Two Cents gets Distracted - A Rugby Podcast

The Greatest Rivalry Tour is officially underway, and naturally that means it’s time for everyone to start drawing enormous conclusions from a handful of rugby games that probably don’t deserve enormous conclusions.
First up, the All Blacks took on the Stormers in Cape Town and, for a good chunk of the game, it was a seriously butt-puckering affair. The All Blacks stuttered, spluttered and at times played more like poo than an international rugby side, while an under-strength Stormers team — missing their Springboks — gave them absolute hell. The ageless Deon Fourie was somehow still out there causing problems, before the All Blacks eventually located their rugby brains, pulled away late and finished with a 38–21 win.
Then it was the Springboks’ turn, heading to Argentina with plenty of big names left back in South Africa but still carrying some serious quality. Against an under-strength Pumas side, however, they made life look considerably harder than anyone expected.
Cue several days of South African fans and pundits performing Olympic-level mental gymnastics explaining why the Bok performance was actually encouraging while the All Blacks’ was apparently evidence that New Zealand rugby had entered its final death spiral.
The more boring answer? There probably wasn’t that much to read into either game.
Then came Durban.
On a sodden track, the All Blacks faced the Sharks in game two of the Greatest Rivalry series — and suddenly Ma’a Nonu appeared in a Sharks jersey. Because apparently 2026 has completely stopped obeying the normal laws of rugby.
Before kick-off, Nonu produced one of the most surreal and memorable moments of the tour so far, standing alone and returning Kapa o Pango with a one-man haka.
Unfortunately for the Sharks, that was about as competitive as the evening got.
The All Blacks absolutely pumped a young Sharks side 54–0 in what eventually became more training run than test of character. Nonu arrived around the 60-minute mark, produced a couple of nice touches, and reminded everyone that he remains approximately 400 years old and still capable of playing professional rugby.
Elsewhere, Australia edged Japan in a relatively tight affair, we attempt to decide whether anything we’ve seen so far actually matters, and begin the inevitable overanalysis as the real meat of the Greatest Rivalry Tour creeps closer.
Sorry this one’s a little late.
Massive thanks to Sports4cast.com for the beers.
Grab a beer and Enjoy

We are officially sitting on the precipice of the Greatest Rivalry Tour — South Africa versus New Zealand — and, quite frankly, everybody is starting to lose their minds.
The All Blacks are in South Africa. The tour is happening. The hype machine is fully operational. And with the first Test still a good few weeks away, we have reached that wonderful stage where there is almost no actual rugby to analyse, so naturally everybody is just speculating about absolutely everything.
The South Africans, in particular, are talking an extraordinary amount of shit about how dominant they're going to be. In some quarters, the All Blacks have already been written off completely.
And then you've got people like Tony, who for reasons that may or may not be grounded in reality, are starting to feel... quietly confident.
Is that confidence justified?
Is it delusion?
We'll find out soon enough.
Until then, this podcast is basically speculation about speculation, followed by some more speculation, as everybody gets increasingly worked up about a series that hasn't even bloody started yet.
There is, however, some actual rugby to talk about.
The All Blacks take on the Stormers this weekend in the first little taste of the Greatest Rivalry Tour. What sort of team do the All Blacks put out? What do the Stormers look like without their Springboks? And why, despite all of that, are we still weirdly nervous about it?
Meanwhile, the Boks are just popping over to Argentina for a casual one-off Test against a slightly depleted Los Pumas side — which, let's be honest, they will probably absolutely rinse.
But all of that is merely the entrée.
The real thing is coming.
The All Blacks are in South Africa. The Springboks are waiting. The shit-talking has begun. The nerves are building. The optimism is getting dangerously high.
It's stressful. It's exciting.
And it is officially on like Donkey Kong.

The first block of the Nations Championship is done, and the All Blacks—much to our delight—finally played like bloody All Blacks.
For 40 glorious minutes at Eden Park, they were all over a slightly flailing Irish side. Ireland fought their way back into it after halftime, but putting 41 points on them and winning by 19 is a bloody good result. More importantly, it gives us a little bit of—keyword—optimism heading into the Greatest Rivalry Series.
Speaking of which, the Boks—or the B-Boks, C-Boks, or whatever version of the Boks was rolled out this week—put Wales away without too much trouble. South African fans weren’t exactly thrilled by the dropped ball and generally ordinary-looking performance, but they still won 43–0, and that scrum somehow looks even more terrifying than ever.
So, naturally, we dive into the All Blacks–Springboks rivalry and start looking ahead to the series we’ve all been waiting for. Tony throws a little chum into the water, so try not to bite too hard. It’s all banter at the end of the day. Probably. Rassie is definitely in our heads.
Elsewhere, Australia gave Joe Schmidt a fitting send-off by dominating Italy, Fiji scored some absolutely ridiculous tries despite losing to Scotland, and England and Argentina appeared to cram an entire year’s worth of yellow cards into one fiery, chaotic match.
Coming on the back of the spicy England–Argentina Football World Cup semifinal, the whole thing felt suitably hostile, slightly unhinged and, eventually, pretty entertaining.
We cover all of that, talk plenty of rugby and sprinkle in the usual amount of bullshit.
There’s no episode next week, but after the break, we’re going deep into South African content as the Greatest Rivalry Series finally arrives.
Grab a beer and enjoy.

Week two of the Nations Championship delivered some incredible rugby, some average rugby, a few near-upsets, several glorious “could-have-beens,” and more than a handful of “why now?” and “why on earth are they playing there?” moments.
The All Blacks kicked things off against Italy in a match we were desperately hoping would be the moment Dave Rennie’s new team finally clicked. That may be a little demanding in only week two, but they certainly didn’t click during a fairly shambolic opening 40 minutes.
Things improved dramatically for about 15 minutes in the second half, when New Zealand suddenly piled on the points and eventually cruised to a 30-point victory. Will Jordan scored his 50th Test try, reaching the mark faster than any All Black before him, while Anton Segner made his long-awaited debut and Moby provided a tidy little cameo off the bench in his first Test as well.
Australia then produced a genuinely excellent first half against France, followed by an absolute dog-shit second half against France. What began as a hugely encouraging performance became another deeply deflating evening for Wallabies supporters around the world.
Ireland faced Japan in that famous fortress of Japanese rugby: Newcastle, Australia.
Why Newcastle, Australia, you may ask? Excellent question. Apparently Ireland didn’t fancy travelling to Japan, pushed their weight around and got their way. Japan made the match considerably tighter than expected, but Ireland eventually showed their class and pulled away.
England absolutely pumped Fiji, while the game of the round may have come in South Africa, where Scotland the Brave were once again incredibly brave.
The Springboks may not have fielded their absolute strongest side, but they were still expected to dominate. Instead, Scotland pushed them far closer than the final score suggests. With a little more clinical finishing, a bit more composure near the line and perhaps slightly more defence, this genuinely could have been the day Scotland finally won in the Republic.
Sadly, it wasn’t to be.
This week’s beers were kindly supplied by the great Andrew Stark from Tempo Rehab. Check out his work at temporehab.com and have a look at the Tempo Rehab YouTube channel as well. https://www.youtube.com/@tempo_rehab
Grab a beer and enjoy.

A weekend of pumpings.
Leinster pumped the Bulls in Ireland to claim the URC title. Our friends the Hurricanes looked incredible and gale-forced their way to a totally, utterly, humiliating pumping of the Chiefs in a frankly silly 60–50 loss. And in what is usually a bit of a laugh, the Barbarians taking on South Africa in the Republic looked slightly less like a laugh this time, as the Baa-Baas also received a reasonably serious pumping.
So if you were in dire need of some tight rugby, like some of us were, this was absolutely not the weekend for you.
That brings the domestic season to a close, with a little sprinkling of international flavour thrown in. But maybe the biggest story of the week eclipsed all of that: Dave Rennie naming his inaugural All Blacks squad.
Four new names were included, perhaps none more interesting than Anton Segner. The German-born loose forward came to New Zealand as a 15 or 16-year-old on what was basically a student exchange, and now, ten years later, he’s in the All Blacks. Quite an incredible story — especially after standing out in a poorly performing Blues outfit like a diamond in a sea of poo.
Stop it.
Also, a massive thanks to Allouran for the wine. We appreciate it very, very much.
Grab a beer and enjoy. Or, in this case, maybe a wine.