The Jack & Ash Show

And just like that, back on British soil! There is MUCH to discuss from Coachella, including tech billionaire after-parties, THAT Justin Bieber performance, and why everyone there was in fancy dress as a jacket potato. There are also signs of a Charli XCX and Gü Ramekin crossover, which is officially our next favourite conspiracy theory.

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While Jack is happy to return to the earth as a dusty mo-ment when he dies, Ashwini has a very different plan to freeze her body that, if successful, will ensure her light and joy will be preserved for future generations.

There's also much to hunker on with rating desserts, poo-play at TK Maxx, and whether anyone actually enjoys Huel?

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Ash has had a psychic reading which, to be honest, has posed more questions than it’s answered. Meanwhile, Jack has had a flashback to his prom night, where his destiny was cruelly denied.

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Ash has really been struggling lately. If she's not going through TK Maxx withdrawal symptoms, she's getting rinsed by the BMI machine in the gym. This in turn is having a knock-on effect on poor Jack as Ash unleashes her rage and metaphorically pulls his pants down because he didn't grow up near a TGI Fridays. Once the dust settles, they get to work deciding which supermarket is the "gayest" and of course give out a plethora of bad advice.

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What happens when you ply a teenie, tiny Ashwini with enough espresso to fill up an old maiden's shoe? Pandemonium. But it also leads to a royal hanker down on subjects such as why straight men hate star signs, queer puppets and a little-known prophet who goes by the name GÜ RAMEKIN.

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