back from the borderline

This episode examines limerence not as a personality flaw or a trendy attachment term, but as a learned psychological strategy that begins in childhood. Rather than treating obsession as irrational, we explore how it develops as a way to survive inconsistent, misattuned, or emotionally absent parenting, and how that same strategy later shows up in adult relationships.This phenomenon explains why so many of us become fixated on emotionally unavailable partners and why the end of even a short relationship (or even a situationship) can feel devastating in a way that doesn’t match the actual reality of the situation. It’s why obsession often gets mislabeled as “love” or “passion.” We look at how the mind uses fantasy and idealization to stabilize itself and why emotionally unavailable people reliably trigger these patterns.What This Episode CoversWhat limerence actually is (and what it isn’t)Why obsession often forms around people you barely knowHow childhood coping strategies turn into adult romantic fixationThe role of emotional unavailability and intermittent reinforcementWhy intensity gets confused with intimacy and “fate”How fantasy and projection stabilize the nervous systemThe overlooked spiritual dimension of limerence and devotionWhat it means to finally step out of the pattern without self-blameUNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVEJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This preview of a Patreon-exclusive episode breaks down exactly how Nick Fuentes functions as a media figure and why his influence persists despite bans, persistent backlash, and public condemnation. Rather than arguing about whether or not he is dangerous, I analyze how his livestreams work in practice. We dig into the role humor plays in his persona, explore chat dynamics his his livestreams, and how irony creates commitment and shared identity among his loyal followers, the Groypers.The episode traces how young men who feel disconnected from institutions and the future itself get absorbed into this kind of online ecosystem and how responsibility and accountability both stay intentionally slippery when everything is framed as a joke. In the premium portion of the exploration, I also examine exit paths and what actually helps people disengage once they’ve been pulled in by these types of dynamics, as well as what this tells us about the broader culture that keeps producing figures like Fuentes.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧Every week, I share these extended episodes on Patreon. If what you’ve heard here has helped or intrigued you, the full version is where the real magic happens. Your support keeps my work independent and ad-light. Support from my Patrons is how I fund my life and make sure what I do stays honest, unfiltered, and as listener-powered as possible. Head to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to sign up today. Search the episode title and keep listening.(Tip for iPhone users: sign up through Safari or Chrome to skip Apple’s extra fees.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode examines what happens when the instinct to please, fix, and perform finally breaks down. It’s an archetypal investigation into three roles that often define women’s emotional lives: the Good Child who earns love, the Witch who learns to wield power, and the Daughter-Savior who tries to repair everyone else’s pain. Through personal narrative, cultural analysis, and depth psychology, this story uncovers how these identities form and how they can be released without bitterness. Listeners will recognize the quiet exhaustion of carrying a family’s emotional weight and the shock of realizing that love isn’t something you should have to earn through service. The end result of listening should be a kind of reflective catharsis. The experience of hearing your own pattern described clearly and the relief of imagining life beyond it.UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVEJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is what it actually takes to stop caring what people think. For real this time.Every person who grew up managing the reactions of parents, partners, and strangers online knows the courtroom that forms in your head. It’s where you replay every sentence you’ve said, trying to prove that you’re right or somehow good enough. This episode examines where this mental reflex takes root and why it survives long into adulthood, often sabotaging our ability to actually live. Our desperate need to explain ourselves becomes a quiet and destructive addiction.You’ll hear how that instinct begins in childhood environments that equated misunderstanding with danger, how it shapes adult communication and creativity, and what actually happens when we finally stop compulsively defending our reputations and negotiating our innate right to simply exist.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧Every week, I share these extended episodes on Patreon. If what you’ve heard here has helped or intrigued you, the full version is where the real magic happens. Your support keeps my work independent and ad-light. Support from my Patrons is how I fund my life and make sure what I do stays honest, unfiltered, and as listener-powered as possible. Head to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to sign up today. Search the episode title and keep listening.(Tip for iPhone users: sign up through Safari or Chrome to skip Apple’s extra fees.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

AI isn’t abstract anymore. It’s showing up in the deepest parts of our lives People are using it at the exact moments they used to reach for a journal, a friend, or a distraction. That’s the territory we step into in this episode. I invited Dr. Laurence Hillman and Dr. Vanja Bokun Popović to join this conversation because both of them watch how inner life actually works through years of sitting with clients, students, and their own personal experiments with these tools.The conversation moves from very concrete moments (panic rising during an AI exchange and a client swept into a fantasy that felt all too real) into the deeper and murkier psychological forces at play underneath it all. Vanja draws on trauma work and her experience with people whose attention tilts toward intensity. Laurence looks at patterns that show up when someone projects old material onto new technology. Neither of them treat AI as a gadget, but instead track what it stirs up in the psyche.A steady theme is the question of personal readiness. Some people approach these systems with curiosity. Others bring hunger, fear, or a kind of imaginative overflow that can take on a life of its own. We talk through those differences without panic or dismissal. We also spend time on the way current mental-health protocols can misread metaphor, inner descent, or even spiritual language, which creates a strange tension for anyone doing genuine inner work while using these tools.The episode explores one overarching line of inquiry. How do we stay connected to ourselves while using something this powerful? This whole exchange stays close to the body, the emotional realities of everyday life, and the existential questions people are facing as AI becomes part of their inner world.Connect with Vanja on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/vanja_bokun_popovic_phd/?hl=enConnect with Laurence via his website at: https://laurencehillman.com/UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVEJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.