The Breakup Debrief Podcast

She thought she was the strong one. The one holding the relationship together. The one who had it all under control.And then a relationship counsellor looked her in the eye & said- you're the codependent one 🤯This week Kelly is getting personal again. She shares the moment she was introduced to the word codependency & the journey from confusion and offence to complete understanding of how it had quietly shaped her entire marriage.You'll hear:✨ The relationship counsellor session that changed everything & Kelly's very relatable reaction to being told she was the codependent one✨ What codependency actually is & why it can be so easy to mistake it for love, devotion or just being a good partner✨ The difference between anxious attachment & codependency and why one is usually the root of the other✨ Why doing everything, managing everything & holding everything together is not strength, it's a sign✨ What it actually feels like to be the one always giving & never having your own needs fully met✨ The practical steps to start breaking codependent patterns, even if right now you can only notice them & not change them yet✨ How Kelly knows she did the work & what her life looks like now compared to a few years ago (Grey's Anatomy, pyjamas, face mask, no men changing the channel to golf 😂)✨ Why the relationship she has now is so much better because both people have their own identityWhether you're in a relationship, coming out of one, or just trying to understand your own patterns a little better, this episode is for you 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: info@kellyskoaching.com📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

If you've been doing the healing work & you're starting to think about what comes next, this episode is your sign!This week Kelly sits down with Mairéad Loughman, Ireland's leading professional matchmaker & founder of Love HQ, who has helped close to 12,000 people find love since 2016. Mairéad brings the warmth, the wisdom, the straight talk — and the occasional absolutely hilarious reality check that you didn't know you needed ❤️‍🔥Whether you're freshly out of a breakup, have been single for longer than you'd like, or are just dipping your toe back into the dating world- this conversation is for you.You'll hear:✨ How matchmaking actually works in Ireland & why Mairéad thinks it's the country's best kept secret✨ Cuffing season is real & Mairéad's insider tip on exactly when to ramp up your dating game✨ Why so many women find themselves barely dating in their late thirties & the one pattern Mairéad sees almost every single time✨ How to know when you're actually ready to start dating again after a breakup✨ Masculine & feminine energy in dating, what it actually means, why it matters, & Kelly's very relatable story about a first date that went badly wrong✨ Why you should get your photos taken now while the sun is still out 😂✨ The ick- when to listen to it & when to absolutely ignore it✨ Why you need to stop talking to your friends about your relationship & who to talk to instead✨ Your standards aren't too high. His behaviour is too low ❤️‍🔥✨ How to communicate your standards early without being a "nag" & the two types of men you'll meet when you do✨ Why the most important decision you will ever make is who you choose to have children with✨ Some of the best days of your life are yet to happen ❤️‍🔥Find Mairéad:🌐 lovehq.ie📲 Instagram & TikTok: @lovehq.ie🎙️ Podcasts: Would Like to Meet & Tough Love with Stephanie ReganLinks & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: info@kellyskoaching.com📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

You've done some healing. Time has passed. And now you're starting to think about the future, about maybe meeting someone again, opening up, falling in love.

& then that thought arrives. What if it doesn't work out either?

What if you go through all of that again, the trust, the vulnerability, the plans, the investment & you end up right back here, heartbroken all over again?

This week Kelly is talking about that fear. The one that doesn't get spoken about enough. The one she cried about in a women's circle a few months after her own breakup. & the one she knows thousands of people are carrying too.

You'll hear:
✨ The memory that prompted this episode, Kelly opening up in a women's circle about her fear of putting herself out there again & the girl across the circle who said she felt it too
✨ Why this fear makes complete, primitive, neurological sense & the iron plate analogy that explains it perfectly
✨ The difference between staying single because you genuinely want to and staying single because you're scared- & why only one of those is okay
✨ Why the goal is not to stop the fear, it's to feel it & do it anyway
✨ The one thing that will actually help you overcome it & it has nothing to do with finding the right person
✨ Why Kelly's second breakup was worse than her divorce, but why she recovered from it faster
✨ The foundation concept- what it is, how to build it & why it means that if things go wrong again, you won't be starting from zero
✨ The role of vulnerability in new relationships & how Kelly had to consciously push herself to be open again after her marriage ended
✨ Why love is still worth it- even knowing the risk

Some things are worth the fear. Love is one of them 💚

Links & Resources
📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: info@kellyskoaching.com
📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching
🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

Why did I stay so long? Why did I let it go that far? I should have seen it sooner. I should have left sooner.

If you've ever said any of those things to yourself, this episode is for you.

This week, prompted by a listener question, Kelly is tackling one of the most common things that comes up with her clients, the shame of staying. Why we do it, why it makes complete sense, & why you need to stop kicking yourself for it right now.

You'll hear:

✨ Why staying in a relationship you know isn't right for you doesn't make you weak or stupid, it makes you human
✨ Why you can see your friend's situation clearly but can't see your own & the emotional investment that explains it
✨ The real reasons women stay; anxious attachment, low self-worth, sunk cost, biological clock, fear of being alone & the one that catches almost everyone: potential
✨ Why being a fixer & seeing potential in someone is one of the most common reasons women stay far longer than they should
✨ The difference between a hard relationship worth working on & one where you're the only one doing the work
✨ The compassion tool; how to treat yourself the way you'd treat your best friend if she came to you with this exact story
✨ What to do if you have a friend who you can see should leave & why telling her to leave is probably making things worse
✨ How to actually help her instead

You loved him. What else were you supposed to do? Stop carrying the shame of staying. You're out now & that's all that matters 💚

Links & Resources
📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: info@kellyskoaching.com
📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching
🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses drug use, lies & betrayal in relationships. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please take care of yourself first.
A first for The Breakup Debrief & a deeply personal one.
This week Kelly is talking about something that shaped a huge part of her own relationships & marriage, and something that has come up recently with a client- drug use, lying & the very specific kind of betrayal that comes when a partner hides a habit they know you don't want in your relationship.
No judgment here for anyone who uses drugs. This episode is not about that. This is about the lying. The hiding. The gaslighting. And the way being made to feel like the controlling one can make you question your own completely reasonable boundaries.

You'll hear:
✨ Kelly's own experience with drug use & lying in her ten-year relationship &marriage- and how it became less about the weed & more about the betrayal
✨ How an entire friend group was recruited to keep a secret & how the situation was framed to make Kelly look controlling rather than lied to
✨ The moment that changed everything & led to couples counselling before the wedding
✨ Why "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you" is not protection, it's manipulation
✨ How hiding something until feelings are involved & it's harder to leave is also a form of manipulation- even when it's not conscious
✨ Why your boundaries around drug use are completely valid & you don't have to justify them to anyone
✨ The difference between the drugs & the lying and why you're entitled to treat them as two completely separate issues
✨ The murder analogy that will make complete sense when you hear it 😂
✨ Why if your partner doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs, that is their decision to make- full stop

Your values don't have to match exactly. But they do need to align. And you never have to change yours just because someone else thinks you should 💚

Links & Resources
📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: info@kellyskoaching.com
📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching
🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree