The Identity Crisis No One Talks About in Sobriety
You quit drinking to feel better — and you do. But you also feel... a little lost.
Your old life doesn’t quite fit, and the new one still feels unfamiliar.
Welcome to the identity crisis no one warned you about.
In this episode, we’re talking about what really happens after you get sober — the part beyond the cravings and the willpower. Because when alcohol is no longer part of your life, it takes your old routines, confidence, and identity with it.
If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t even recognize myself anymore…” this episode is for you.
You’ll learn:
Why feeling disconnected is actually a normal part of early sobriety
The 3 phases of the identity shift that every sober woman goes through
How to get out of the “in between” phase and build a life that actually feels aligned
Plus, I’ll give you practical tools and journal prompts to help you reconnect with who you really are — without alcohol.
This isn’t just about staying sober — it’s about becoming the person you were always meant to be.
🔗 Links Mentioned in This Episode
🎧 Episode #29 with Jenn Kautsch (Sober Sis):
https://addictionunlimited.com/jenn-kautsch/
📞 Is Angela the Right Coach for You? Book a Call Here:
https://addictionunlimited.com/call
💬 Join the Free Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited
🛏️ Cozy Earth – Save 40% with Code ANGELA:
https://cozyearth.com
🔥 Highlights & Time Stamps
[00:00] Why sobriety brings an unexpected identity crisis
[03:15] My personal story: Letting go of the bar scene and finding new purpose
[09:40] Phase 1 – The Drift: Why everything feels “off” even after you quit
[15:22] Phase 2 – The Discomfort: When the old life fades, but the new one isn’t clear yet
[21:15] Mid-roll ad: Cozy Earth Bamboo Sheets — sleep cooler, feel better
[23:20] Phase 3 – The Becoming: How to stop surviving and start becoming the woman you want to be
[28:40] 4 practical tools to support your identity shift this week
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20:05
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20:05
Should I Moderate or Quit?
If you’ve been telling yourself, “I don’t think I need to quit completely—maybe I can just cut back…”
This episode is for you.
I’m sharing a story about a client—let’s call her Sarah—who had all the drinking “rules”:
✅only on weekends
✅never before 5 p.m.
✅only wine
And still… every Monday, she felt ashamed.
Not because she got blackout drunk—but because she broke yet another promise to herself.
That’s when it hit me—what Sarah really wanted wasn’t moderation.
She wanted to drink without consequences.
And that’s the trap.
Because moderation feels like control… but it’s actually just a delay tactic.
One that keeps you stuck, confused, and constantly negotiating with something you’ve already lost control of.
In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on:
Why moderation seems safer but quietly steals your progress
What’s really happening when you keep trying to “regain control”
The emotional truth that no one’s saying out loud
And my 3-question Clarity Framework to help you figure out your next step
This isn’t just information—it’s a turning point.
And if you’ve been white-knuckling the moderation loop, trying to avoid quitting altogether, it’s time for some real relief.
You’re not doing anything 'wrong', you’re just tired from trying to fix something that can’t be fixed.
🔗 Links & Resources:
💥 Join the Dry July Coaching Challenge → https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited
🎧 Listen to “Relief, Not Relapse” (Episode 376) → addictionunlimited.com/376
🔥Want private coaching? Book a FREE call for next steps: addictionunlimited.com/call
If this episode cracked something open for you, “Relief Not Relapse” is the perfect follow-up—especially if you're caught in the on-again, off-again loop. Go listen when you're done here!
⏱️ Episode Timestamps:
0:00 – IntroSarah’s story, the trap of moderation, and why this episode is your turning point.
1:20 – Welcome + What We’re Talking About TodayWhy this conversation matters, what moderation really represents, and what you’ll learn.
2:30 – Segment 1: The Moderation MindsetWhy moderation feels safer, how it keeps you stuck, and the emotional bait-and-switch no one talks about.
7:45 – Segment 2: The Dangerous Truth About ModerationThe real-life costs of trying to moderate, the risks you're inviting, and the moment that could change everything.
11:30 – Segment 3: The Clarity FrameworkThree powerful questions to get honest about your next step (and stop spinning in the maybe).
14:30 – Your Takeaway + InvitationWhat to remember from this episode, where to get your Clarity Questions, and how to take the next step with support.
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16:06
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16:06
Sober Self-Care for Moms Who Feel Like They’re Drowning
If wine feels like the only way you can get through dinner, laundry, or one more bedtime meltdown—this episode is for you.
In this powerful solo episode, I’m diving deep into the emotional truth behind mommy wine culture and why it’s not about the alcohol—it’s about the overwhelm, burnout, and emotional depletion so many moms are silently carrying.
We’re breaking down:
Why quantity doesn’t define a drinking problem—intention does
The emotional load motherhood places on women (and what alcohol pretends to fix)
3 real-life sober self-care tools that actually work when you're overstimulated and exhausted
How to shift from using alcohol as a coping mechanism to building a self-support system that lasts
Whether you’re already sober, sober-curious, or just tired of feeling like wine is your only relief—you’ll leave this episode feeling seen, supported, and empowered.
🔗 Resources & Mentions:
🎧 Episode with Michelle Smith on Mommy Wine Culture
🛌 This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth – use code ANGELA at cozyearth.com for 40% off cooling sheets, loungewear, and more.
📓 Learn more about private coaching at addictionunlimited.com/call
🔧 In This Episode:
[03:12] Why wine feels like emotional fuel—not just a treat
[08:45] “Am I drinking too much?” The real question to ask
[13:01] The One-Song Reset: a powerful nervous system hack
[16:17] Grounding techniques for overwhelmed moms
[20:42] Reclaiming your energy without the glass of wine
[26:05] The truth about emotional addiction (and how to break it)
Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts
“I love Angela & Addiction Unlimited Podcast.” <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you — to keep moving forward to the recovery lifestyle they want. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
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18:30
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18:30
Relief Not Relapse
What to Do When Cravings Hit and Drinking Feels Like the Only Option
When a craving hits, it can feel instant and overwhelming. One minute you’re handling your day, and the next, your brain is screaming for a drink.
But here's the truth: you don't actually want the drink—you want relief. And in this episode, I'm giving you the tools to get that relief without sabotaging your sobriety.
We’re breaking down the C.A.L.M. Method, a 4-step, science-backed process you can use in the exact moment a craving strikes. Whether you're early in sobriety, navigating emotional triggers, or just sick of the cycle, this episode gives you the step-by-step guide to interrupt the urge and come out stronger on the other side.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The crucial difference between thinking about drinking and actually craving a drink
Why cravings are physical, not just mental—and how to calm your nervous system fast
A powerful mantra that will change how you think about relapse
How to shift from panic to empowerment in just a few minutes
Real tools, real stories, and a repeatable framework that works
You don’t need to white-knuckle your way through a craving. You need strategy, support, and a system that works—especially on the hard days.
So if you’re ready to take your power back, press play now.
🔗 Resources & Links:
Join the free community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited
Need support? Learn about coaching with Angela: addictionunlimited.com/call
Follow Angela on Instagram: @AddictionUnlimited
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20:56
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20:56
5 Hidden Patterns That Keep You Drinking
You don’t drink because you’re weak. You drink because you’ve been stuck in patterns no one ever taught you how to recognize.
In this powerful solo episode, I’m walking you through five emotional patterns that quietly sabotage your sobriety—even if you’ve quit drinking before, even if you think you “should have this figured out by now.” These patterns are subtle, but they run deep… and they’re often the very reason women end up back at Day One.
So if you’ve ever asked yourself:
“Why do I keep doing this when I know better?”
“Why does it feel impossible to stop?”
“Why do I start strong and then fall right back into old habits?”
This episode is for you.
Here’s what we’re covering:
✅ The “Peacekeeper Pattern” (a.k.a. people-pleasing and emotional burnout)✅ Why escape isn’t about alcohol—it’s about unprocessed pain✅ How perfectionism, control, and identity confusion are fueling the cycle✅ The exact thoughts these patterns whisper to keep you stuck✅ Journal prompts to help you break the loop and move forward for good
💬 I’ll walk you through each pattern, what it sounds like, how it hijacks your thinking—and how to start taking your power back, one decision at a time.
🎧 Tune in if:
You’re tired of starting over and want real tools to make this stick
You feel like you’re doing “okay” on the outside but still struggling in secret
You’re ready to stop half-assing sobriety and start healing for real
✨ Ready to stop spinning your wheels?
If you’re done screwing around with the same tired cycle—and you’re ready for deep, lasting change—book a free call with me. We’ll get honest about what’s keeping you stuck and map out exactly what working together could look like.
🖱️ Click here to schedule your call → addictionunlimited.com/call
📣 Don’t forget:
If this episode hit home, share it with a friend, post it on IG and tag me @addictionunlimited, or leave a review on Apple Podcasts—it helps other women find this life-changing work. 💛
Are you ready to ditch daily drinking, reclaim your confidence, and create a life of freedom? Each week, Angela combines no-nonsense advice, personal stories, and science-backed strategies to tackle the challenges of sobriety. Angela Pugh is a globally-ranked Life Coach and podcast host, a professional Interventionist, and entrepreneur with more than 18 years of personal sobriety, helping people rebuild their lives since 2008. From navigating relationships to managing triggers, you’ll discover practical tools, empowering insights, and real-world solutions to thrive in sobriety. It’s time to stop feeling stuck and start feeling unlimited. Listen now for the inspiration, tools, and support you need to live a sober, confident, and happy life.
Ireland