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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The Irish Times
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
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  • Oisinn goes, ‘Dude, you’re saying goodbye. You do realise that? You’re saying goodbye to your old dear’
    “What the fock?” Oisinn goes. “Are you serious?”I’m there, “Oh, I’m serious all right. I’m as serious as – well, you know what.”He goes, “A living funeral? Where did this idea even come from?" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  • Brett goes, ‘She’s close to the end, Ross. I was thinking we should arrange a living funeral for her’
    “He must have been in a fight last night,” Sorcha goes.And – yeah, no – she’s talking about my brother slash half-brother, Brett.I’m there, “Why do you say he was in a fight?”And she goes, “Oh my God, didn’t you see the bruises on his neck when he came home this morning?”Seriously, sometimes it’s like she was never young at all. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  • I’m always telling Sorcha to tone down the southside when we come out to Bray but she never listens
    I’m like, “Bray?”And Sorcha’s there, “Yes, Ross – Bray!”I’m like, “But why do we have to go to Bray?” sounding like a spoiled child – in other words, one of ours.irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:53
  • ‘I haven’t really been living before now,’ Brett tells his wife. ‘Ross has slept with more than 800 women’
    So it’s, like, ridiculous o’clock on a Saturday morning – we’re talking nine, ten, something like that – and I hear a ring on the front doorbell, followed, a short time later, by the sound of a woman’s voice going, “Is this the home of Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?”irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    6:16
  • ‘I’m not even a bit stressed,’ Honor goes, ‘I haven’t done a focking tap for these exams’
    Sorcha thinks we should maybe check on Honor and there’s an air of definite excitement in her voice when she says it? Yeah, no, it’s the night before the stort of the Leaving Cert and my wife is absolutely determined that this should be one of those mother-daughter moments... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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About Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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