ADHD with Jenna Free

What if honouring your ADHD brain is actually making things worse?
What if the relief you feel from avoiding stressful tasks isn't self-acceptance... but dysregulation running the show?
In this episode, I break down three common ways we think we're honouring our neurodivergence, but we're actually fueling the dysregulation.
There's a difference between conscious choice and compulsive avoidance. One is empowering. The other keeps you stuck.
We'll look at:
why avoiding things that cause anxiety (like mail) tells your nervous system they're dangerous - making the problem worse over time
how the panic sprinter cycle (frantic bursts then crash) isn't your natural state - it's your brain in fight or flight
why text message overwhelm is dysregulation, not neurodivergence (all-or-nothing thinking, perfectionism, feeling like demands)
the key question: is this a conscious choice I'm making, or is dysregulation making choices for me?
how to break these cycles by facing things with regulation work - not white-knuckling, not avoiding
You're an adult. You can do whatever you want. But when you're making choices from a regulated place, you'll actually want to do the things that used to feel impossible.
Download the free ADHD Regulation Guide -- www.adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide
Want to dive into this work to reduce symptoms and make life more enjoyable? ADHD Groups are now open -- www.adhdwithjennafree.com/groups
Pre-order "The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation" -- www.jennafree.com/book
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What if trying to feel calm and quiet isn't working?
What if focusing on making your body feel "safe" isn't making much difference?
In this episode, I share a core shift in the ADHD Regulation approach:
Regulation isn't always being zen and calm. Regulation is aligning with reality.
When you are no longer fighting with reality your system can relax and just be.
Download the free ADHD Regulation Guide -- www.adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide
Want to dive into this work to reduce symptoms and make life more enjoyable? ADHD Groups are now open -- www.adhdwithjennafree.com/groups
Pre-order "The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation" - www.jennafree.com/book
Connect with Me
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Pre-order "The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation" - linktr.ee/adhdwithjennafree
ADHD Regulation Groups are now open! - www.adhdwithjennafree.com/groups
You can get your free ADHD Regulation Guide here - www.adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide
Chapters
00:00 Introduction & Physical Regulation Moment
01:00 What is ADHD Paralysis? The Traditional View
02:00 The Missing Piece: Fight or Flight
03:00 Executive Dysfunction vs. Dysregulation
04:00 Jenna's Personal Experience with Paralysis
06:00 Understanding the Freeze Response
08:00 Why Forcing Yourself Makes It Worse
11:00 The Alternative: Getting Your Foot Off the Brake
12:00 The Power of "Slow and Steady Wins the Race"
14:00 Practical Steps for Paralysis Moments
16:00 The Overwhelm-Paralysis Pipeline
18:00 Beliefs That Changed Everything
Summary
In this episode, I talk about ADHD paralysis and why the mainstream understanding is missing a huge piece. The traditional view says paralysis stems from executive dysfunction, but here's the problem: it doesn't account for the fact that most ADHDers are also in fight or flight. We're dysregulated. When we're in fight-flight-freeze-fawn, so many symptoms of ADHD and dysregulation overlap that we can't tell what's coming from where. The mainstream message assumes it's all coming from your ADHD brain, but my perspective is that yes, we have an ADHD brain and that kicked us into fight or flight - but now so much of what we're dealing with is actually the dysregulation, not the ADHD itself. This is amazing news because you can get out of dysregulation. I share my personal experience: since focusing almost solely on regulation, I haven't experienced paralysis in a year and a half. I break down what's happening in the freeze response - physical symptoms like muscle tension and fatigue, psychological symptoms like dissociation and feeling stuck. Here's the counterintuitive piece: when you feel stuck, you feel like you need to force yourself back into action with urgency, guilt, and shame, but this will not help - it only makes it worse. You might get moving short-term, but it triggers more dysregulation, creating more paralysis. The alternative is to get your foot off the brake - reduce tension and frantic energy. I walk through the importance of physical regulation in paralysis moments (deep breath, drop shoulders, speak out loud "I'm safe"), why belief work like "slow and steady wins the race" is vital, and how to work on the overwhelm-paralysis pipeline. The real question isn't how to force yourself out of paralysis - it's how to heal the dysregulation causing the freeze response.
Action Step
This week, when you experience paralysis, notice it objectively with curiosity - not judgment. Ask yourself: is overwhelm present right before the paralysis? They often go together. Instead of forcing yourself with urgency or shame, try the physical regulation approach: take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, slow down. If you're stuck on the couch, say out loud "I'm laying on the couch. I'm safe. It's okay." This might feel counterintuitive when you feel like you should be jumping into action, but remember - the white-knuckling grip is what's causing the freeze. Relaxing that grip is how you eventually stop freezing up. It won't get you unstuck in that second, but if you do this whenever you think of it, you're working on reducing paralysis long-term instead of just forcing yourself through it short-term. And start playing with the belief "slow and steady wins the race" - can you find even a crack in your armor where part of you goes "maybe that's true"?
Takeaways
ADHD paralysis is often caused by nervous system dysregulation (the freeze response) rather than just executive dysfunction - and freeze is workable through regulation
The mainstream view blames paralysis on having an ADHD brain, but much of what we're dealing with in adulthood is actually the dysregulation our different brain kicked us into
Forcing yourself with urgency, guilt, shame, and fear might get you moving short-term, but it makes the paralysis worse long-term by triggering more dysregulation
The freeze response causes physical symptoms (muscle tension, chronic fatigue, restricted breathing) and psychological symptoms (dissociation, emotional numbness, feeling stuck, hypervigilance)
Getting out of paralysis requires the opposite of what feels intuitive - you need to reduce tension and frantic energy (get your foot off the brake), not increase it with more force
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ADHD Regulation Groups are now open! - www.adhdwithjennafree.com/groups
You can get your free ADHD Regulation Guide here - www.adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide
Chapters
00:00 Introduction: Not Regulating for Regulation's Sake
01:30 ADHD Regulation Groups Are Open
03:00 Why "Should" Never Sustains Motivation
05:00 Push Motivators vs Pull Motivators
07:00 The Real Question: Do I Want a Regulated Life?
08:00 Benefit #1: Blood Flow Returns to Your Brain
08:30 Benefit #2: Executive Functioning Increases
09:00 Benefit #3: Symptoms Go Down
10:00 Benefit #4: More Sustainable and Consistent Living
14:00 Benefit #5: Enjoyment (The Biggest Motivator)
18:00 Recap: What Are You Pulled Towards?
Summary
In this episode, I talk about why you shouldn't regulate just because you think you should - and what to focus on instead. I get comments saying "I know I should regulate but I don't know how" or "I should be working on it," and the key here is: regulation is not good or bad, you're not a bad person if you're dysregulated. If you're only doing it because you feel like you should, it's probably not going to end well. Just like exercise - if you're only doing it because you should, it won't stick. But if you genuinely want to feel good, strong, and have a more vibrant life, it's easier to keep up with. I break down why "shoulds" never sustain motivation - they're push motivators (running away from something) versus pull motivators (walking towards something you want). Push motivation works short-term but is unsustainable. Pull motivation keeps you going long-term. I share the 5 key benefits of ADHD regulation to help you connect with what you're actually pulled towards: (1) Blood flow returns to your prefrontal cortex so you can think clearly, (2) Executive functioning increases, (3) ADHD symptoms go down, (4) You can live in a more sustainable and consistent way instead of the frantic crash cycle, and (5) You actually enjoy your life. I share my real-life example: 7 years of being intense then doing nothing versus 2.5 years of showing up every day with no burnout in sight - less work, less stress, more productive. The real question isn't "should I regulate?" - it's "do I want a regulated life and everything that comes with that?"
Action Step
This week, ask yourself: Am I trying to regulate because I think I should, or because I genuinely want what it gives me? Connect with your pull motivators, not push motivators. Do you want clearer thinking and lower symptoms? Do you want to live sustainably instead of frantically crashing? Do you want to enjoy your life while also being productive? Hold those desires in your mind. If you can't connect with those yet, that's okay - maybe you just know you don't want what you have now (paralysis, brain fog, frantic energy). That's enough to start walking forward. But don't try to force yourself with "should" - that's a recipe for dysregulation.
Takeaways
Regulation is not good or bad - don't do it just because you think you should, that's a recipe for dysregulation and will never sustain motivation
"Shoulds" are push motivators (running away from something) which work short-term but are unsustainable - pull motivators (walking towards something you want) keep you going long-term
5 key benefits of ADHD regulation: blood flow returns to brain for clearer thinking, executive functioning increases, symptoms go down, sustainable consistent living instead of frantic crash cycle, and enjoyment of life
The frantic crash cycle is not your natural state - it's you in panic mode and dysregulation, so working on sustainability isn't going against who you are
You can have both productivity AND enjoyment - with regulation you get more productive, less stressed, and enjoy life more (not one or the other)
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Join the Regulated Approach to ADHD Tools workshop (January 19th) - https://www.adhdwithjennafree.com/toolsworkshop
You can get your free ADHD Regulation Guide here - www.adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide
Chapters
00:00 Introduction: A Regulated Approach to ADHD Tools Workshop
02:00 ADHD, Dysregulation, and Digital Overstimulation
05:00 Why Physical Tools Are More Grounding
08:00 My Paper Calendar System (3.5 Years Strong)
11:00 Why We Choose Tools (And Why That's the Problem)
14:00 Functionality Over Dopamine
16:00 Less Is More: Simplicity Is Key
19:00 Regulating vs Dysregulating Tools
Summary
In this episode, I talk about why your ADHD apps and digital tools aren't working - and what to try instead. Most ADHD conversations focus on external supports like apps, calendars, and organizational systems, but sometimes our ADHD strategies are actually making things worse. There's strong messaging out there that the more complicated the ADHD tool, the better - more features, more automation, more tech. But is this really helping? When everything lives on your phone (calendar, lists, organizational apps), it's less grounding for your nervous system, easier to forget things buried digitally, and adds to overstimulation. Digital tools mirror dysregulated thinking - fast-paced, a million folders, scrolling forever. Physical analog tools mirror regulated thinking - you can only do one thing at a time, they're softer and slower. I share my paper calendar system that I've used every single workday for 3.5 years without fail (not because I'm trying hard, but because it supports my regulation). Most ADHD tools are chosen to create motivation through dopamine, novelty, or urgency - but this motivation is unreliable and fades fast (like that bean app everyone was using). The fun will fade, the aesthetics will fade. Instead, focus purely on functionality from day one. I break down why less is more, how to find your MVP (minimum viable product), and the difference between regulating tools (visible, simple, dependable, work even when you're tired) versus dysregulating tools (live entirely on phone, too many features, require frequent setup, rely on novelty).
Action Step
This week, assess your current ADHD tools and apps. Ask yourself: Is this tool regulating or dysregulating my nervous system? Am I using this because it's functional and solves a real problem, or because it's pretty, fun, or gave me a dopamine hit when I first got it? Look for one area where you could simplify - maybe you have five calendars all over the place when you really need just one or two. Or maybe everything lives on your phone when one physical tool (like a paper calendar or simple notebook) would be more grounding. What's the MVP - the minimum viable product - that would actually solve your problem without all the extra features you're not using anyway?
Takeaways
Digital ADHD tools can be dysregulating - when everything lives on your phone, it's less grounding, easier to forget (buried digitally), and adds to overstimulation with lights, sounds, and fast-paced scrolling
Physical analog tools are more regulating because they're tactile, slower, and force you to do one thing at a time - your nervous system is primal and prefers the physical world
Most ADHD apps are chosen for dopamine, novelty, or urgency - but this motivation is unreliable and fades within 3 days to a week, which is why you keep buying new tools that don't stick
Focus purely on functionality, not aesthetics or fun - the prettiest calendar won't help if you stop using it after a week, but an ugly functional one you use every day will change your life
Less is more: simplicity is key - cut the fluff, find your MVP (minimum viable product), and make tools as simple as possible so they work even when you're tired or low energy
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