Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

• The Paradox of ADHD Impulsivity: Both Gift and Liability in Our Most Intimate Relationships with Melissa Orlov

  What if the very quality that makes those early, intoxicating moments of romance so vibrant—the spontaneous weekend getaway, the surprise bouquet of flowers—later becomes the source of relationship friction? The human brain, particularly one wired with ADHD, contains multitudes of contradictions, and nowhere is this more evident than in how impulsivity shapes our intimate partnerships.This week on the show, relationship expert Melissa Orlov peels back the layers of impulsive behavior in ADHD relationships with Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer. Pete's personal confession—renting a convertible for a romantic coastal drive during courtship, then later purchasing an entire car during what should have been a routine oil change—illuminates the Jekyll-and-Hyde nature of impulsivity that Melissa has observed in thousands of couples."It came from somewhere," Melissa notes of impulsive words and actions that wound our partners. But where? The answer lies in a neurological tightrope walk between present-moment reward and long-term relationship consequences. The ADHD partner experiences the euphoria of now, while their significant other bears witness to the aftermath, creating an asymmetrical emotional experience that compounds over time.What of verbal impulsivity—those cutting remarks that can never be unsaid? Melissa offers a revelation that ADHD partners are "blessed with the ability to move on quickly," while non-ADHD partners ruminate, creating relationship dissonance long after the moment has passed.Let us take our cues from Melissa's "verbal cues," pattern interrupters in relationship conflict. The deliberate absurdity of an agreed-upon word like "hamburger" or "aardvark" serves as a circuit breaker during emotional escalation—a linguistic tool that transcends the heat of argument to preserve relationship integrity. It's a Safe Word, but for your ADHD.This is an invitation to understand how neurological differences fundamentally shape our perception of time, commitment, and connection—and how awareness of these differences might just be the greatest relationship skill we can develop.Links & NotesADHD MarriageIntent to Action Membership ProgramThe ADHD Effect on MarriageThe Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHDSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (00:39) - Support the Show! Become a Patron! (01:40) - Introducing Melissa Orlov (06:58) - Auto-Impulsivity (09:32) - Impulsivity is Not a Monolith (12:38) - How We Fight (15:22) - Trust & Boundaries (19:10) - Fidelity (20:43) - Breaking out of Impulsive Patterns in Relationships (25:16) - Collaborating with the Non-Impulsive Partner (31:19) - Transparency (34:24) - Emotional Dysregulation & Verbal Cues (41:30) - Learn more about Melissa's work ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

  --------  

  43:33
• Love, Attention, and the Invisible Chasm of ADHD with Jonathan Hassall

  Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of a canyon. One, tethered to the rhythms of neurotypical expectation—cause and effect, action and consequence—a world in which forgotten keys are just that: forgotten keys. The other, moving through a landscape of impulsivity, of fractured attention, of a thousand micro-failures that feel, at times, like an existential indictment. They love each other. They try to reach across the chasm. But the bridge they need is invisible.This week on The ADHD Podcast, Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer embark on a three-part exploration into ADHD and relationships. Their guide this first week: Jonathan Hassall, an ADHD and executive function coach with a background in psychiatric nursing and ADHD research. Jonathan has spent years decoding the paradoxes that arise when ADHD meets the relentless machinery of relationships.Why do partners of those with ADHD feel unheard? Why does an innocuous comment about condiments over lunch spiral into a silent war? Why do people with ADHD sometimes feel like perpetual disappointments in the eyes of those they love? And is there a way—a real, tangible way—to undo the corrosive misunderstandings that accumulate over years, even decades?Jonathan argues that the real problem isn’t ADHD itself. It’s adaptation—or rather, the failure to adapt. The rules of engagement in relationships often assume a kind of neurological symmetry that simply doesn’t exist when one or both partners have ADHD. And when partners misinterpret behavior—when forgetfulness looks like indifference, when emotional reactivity looks like hostility—the result is a slow erosion of trust.But what if there were another way? A way to recalibrate, to assume goodwill, to dismantle the myths and rebuild a foundation not on correction, but on understanding? From the science of emotional regulation to the power of a single moment of grace, Pete, Nikki, and Jonathan dissect the anatomy of ADHD relationships and ask the most fundamental question of all: What does it take to be truly seen?Links & Resources:Jonathan’s book: Decoding DoingLearn more about Jonathan Hassall’s work at ConnectADHD CoachingJoin the ADHD community on Discord: TakeControlADHD.com/discordSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (01:00) - Support the Show on Discord, Socials and Patreon! (01:58) - Introducing Jonathan Hassall (02:54) - ADHD & Relationships ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

  --------  

  1:04:03
• How ADHD Shapes Our Connections: A Primer on Love, Friendship, and Communication

  ADHD doesn’t just complicate relationships—it shapes them. From romantic partnerships to friendships, family dynamics, and workplace interactions, the traits of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity ripple across every connection. Romantic relationships often bear the brunt, with ADHD symptoms leading to miscommunication, frustration, and even intimacy challenges. Couples may struggle with mismatched libidos, impulsive behaviors, or emotional dysregulation, but understanding ADHD’s role can transform these struggles into opportunities for deeper connection.Family and professional relationships, too, are affected. ADHD parents often wrestle with providing structure or consistent discipline, creating chaotic home environments that strain relationships with children and partners. At work, impulsivity, time management issues, and difficulty following through on commitments can complicate team dynamics and career growth. Socially, the ADHD brain’s challenges with focus and emotional regulation can lead to feelings of rejection or isolation, making it harder to build and sustain friendships.The science behind these struggles lies in the ADHD brain itself. Impaired dopamine regulation impacts empathy, social cognition, and emotional recognition, all of which play critical roles in relationships. Comorbid conditions like anxiety, depression, or substance use disorders further complicate matters, while genetic factors often ripple across generations, creating patterns of behavior that shape family and social dynamics. But the good news? With the right diagnosis, treatment, and tools, ADHDers can overcome these challenges and thrive in their relationships.In this episode, Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright explore the intersection of ADHD and relationships, unpacking the science, the stories, and the strategies that foster connection. From structured communication techniques to empathy-building exercises, they offer actionable advice to help ADHDers and their loved ones navigate challenges and unlock the unique strengths ADHD brings to relationships. Whether you’re navigating romance, family life, or professional interactions, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to better understand ADHD’s role in human connection.Links & NotesSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:29) - ADHD Relationships ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

  --------  

  24:47
• The Hidden Storm of ADHD: Emotional Dysregulation & RSD

  Emotional dysregulation is one of ADHD’s most disruptive yet overlooked symptoms. It’s not just a passing mood or a fleeting frustration. For those with ADHD, emotions can spiral into sudden waves of intensity—anger, hurt, joy, or anxiety—seemingly out of nowhere. This week, Nikki and Pete explore the science and strategies behind this turbulent experience, offering insights to help listeners navigate its challenges.At its core, emotional dysregulation is the brain’s difficulty managing emotions effectively. The overactive amygdala—the emotional alarm center—reacts strongly, while the underactive prefrontal cortex struggles to rein it in. When dopamine levels are low, the prefrontal cortex can’t regulate the amygdala, resulting in overwhelming emotional reactions. These aren’t just limited to anger or sadness; moments of extreme joy, excitement, or frustration can also feel uncontainable.And then we have our dear friend, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a particularly painful form of emotional dysregulation. RSD amplifies the sting of perceived rejection or criticism to an intense, often unbearable level. These emotional wounds, though short-lived, can ripple through relationships, self-esteem, and productivity. Many people find themselves stuck in cycles of avoidance, self-doubt, and shame, all of which undermine their ability to connect with others and move forward in their lives.But there is hope. It turns out there are actually actionable strategies to manage emotional dysregulation, from mindfulness practices and therapy to building awareness of emotional triggers. Simple steps, like labeling emotions, taking deep breaths, or stepping away to reset, can make a real difference. For some, professional help, whether through coaching, medication, or therapy, provides essential tools to regain emotional balance and build resilience.This episode sheds light on a hidden aspect of ADHD that affects everything from relationships to self-esteem. It’s a reminder that while emotional dysregulation is challenging, it’s also manageable with the right tools, support, and understanding.Links & NotesADDitude: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and Emotional DysregulationBeyond BookSmart: ADHD and Emotional DysregulationEmotion dysregulation and right pars orbitalis constitute a neuropsychological pathway to attention deficit hyperactivity disorderUncovering the Roots and Evolution of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - Neurodivergent InsightsRejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD with Dr. William Dodson — Take Control ADHDSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:16) - Support the Show: Become a Patron at patreon.com/theadhdpodcast (03:07) - Emotional Dysregulation (14:06) - The RSD Connection (19:33) - So... what do you do? ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

  --------  

  28:11
• Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: Why ADHD Turns Choices Into Mazes

  Why is making a decision sometimes the hardest thing in the world? For those with ADHD, the labyrinth of choices can feel impossibly complex. Each twist and turn demands attention and energy—resources that are already stretched thin. This week Nikki and Pete peel back the layers of decision-making through the ADHD lens, unraveling why such a seemingly simple act can feel like scaling a mountain.At the heart of it lies one of ADHD’s most challenging riddles: the executive functions. These are the mental tools we use to plan, prioritize, organize, and remember, but for those with ADHD, these tools often feel dull or misplaced. Enter the paradox of choice. Too many options? Paralysis. Too much time? Overthinking. Too little time? Impulsivity. Each scenario is riddled with traps.Decision-making with ADHD is an art, not a science. It’s messy, it’s nonlinear, and it requires flexibility and self-compassion. Join Nikki and Pete as they navigate this intricate process, offering insights, stories, and strategies to help you make decisions that feel right—without the second-guessing, the self-doubt, or the endless spiral of overthinking.Links & NotesSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:42) - Become a Patron • Support the Show! (02:44) - Decisions, Decisions, Decisions! (25:40) - This is the How-To Part ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

  --------  

  40:33

More Health & Wellness podcasts

Trending Health & Wellness podcasts

About Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast: Podcasts in Family