The Modern Man Podcast

Pat Barber trained everyone from beginners to elite CrossFit Games athletes for 20+ years — and none of it prepared him for the real work of raising four boys. He joins Ted Phaeton on The Modern Man Podcast to unpack the family motto that became his brand, the co-regulation truth every dad needs to hear, and why fathers don't need more motivation or information — they need action.
 
Pat is a longtime fitness coach and the founder of The Father's Guild (a men's community on Skool launching alongside this episode). His signature family motto — Harder to Kill, Easier to Love — is the two-dimensional standard he's helping fathers build their lives around.
 
In this conversation: why parenthood is your next opponent (and it's not your kid, it's you), the four-nervous-system reality of raising four boys (each one progressively harder), the fatherhood regulation stack (movement + food + personal time + honesty at every level), the 9.99-vs-12.99 confession that revealed even his own "little lies" were undermining his regulation, why fathers need action instead of more information, the self-efficacy ladder from Dr. Bandura (vicarious experiences + verbal persuasion + community + small successes), Pat's contrarian reframe that "the gym is fake stress" and why training to "look good naked" is short-sighted, distress vs. eustress (recovery is what turns stress into growth), Victor Frankl's rule that any amount of suffering fills the human soul equally, and Pat's honest closing answer about his own damaged relationship with money and clout.
 
Chapters:
00:00 Your Next Opponent Is You
01:29 Welcome Brother — Ted's Intro
03:48 Harder to Kill, Easier to Love
06:32 Ted's Girl-Dad Range
08:09 The Parenting Realization
11:19 The Unspoken Communication Shift
13:10 Co-Regulation
14:31 Four Boys, Four Nervous Systems
18:17 The Fatherhood Regulation Stack
20:13 Why Pat Started Waking Up Early
22:59 Honesty as the Foundation
25:42 The $9.99 vs. $12.99 Confession
27:16 Fathers Need Action, Not Information
31:31 Self-Efficacy — The Ignition Switch
32:31 Vicarious Experiences & Small Wins
36:17 The Gym Is Fake Stress
37:20 The Anti-Vanity Callout
39:22 Ted on Hyrox Training
42:55 Distress vs. Eustress
45:41 Breath Work
48:11 Frankl's Rule on Suffering
50:42 The Nines and Tens of Life
51:02 Where to Find Pat
52:20 The Heaviest Question
56:56 Ted's Recap
 
🤝 Connect with Pat Barber: 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thefathersguild
Website: https://www.thefathersguild.com/
The Tool Box : https://toolbox.thefathersguild.com/
Community: The Father's Guild on Skool Everywhere: 
Join The Guild
skool.com: Thefathersguild



👉🏿  About The Modern Man: The Modern Man is here to provide the structural discipline required for men to scale their impact while enforcing a strict sovereign life.
 
Tools of Time Course: Master your daily structure: Tools of Time
 
Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook
 
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#modernmanpodcast #nobleknights #patbarber #fatherhood #hardertokill #mensmentalhealth #dadlife

Joel Gandara fled Cuba on an overcrowded boat at age 4, grew up in poverty, and built and sold a multi-million-dollar men's apparel company — without ever having a master plan. He joins Ted Phaeton on The Modern Man Podcast to unpack the arc, the tactics, and the brotherhood he now runs for men who want more.
 
Joel is a Cuban refugee, a former apparel entrepreneur (he acquired 13 of 14 businesses that weren't publicly for sale — using handwritten notes as the opening move), and the founder of 31 Daily Challenges and The Brotherhood — an invitation-only community of 119 men across the country who meet the standard through his 31-day challenge process. His wife runs the equivalent for women.
 
In this conversation: the Garbage Pail Kids origin story (fourth-grade entrepreneur, out of necessity), why he never had a master plan and figured everything out along the way, the $160K cash-withdrawal moment that shifted his identity, why 100% of his risks got green-lit by his wife (and the exit-plan discipline that earned that trust), the organize-organize-organize principle that made his apparel company sale-ready without a scramble, the handwritten-note tactic that led to 13 acquisitions, the Brotherhood model (invitation-only, intentionally slow-growth, 2–5 new invites per class), why the lone wolf is losing more than he thinks, how to vet mentors ("how are they living, not what they show"), the anti-vanity discipline ($49 Timex, no mortgage, used truck bought cash — the more things you own, the more things break), and the line every married man should stitch on his wall: pick the damn place.
Chapters:
00:00 If It Was All You Knew
02:33 Growing Up in Poverty
04:50 The Garbage Pail Kids Hustle
07:21 Building a Multi-Million-Dollar Business
10:36 The $160K Identity Shift
12:57 The Midas-Touch Trap
13:22 Risk & Marriage
16:22 Organize Your Business
19:24 From Business to Brotherhood
22:40 Accountability & Brotherhood
27:31 The Lone Wolf
30:18 Choosing the Right Mentors
33:04 Success Without the Vanity
36:05 The 31-Day Challenge
39:05 The Handwritten Note
41:05 Face Your Fears
41:27 Be the Man
43:28 She's Not a Mind Reader
44:21 The Bigger Vision
46:53 Failure as a Gift
48:35 Ted's Recap
Community: The Brotherhood (invitation-only, after the 31-day challenge)
🤝 Connect with Joel Gandara: 
Web: 
               joelgandara.com
              31dailychallenges.com
YouTube: @JoelGandara
LinkedIn: joel_gandara
Facebook: joel_gandara.
Instagram: joelgandara
 
🤝 Connect with Jessica  Gandara.: 
Tiktok: @jessica.gandara3
X: @jessicagandara
YouTube: @jessicagandara24
 
👉🏿  About The Modern Man: The Modern Man is here to provide the structural discipline required for men to scale their impact while enforcing a strict sovereign life.
 
Tools of Time Course: Master your daily structure: Tools of Time
 
Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook
 
⚔️JOIN THE NOBLE KNIGHTS MASTERMIND⚔️
https://themodernmanpodcast.com/thenobleknights 
 
🫱🏿‍🫲🏾CONNECT WITH THE MODERN MAN🫱🏿‍🫲🏾
Visit our website: themodernmanshow.com
Follow us on Twitter: TheModernMan8 
Follow us on Instagram: @TheModernManShow 
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: The Modern Man
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessgandara/

Daryl Williams Jr. was called a "detriment to student safety" his first year teaching. Two years later he was Teacher of the Year. He did it twice. On The Modern Man Podcast, Daryl sits down with Ted Phaeton to break down the transformation, the ceiling moment that made him walk away from his dream job, and the 3 Drivers of New Teacher Retention that any leader (in any industry) can steal.
 
Daryl is an educator, speaker, author of 99% Human, 1% Amazing, and the founder of a teacher-retention consulting company he launched in 2021 after sitting in a principal's chair being told he couldn't earn more than $64K as a first-year assistant principal despite years of impact. His mission: guide a million students toward lives of choice, not circumstance.
 
In this conversation: the terrible-teacher-to-2x-Teacher-of-the-Year transition (and what actually changed on the inside), the 99% Human / 1% Amazing framework (the DNA thesis that reframes your superpower), non-cognitive skills as the real predictor of long-term success (backed by University of Chicago research), the difference between settling and being content, the runaway question every operator needs to ask themselves — are you running to something or running from something — the 3 Drivers of New Teacher Retention (relevant far beyond education), the parent-teacher engagement research that fathers especially need to hear, and Daryl's signature line — everything is figure-outable.
 
Chapters:
00:00 Detriment to student safety
01:28 Welcome brother — Ted's intro 
02:02 Terrible teacher (everybody said so) 
03:38 The transition — MVP over Rookie of the Year 
05:22 What authentic leadership actually is 
07:44 99% Human, 1% Amazing (the DNA thesis) 
10:14 Ikigai and the trap of working only on your weaknesses 
12:26 Who wrote the script? (Ted's reframe) 
14:17 Chart your own path — Thoreau's rule 
17:20 Non-cognitive skills as the real predictor of success 
20:06 Growth mindset — Carol Dweck research + Chicago data 
21:48 Settling vs. being content 
23:30 Ted's own apartment-in-Greenville revelation (28 years old)
25:34 Daryl's ceiling moment — the $64K conversation 
28:11 How to actually stop teacher turnover 
30:37 The salary question (and what it reveals) 
32:27 Change happens inside before outside 
32:48 THE 3 DRIVERS OF NEW TEACHER RETENTION 
33:57 Who needs to hear this most — teachers vs. leaders 
36:02 Leaving loud (Mick Unplugged's frame) 
37:17 Running to vs. running from 
39:48 Parents — the question nobody's asked 
42:49 The father-engagement research every dad should hear 
44:28 Master the subjects that matter (grit, resilience, tenacity) 
46:13 Ted on pledging a fraternity and "figure it out" 
47:31 Where to find Daryl 
48:58 The heaviest question — called for greater 
50:34 Ted's recap
 
🤝 Connect with Daryl Williams Jr.: 
Web: darylwilliamsjr.com
YouTube: h@DarylWilliamsJrOfficial
Libsyn: @darylwilliamsjr
Facebook: @darylwilliamsII
Instagram: @darylwilliams__
Everywhere: @DarylWilliamsJr (1R, 1L) 
Book: 99% Human, 1% Amazing Booking: 2026 & 2027 school partnerships — year-long teacher retention program
 
👉🏿  About The Modern Man: The Modern Man is here to provide the structural discipline required for men to scale their impact while enforcing a strict sovereign life.
 
Tools of Time Course: Master your daily structure: Tools of Time
 
Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook
 
⚔️JOIN THE NOBLE KNIGHTS MASTERMIND⚔️
https://themodernmanpodcast.com/thenobleknights 
 
🫱🏿‍🫲🏾CONNECT WITH THE MODERN MAN🫱🏿‍🫲🏾
Visit our website: themodernmanshow.com
Follow us on Twitter: TheModernMan8 
Follow us on Instagram: @TheModernManShow 
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: The Modern Man
#modernmanpodcast #nobleknights #darylwilliams #teacherretention #mensleadership #fatherhood #growthmindset

I wasted 15 years of my sex life. Alex Grendi, former professional soccer player turned certified men's sex coach, joins Ted Phaeton on The Modern Man Podcast to talk about the silent battle 20 to 30 percent of men face — performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, ED — and the 4-step method he uses to fix it.
 
Alex spent 15 years battling this himself while competing at the elite athletic level, hiding it behind marijuana and locker-room bravado. This is the conversation that unpacks how sexual confidence directly shapes how a man shows up in business, leadership, and marriage — and the exact steps to reclaim it. Alex walks through the Superior Lovers 4-step method: nervous-system regulation (why porn/masturbation-free weeks reveal your real stress load), non-genital pleasure and sound expression (the shame most men carry), edging as exposure therapy for arousal, and separating orgasm from ejaculation. Plus: why Kegels are an emergency brake and not a solution, why sobriety was Alex's real turning point, and Ted's rule — you can't heal what you don't reveal.
 
Chapters:
00:00 15 Years Wasted
01:44 Welcome, Brother — Ted's Intro
02:22 "Sex Felt Like Something I Had to Get Through"
03:39 How Every Man Ends Up in the Loop
05:59 Elite Athlete on the Outside, Suffering on the Inside
08:16 The Whiskey Dick Problem (And What Research Actually Says)
09:28 The Turning Point — Sobriety & Self-Discovery
10:36 Sexual Health IS Health
13:52 What Semen Retention Actually Is (It's NOT NoFap)
16:30 How to Move Your Sexual Energy
19:00 Ted on Breaking His Own Porn Habit
21:17 The Layers Underneath "Boredom"
22:46 What "Superior Lover" Actually Means
24:25 Why the "Quick Tip" Won't Fix It
26:56 STEP 1 — Stress Regulation & Nervous System Awareness
28:57 Ted's Ice Bath Aha Moment (120 BPM → 68 BPM)
30:03 The Ice Bath Erection Challenge 😂
31:01 STEP 2 — Non-Genital Touch & Sound Expression
33:52 The *When Harry Met Sally* Reversal
37:19 STEP 3 — Edging & the Stop-Start Method
41:28 The Kegel Myth-Buster (Emergency Brake, Not a Solution)
43:33 STEP 4 — Separating Orgasm from Ejaculation
45:35 The Taboo That Keeps Men Stuck
47:28 30–50% of Men Have Experienced This
48:50 "You Can't Heal What You Don't Reveal"
49:18 The Ejaculation Replacement Technique
50:39 Where to Find Alex
51:56 What Changed How Alex Sees the World (Sobriety)
53:21 Ted's Final Takeaways & Closing Thoughts
 
🤝 Connect with Alex Grendi: 
 Website: alexgrendi.com 
YouTube Channels: 
Alex Grendi
Alex Grendi Coaching
Instagram:  @alex.grendi



Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: Call, Text, or Chat 988 
 
👉🏿  About The Modern Man: The Modern Man is here to provide the structural discipline required for men to scale their impact while enforcing a strict sovereign life.
 
Tools of Time Course: Master your daily structure: Tools of Time
 
Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook
 
⚔️JOIN THE NOBLE KNIGHTS MASTERMIND⚔️
thenobleknights 
 
🫱🏿‍🫲🏾CONNECT WITH THE MODERN MAN🫱🏿‍🫲🏾
Visit our website: themodernmanshow.com
Follow us on Twitter: TheModernMan8 
Follow us on Instagram: @TheModernManShow 
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: The Modern Man

Ex-Special Forces commando Tim Thomas on why elite soldiers break — and the 10 minutes a day that fix every exhausted man. From down under, Tim joins Ted Phaeton on The Modern Man Podcast to unpack the Performance Pyramid, the Two Golden 5-Minute Windows, and the warfare tactic he learned in Afghanistan that maps directly to how modern men are burning themselves out.
 
Tim served with Australian Special Forces in Afghanistan, competed as a pro MMA fighter, survived PTSD, and has spent the last decade in the veteran recovery space. He's the founder of Breathwork in Bed (an app, a method, and a movement), author of Fight, Flight, Feel, and has raised over $1M for veteran mental health research. His message is simple — most men are trying to fix their life while exhausted. Fix the sleep first, everything else follows.
 
In this conversation: the Performance Pyramid (outcomes → actions → rest/recovery/healing art forms — and why most men build only the top two), the bow-and-arrow reframe for rest days ("bow days"), self-worth as our real center of gravity, how pain transforms into loneliness and isolation and what breaks it, the "energetic millionaire" metaphor, Tim's own path through the crushing weight of defeat, and the tactical spine — the 5 minutes before sleep + 5 minutes upon waking that determine the shape of your entire day. Plus: why breath outranks thinking, why the presence of oxygen is the absence of disease, and Tim's invitation to Ted (and to you) — the Breathwork in Bed 28-day challenge.
 
Chapters:
00:00 Elite soldiers break — not from lack of strength, from lack of recovery
01:42 Welcome brother — Ted's intro
02:12 The performance question no training manual prepares you for 02:55 The 20s vs. the rest of your life 
03:15 The Performance Pyramid (outcomes → actions → rest) 
05:22 Warfare tactic — attack the enemy's sleep, better than a bullet 05:53 Our center of gravity is self-worth 
08:16 Ted on peace in the home 
10:36 The bow-and-arrow reframe — bow days over rest days 
14:02 Solitude vs. isolation 
16:38 The danger age for men — 38 to 42 
17:20 Tim's veteran suicide-prevention work — 40 lives in one year 
21:23 The Noble Knights + the isolation break 
23:14 The question that changes everything — how many other people? 26:04 The firefighter story — the problem wasn't my own 
27:33 The Energetic Millionaire metaphor 
30:37 The research on sleep + testosterone + performance 
32:51 Speaking to the stubborn version of yourself 
35:31 The pyramid vs. pyramid — the competitor's edge 
38:24 THE TWO GOLDEN 5-MINUTE WINDOWS 
40:41 Breath outranks thinking
42:30 What the breath work actually looks like 
45:22 Sleep is the soil from which everything grows
46:27 The Breathwork in Bed 28-day challenge 
49:13 The crushing weight of defeat — Tim's vision 
51:25 Ted's recap
 
Connect with Tim Thomas: Breathwork in Bed app: Search "Breathwork in Bed" in your app store — 28-day free trial Book: Fight, Flight, Feel Web: breathworkinbed.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/breathworkinbed
👉 About The Modern Man: The Modern Man is here to provide the structural discipline required for men to scale their impact while enforcing a strict sovereign life.
 
Tools of Time Course: Master your daily structure: Tools of Time
 
Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook
 
⚔️JOIN THE NOBLE KNIGHTS MASTERMIND⚔️
https://themodernmanpodcast.com/thenobleknights 
 
🤝CONNECT WITH THE MODERN MAN🤝
Visit our website: themodernmanshow.com
Follow us on Twitter: TheModernMan8 
Follow us on Instagram: @TheModernManShow 
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: The Modern Man