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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The Irish Times
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
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  • We’ve been through so much. I slept with two of JP’s ex-girlfriends, and Christian’s actual mother and even that didn’t break us up
    “So this dude here,” Oisinn goes – and he means me, “he tucks the ball under his orm, beats five players and crosses the try-line under the posts. But he doesn’t ground the ball there. No, he puts it down in the corner to make the conversion horder for himself"... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:34
  • Honor goes, ‘People will talk about my speech for years to come. And that’s just in the libel courts’
    My daughter is giving the valedictory at the Mount Anville graduation, and there’s a little something in it for everyone Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:35
  • Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘My old dear doesn’t have the embarrassment gene. It’s a South Dublin thing’
    So – yeah, no – the old dear is in the swimming pool when we rock up to the nursing home, doing her – I don’t know – hydrotherapy exercises? She’s dancing to Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like a Woman! while holding a beach ball and she has singlehandedly cured me of my fetish for women in wet swimwear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:48
  • Honor is staring at Brett like he’s an ATM and she’s sitting in a JCB, trying to work the levers
    Brett asks me what she was like when she was younger. I’m like, “Who?” He goes, “Our mother.” And it’s random because I’ve never thought of the old dear ever being – like he said – young. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:17
  • ‘That picture The Last Supper is weird. They’re all sitting on the same side of the table’
    So – yeah, no – I grab a stick of Heinemite from the fridge and I ask Sorcha, “Who’s the kid in the bow tie?” The reason I ask is because I don’t trust kids in bow ties. I’m on the record as saying that putting a bow tie on any human being turns him straight away into an insufferable dickhead. We’re talking nightclub bouncers. We’re talking wine waiters. We’re talking clowns. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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About Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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