Spoil Your Baby

Why is traditional discipline actually causing anxiety and behavioral problems in our children?

Dr. Vanessa Lapointe began her career as a practicing psychologist and mother, having been trained in a behaviorist approach that taught her to squash any unwanted behavior to make it stop. She quickly noticed a profound mismatch between this training and the reality of the children coming into her clinic. Dr. Lapointe observed that many referrals were anxiety-based, and it seemed that the very discipline methods being employed by parents were actually causing the anxiety and leading to challenging behaviors. This realization prompted her to conduct a deep dive into child development, including studying the work of Gordon Neufeld.
Her key transformation involved moving away from punishment-focused methods, recognizing that the "downstream fallout" from harsh discipline creates more disruption in children's lives than a compassionate approach. Dr. Lapointe now operates from the developmentalist perspective, focusing on the antecedent—what happens in the environment before a behavior occurs—rather than the consequence. She explains that because babies' brains are immature and lack the necessary wiring for self-regulation and impulse control, their "bad behaviors" are actually developmentally appropriate expressions of overwhelm or excitement. Dr. Lapointe emphasizes that we must approach parenting with compassion, humanity, and heart, ensuring our children can grow up in the way nature intended, without having to recover from their childhood.
Key Takeaways
Traditional behaviorist discipline, which focuses on stopping behavior, often leads to negative outcomes like anxiety and continued disruption later in life.
Focus on the antecedent (the environment and stressors before the behavior) rather than the consequence (punishment) to nurture healthy development.
Misbehavior does not exist; all challenging behavior is simply communication of a child's needs or an underlying stress response.
Boundaries for babies should define how we hold ourselves within, not how we keep the baby out or make them wait.
Compassionate parenting gives us the opportunity to heal our inner child by retemplating our own childhood experiences and emotional reactions.

THIS EPISODE REVISITS THE KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM OUR EPISODE 46 - Discipline and Development: The Zero to Three Guide feat. Dr. Vanessa Lapointe - Go listen to the full episode if you want to learn more.
Resources
Books:
Discipline Without Damage
Parenting Right From the Start
https://drvanessalapointe.com/child-discipline-books
Website: https://drvanessalapointe.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drvanessalapointe
Instagram: @dr.vanessalapointe https://www.instagram.com/dr.vanessalapointe
X (Twitter) https://x.com/DrVlapointe

Guest Bio: Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is a mom, parenting educator, best-selling author, international speaker, and a regularly invited media guest. She holds a doctoral degree in psychology, and practiced as a psychologist for nearly 20 years, before devoting her full-time energy to connecting with parents and other “big people” around the globe in 2023. Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic, Dr. Vanessa has long been supporting families and children in her developmental clinic alongside her team, and has previous experience in community mental health and the school system.

Dr. Vanessa is known for bringing a sense of nurturing understanding and humanity to all of her work. Her passion is in walking alongside parents, teachers, care providers, and other big people to really see the world through the child’s eyes. She believes that if we can do this, we are beautifully positioned to grow up our children in the best possible way.
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FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress
FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting
Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution

How do the first impressions of birth and early infancy shape our nervous systems and relationships for a lifetime?

Annie Brook is a somatic psychotherapist and educator who helps families understand the profound impact that birth and early caregiving have on lifelong wellbeing. Growing up as a premature baby herself, Annie spent time in an incubator and later navigated infant depression and sensory-motor difficulties. Her personal journey of healing led her to discover that the body holds memories of birth trauma long after they are "forgotten" by the conscious mind.

In this episode, Annie explains that babies have no context for medical interventions or difficult births, which can leave deep impressions on the primitive brain, showing up as fears of abandonment or invasion. Through her work, she helps children and adults tell their "birth story" using somatic tools, play therapy, and movement. By unwinding these early impacts, parents can move from guilt to understanding, allowing for a fresh approach to behavior and deep relational healing.
Key Takeaways
Birth is an impactful memory phase that shapes the nervous system, even if the conscious mind doesn't remember the event.
Difficult behaviors in children, such as hypersensitivity or being "clingy," are often communication of a buried birth story.
Somatic psychotherapy helps adults and children access and release early trauma by focusing on the "felt sense" of the body.
Birth trauma often affects the "relational field," influencing how we connect with parents and partners throughout our lives.
Healing begins with non-judgmental listening and helping the "baby self" know it is no longer alone.



Resources
Annie Brook's Website: https://www.anniebrook.com
The Brook Institute on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebrookinstitute
Annie Brook's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anniebrooktherapy
Annie Brook's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@thebrookinstitutewithannie9097

Guest Bio: Annie Brook, Ph.D, LPC, MSME (ISMETA), is a therapist, author, and educator in the somatic community. She founded the Brook Institute for Somatic Studies and Psychotherapy in 2001 and specializes in helping adults and children get to the roots of difficult behaviors by unwinding the impacts of birth on the nervous system.
Ready to Connect with Greer?
"Nurture Neuroscience" Website:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com
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LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum
FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress
FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting
Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution

How can the simple act of infant massage transform your baby's health and your bond forever?
Sylvie Hétu has spent over 30 years leading the way for infant massage around the world. Her journey is tied to the story of Vimala McClure, who saw the power of touch in an orphanage in India. Sylvie realized that this old tradition could solve a big problem today: many babies aren't touched enough and spend too much time in car seats or strollers.
She helps parents who feel lost or shy when they bring a new baby home. She uses a gentle, five-session plan to help parents move from feeling worried to feeling sure of themselves. Her work changed how we think about baby care by focusing on love and talking through touch rather than just worrying about sleep or food. She builds a safe place where parents can find a "village" of support again. This allows them to listen to their own gut feelings and see their babies as real people from day one. We think her story shows how simple touch can build a foundation for a healthy life.
Key Takeaways
Massage helps a baby's body work better and helps them sleep longer by lowering their stress levels.
IAIM classes use a slow approach so parents can learn at their own pace and feel more confident.
Nurturing touch is like a first language that helps parents understand the subtle signals their babies are sending.
These classes bring parents together to create a supportive community and fight the feeling of being alone.
Parents can start right now with "resting hands" to help calm their baby and feel closer to them.



Resources
International Association of Infant Massage Website: https://iaim.net

International Association of Infant Massage Canada Website: https://www.iaim-aimbcanada.org

Guest Bio: Sylvie Hétu is an international trainer and certified infant massage instructor with the International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM) for over 30 years. She pioneered infant massage in Canada and has taught in countries all over the world, including South Africa, Japan, and Hungary. She also served as the president of the IAIM for 12 years.
Ready to Connect with Greer?
"Nurture Neuroscience" Website:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/
FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress
FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting
Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution

How does a mother’s internal world during pregnancy shape a child’s lifelong mental health?
Dr. Catherine Monk began her career as a clinical psychologist driven by a deep interest in development. She wanted to understand how our early backgrounds shape who we become as adults. This curiosity led her to the epigenetics revolution, where she discovered that experiences actually get embedded into our biology. Her personal journey was also shaped by seeing her own mother struggle with significant postpartum depression. This experience fueled her passion to become a pioneer in the field of maternal mental health.
She faced the challenge of a medical system that traditionally focused only on a baby’s anatomy rather than their brain development. Dr. Monk worked hard to bridge the gap between psychology and obstetrics to show that the fetus is not passive. Her key transformation involved proving that the womb is truly the first influential home. She emphasizes that maternal well-being is the foundation for a baby’s stress and emotional regulation systems. Today, she helps parents find their own agency through simple buffering tools. Her goal is to ensure that the next generation gets the best start possible through science and compassion.
Key Takeaways
The fetus is an active participant in development, responding constantly to the mother’s internal biological and emotional signals.
Incredible brain activity occurs in utero, with 40,000 new synapses forming every second during the peak of the third trimester.
Maternal stress can alter the connectivity between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, affecting a child's future emotional regulation.
Unpredictable or chaotic maternal mood signals in pregnancy can prime the fetus’s sensory systems to be overly vigilant.
We can buffer stress by practicing mindfulness, using a worry book for sleep, and focusing on our capacity to be alone.


Resources
Dr. Catherine Monk at Columbia University: https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/profile/catherine-e-monk-phd

Perinatal Pathways Laboratory Website: https://www.perinatalpathways.org

Dr. Catherine Monk's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherine-monk-1956473

Guest Bio: Catherine Monk, PhD, is the inaugural Diana Vagelos Professor of Women’s Mental Health in the Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology and Professor of Medical Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Columbia University Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons and Research Scientist VI at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. Dr. Monk is also the founding director of Women’s Mental Health @Ob/Gyn.
Ready to Connect with Greer?
"Nurture Neuroscience" Website:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum
FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress
FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting
Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution

How can we continue to mother our children and find deep connection even after experiencing profound loss?
Kristin Mundy was born to be a doula. She started as a "mother's helper" when she was just a kid and spent years working in education and as a nanny. About eight years ago, she felt a "light bulb moment" and decided to become a full-time doula. Her life and career changed forever when she went through her own heartbreaking journey of loss. After a miscarriage and the stillbirth of her daughter, Vienna, Kristen realized that our society really drops the ball when it comes to supporting grieving parents.
She faced the massive challenge of navigating a medical system that didn't always listen and a world that is often afraid of grief. She then went through another loss with her son, William, before eventually welcoming her rainbow baby daughter. These experiences led to a major transformation in her work. She shifted her focus to bereavement and pregnancy after loss, helping other moms navigate the "gap in care" she experienced herself. Kristen learned that even when a baby isn't here physically, you never stop being their mother. She chose to bond deeply with her babies despite the fear, and she now helps others find that same connection. She teaches us that grief is just love with nowhere to go. By sharing her story, she gives mothers permission to take up space and honor their unique paths to healing.
Key Takeaways
Grief is essentially love that has nowhere to go, and it is vital to acknowledge this deep connection even after a loss.
Mothers have full permission to continue mothering their children who have passed by creating rituals, memories, and space for them in the family.
Pregnancy after loss is a unique trauma that requires specialized support to help mothers manage valid fears and anxieties every single day.
Connection with a baby is possible and important even during a high-risk pregnancy because that time together is a miracle regardless of the outcome.
Finding a village that can sit with you in your pain is essential because society often struggles to support those navigating profound grief.

Resources
The Doula Life's Website: https://www.thedoulalife.ca

The Doula Life's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.doula.life

Guest Bio: Kristin Mundy is a doula who specializes in bereavement and pregnancy after loss. She is also a childbirth educator, a loss mom, and a mother of a rainbow baby. She has been a full-time doula for over eight years and is dedicated to bridging the gaps in care for mothers navigating loss and the journey thereafter.

Ready to Connect with Greer?
"Nurture Neuroscience" Website:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum
FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress
FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting":https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting
Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book:https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution