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Ask the Unfaithful

James & Sam
Ask the Unfaithful
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  • Episode 49: Was the Unfaithful Really in Love with the Affair Partner?
    In this powerful episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences in the aftermath of infidelity: limerence. Often confused with love, limerence is an obsessive, fantasy-fueled state that can hijack recovery and prolong betrayal. If you’ve ever felt “addicted” to your affair partner or struggled to break free—even when you know the relationship is destructive—this episode is for you. Join Sam and James as they explore: • What limerence really is (and what it’s not) • How emotional and sexual affairs can become neurologically addictive • The difference between a soulmate and a "woundmate" • The role of fantasy, childhood wounds, and emotional neglect • Early warning signs that you’re in a "Limerent Spiral" • Proven steps to break free and come back to reality • How to recognize limerence if you are in it - or if you're a betrayed observing it • How unfaithful partners can recognize, and heal from, the damage of limerence • This episode is a must-listen for couples trying to rebuild after infidelity, therapists supporting betrayal recovery, and anyone caught in the grip of obsession disguised as connection. 📺 For more helpful content, we invite you to explore our companion show: Ask The Betrayed (@AskTheBetrayed on YouTube) 📧 Contact us: [email protected] 🔗 Need help healing? Visit HopeForUs.com (Email: [email protected] ) or email Sam at [email protected] 📘 Download the FREE workbook for this episode: https://www.asktheunfaithful.com/down...  👍 Like, Subscribe, and Leave a Comment below to share what resonated most—or ask your question for a future episode. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery
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  • Episode 48: 5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet
    In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack five critical signs that the unfaithful partner has not yet reached authentic, pro-active remorse. Whether you’re the one who broke trust and are unsure how to go about truly changing, or you’ve been betrayed and are searching for clarity, this episode is is packed with insight, compassion, and clear markers of where real healing begins. Together, we’ll explore what correctable issues point to a need for the unfaithful to reach a true desire to change and genuine remorse. Most importantly, you will discover what true sorrow and living amends really look like in relational recovery. This episode isn’t just about calling out harmful behaviors—it’s about offering a roadmap for those ready to change.  If you’re in the thick of relational recovery and wondering what’s real and what’s just lip service, don’t miss this one!   📧 For coaching or intensives: [email protected] 📘 Download the FREE workbook for this episode: https://www.asktheunfaithful.com/downloads  📬 Reach out: [email protected] 🎧 Find us on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere podcasts are found. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery
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  • Episode 47: How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery
    In Episode 47 of Ask the Unfaithful, we continue the conversation from last week’s powerful session on judgment—but this time, we’re unpacking a major roadblock to healing after infidelity: criticism. Whether it’s self-criticism, perceived criticism from your partner, or full-blown judgment, this cycle quietly poisons recovery. And unless you know how to name it, reality-check it, and interrupt it, you’ll keep getting stuck in the same emotional loop—withdrawal, pursuit, shutdown, repeat. This episode is raw, practical, and packed with actual scripts and mindset shifts for unfaithful partners and couples who want to move from shame and defense to empathy and reconnection.   💥 In This Episode: • How criticism and self-condemnation sabotage connection • What the judgment loop sounds like in everyday conversations • How to shift from criticism to curiosity, compassionate accountability,   and emotional humility • When to dismantle the loop solo—and when you can do it together • Real-life scripts to foster emotional safety, mutual repair, and trust   🧠 Key Concepts: • “Criticism isn’t connection. It’s resistance.” • “You don’t need to be perfect—but you do need to be present.” • “Compassionate accountability = responsibility without collapse, empathy without shame.”   📧 For coaching or intensives: [email protected] 📘 Download the FREE workbook for this episode: https://www.asktheunfaithful.com/downloads  📬 Reach out: [email protected] 🎧 Find us on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere podcasts are found. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery
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  • Episode 46: How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery
    Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic inner dialogue that convinces unfaithful partners they are irredeemable, unworthy of love, and incapable of change. We explore how internalized shame, perceived judgment, and self-condemnation erode emotional safety, block empathy, and shut down intimacy. More importantly, we offer tools to help you reframe, reconnect, and rebuild—starting with how you see yourself. In this episode: • The 4 kinds of judgment in recovery (actual, perceived, internal, wise) • What makes self-judgment “malignant” and how it sabotages repair • How shame turns into emotional paralysis and relational avoidance • Why self-condemnation is not humility—it’s self-protection • How to shift from identity shame to responsible action • Tools to reality-check judgmental thoughts and reclaim relational leadership “You are not your worst moment. You are not your shame. You are capable of repair.”   Do You Want the Companion Workbook? (COMING SHORTLY) Download it at: AskTheUnfaithful.com/Downloads Do you have questions or therapy or coaching inquiries? Email us at: [email protected] Please Subscribe for weekly episodes at: @AskTheUnfaithful To Healing,  James and Sam ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery
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  • Episode 45: Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work?
    Fear is part of being human—but when you’ve betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal. In this powerful episode, we explore how emotional inhibition, shame, and fear-based expectations keep unfaithful partners stuck—and what it takes to break through. You’ll learn how to challenge fear, dissolve shame, and start showing up with truth, vulnerability, and presence. Healing doesn’t require perfection—it requires courage, responsibility, and a willingness to risk connection again. 🔑 In this episode: • What emotional inhibition is—and how it silently damages recovery • How fear and shame distort your expectations of pain • Five truths about fear that every unfaithful partner needs to hear • Practical tools to act bravely even when fear doesn’t go away • The shift from blame and paralysis to ownership and empowerment • How to rebuild emotional safety through honest, consistent actions 💬 “Fear is not the enemy. Avoiding it is.” 📘 Download the FREE workbook for this episode: https://www.asktheunfaithful.com/down... 🖥 Explore more episodes and resources: @AskTheUnfaithful 👉 Please like, comment, and subscribe for weekly guidance in unfaithful partner recovery. To Healing,  James and Sam ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery
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About Ask the Unfaithful

The Ask The Unfaithful Podcast, is a safe place for both Unfaithful and Betrayed Partners to find hope and healing. This podcast draws on both our personal and professional experience to provide expert insight into the mind of the Unfaithful, and how their behaviors traumatically affect the life, heart and even brain plasticity of Betrayed Partners. Ask the Unfaithful is hosted by two Unfaithfuls in long-term recovery, James and Sam: Therapist and coach James Annear who co-owns CORE Relationship Recovery with his wife, Sharon Rinearson. They have been helping couples recover from the traumatic impacts of infidelity, sexually compulsive behaviors and addiction for over a decade. Formerly with Affair Recovery and now host of Sam's Healing Podcast, Sam has been producing videos for almost 10 years and helping to care for those in crisis due to infidelity and addiction for almost 15 years.
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