TALK: The Science of Conversation – Alison Wood Brooks
We spend a lot of time each day in conversation. What if you could get better at it? Alison Wood Brooks, author of the new book, Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves, shares her research and tips on how to master conversation, become a better listener, navigate difficult discussions - and what makes an effective apology.
Alison Wood Brooks joins us from Massachusetts.
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Bio
Dr. Alison Wood Brooks is the O’Brien Associate Professor of Business Administration and Hellman Faculty Fellow at the Harvard Business School, where she created and teaches a course called TALK. As a behavioral scientist, she is a leading expert on the science of conversation. Her award-winning research has been published in top academic journals and is regularly cited in media outlets such as The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, and NPR. Her research was referenced in two of the top ten most-viewed TED talks of all time and depicted in Pixar’s Inside Out 2. In 2021, she was named a Best 40 Under 40 Business School Professor by Poets & Quants. "TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves" is her first book.
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For More on Alison Woods Brooks
Read Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves
Website
Workbook
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Wise Quotes
On Boomerasking
"Asking questions is magical. It's why there's a whole part of the acronym is about asking. But Boomerasking, which is named after the outgoing and incoming returning arc of a boomerang, is sort of a boundary condition on the power of question asking, because it's like this. It would be like, I say to you, Joe, have you ever been to Nepal? And you say no, and I'm like, let me tell you about the time I went to Nepal. It's almost like you're thinly veiling your egocentrism and sort of self-centeredness, your desire to disclose about yourself. You're kind of masking it with this insincere question. And you hear it all the time. And what we find in our research is that when I say, have you ever been to Nepal, first of all, that question is so specific, you're already on high alert. You're like, oh, God, here comes a story about Nepal. But even if I were to ask you, like, how was your weekend, and then I let you answer, and even if you were excited to answer that, and then I bring it right back to myself immediately without following up on your answer, it makes you feel like I wasn't interested to begin with. And that's a really bad feeling. In the end, conversation needs to be sort of ping pongy back and forth, where both people are sharing about themselves, but also feeling affirmed and validated and listened to as we're playing this ping pong game. And so if you bring it right back to yourself in boomerask, it undermines the healthy ping ponginess of a conversation. Thank you. Follow ups and callbacks do exactly the opposite. So whereas Boomer asks are a villain and you're doing, you're bringing it too much back to yourself, which people do all the time. Follow up questions, keep the focus on the other person. So anytime someone gives you this great gift of a disclosure, you share anything about your weekend. Or if I say, have you been to Nepal and you say, no, but I've been to Tibet or whatever.If they're giving you any sort of sharing, some disclosure,
Ireland