prominence, originally tried to have Louise noticed by Louis XIV of France and become a royal mistress. Louis didn't bite, but the royal mistress thing worked out in the end - possibly as part of a spy plot to keep the French informed about the goings-on in England.

In 1670, Louise accompanied Henrietta on a diplomatic mission to Dover, where Charles was trying to bypass Parliament and secure some funding from the French. Henrietta, unfortunately, died unexpectedly around this time, leaving Louise in a bit of a predicament. No worries: Charles II appointed the attractive 21-year-old as a lady-in-waiting to his wife, ensuring her presence at Court. In 1672, Louise joined the Charles II Baby Mama Club, and the following year was given the titles Baroness Petersfield, Countess of Fareham, and Duchess of Portsmouth for life.

Whether Charles II knew or cared about the financial support and gifts that Louise was given by Louis XIV is not known, but the English people had a good sense of what was going on, and Louise was profoundly unpopular with the English public - a striking contrast to Nell Gwyn. 

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One of the big changes Charles II made upon his return to his kingdom was to reopen the theaters that Cromwell and his zealots had shuttered 18 years earlier, at the start of the English Civil War. He also encouraged theaters to hire women, creating England's first class of actresses.

And Charles being Charles, he also dated a few of those newly minted performers. Today, Alicia talks about Nell Gwyn, whose rags to riches story is an iconic part of Restoration England. Born to a (potentially unmarried) brothel owner with a serious alcohol addiction, she got her start in the theater not as an actress, but selling concessions. She was a beauty and a natural mimic, and soon enough, the manager of the King's Company, Thomas Killigrew, began training her for the stage.

By 1665, her star was on the rise, and by the time she and Charles II were becoming a long-term couple in early 1668, Pretty, Witty Nell Gwyn was one of London's most notable people, beloved especially as a comedian.

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It feels safe to say that when Russians recall a leader’s reign as a “dark era,” we’re into some deeply, deeply dark events. Empress Anna, a niece of Peter the (Not So) Great, had survived many humiliations before Russia’s Supreme Privy Council elevated her to Empress; they thought she would be easy to control, but instead, her decade-long reign was characterized by Anna’s cruelty and capriciousness. A career of personal vendettas was fueled by her limitless power and a secret police system she stood up to discover and end plots against her.

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You thought Henry the 8th was the worst. Welcome to his contemporary, Ivan The Terrible. Terrible might be too kind of a word. With eight wives and hundreds of thousands dead in his wake, Ivan was a master of cruelty and just might be the King of Trash for the 16th Century.

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If you worried that royal houses had gotten a little too genteel by the 19th century, the story of Ranavalona I of Madagascar will disabuse you of that pretty quickly. Seizing the throne in 1828 after the death of her husband, King Radama - despite not being the rightful heir to it - she immediately launched a campaign of murder against her political rivals and potential successors, and summarily ended friendly relations with European nations, including expelling missionaries who had established schools. She didn't merely promote the local customs and faith traditions of the Malagasy people; she eventually banned the practice of Christianity entirely and executed those who practiced it. In fact, she executed a lot of people, in a variety of creative ways, and historians believe that in her 33-year reign of terror, she depopulated Madagascar by about half. It's no wonder that she's considered Madagascar's Bloody Mary, and Madagascar's Caligula.

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