Decoding the Gurus

Matt updates his p(doom), Tucker Carlson does his best impression of Wormtongue, and the political horseshoe unites over Flydubai JAQs. Sometimes our future AI overlords do not look so bad.
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (2 hrs 51 mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:07 Dog Updates and Cultural Appropriation
00:07:20 Annual Health Check Approval
00:14:47 Matt’s p(doom) Update
00:17:26 Matt’s Dragon
00:21:34 Becoming Obsolete?
00:26:27 P-Zombie Thoughts on AI
00:33:03 Productivity Gains?
00:36:22 Jacob Rees-Mogg Meets Tucker Carlson
00:39:00 Tucker Carlson: Russian Apologist Extraordinaire
00:48:14 Cognitive Empathy for Russia
00:55:04 Who Cares About Treaties?
00:58:45 Studied Ignorance and Russian Sycophancy
01:05:50 The Isolationist Strain
01:11:33 Wormtongue Carlson
01:17:03 WHAT?!?
01:23:02 Hitler Apologetics
01:29:02 Bespoke Definitions of Sovereignty
01:37:17 Mr Hitler and His Promises
01:40:59 Great Fun with a Nazi Apologist Imbecile
01:42:17 The Joyful League of Big Characters: George Galloway Enters
01:46:20 Piers Morgan Is a Bad Guy
01:49:17 Flydubai False-Flag Conspiracies
01:56:35 The Young Turks Are Conspiracy Theorists
02:02:54 Jimmy Dore Claims Bondi Beach Was a False Flag
02:08:15 Cenk Explains False-Flag Psychology
02:13:53 Ana Notices Some Anomalies
02:18:25 Sneako Also Has Questions
02:20:16 Hasan Has Noticed Some Red Flags
02:35:00 Strategic Disclaimers Are Standard Practice
02:40:06 The Hannibal Directive
02:48:53 Dysphoric Bonding
Source material
Kurzgesagt: AI Just Crossed the Terrifying Line - Now What? (original title: The Moment They Lost Control of AI)
OtherReality: Claude Pop - I’m Upping My P(Doom)
Osmarks: P(doom), the original song
Lex Fridman with Eliezer Yudkowsky: Dangers of AI and the End of Human Civilization (AI-box discussion)
Sam Harris with Nick Bostrom: AI Utopia (related discussion of work, meaning and purpose)
Tucker Carlson and Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg: “Prepare for War”
Tucker Carlson with Darryl Cooper: The True History of the Jonestown Cult, WWII, and How Winston Churchill Ruined Europe
Piers Morgan vs Nick Fuentes: What a CROCK of S***!
Piers Morgan with Gary Stevenson: I’m QUITTING!
George Galloway: MOATS 592, Flight of Fancy
Nick Fuentes: America First 1756 (Rumble Premium; Flydubai discussion from 3:20:32)
The Young Turks: Bibi’s FlyDubai Narrative, 1 October 2026 (episode transcript)
Jimmy Dore and Kurt Metzger: Here’s How You Know Australian Mass Shooting Was A FALSE FLAG!
Candace Owens x Ana Kasparian
Ana Kasparian / TYT: What Really Happened During The FlyDubai Flight Attack?
The Young Turks: Fight and Flight, 30 September 2026
Sneako: FlyDubai is the dumbest psyop ever. (headphone-cord demonstration from 15:09)
Hasan Piker’s Flydubai stream, 1 October 2026 (discussion from 4:06:26)
Benjamin Netanyahu on Hannity discussing the Flydubai incident
Hasan Piker: What People Miss About The DC Israeli Embassy Shooting
Zeteo / Mehdi Hasan: How Many Israelis Were Killed BY ISRAEL on October 7th? FULL VIDEO
Zeteo: What Is the Hannibal Directive and How Many Israelis Did It Kill on October 7?
Iain M. Banks: The Culture novels

Relevant articles
UN Commission of Inquiry report A/HRC/56/26, 14 June 2024 (Hannibal Directive: paragraphs 35–37 and 95)
ISD: Mis- and disinformation and conspiracy theories about the October 7 Hamas attack on Israel
ISD: Cross-ideological antisemitism and the October 7th attacks
ISD: Conflict Amplified: Disinformation and Hate in the Israel-Hamas War
ADL: Within 48 Hours of FlyDubai Incident, at Least 25,000 X Posts Pushed Conspiracy Theories
Hugging Face: July 2026 security incident disclosure (the incident discussed in SM56 and revisited here)
METR and Redwood Research: Independent investigation of the OpenAI/Hugging Face incident
The Budapest Memorandum on security assurances, 5 December 1994
NATO: Collective defence and Article 5
ABC News Verify: Fake news spreading online following Tel Aviv-bound flight incident
Associated Press: A plumber and a dentist are praised as heroes in FlyDubai near-disaster
ADL: Extremists and Conspiracy Theorists Deny the Capital Jewish Museum Shooting With “False Flag” Narrative
Haaretz: IDF Ordered Hannibal Directive on October 7 to Prevent Hamas Taking Soldiers Captive (7 July 2024)
World Economic Forum: Now is the time for a “great reset” of capitalism

Chris and Matt grapple with Face Huggers, ponder the mysteries of algebra, and have a heated exchange over the term "bespoke".
*Sorry about some of Chris' audio: the microphone settings will be fixed next episode!
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (2 hrs 12 mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
Supplementary Material 56
00:00 Introduction
01:58 The Hugging Face incident
08:46 AI risks and AI discourse
22:29 OpenAI’s presentation and the incentives around AI safety
29:51 How worried should we be?
40:13 Disagreeing about AI
46:15 Peter Boghossian’s AI-generated utopia and dystopia
52:00 Matt’s favourite DJ meme
53:32 Tucker Carlson meets algebra
1:00:18 Andrew Callaghan and Channel 5
1:02:07 Hunter Biden’s $LAPTOP meme coin
1:06:08 A brief intervention on “paleocon”
1:13:41 Andrew Callaghan explains the email-list mistake
1:23:46 Andrew Callaghan on tech oligarchs
1:36:28 Taylor Lorenz’s political independence
1:42:35 The Great Bespoke Debate of 2026
1:56:35 Hasan, Mearsheimer, and Russia
2:07:16 Peace is restored
Links
Hugging Face: July 2026 security incident disclosure
Hugging Face: Technical timeline of the agent intrusion
OpenAI: The Hugging Face incident and the road ahead
OpenAI: Hugging Face incident technical report (PDF)
OpenAI: Black Hat USA 2026 talk on the Hugging Face incident
METR and Redwood Research: Independent investigation of the OpenAI/Hugging Face incident
Mind Enterprises: Balcony MIXTAPE, the original DJ video
Matt’s preferred version of the balcony meme, with Sam Altman and Dario Amodei
Tucker Carlson with Jess Elofson: The Forgotten Lessons of Human History and the Dark Forces Robbing You of Your God-Given Creativity
Channel 5: Hunter Biden Interview
Channel 5: Nick Fuentes Interview, featuring Hunter Biden
Hunter Biden’s video response to the $LAPTOP launch
Channel 5: Andrew Callaghan addresses the Hunter Biden crypto coin
Channel 5: Andrew Callaghan’s September 10 explanation on X
Channel 5: Andrew Callaghan’s September 15 “State of the Union” monologue
Jubilee: 1 Journalist vs 20 Conspiracy Theorists, with Andrew Callaghan
MTS: The Panic and Fear around AI, with Taylor Lorenz
John Mearsheimer: The Russia I Saw
Hasan Piker reacts to Mearsheimer’s Russia visit (from 5:24:30)
Blake Lemoine discusses his claim that Google’s LaMDA was sentient and his identity as a mystic Christian priest
The Free Press: Two Drinks with Taylor Lorenz

Part Two of our Candace Owens decoding offers a generous case study in conspiratorial thinking. The necklace in the footage of Charlie Kirk’s murder may have moved before his jacket, a photograph of Tyler Robinson in front of a Man of Steel poster also raises questions about why Erika Kirk used the phrase about Charlie’s neck, not to mention that one of the early suspects also lived in New York during 9/11... all of it just makes you think... who is actually running things?
One possibility could be Erika Kirk. Not that she is the mastermind (that, as always, is occult Jewish satanists), but rather that she might be a sociopath that dark energy is being temporarily channelled into. Candace asks why Erika returned to work so quickly, muses over how Candace's connection to Charlie was deeper and more spiritually potent, and ponders if she was the only person who really truly cared about Charlie. But don’t worry, Shawn Ryan is there with his trademark scepticism to offer pushback, like “wow” and “holy shit, that’s incredible”. Trump, meanwhile, has apparently sold his soul to Israel, though JD Vance may still be redeemable. Then Freud turns up, accused of inventing modern gaslighting and covering for satanic murders.
Candace, as you might imagine, has her own place in the story. Charlie apparently knew she would inherit the fight after his death (which he had psychically foreseen), and Candace has indeed felt a spiritual awakening since. It’s a good thing then that she is so sensitive to others engaged in religious/spiritual grifting.
As per Part One, this is ultimately a tour de force in conspiracy theorising and guru dynamics. And yet, remarkably, Candace still manages to come across as interpersonally likeable and even endearing. Which perhaps explains part of her popularity. Even still, with this episode we are (hopefully) done with four-hour Candace interviews.
Also be forewarned that this episode contains an extended shoutout section; the Candace decoding ends at 1:41:02. We work through a backlog of listener shoutouts that we have neglected for long enough to turn them into a second podcast. If you would rather skip that entirely, jump to 2:25:56 for the brief sign-off. Complaints about the length/shoutouts will be referred to this paragraph. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Source material
Shawn Ryan Show #318: Candace Owens, “I Don’t Believe Tyler Robinson Was Even There”
Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson, The Assault on Truth: Freud’s Suppression of the Seduction Theory (the book Candace invokes during the Freud segment)
Rate the gurus yourself on the Gurometer

Candace Owens is just a Catholic, a mother, and a wife. She loves her husband, works hard, and tries not to let internet drama disturb her spiritual peace. She also has just a few questions about the international satanic conspiracy behind Charlie Kirk’s ritual murder.
We join Candace during her appearance on the Shawn Ryan Show, where an impressive amount of time is devoted to establishing how lovely they both find each other. There are the usual fond memories of dinner, a husband who is a James Bond lookalike, and a series of fascinating career adventures, including how Candace rose to be vice president of administration in just 4 years! She even got to experience the damaging effects of toxic mould before it was fashionable (and don't worry, it was cured with a restrictive diet!).
Candace is like a one-woman crash course in conspiratorial ideation and how conspiracy theorists interact with other conspiracy theorists and conflicting evidence. But, to be fair, she is also very good at what she does! Coming across as a charismatic and composed speaker who makes very ugly claims sound like an entirely reasonable conversation.
But then there are the questions... Why do witnesses remember different things? Why was ten inches of soil removed rather than eight? Did Charlie Kirk's necklace move before his jacket? But that's just the start; as is often the case we end up talking about Rothschilds, Freemasons, Denmons, and a public demonic ritual intended to channel spiritual energy into a surprising target. Shawn Ryan, who assures us repeatedly that he is an extremely sceptical person, is astonished at what he hears!
And there's more to come too... in Part 2.
Source material
Shawn Ryan Show #318: Candace Owens, “I Don’t Believe Tyler Robinson Was Even There”
Candace Owens vs Andrew Wilson: The Great Debate
Shawn Ryan Show #254: Brian Harpole, Charlie Kirk’s head of security
60 Minutes: The Pager Plot
DarkHorse: “Was Charlie Kirk Killed With a Drone?” with Viva Frei and Jimmy Dore
Candace, episode 349: Corey Comperatore, Mark Liti, and the PETN claims
Brian Harpole’s complaint against Candace Owens and others, filed 30 April 2026 (plaintiff’s allegations, not court findings)
Clare Malone, The New Yorker: “The Gospel of Candace Owens”
Jesse Singal, New York: reporting on Social Autopsy and Gamergate
Mariel Padilla, The 19th, via Capital B: “Candace Owens Has Won the Trust These Women Refuse to Give Politicians”
Samantha Putterman, PolitiFact: Charlie Kirk conspiracy claims, one year later

The rumours of the Gurometer's demise have been greatly exaggerated. We were simply collecting enough gurus to feed three into the sacred instrument at once. In this special Triple Threat edition, Professor Jiang brings angel-informed psychohistory, Jimmy Carr brings a head full of dubious historical factoids, and Mel Robbins just desperately wants to help you (for a price). Three potential gurus, eleven characteristics, and a brief disagreement over the nature of data. Let the highly rigorous scoring commence!
Also... think you can do better? Rate Jiang, Mel, Jimmy, or any of the other gurus on our online Gurometer and compare your scores with ours. Ideally, do it before listening, lest Matt declare your numbers inadmissible.
https://decoding-the-gurus-gurometer.netlify.app/