“The Ululations and Throatations of the Situation” (Sweet Valley High #66, Who’s to Blame?)
This week, we have the fallout from Tahoe in the second book of the trilogy dealing with the Wakefields’ marital drama.When their parents separate, the twins adapt as best they can, with Liz “running away” (aka sleeping at Enid’s for one night) and Jess leveraging parental guilt to get extra money for western wear.Plus, Jess finally plans to meet the mysterious “Charlie” she’s been talking to on a party line. Join us as we brace for the stunning reveal in “The Ululations and Throatations of the Situation” (Sweet Valley High #66, Who’s to Blame?).
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1:07:42
“The Rabbit and The Hare“ (Sweet Valley High Super Star #2, Bruce’s Story)
This week, it’s Succession meets Flea Market Flip when grandfather Patman announces a cutthroat competition between Bruce and Roger, and the stakes couldn’t be higher: the keys to the Patman estate.Along the way, we discuss embarrassing moments (coulda been Alanis!), heterosocial friendships, and slow-flushing toilets in “The Rabbit and The Hare“ (Sweet Valley High Super Star #2, Bruce’s Story).
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1:22:37
“The World is Imploding; Pass the Salad Tongs” (Sweet Valley High #65, Trouble at Home)
*** updated ***This week, we look into the void and come face-to-face with our own obsolescence. Pardo has made the fatal error of prompting ChatGPT to write an episode script in our voices, and when we do a live table read, the results are terrifyingly accurate.Meanwhile in Sweet Valley, marital tensions are escalating at the Wakefield home, so Jess escapes to a happier place—a teen party line that charges a dollar a minute! When she starts getting to know the mysterious “Charlie,” we wonder whether he’ll turn out to be a child, a 43-year-old line cook named Dwayne, or (most terrifying of all) just plain ugly!Join us as everything we hold dear is shaken to its core in “The World is Imploding; Pass the Salad Tongs” (Sweet Valley High #65, Trouble at Home).
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1:04:34
“The Most Chilling Chef’s Salad in History” (Sweet Valley High #64, The Ghost of Tricia Martin)
There’s a new girl in town, and—wouldn’t you know it—she looks just like Steven’s dead girlfriend, Tricia Martin! This throws Steven into a state of delusion and psychosis, setting the stage for a horror film that would make Hitchcock herself jealous. Meanwhile, Jess embraces green juice and recycling as she sets her sights on a new boy with an eco-friendly lifestyle. Underneath his “No Nukes” T-shirt is, after all, a lean physique.Join us as we explore manic pixie dream ghosts, discuss pathologized grief, and pray for Steven’s untimely death, in “The Most Chilling Chef’s Salad in History” (Sweet Valley High #64, The Ghost of Tricia Martin).
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1:10:24
“I Noticed the Surfboard Gave You a Pretty Good Spanking” (Sweet Valley High #63, The New Elizabeth)
Note: Readers are advised to read this book with a pair of scissors in hand.Sick of being pigeonholed as predictable and boring, Liz decides to surprise everyone by secretly taking surfing lessons. To her (and our) delight, she turns out to be quite the little surfer girl, inadvertently referencing the song Robert’s parents danced to at their bar mitzvah!As Liz leans in and hangs ten, the hearts of little Becky, adult Becky, and adult Robert begin to soar with the promise of (completely developmentally appropriate) adolescent identity experimentation.Meanwhile, Jess engages in “boutique terrorism” (hey, we’ve all been to the Gap–we know what the fitting room can look like) to get back at Caroline Pearce for… something?Join us as we discuss the finer points of surfing, learn why you should never Google your heroes, and do some crucial inner child work, in “I Noticed the Surfboard Gave You a Pretty Good Spanking” (Sweet Valley High #63, The New Elizabeth).
Sweet Valley Hive is the hottest new book club to hit the school! Join us (Robert Marx, newbie and Rebecca Pardo, superfan) as we neurotically parse the text, subtext, and outfits of Sweet Valley High, the beloved soapy series of the 80s. From school dances to amnesia to hysterical paralysis, we’ll cover the trials and tribulations of America’s most troubled and triumphant twins.
Ireland