Autism Dadcast

You sit down with the paediatrician. You've got half an hour. You know the
first 20 minutes will be you trying to prove your child is different to every
other child in that waiting room - and you'll walk out no further forward.

Orrin Benford knows that feeling. After a year of being fobbed off across GPs,
neurologists and urologists for his daughter Indie, he stopped trying to
remember everything off the top of his head and built something that did it
for him. This episode is about what happens when parents stop fighting and
start advocating - with the full picture, not a half-remembered one.

In this episode: Orrin's journey from digital-nomad life to full-time parent
carer in Australia, why so many parents feel gaslit by the system, the
difference between fighting and effective advocacy, and how technology is
finally letting parents drive change instead of waiting for the system to
catch up.

🔑 Key moments:
- 00:38 — Orrin's story: England, Australia, and an airport on Christmas Day
- 04:29 — The seizure the day after Indie's first birthday
- 12:15 — Healthcare in Australia vs the UK vs Dubai
- 17:05 — Why parents hand over "dirty, incomplete data"
- 19:22 — The two-page summary that changed everything
- 25:16 — Why it's not gaslighting, but it feels like it
- 37:35 — The handovers, the ring binders, and the things you forget
- 46:19 — The things that break parents are the things that didn't need to happen

If this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review - it helps other parents find us.

Follow Orrin: @OrrinBenford | The app: @theindiapp

#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

Adam Parkinson came on this week. One of the Two Mr. Ps. Teaching assistant. Podcaster. Dad of two — a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old autistic son called Max.
We talked about Max. We talked about the plane aisle moment his wife filmed without telling him, that went viral and started everything. We talked about siblings, and what it means to watch your daughter try not to look upset when her brother destroys her Barbie Dream House. We talked about online trolls, the dads' WhatsApp group, and the time a stranger told him celebrating his son's diagnosis was "like celebrating your kid having cancer."
And we talked about the moment in Popeye's last weekend when Max tried a chicken tender for the first time, looked up, and said one word he'd never said before.

Timestamps:
0:00 — SATs week, Popeye's, and a school uniform standoff
3:00 — Meet Adam and the family
4:00 — Spotting it during lockdown
5:18 — You're allowed to mourn the life you planned
6:23 — The plane aisle video that started everything
8:31 — Isla, sibling of the year
10:55 — When the Barbie Dream House got destroyed
11:53 — You can never relax
13:16 — What people don't understand until they live it
15:14 — The small wins nobody else sees
17:25 — Autism top trumps and 23 hours awake
18:30 — Handling violent moments differently after the community
20:07 — Verdict. Great. Outstanding.
21:25 — Are dads in the SEND world overlooked?
24:33 — Permission to talk
26:55 — The celebrating cancer comment
28:13 — Chubby Tommy Robinson and other DMs
31:51 — The dads' WhatsApp army
38:33 — Two Mr. Ps and how it started
49:17 — Pen licences and getting recognised in your swimming shorts
59:55 — Adam's advice to a dad at diagnosis

We ran the London Marathon. We didn't train. We finished it. And then we had a conversation we weren't expecting to have.

Halfway through writing this off as a marathon recap, we ended up admitting something neither of us had said out loud before. We talk a lot about wanting to be around as long as we can for our kids. But if we're honest, we're not always doing the things that would actually make that happen.

This one's got the funny stuff. The rhinos overtaking us. The fireman in full kit with an air canister on his back. The stranger who fed Gaz crisps when his calf cramped outside a pub.

But underneath all of it, the question we couldn't stop asking each other. Are we doing enough? And if we're not, when does that stop?

Timestamps:
0:00 — Medals, recovery, and the post-marathon shock
1:00 — The trainer mistake nobody warned us about
3:30 — Hitting the wall at 25k
4:53 — How slick the event actually was
6:30 — Cody's Sark and looking for Mish in the crowd
7:34 — Tower Bridge and faking it for the BBC camera
8:35 — "I'd love to do it again, but I'd train this time"
9:00 — Why we're already signing up for next year
11:21 — The bug we didn't expect to catch
12:23 — The honest conversation about staying alive
14:14 — What you'd say on your deathbed
16:11 — The other dads getting stuck in19:07 — Sean's response when he saw Mish
19:33 — Ambitious About Autism at mile 25
21:13 — Garmin lies and the 22-mile detour
22:35 — The fridge runner and the dementia genes
23:34 — The best of London on one day
27:19 — Why the donations kept us going
29:51 — The crisps, the IPA and the kindness of strangers
35:01 — Crossing the line and the wave of emotion
35:32 — The voice note that made Gaz cry
36:48 — The school forgot Thomas's good luck present
37:41 — A shout out to Spot Limited
40:11 — Buying us a coffee mid-marathon
41:35 — Adam Parkinson and the Australian app
42:31 — The kick up the arse we needed

We put two sets of questions to the community. One for dads, one for mums. The dads sent seven. The mums sent seventeen. And most of the mums' questions were about how to get their partner on board.
This one hits different. We talk about what happens when you refuse to accept your child's diagnosis. Why dads get left behind. Why mums end up carrying everything. And the moment you have to stop making it about you and start making it about your kid.
We also answer the question nobody wants to think about: what do you actually miss? Not the big stuff. The everyday things that every other parent takes for granted.
If you're a dad still sitting on the fence, this is the one.
Timestamps:0:00 — Marathon panic and stepping in human feces4:39 — Q&A starts: dads' questions5:06 — How did the diagnosis hit you?11:27 — Living in silence and burnout17:33 — Golden hope for adulthood19:25 — Low expectations and why we stop pushing our kids23:05 — Why mums do all the work29:01 — Should the UK adopt autism levels?32:12 — Guilt of calling home from work34:53 — Mums' questions begin35:02 — Why does mum do all the research?39:29 — The wake-up call for dads41:44 — How to support your partner after diagnosis46:42 — Processing trauma of being dismissed52:30 — Coping with isolation1:00:04 — The video that broke us1:02:14 — Advice for grandparents, friends, and family1:10:22 — Coping as a single mum1:14:03 — Keeping calm when professionals fail you1:19:22 — Why is it so hard to be heard?1:22:36 — Unawareness in the medical community1:25:35 — No support after diagnosis1:26:59 — Why aren't there enough specialist schools?1:32:22 — What do dads miss the most?1:36:24 — Supporting a partner as a stepparent1:40:39 — Helping your husband find his tribe

What happens when you die and your child doesn't understand death? What if they just think you walked away?
That's where this conversation ended up. It started with a story about a mum who overheard a dad talking about his autistic son and accused him of saying his life was harder than hers. It turned into something neither Gaz nor Andy were prepared for. Pre-recorded death videos. Whether your child needs to see your body. The arithmetic of outliving someone who might never understand why you're not there anymore.
They also talk about why parents of high-functioning autistic children are often fighting the system harder than anyone else, why dads stop telling their mates anything, and what happens when you've been in combat mode so long you can't switch it off.
Plus: the Guardian photoshoot, the London Marathon in two weeks, a game-changing app for SEND parents landing in the UK, and Sean ran another half marathon for fun.
0:00 — Back from Cyprus, the Guardian photoshoot4:23 — The pronoun conversation follow-up5:37 — The dad who stopped telling his mates7:21 — The mum who switched9:39 — The "top trumps" problem in the community13:47 — Luke's story: when your child can't live with you16:04 — What happens when I die?17:33 — The pre-recorded death video18:40 — Love on the Spectrum and the parents who can't grow old22:30 — Everyone's struggles are relative27:51 — The system was worse 30 years ago34:24 — The Discord and epic fails43:16 — The app that's going to change things45:29 — London Marathon and Ambitious About Autism50:22 — Why we're terrible at replying to messages
If this helped, subscribe and leave a review. It helps other parents find us.
#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND