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Supplemental Study Guide: https://www.recoveryalchemy.org/newsletters/blog/posts/grief
In this solo episode of The AfterMeth Podcast, Dallas makes the case that recovery from chemsex is unlike recovery from any other addiction because what's being left behind isn't just a substance — it's an identity, a community, a culture, and a hard-won sense of freedom from the weight of being a gay man in a world that demands so much. Walking away means grieving the version of yourself who found shameless pleasure, kink, connection, and escape inside that life, even as that same life began to cost more than it gave. To help men name what they're moving through, Dallas maps the recovery journey onto Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — sharing his own raw experiences of each, from standing on the street after being evicted in a fog of denial, to the white-hot anger turned on the people who loved him most, to the bargaining with Tina that always ended the same way.
Dallas walks listeners through what each stage actually sounds and feels like in the chemsex recovery context: the minimizing self-talk of denial, the righteous fury of anger, the loophole-hunting of bargaining (which so often masquerades as relapse), the crushing finality of depression, and finally the quiet power of acceptance — the moment you stop keeping one foot in the doorway and fully step into the 2.0 version of yourself. He reminds listeners that grief doesn't move in a straight line, that camping out in one stage or spiraling between them is normal, and that simply noticing where you're living right now is itself the beginning of moving through it. This episode kicks off a deeper series, with future episodes unpacking each stage in depth alongside practical tools for processing what arises. A supplemental study guide is linked in the show notes.
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