The Vigilante Cannibal Nun as Agony Aunt is a fictional comedy horror SCI FI podcast. Every Tuesday, your host, The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, the living dead, rea...
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me, like a giant hole in the head, blasted with a possessed AK47 left to rust in the cold and wet and itching to get used and abused so that it can bite back. Who says romance is dead? Me! The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, that’s who, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t laugh at your stupid mistakes when in love or out of love or hovering around contempt. We’re all just plain bored, and that’s why you’re listening to me, your least favourite Agony Aunt, of the eating the colonizers kind, and yes I do like chocolate with my chips. Each week I solve two horror and SCI FI emotional problems, sent in by my fans, in less than 10 minutes, give or take a petulant vampire rat with a broken amygdala or heart, who can’t decide what is worse. So, forget about your ideas of perfection, throw yourself into the fire and see if you can swim and here we go.Our first letter today is from Nina from San Francisco circa 1975. Nina says that she is too sensitive. She says she hears the pain of the grass growing, cannot see the wood for the trees, the fly from the ointment or the serial killer from the Alien Chihuahua and always ends up getting down and dirty with nut jobs. She asks if she should accept the pain of life or seek happiness elsewhere?Our second letter is from Gerry, a man in 1980’s Belfast who says that he’s afraid of his temper. Every time he opens his mouth he runs away.REFERENCESCAROL MURPHY -https://www.instagram.com/thevigilantecannibalnun/THE BODY & BLOOD – https://www.thebodyandblood.co.ukGHOULS ON FILM - https://www.ghoulsonfilmbelfast.comMAC THE KNIFE - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mack_the_KnifeALEMANY FARMERS MARKET - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernal_Heights,_San_FranciscoSTAKEKNIFE - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_ScappaticciBORN TO BE WILD - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Born_to_Be_Wild
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8:14
Episode 11: King Henry VIII & The Killer Chair
Firstly, Feckn feel good films hi, who needs them? Hello, is it me you’re looking for??? The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, and no, I’m not parading around in frilly underwear, neither am I running for Fanny of the Week…But I’m still your least favourite Agony Aunt, of the eating the colonisers, but not the mushrooms, kind. Each week I solve two horror and SCI FI emotional problems, sent in by my fans, in less than 10 minutes. So, forget about your willful sexual fantasies and the girl next door with the mountain of neurosis including a vampire bunny crossing as a psychotic wolf, and here we go, jumping out of the frying pan straight into the cauldron and lapping up the time-warped lace around thigh-high stretch marks, or someone else’s wet dream. Rationality is for the birds man, I mean, hi.Ok so let me tell you about meeting King Henry VIII, hanging out in limbo, picking daisy petals because he can’t make up his mind as to where his allegiance lies, is it with the taigs or the prods, HENCE no one will take him in. Not quite “NO ROOM AT THE INN” with his history of sex, murder, the reformation, the dissolution of the monasteries and his rotten big toe. But here we go…..And our next letter is from Jenny from 1980’s LA who says that her dead husband has come back as a killer chair. Back from where?REFERENCESCAROL MURPHY -https://www.instagram.com/thevigilantecannibalnun/THE BODY & BLOOD – https://www.thebodyandblood.co.ukGHOULS ON FILM -https://www.ghoulsonfilmbelfast.comHELLO by Lionel Richie - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHONNcZbwDYSAINT KATHERINE – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_AlexandriaKING HENRY VIII - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII
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7:56
Episode 10: Nutella Woman & WTF Happened to Catherine?
Here I am, The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, and no, I did not fly head-first, crashing into the earth’s atmosphere, only to avoid hitting planet earth. Neither did I careen straight into a parallel universe called oblivion…..Noooooo….I just ate a few colonisers during the Irish Famine and ended up in Limbo. So sue me. You can learn from my mistakes as your favorite Agony Aunt, here for your pleasure but mostly because you defaulted from your own personal limbo called boredom to seek a little something from The Vigilante Cannibal Nun. Moi.Moving swiftly along like a pandemic on speed, our first letter today is from Linda from the early 2000’s somewhere in rural Scotland. I don’t care where. Somewhere green and moist. Linda is having some problems with a fire breathing dragon and her own conscience.Our second letter is from someone posing as Saint Katherine, stuck inbetween the pages of speculation and representation.REFERENCESCAROL MURPHY -https://www.instagram.com/thevigilantecannibalnun/THE BODY & BLOOD –https://www.thebodyandblood.co.ukGHOULS ON FILM -https://www.ghoulsonfilmbelfast.comSAINT KATHERINE – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_AlexandriaKING HENRY VIII-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII
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10:38
Episode 9: Top Ten Tips To Survive a Relationship From Hell
I howl like the wolf because I am your host of this comedy horror SCI FI podcast, where, every Tuesday, I read two letters from our hellza poppin listeners, to find a solution to their relationship horror dysfunction, fail good, then better, then laugh up my giant sleeve at their expense and for everyone else’s pleasure, hi. Welcome to Episode 9: Top Ten Tips To Survive A Relationship From Hell. Rev up your chainsaws for some good old-fashioned terror…..and here we go….REFERENCES CAROL MURPHY -https://www.instagram.com/thevigilantecannibalnun/THE BODY & BLOOD – https://www.thebodyandblood.co.ukGHOULS ON FILM - https://www.ghoulsonfilmbelfast.comNAPOLOEN quote – “Place your iron hand inside a velvet glove”ORLAN - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OrlanTHE CHAPMAN BROTHERS - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_and_Dinos_Chapman
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8:35
Episode 8: Robot or Not Robot & Traumatized Monster
Here I am, The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, sitting in limbo, punished for eating a colonizer or ten back in the day. And no, I am not riding on the back of a Donkey, nor am I wearing Grecian 2000, and I can safely say that my underwear is clean, which is the least that I can say for my thoughts, but they are my own, because, get this, I am the sovereign of my mind and soul and no one else thinks for me…and lookee here at where I’ve landed with all my filth…..purgatory. But what of it? You can learn from my mistakes as your favorite Agony Aunt, here for your pleasure but mostly PAIN…as in Bring the Pain…a la Method Man. Hot hot hot, hi. That’s him. Me me me…Each week I solve two horror and SCI FI emotional problems, sent in by my “F”ing bastard fans, in less than 10 minutes. So stick your irons in the fire and prepare to be brandished and here we go!Our first letter today is from Jenny, blocked, in 1960’s Ireland. She doesn’t say where exactly. Keep it that way, Jenny hi. What I don’t know I don’t know….so that when the time comes to be interrogated, I won’t know. Great plan, and with so much faith in your fellow man woman person place and thing. She has married a man who is a robot with a malfunctioning cock.And our second letter is from Office Worker Tom, bored in London circa 1998. He has fallen in lust with a new colleague who appears to be a monster, traumatized by their period.REFERENCESCAROL MURPHY -https://www.instagram.com/thevigilantecannibalnun/THE BODY & BLOOD – https://www.thebodyandblood.co.ukGHOULS ON FILM - https://www.ghoulsonfilmbelfast.comBRING THE PAIN by Method Man - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0BlXy3Roj4PRESIDENT CLINTON - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Clinton
The Vigilante Cannibal Nun as Agony Aunt is a fictional comedy horror SCI FI podcast. Every Tuesday, your host, The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, the living dead, reads two letters from our emotionally ill-fettered listeners, salivates over their problems, and vomits up solutions, at their expense and for everyone else’s pleasure. The Vigilante Cannibal Nun is a sin eater, well equipped to solve a little emotional problem or two, with victims sending in their letters from across time and space, cutting through all categories of Horror and SCI FI genre. Each episode is roughly 10 minutes in length.
Who is The Vigilante Cannibal Nun? Maggie Murtagh, otherwise known as The Vigilante Cannibal Nun, was born of the imagination of the artist Carol Murphy. Her story is told in a series of Murphy’s verse-driven performance films called The Body & Blood, launched here at the beginning of 2022 and performed in a UK and Irish theatre tour in 2023. In The Body & Blood, Maggie Murtagh is a young Irish Country Girl who transmogrifies into The Vigilante Cannibal Nun during the Irish Famine, after the death of her family. She steals from the rich to give to the starving poor, eats the colonisers, and destroys her soul. She is the living dead.
Ireland