Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The Irish Times

Comedy

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5 of 537

Honor is staring at Brett like he’s an ATM and she’s sitting in a JCB, trying to work the levers
Brett asks me what she was like when she was younger. I’m like, “Who?” He goes, “Our mother.” And it’s random because I’ve never thought of the old dear ever being – like he said – young. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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6:17
‘That picture The Last Supper is weird. They’re all sitting on the same side of the table’
So – yeah, no – I grab a stick of Heinemite from the fridge and I ask Sorcha, “Who’s the kid in the bow tie?” The reason I ask is because I don’t trust kids in bow ties. I’m on the record as saying that putting a bow tie on any human being turns him straight away into an insufferable dickhead. We’re talking nightclub bouncers. We’re talking wine waiters. We’re talking clowns. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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6:33
Honor goes, ‘I’m editing the school yearbook photographs of anyone who pissed me off’
Honor is sitting at her computer doing fock knows what? Although I’d be shocked if it was homework. I’m there, “Honor, I need you to brace yourself – for some news.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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5:57
‘Imagine no possessions. I wonder if you can,’ the old dear sings. Her earrings cost more than my cor
She’s sitting in the window of the, whatever you want to call it, nursing home, playing the piano – badly, I might add – and I get a sudden flashback to my childhood. This is what she did whenever we had, like, visitors coming to the gaff. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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6:15
‘I most certainly do have an American accent,’ I tell my supposed half-brother. ‘I’m from south Dublin’
For, like, 30 seconds, I’m as quiet as Thomond Pork since 2019 and the dude ends up having to repeat himself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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6:13