You Make Sense

In this episode, Sarah explains how unhealthy shame forms, why unresolved anger resurfaces in safe relationships, and how we unknowingly build our lives around avoiding what once felt intolerable. She breaks down what it truly means to complete the stress response by building regulation, reconnecting with younger parts, and allowing the body to express the appropriate response it once inhibited. When the stress cycle is resolved, the lie of unworthiness dissolves. What remains is your innate capacity for strength and self-trust.

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction

[01:16] Shame, anger, and unworthiness

[04:57] Protective strategies we use to avoid shame and unworthiness

[06:34] How “I am not enough” gets internalized in childhood

[11:48] Shame as the internalization of trauma

[13:45] Healthy shame versus unhealthy shame

[22:52] How unresolved shame distorts your reactions

[25:13] Healthy anger versus unhealthy anger

[28:17] Why suppressed anger resurfaces in safe relationships

[30:27] Key steps to resolving shame

[33:53] Completing the incomplete experience

[41:42] Question 1 - Why does rage from past assault still feel stuck in my body?

[48:13] Question 2 - How do I know when a trauma cycle is truly complete?

[52:50] Question 3 - Why does setting boundaries make me feel unloving?

[57:00] Question 4 - What is the healthiest way to release anger toward my family?

 

Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:

Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!

 

Click below to get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:

https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 

Download Sarah’s FREE Workbook:

Not sure where to get started with somatic healing? Sarah created a FREE trauma-informed workbook called "How To Gain Control Over How You Feel" to help you step toward a life filled with more freedom, ease, and empowerment.

 

Click the link below to download:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook

 

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching

Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 

Submit a Question:

sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 

Quotes:

“We have a primal human need for our caregivers, who brought us into the world, to love us, to choose us, and when they don't, it feels to that child like annihilation. Annihilation is worse than death. It feels like a fragmenting of us in a million pieces.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:09:04]

“Shame is the internalization of what happened to us.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:54]

“What does the internalization mean? It means I am taking the thing that they are projecting at me, and I am putting it, effectively, inside of my own body.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:13:19]

“The meaning that I make is not that this thing that happens to me is bad, this abuse is bad, or this neglect is bad, or your criticism is bad; [it’s that] I’m bad. That's the meaning that is made from internalization.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:13:31]

“We need to bring regulation to our nervous system. That's always the beginning of everything. Why? Because we have to build our capacity to hold the shame that was once too much for us to hold.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:30:42]

“When we love our parts, we fall in love with them, that lie of unworthiness dissolves, and all that's left is what is actually true, that we are worthy and good and whole.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:40:01]

She explains how childhood roles such as becoming invisible, emotionally self-reliant, or overly responsible don’t just affect behavior; they shape attraction itself, quietly guiding who we choose and the dynamics we recreate. When these internal blueprints remain unchanged, relationships tend to repeat familiar dynamics rather than support true closeness. This conversation offers a grounded look at why feeling unseen persists in love and what it takes to change the pattern at its root.
 
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Introduction
[01:46] Why no single partner can meet every need
[04:23] The importance of fullness of relationships beyond romantic partnership
[07:46] Childhood experiences as the blueprint for adult relationships
[09:01] The nervous system as the driver of attraction and partner selection
[10:54] Early relational roles learned to maintain safety within the family system
[12:30] How childhood invisibility becomes the script for adult relationships
[19:19] Why insight alone does not change relational patterns
[21:30] Rewriting the internal blueprint through reparenting younger parts
[29:27] What healthy relationships require once healing begins
[35:45] Loneliness, grief, and outgrowing familiar relational dynamics
[38:39] Question 1 - How does childhood neglect lead to emotional emptiness?
[44:55] Question 2 - Why do I keep feeling drawn to partners who are bad for me?
[48:53] Question 3 - Why can healing feel lonely as relationships change?
 
Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:
Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!
Get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:
https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 
Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:
Feeling stuck in your life? Not sure where to start with somatic healing? Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck,” will equip you with free tools and a personalized guide to better understand your nervous system specific to you.
Click below to get started:
https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz
 
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 
Submit a Question:
sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 
Quotes:
“We need a variety of people in our lives to feel fully seen and fully known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:23]
“The goal is that, whomever you choose as your life partner, that they have the ability to meet your primary needs, and [that] they want to meet them.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:56]
“Our childhood experiences lay the blueprint for how we experience romantic relationships and how we show up in them, meaning what we think we have to be or what we have to do in order to be safe in relationship.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:07:54]
“However your caregivers showed up with you, that is going to be the type of person that you pick in romantic relationship, until you do the internal healing work.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:08:12]
“If you're not in the driver's seat of your nervous system, if you haven't done stuff to resolve the past, do you know who's actually picking your relationships? Your nervous system. That threat detector and your parts are picking.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:10:07]
“You are powerful. You are not powerless. – But that young part that is stuck back in that experience, they were powerless, they were a victim. And your job is to travel back to them and give them what they never got. That is really empowering.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:23:40]
“When I say healthy, it doesn't mean your partner's perfect. It doesn't mean that they are getting everything right. It means that they're willing and safe. That's really all we need. Somebody who's willing and safe.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:29:57]
“In healing, you can't unsee what you see. You can't unknow what you know. And so as you see more the beauty of it, you can't unsee it, meaning you can't go backwards. And that's when grief comes up.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:53:57]
“You are transforming when you heal, not into anything new, but you're coming back into who you actually are.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:54:10]
 
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Join the Waitlist for You Make Sense
Join the Waitlist for Nervous System Essentials

She introduces the concept of disconfirming experiences: small, embodied moments that gently teach the nervous system that the past is over and we’re free to embody a more full, expansive life. Through key nervous system tools and somatic principles, Sarah explores how safety is rebuilt and how freedom becomes possible as the body is shown, again and again, that it no longer has to protect in the same ways.
 
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Introduction
[01:50] Why healing requires lived experience, not just understanding
[06:30] Your nervous system holds the blueprint for how you navigate life
[10:25] Unresolved experiences live in the body, not the prefrontal cortex
[14:07] Using disconfirming experiences to teach your nervous system safety
[22:14] How healing expands your capacity to receive
[27:05] Becoming best friends with your autonomic nervous system
[33:16] Aligning growth and healing with the season of life you’re in
[37:54] How disconfirming experiences differ from exposure therapy
[42:16] Question 1 - Why do I still feel dysregulated after years of nervous system work?
[45:33] Question 2 - Why am I attracting unsafe or unsupportive partners?
[51:46] Question 3 - How do I process trapped energy using somatic practices?
 
Get Started with Nervous System Regulation:
Ready to make tangible shifts in your life? Sarah’s brand-new introductory course, Nervous System Essentials, will equip you with science-backed tools to regulate your nervous system, so that you can experience more freedom and ease in your daily life.
 
Join the course for only $67:
 bit.ly/sp-nse

 
Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:
Feeling stuck in your life? Not sure where to start with somatic healing? Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck,” will equip you with free tools and a personalized guide to better understand your nervous system specific to you.
 
Click below to get started:
https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz
 
 
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 
Submit a Question:
sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 
Quotes:
“All of the hard things we experienced in our lives were not things we read in a book. They were lived experiences. So, do you know what that means? In order to heal the past, we have to have lived experience.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:02:51]
“Only when we are in our state of regulation do we have full access to our prefrontal cortex and reason, logic, and rationalization. So did you know that when you experience hard things or traumatic things, you are not in your ventral vagal complex, or state of regulation.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:52]
“It is not physiologically possible to resolve hard things and traumatic things when we experienced them in our bodies in the first place. We can't resolve them through talking them out.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:12:54]
“A disconfirming experience is where we show, not tell, our nervous system and our younger parts, that the things that were once dangerous are safe for us.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:14:38]
“Your autonomic nervous system is the best friend you never knew you had. – Because what neuroscience shows us is [that] this nervous system, it has never left your side. It has never stopped working for you. It will do everything in its power to make sure that you stay safe.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:28:57]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Join the You Make Sense Waitlist – https://programs.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/you-make-sense-waitlist

She goes on to explain the differences between codependency, enmeshment, attunement, and interdependence. Sarah also discusses how fear of conflict can lead to self-abandonment, what it takes to feel safe during moments of disconnection or disagreement, and how to support children through distress in ways that build resilience. Tune in to better understand your relational patterns and learn how reclaiming a sense of self supports healthier, more sustainable relationships.
 
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Introduction
[01:23] Today’s topic: how not to lose yourself in a relationship
[04:53] How childhood experiences shape our adult lives
[08:39] What does it mean to have a codependent part?
[11:48] Why your primary needs are essential and how to build capacity for them
[15:10] How caretaking can create a false sense of safety
[16:58] Signs you might be in a codependent dynamic
[19:16] Other protective parts of codependency: the rescuer
[22:13] Avoidance can show up in the form of caretaking
[23:24] Diffuse boundaries and how they also impact parenting
[26:41] The ramifications of and antidote to survival-based relationships
[32:13] Characteristics of a healthy relationship
[33:51] How to step toward interdependence
[39:05] Question 1 - The difference between codependency, enmeshment, and attunement.
[49:12] Question 2 - How to overcome the fear of conflict
[58:08] Question 3 - Supporting a child through distress or challenging situations

 
Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:
Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!
Click below to get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:
https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 
Download Sarah’s FREE Workbook:
Not sure where to get started with somatic healing? Sarah created a FREE trauma-informed workbook called "How To Gain Control Over How You Feel" to help you step toward a life filled with more freedom, ease, and empowerment.
Click the link below to download:
https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook

 
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 
Submit a Question:
sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 
Quotes:
“The thing that reminds your nervous system the most of [a] romantic relationship is your earliest childhood experiences. That lays the blueprint, or foundation, or map for how you had to navigate relationships.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:22]
“You cannot rescue anybody else. Only they, their adult self, can rescue the younger parts of [themselves].” — Sarah Baldwin [0:20:43]
“The amount of hard you experience in your childhood relationally is going to be reflected in the amount of hard that needs to get resolved in your romantic partnership.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:35:39]
“If you want to avoid burnout, if you want to avoid getting overwhelmed by your client load and the work that you do, it is very important that you are functioning not from a place of codependency but interdependence.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:47:26]

Limiting beliefs are often not representative of who you are today but are self-protective mechanisms that formed as a result of past traumas or experiences. The good news is that it’s absolutely possible to shift this! Sarah will guide you through how to anchor into regulation and your adult self so that you can find more ease, peace, and confidence. Tune in for a somatic approach on how to change unwanted thought patterns.
 
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Introduction
[01:11] Origins of limiting beliefs
[04:45] The 2 reasons limiting beliefs exist: unresolved trauma and fragmented parts
[10:17] The stories your fragmented parts tell you and how they fuel your limiting beliefs
[14:00] Why mindset work and traditional therapy alone can’t change your thoughts
[15:03] The four states of your autonomic nervous system
[20:32] How coming into a state of regulation changes limiting beliefs
[24:15] Why you also need to work with your parts to change your thoughts
[30:50] Question 1 - Understanding the link between your parts and nervous system
[33:51] Question 2 - Why protective parts can block us from success
[37:51] Question 3 - The connection between dreaming and your parts
 
Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:
Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!
Click below to get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:
https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 
Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:
Feeling stuck in your life? Not sure where to start with somatic healing? Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck,” will equip you with free tools and a personalized guide to better understand your nervous system specific to you.

Click below to get started:
https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz

 
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 
Submit a Question:
sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 
Quotes:
“Human beings clock something as true if we can feel it.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:57]
“I cannot believe something to be true if there isn’t the appropriate affect attached to it.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:14:08]
“Your autonomic state within your nervous system creates your story or the thoughts that you are having.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:14:33]
“When you’re in regulation, this is the fertile ground for creating new neural pathways for what’s actually true [and for] positive thinking.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:23:01]