Finding Joy in Your Home

In Part 1 of this series, I asked the question: Can you really raise a large family well? Welcome to part 2.
I'm the oldest of four kids, which, in my mind growing up, did not feel like a large family. But apparently… it was and is especially now!
People used to ask my mom if we were all from the same dad (which was always baffling because we all look like clones). And now, looking back, I realize: okay, yes, even four kids is considered "a lot" these days.
But my husband Jason? He's the oldest of seven. And now here we are with eight kids of our own…ages 13 down to 1.

Our next door neighbors and good friends from church are pregnant with their eighth child, and our collective 15 children run back and forth between our backyards literally all day long. At our current church and our previous church, 15-passenger vans are the norm in the parking lot, and no one bats an eye at 5, 6, 7+ kids sitting in the pew.
This isn't some rare, theoretical thing for us. This is just our life.
In my last article, we asked a big question:
Can you really raise a large family well?
Not just survive it: but do it with joy, connection, and intention?
That question matters, because most of us don't have many real-life examples to look to anymore. We hear opinions and we see hot takes online. But we don't often get to step inside a large family and see what it actually produces over time. When we are not used to seeing even 4-child families out in society, how on earth are we supposed to learn how to have more than the normal 1.6 kids?
And here's what I've come to see very clearly:
Large families come with their own set of challenges. There are hurdles you just don't face with one or two kids.
But—
There are also unique, abundant blessings that you simply don't get any other way.
It's one thing to debate this idea online of having more than 1.6 kids, it's another thing entirely to learn from families actually doing it!
So on a podcast episode, Jason and I chatted about this idea. I asked him,  "Did you actually like growing up in a large family?"
He didn't hesitate to say, "Yeah. I really did. And wouldn't change it for anything." (Online critics like to say that the eldest child in a large family never wants a large family of their own. It's simply not true!  And his oldest sister currently has 5 kids. In fact, all 6 of his siblings say they want at least 4 kids and several of them are already there!)

"I Never Felt Overlooked"
Let's just go straight for the biggest fear. Because I know it's the one everyone is thinking.
There's no way all those kids get enough attention.
Right?
Like… someone has to be overlooked. Someone has to feel lost in the mix. And I'm not saying there wasn't a season where one kid felt like they didn't get as much attention, etc. But I'll be straight with you: I was one of only four kids (FOUR, a completely normal number of children throughout all of human history) and I had so many times of feeling overlooked, whether I really was or was just navel-gazing too much is a therapy session for another day.
I met Jason when I was 16 and he was 18. His younger brother is my exact same age (minus 27 days) and it was so interesting watching this homeschool family with 7 kids function. I loved seeing how they were such a close-knit family and welcomed me wholeheartedly into the crew over the next 3 years. Boots on the ground I actually watched his mom raise Jason's younger 3 siblings. When I met Jason, his mom was just 2 weeks away from having baby #7. And let me tell you one thing: The way his mom poured her heart and love into those kids, sure she didn't always get it right or always say the exact right thing to the angsty teenager, but her kids had all of her. When so many kids from much much smaller families had so much less of their moms.
Now, before we get all starry-eyed, his family was not perfect. We have to make sure we don't idealize something to the point of not recognizing faults. There are of course certain pitfalls that large families can get into it. And it behooves us to recognize those and address them within our own families, but more on that in the next large family article.
Now here's the kicker—they're still close. All seven of them. That doesn't just happen and it doesn't happen by accident either.

The Sibling Thing (It's Kind of a Big Deal)
If you've never been around a large family, I think this is the part that's hard to picture.
The sibling relationships are everything. You're not just giving your kids a brother or sister. You're giving them: built-in friends, constant companions, people to do life with… forever. Even when there have been arguments or hiccups, we know that our siblings would be there for us no matter what (and I know that many families out there can't say the same thing). And the older you get, the more important that becomes.
And here's something Jason said that I don't think we think about enough:
Your siblings are your longest relationships in life.
Longer than your parents. Longer than your spouse. Longer than your kids.
That's wild.
And now that we have eight of our own, I'm starting to see this play out right in front of me.
Our 13-year-olds? They are obsessed with playing with the one year old. They love being the one to wake him up from his nap because he's always so cuddly at first!
My 9-year-old daughter is constantly dragging the 5 year old into whatever she's doing like, "Come on, you're helping me now." (And he loves it!)
And the toddler? He's thrilled. Living his best life. The center of the Universe (insert eye roll here).
There is always someone to play with. Always someone to follow. Always someone to annoy. (Let's be honest.)
And it creates this environment that you just… can't manufacture any other way.

The sweetest part to me: Family Culture
This one surprised me. Because I assumed we would be the ones creating the family culture. And yes - we do set the tone - and work hard to make a God-honoring family culture.
But there's something else that happens in a large family: The kids start creating culture all on their own.
There's the inside jokes (that even I don't get).  The made-up games. And all these little traditions that don't involve us at all.
Jason was talking about this, how in his family, so many things just developed naturally between the siblings. The amount of inside jokes they all still have is astounding!
And we're seeing the same thing now. I'll walk into a room and they're all playing some game I've never seen before, with rules I definitely didn't teach them. Or joking with made up lingo that I have no clue what it means.  And it's just… theirs. It's messy and loud and kind of chaotic, but it's also really, really special.
"Wait… They Actually Become Helpful?"
Okay, let's talk about something very practical. Because if you're in the little years right now, you are probably thinking: "This sounds lovely but I am drowning."
I get it. When all your kids are little, you are doing everything. For everyone. All of the time.
You are buckling every seatbelt - Our oldest 5 were all in 5-point harness carseats at the same time and not a single one of them could unbuckle their own carseat when baby #5 was born. It was wild!  You are pouring every cup. Breaking up every fight. Filling every single physical and emotional need. It's a lot in those little years, even with just two kids!
But then, you pass this turning point. I remember when baby #6 was born and my oldest twins were 7, it started feeling like a different world. All of a sudden they could get me a glass of water or fetch a diaper. It wasn't ALL on me, all of the time. They started to have autonomy and the game started changing.
They grow up. And suddenly: They can make food, they can help clean, they can do laundry, they can contribute.
Not in a "child labor" kind of way 😅 But in a we all live here, we all help kind of way. And also, you're going to be an adult one day and need to know these important life skills kind of way.
And it really changes the dynamic of the household.  We do quick whole-house cleanups together. Just ten minutes, everyone has a job and it's done!
What would take me two hours alone gets knocked out in minutes because everyone is pitching in. And honestly? They like being capable. They like knowing how to do things. They take pride in it (even if they occasionally act like it's the worst thing that's ever happened to them).

It's Loud. It's Busy. It's… a Lot.
I'm not going to pretend it's peaceful and quiet over here. It's not. We have seven boys. Let's just start there.
There is always: noise, movement, someone talking (yelling really, I think our family has only one volume), someone wrestling, and someone hungry.
Even when everyone is behaving well, it still looks like chaos from the outside. Because there are just… a lot of people. I finally realized that when we all go out to dinner, our kids could be perfect angels the entire time and it still would just feel a little chaotic because of so many little people.
But here's the thing: You stop trying to make it quiet all the time.  And you start realizing…This is what a full house sounds like. It's life. It's energy. It's a whole lot of people living together, not just coexisting.
Your Life Doesn't End (I Promise)
I think a lot of people assume: "If I have a big family, my life is over."
Like you'll never: go anywhere, travel, do anything fun ever again, or just be a woman any longer and not just a mom.
Meanwhile…we took eight kids and traveled the country full time for two years 😅
Was it always smooth? Absolutely not. Did we have moments where we were like, "Why did we think this was a good idea?" Yes, many.
But here's what we learned: You get better. You learn how to: plan better, train your kids, adjust expectations.
And over time, things that used to feel impossible, get easier and just feel more normal.
I used to feel completely overwhelmed taking two toddlers to the grocery store. I remember thinking: this is it, it's impossible. I'm only shopping on Saturdays when Jason is home and can watch the twins!
Now? If I only have two kids with me, it feels like a vacation. The other day I took the three youngest with me (ages 5, 3, and 1) to do some thrift store shopping and it was no big deal. It's funny how that happens.
God Grows Your Capacity
This might be my biggest takeaway from all of it.
Because every single time we added another baby, I had the same thought: "I cannot possibly handle more."
And then… somehow… we did. And somehow it's the perfect addition we didn't know we needed.
Jason said it perfectly:
"You always feel maxed out. And then you add another, and somehow they fit."
That has been our experience over and over again. Not because we're amazing. But because God is faithful to grow you as your family grows. Even if that growth is painful sometimes. If you find yourself unexpectedly adding a new member to the family, rest knowing that God has had this planned. He knows this new sweet little babe is perfectly planned and will bring joy to your whole family! Trust that he will grow you when the time is right, and not before!

So… Can You Raise a Large Family Well?
I think the answer is yes. We've witnessed it in our own life with Jason's family and many times with friends who have grown adult children. Sometimes you read these anti-big family articles online and it's easy to wonder if it's even possible because there are some who didn't raise their large family well (just as there are those who didn't raise their two kids well). Yes, it's absolutely possible, worth it, and so much fun!!
Look, none of us are perfect. Jason's parents weren't perfect and Jason and I certainly aren't. I hate to even address this topic because I feel woefully imperfect. And yet, I think it's something that modern Christian women need to read: Yes, it's quite possible to raise more than the normal 1.6 children and for it to be a blessing to your life and your children's lives.
When you look at a family that's done it well…You don't see deprivation. You see: connection, capability, deep relationships, a whole lot of life and this elusive village that everyone's talking about online today.
And honestly? It's pretty beautiful.
Next in this series…we're going to talk about the other side of this:
The pitfalls.
Because yes, there are things to watch out for. And if we're going to do this well, we need to talk about those too.

I originally wrote this article in April and I'm finally getting around to publishing it. I'm about to place 5th Azure order and it indeed has already made a huge difference in our budget (see the bottom of the article)! 
Over the years, I've developed quite a system for storing and cooking out of a bulk pantry. I routinely buy 25-50lb bags of dried goods and cook almost everything from scratch. Now, 10+ years into this journey, I take for granted how easy this system is to maintain. But when I first started out, it was anything but.
I remember googling "How to store 25lbs of spelt" and getting lost in debates about using oxygen absorbers or storing everything in mylar bags inside 5-gallon buckets. Man, I even remember a good 17 years ago when I got my first bag of dried beans and felt really intimidated about how to cook it since I'd only ever bought canned beans.
At the height of my bulk pantry, I had a good 17-20 5-gallon buckets that stored everything from various kinds of grains, to multiple types of rice, lentils, beans, pasta, and so much more. I was working my way to a 3-month steady supply of everything, hoping to eventually get that to a 6-month supply (while actively eating out of that pantry). This working pantry is just practical and the everyday foods we actually eat. There's another segment of people who are preppers who are just stockpiling a doomsday pantry, but it's pretty useless if you don't actually eat that food or know what to do with it!

It's never a bad thing to be prepared. With a bulk pantry, you can so much more easily weather financial storms or actual storms. We all realized through 2020 that our food system is not nearly as stable as we might have imagined. But even more than that, a bulk pantry just makes sense. It is by far the cheapest way to run your kitchen, will save you oodles on your grocery budget, and is such a healthy, non-processed way to run your kitchen. Plus, once you get your bulk pantry set up and you get beyond those initial questions, it's the easiest way to run your kitchen! No more running to the store because you forgot an ingredient. You can whip up tortillas, or make a batch of beans, or throw together a Mexican feast with everything you have on hand! It's incredibly simplifying (and satisfying).
But why I'm writing here today is to give you a peek at how to start a bulk pantry like this for the first time. It can feel overwhelming to get started, and it can feel like it costs too much money to do. You look at these bags of grain for $35 and calculate that times 20 bags and think "I can't fit that in my grocery budget!" but the entire goal is to slowly replace grocery money you would normally spend on smaller items, like 2-3 cans of beans or a single loaf of bread. Your bulk pantry can start out quite modest, but with time, it snowballs into something significant!
I am restarting my bulk pantry, almost from zero. I do have all my 5-gallon buckets and glass jars, thankfully, but I am taking these steps myself to rebuild my bulk pantry food. I am hoping that in about 6 months, my bulk pantry will once again be rock solid!
At the height of my bulk pantry, all I had to do was look at my pantry each month and place my bulk food order with Azure Standard. Because my pantry was so stocked, I wasn't ordering little amounts of every item our family would eat that month; I was able to just buy a large 25-50lb bags of the items I needed to stock up on. At that point, I was spending about 60-80% of our grocery budget on bulk foods and our quality of food had risen so dramatically. Plus my pantry was amazing!
However, we were called to clean out our little house, downsize everything into a storage unit and leave Oklahoma behind for a move to North Carolina. It was not a move we had expected, but we are so thankful for where God has led us. But it meant a move into an RV for a year and a half while we relocated and figured out where we would land. Now, here we are, finally settled in our new house and ready to rebuild!

But when I look at my meager grocery budget and the goal of wanting to rebuild my bulk pantry (right now!!), I'm left with the same feelings that my readers have said to me "But it just costs to much to get started and I feel like I can only do a little bit!" And that's true! Because I don't have anything extra to aid this rebuilding (If I had an extra $300-1000 that I could throw into getting started, this could go a lot faster), I am just going to do it slow and steady. I've decided to pull $100 a month from my grocery budget for this purpose. I figure I can save just $25 a week from my normal grocery shopping to divert to this cause. And the goal is that, with each passing month, this will free up more money to put towards the bulk purchases since it really does save a lot of money in the long run!
The beauty of a bulk pantry is that once you get going, the snowball effect does indeed take over. Before you know it, you will have a fully stocked pantry and all you'll have to do is restock it from there. We are a family of 10, with 8 of those being boys. So we go through a lot more food too than the average family. When we were a smaller family, it wasn't nearly as hard to stock up the bulk pantry. So the length of time you'll get out of each bag will likely be longer than ours!
Here's what I ordered in my March Azure order: 
Raw honey, 12lbs - $37.46
Spelt, 25lbs - $36.30
Whole oat groats, 25lbs - $16.12 (We flake them into rolled oats)
Seed potatoes for the garden - $15
Here's what I ordered in my April Azure Order: 
Black beans, 25lbs - $33.96
Sugar, 25lbs - $35.88
Brown sugar, 5lbs - $11.46
Azure dish soap - $6.90
Popcorn, 25lbs - $30.70
A small but mighty order that will go a long way. For the next 2-3 months, here are some items I will consider getting next:
Unbleached all-purpose flour - $26.35
Pinto beans, 25lbs - $44.19
Green lentils, 25lbs - $38.51
Brown basmati rice, 25lbs - $32.53
Maple syrup, 1 gallon - $62.41
Coconut oil, 1 gallon - $26.08
I will also layer in smaller items as well that are 1-10lbs usually like: yeast, baking powder, salt, millet, cocoa powder, pearled barley, spices, and items from Azure's cleaning line. I am excited to document this process this year. I am getting my second Azure order this week and already the snowball effect is starting to make a difference. I predict that over the next 3-4 months, it's going to make a significant impact on my grocery budget and buying trends!

If you've been feeling stressed, weighed down, worried, or just quietly unsettled lately… this is for you.
I've walked through cycles of this myself over the past few years. Since 2020 especially, it has felt like a constant hum beneath everything, an undercurrent of tension that never quite goes away, especially when one is chronically online. And somewhere along the way, I realized I didn't want to live like that anymore.
So I stepped off the hamster wheel.
I've been largely off social media since early January. I still check in occasionally as needed, messages, customer needs, anything urgent. I try to keep it under five minutes. But even in those few minutes, the pattern is unmistakable.
My feed fills with women, thoughtful, intelligent, faithful women, carrying visible stress. Concern about the world, politics, health, toxins, culture, the future. Some of it is valid. Much of it is important. These are not trivial things.

And yet… the weight of it all is constant.
Then I open Substack, my one remaining online space, and I find it there too. In essays, reflections, and commentary. Even among voices I deeply respect, the same thread runs through: concern, urgency, pressure. Although not nearly at the rate and intensity on other social media.
I don't say this to dismiss any of it. There is much in our world worth wrestling with and thinking through. But I've started to notice something else.
By almost every historical measure, our lives are easier than they have ever been. Running a household, let alone a business, has never been more accessible. We have tools, conveniences, and resources that previous generations could not have imagined.
And yet, for all that ease, we are carrying unprecedented levels of stress. Not because we are under constant physical threat, but because we are under constant informational pressure. We are exposed to everything. All the time.
A disaster across the world reaches us instantly. A new study contradicts what we believed yesterday. A food we carefully researched is suddenly labeled harmful. A conversation spirals online, and we feel pulled into it—emotionally, mentally, even spiritually.
Our bodies don't distinguish between proximity and distance. Between real danger and perceived urgency. So we live in a near-constant stress response. And it's exhausting.
We were not made to carry the weight of the entire world every single day. And yet, that's exactly what modern life quietly asks of us.
So if you're feeling overwhelmed… it might not be because you're doing something wrong. It might be because you're taking in far more than you were ever meant to hold.
So what do we do?
How do we step out of this cycle and return to something steadier, more grounded, more human? These are the things I've been practicing over the past six months (and really the past few years) that make such a difference.

Get off social media
Yes. I said it.
I know it's not popular. I know it makes people upset (the few times I've even mentioned my own personal desire to step back from social media on IG have been met with some very offended responses). There's a real resistance when we start talking about stepping away from the constant stream of input.
But it's worth asking: what is that resistance revealing? For years, I believed social media had a meaningful place in my life, and for a time, I think it did. It connected me to others. It allowed me to share, to learn, to build something good. It was a huge vehicle in our online business and I'll be forever grateful for the connections made.
I'm grateful for that season and for the high point of social media.  But seasons change. And I also personally think we are past the peak of usefulness of social media.
What once offered connection now often delivers noise. What once inspired now frequently overwhelms. You go looking for something helpful - and instead find yourself sifting through celebrity gossip, unrealistic expectations, endless products, and a steady drip of comparison and fear...amidst trash world.
And the reels: the endless, fast, fragmented reels, are shaping us more than we realize. Training our minds to expect constant stimulation. Shortening our attention. Flattening our ability to think deeply.
I've come to believe this is not neutral. It is forming us.
So if you are feeling stressed, anxious, out of sorts, and listless. Get off social media. Delete it for a week and see how you feel. Jump off the doomscrolling and realize you don't need input every second of every day. It's been almost five months since I've been completely off of social media and guess what? I'm not actually missing out on anything at all!
I want to meditate on the good, the true, and the beautiful. Instagram might have once helped facilitate that, but I feel like it no longer does.
Take a break. It'll be good for your brain.
Read real things again
One of the downfalls of the past 10 years is that almost no one has an attention span longer than 7 seconds. Now, congrats! You are one of the exceptions since you are reading my admittedly long-winded article right now. You've stuck the course, you've banked on this long-winded article actually having a payoff at the end, or at least a little something to pull out along the way!
Partly why I took so long to exit social media (and no, I'm not 100% completely gone from it as I'll hopefully share soon), is that there can be some redeeming qualities to it. I've met fellow bloggers, podcasters, and authors online who I've then come to meet in person, attend conferences with, share hotel rooms and meals, and even eat dinner in their homes. I've formed beautiful, lovely, God-honoring connections and friendships.
I've gained valuable knowledge. I've picked up fantastic tips and saved more than one stellar recipe. I've learned, laughed, and grown.
But social media has now moved beyond the tipping point of usefulness for me, and I've found myself drawn back to what I call "the old school blogging days". As a bit of a dinosaur in the blogging world (my first blog, Young Wife's Guide, was born in 2009), I've found myself longing for those simple days.
Reading long articles, coming across tutorials I can actually follow, save, and come back to, friendships formed out of words and loveliness not fake Instagram set-ups and dancing reels.
So this year marks my entrance back into blogging. And a mighty surprise: I found the one place I actually do want to spend 20-30 minutes a day online: Substack. But that's also a convo for another day.
If you're stepping away from social media but still crave connection, learning, or inspiration: seek out voices that invite you to slow down. Sit with a cup of coffee. Read something that requires your attention. Let your mind stretch again.
Fill your mind with what is good
Stress rarely arrives all at once. It begins quietly, a thought, a concern, a question, and then grows.
Left unchecked, it expands until it fills the entire space. And much of what we consume online accelerates that process.
So we have to be intentional about what we replace it with. Not just removing the noise, but actively choosing something better to fill our minds with.
Take a walk with your kids outside and focus on laughing and enjoying one another.
Take a 20-minute break, without your phone in hand, and sit in the warm spring sunshine and soak it up (Vitamin D works wonders for anxiety).
Start your day with your Bible open. Make it an absolute anchor point in your day. Coffee in hand, Bible on my lap and praying through the Psalms is how I start every single morning, and it's life-changing. God and His Word is the #1 way to combat stress and anxiety.
Start a book club and work your way through the classics. I'm part of a monthly book club with women at church, and it has quickly become one of my very favorite things! I've trained my affections so that I now spend my time reading good, beautiful, and highly engaging books instead of scrolling. There is no way around it: Reading for 20 minutes a day is way better for your brain, heart, and soul than 20 minutes of scrolling. I choose mental health over 20 more minutes of quick dopamine. You CAN retrain your habits and thought processes.
Do something tangible.
Habits can be retrained. Attention can be rebuilt. But it takes intention.
Do something real with your hands
There is something deeply stabilizing about physical, tangible work. Something our modern lives often lack and our bodies surely miss.
We say we're overwhelmed by managing a home, but in many cases, it's not because life is physically harder.
It's because we've lost familiarity with the work itself. We've drifted away from the skills that once grounded daily life.
So start small.
Learn to cook from scratch. Plant something. Fix something. Build something. Engage your body, not just your mind.
There's a reason kneading dough feels calming. Why working in the garden quiets anxious thoughts. It roots you in something real. Something immediate. Something within your control.
It's hard to remain in a spiral of anxiety when your hands are busy creating something good.
Learn something for the joy of it
Not everything needs to be productive. Some things can simply be… beautiful.
But get creative! We need to bring back the so called "Grandma hobbies" because staying busy with our hands, creating something good and beautiful, is one of the more surefire ways to combat anxiety.
Learn to knit, sew crochet, watercolor, quilt, punch needle, or any number of fun hobbies. You can tell what things excite me, can't you?
Put the phone down.
Step away from the constant input.
And begin building a life that feels full: not because of what you're consuming, but because of what you're creating.
Final Thought
We don't need more information. We need more formation.
A return to what is steady, grounded, and true.
A life shaped not by urgency, but a life shaped by intention.

Rediscovering God's design for family in a world that sees children as a burden
I have mostly been off of social media entirely since early January when I got my new "dumb-ish" phone for my birthday. But even so, news reached me that Hannah Neeleman from Ballarina Farms had her 9th baby. And that the internet has imploded over it.
I'm honestly not sure what is so shocking about a Mormon mom, who's had 8 previous babies, presumably every 1/5 - 2 years for over a decade, now having one more child. Like, don't you expect it by now? But nevertheless, baby #9 is here, and the interwebs have strong feelings about it.
Not being a Mormon myself, or particularly interested in what Instagram influencers are up to, I am not here to defend Hannah's family or enter into any debate about their life, their finances, or how they live their life (or portray it online). What I am particularly interested in, however, is this backlash against the simple fact that she would dare to have 9 children. "Hannah, don't you know that you are not supposed to have more than 1.6 children? Anything more is outrageous and clearly immoral!"
The outrageous thing is that the United States has fallen to a birthrate of just 1.6 children per woman(1), which is now tragically below the replacement rate, and is a record low. We are seeing this same trend over most of the developed world, including Canada (1.4), virtually all of Europe (with a combined birth rate of 1.4), Japan (1.3), South Korea (0.8), Australia & New Zealand (1.6 each), among others. If you are someone who believes the world is overpopulated and that this change is good because immigrants will come in and do all the jobs needed, or that technology and AI will replace all of the jobs needed, we can still be friends, but we will not agree on this issue. You might want to go on your merry way to a different article.

Our two sets of twin boys, back to back! 
Because of the birth rates that have been falling for decades, when you go outside your home with two cheery, or two cranky, toddlers, you will hear over and over again "Wow, you've got your hands full!" or if anyone is having a tough time being out past naptime or just being a toddler, you will get nasty comments and looks. (This is a topic for another day, but I do think two things are happening here: on the one hand, no one disciplines anymore, and children are allowed to run wild in public spaces and can genuinely be a nuisance. We are tired of parents not teaching and training their children, and so any outburst, noise, or even laughter from someone under 5 feet tall is looked at with a side eye or outright sneering. We, as a society, have forgotten what it's like to have children around. We've forgotten that they are entitled to live and take up space as much as any adult. We've forgotten that children are precious and that they are learning how to be adults and members of society, and such training needs to happen in the real world. It's as if our tiredness of permissive parenting has convinced an entire society of adults that 100% of all children are ill-behaved and a nuisance. But I digress...)
Our society can no longer fathom how someone could have 5-9 children, and that it must be impossible. What we forget is that until about 3.5 seconds ago, this was the norm. And don't come at me with "Well, rates of infant mortality were higher." Yes, and families still had a lot of kids who grew to adulthood. You can disagree on the reasons why they had so many children, but the fact remains that generations upon generations of women raised more than 4 children and did it successfully.
So, back to Hannah.
A viral tweet when the news broke relays the sentiments of a large portion of my generation: "You cannot give nine children adequate time, attention, and connection." This sparked articles and comments arguing that large families bordered on child abuse, that large families are oppressive or ignorant, and that mothers (and children) in large families are miserable. As someone with a whole lot of experience in this area, I've been mulling this all over for days.
But I haven't been mulling it over when it comes to Hannah. I've been mulling it over because moms in this generation need to know that there is another way to have a family than the 1.6 children they see in society. Families need to be encouraged that you can have a large family and that it can be a joy and a blessing. I love looking back through old literature or hearing stories of great-great-grandmas raising their brood, but it's hard for us to connect with these stories on a personal level.
We read about Ma Ingalls raising her larger-than-normal family (by today's standards, anyway) in a dugout without electricity, running water, or an urgent care to run to when the cough turns deep in the chest. We are inspired by the rugged courage it took to be a mom back then, and we might even pick up a tip or two. But by and large, we don't know how to connect the lessons we see from Ma Ingalls or Marmee with those of our very modern world, juggling soccer practice, grocery pick-up, social media, dating, lack of community, and so much more. In so many ways we see, we have it so much easier than "back then," and yet in others, it seems impossibly harder.

18 months later, we welcomed our 1 precious girl!
If we are firm in the fact that children are a blessing from the Lord, then we also know there IS a way to raise 3-4 children, 5-6 children, or even more in a good, godly, and wonderful way. For the past year or so, it's often been on my mind that American (and Western) women need a better blueprint for raising children. We are now a couple of generations out from larger families being even somewhat common. We don't need to be learning from the Hannah Neeleman's of the world or the latest Instagrammer (I am thankful for some of the good and godly voices there sharing the positive (and the hard) sides of raising kids like Abbie Halberstadt - M.is.for.Mama and Elisha and Katie Voetberg of Now That We're A Family), but rather from the mother sitting a church pew away from you, wrangling her five children, 7 and under. Or the mom fielding college applications and nursing a baby at the same time. Or the experience of the older mom welcoming grandchildren into the family.
I launched a project last spring that I think I'm finally ready to pick back up. I am the oldest of 4 siblings (along with a half-sister I sadly did not get to grow up with). Even at the time, I didn't consider myself from a large family, but my mom constantly got comments asking if we were all from the same dad (even though we share such a strong family resemblance) and remarking on what a large family we were! My husband, however, is the oldest of 7 kids, very much a large family by today's standards.
I always said I wanted a large family, and 6 was my ideal number of the largest family I could fathom. My husband said he wanted more like 4. So we compromised and said 5 was the perfect number. All young couples are idealistic when they have these conversations because, of course, they have no idea how many children they will indeed one day want, nor indeed the number of children they will actually be able to have! 
But 5 children came and went, and we realized that the "ideal" number for us kept moving up. Now, we have 8 beautiful children, ages 13 down to 1. So, not quite the 9 that Hannah now has, but I think I'm close enough to speak on this topic. Plus, we have the benefit of Jason having grown up in a large family with all 7 adult children still loving and walking with the Lord - Praise be to God!
At the beginning of last year, I read the terrific book, Hannah's Children (totally unrelated to the Hannah mentioned above), and it got my wheels spinning. Hannah's Children: The Women Quietly Defying the Birth Dearth explores why some women in modern Western culture (it might just be centered on the US, I can't remember now) choose large families despite declining birth rates, highlighting their values, motivations, and sense of purpose. The book argues that their choices challenge mainstream assumptions about fulfillment, success, and family life.
Overall, great book, and I highly recommend it. However, it interviews any woman with 5 or more children, regardless of faith. And it really only gets into their motivation for having a large family. I would like to go about 5 steps beyond that. I am focusing on Christian women because our faith highly impacts how we raise our children. And I'm not only interested in what motivates Christian women to have 5 or more children, but what common principles we can draw from the families who have raised a large family well.

And since then we've added 3 more sons to the mix, making us a family of 10!
It's no secret that it takes a lot to raise a large family. There are so many schedules to juggle, education to oversee, finances to count, food to cook, and love and attention to go around. So, as Christian women, how do we do this well? How do we practically and spiritually raise a brood of kids who love the Lord and develop a strong family connection? How do mothers of many do this with health, vitality, and vigor? There are so many flavors of good family cultures, different personalities, and different family sizes (a family with 4 kids will function a bit differently than a family with 12) that I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all answer. But I do think there are so many wise women who are quietly living this out. And until our congregations and neighborhoods are full of larger families again, it's a good thing to be able to learn from those around the country or the globe.
How do we steward a large family well? 
I have collected email addresses from over 100 Christian women (not Mormon, not another faith) with 6 or more children who are going to participate in a study that I'm putting together. We have mothers who are deep in the trenches with 6 kids, 8 and under. We have mothers sandwiched in the middle who are bouncing a baby on their knees and teaching their teens to drive. And most importantly, we have mothers who have raised their 6+ children, and all of those children are still walking with the Lord. I am particularly interested in this segment to see if we can pick up some common threads that contributed to this (I think quality talking time will be a recurring theme, but we'll see)!
I have plans of turning this study into a book, and I would love the prayers along the way. This will not be a quick turnaround, but I do think it has the potential to be a very significant project. I will, Lord willing, provide updates as we go into it. This week, I will be formulating the study questions and getting initial information out to study participants (Let me know if you have any burning questions you want me to ask)!
So, in the spirit of the Hannah Neeleman controversy and getting inspired for my new study, I'll be doing a series of articles on the topic. Here's what I'll tentatively be covering:
The blessings of a large family
The pitfalls of a large family
You actually get better at this (addressing the concern that one person can't mother this many)
Addressing the no-time-for-one-on-one myth
Parentification of the kids
Mom's health and vitality
The question of birth control
Educating a brood
Finances and what is "the good life?"
I am inviting you to join me in this series, not because I have all the answers (far from it), but because I think we need to be asking the questions.
(1) https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2026/is-the-us-birth-rate-decliningaud

For the first time in a couple of years, I've really been enjoying my reading list! I've set a goal of reading 104 books this year, at a clipped pace of 2 books per week. Here at the end of February, I've managed to stay on track with this goal and hope to see it through this year.
Part of my renewed vigor with reading is that it has now been 4+ years since I've gone this long without being pregnant. In fact, 2026 might be the first year that I will not have a nursing baby or be pregnant since 2019 (7 years, wow)! In fact, I've only had two years (2013 and 2018) since 2011 that I have not been pregnant or had a baby under 1. Holy moly, when you put it that way, I need to give myself a lot more grace for my failing routines. I say that partially in jest and partially in truth.
Only the Lord knows what is ahead but my focus this year is building back up my body, my strength, and hopefully some braincells while I'm at it! It feels like a year wide open for good routines and nurturing parts of my health that have gotten neglected as of late.
I know you landed on this post to read my 40 before 40 list of classics I'm attempting to tackle over the next 4 years, but for me, the context matters. I think I'm finally ready to tackle some of these more daunting reads. And more than that, I'm excited to!
Jason and I have each taken on a big reading goal. We will turn 40 and 42 just 3 weeks apart from each other. So I made my 40 list and he made a 42 list. We have a lot of overlap but many changes too (books either of us has already read and he replaced the homemaking books on my list with others). This gives us just under 4 years to complete this list. So at a pace of 10 books per year, I think we can do it!
Now technically, my list is actually 44 books long. I counted C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy in one spot an then ended up adding two more books to the end of the list. I'm on a big classics binge right now and I want to read those anyway, so might as well add them to my list!
My reading list is based on working through the entire Western Canon. Also refer to this article for a crash course in the classics or for starting your own 40 before 40 list. I'm already looking forward to my 50 before 50 list.
Jami's 40 Before 40 Reading List:
Classic Literature & Story: 
1. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontë
2. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
3. East of Eden – John Steinbeck
4. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
5. Middlemarch – George Eliot
6. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
7. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
8. Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë
9. The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas and Auguste Maquet
10. The Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton
11. Gone with the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
12. Rebecca – Daphne du Maurier
13. Gullivers Travels - Jonathan Swift
14. Silas Marner – George Eliot
Epic & Philosophical Literature: 
15. The Divine Comedy – Dante Alighieri
16. The Aeneid – Virgil
17. The Odyssey – Homer
18. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky
19. The Brothers Karamazov – Fyodor Dostoevsky
20. The Faerie Queene – Edmund Spenser
21.L es Misérables – Victor Hugo
22. Don Quixote – Miguel de Cervantes
Christian Faith, Family, & Home:
23. The Hidden Art of Homemaking – Edith Schaeffer
24. What Is a Family? – Edith Schaeffer
25. A Chance to Die – Elisabeth Elliot
26. Orthodoxy – G.K. Chesterton
27. Pilgrim's Progress – John Bunyan
28. The Space Trilogy – C.S. Lewis
29. Life Under Compulsion – Anthony Esolen
30. How Should We Then Live? – Francis Schaeffer
31. On the Incarnation – Athanasius
History, Philosophy & Formation: 
32. Meditations – Marcus Aurelius
33. Pensées – Blaise Pascal
34. Plutarch's Lives – Plutarch
35. Church History – Eusebius
36. Foxe's Book of Martyrs – John Foxe
37. In Defense of Tradition – Richard Weaver
38. The Gulag Archipelago – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
39. Lonesome Dove – Larry McMurtry
40. Kristin Lavransdatter - Sigrid Undset
41. Paradise Lost - John Milton












42. Canterbury Tales - Geoffrey Chaucer
Another goal that I will slowly be working through (without a timeline) is reading all of the works of a few particular authors including:
George McDonald
C.S. Lewis
J.R.R. Tolkien
Jane Austen
Charles Dickens
Edith Schaeffer
Franics Schaeffer
G. K. Chesterton
John Steinbeck
Jason and I both just got our lists finalized and I'm off to a good start! I just finished Pride & Prejuide and then dove into Emma. Emma isn't on my list but I am working on reading all of Austen. I took a break from Emma though because my book club is reading Cranford, another book not on my list but well worth a read! I will be diving into What is a Family by Edith Shaeffer next. I started this years ago and never finished it.
I'll add some 40 before 40 reading updates for you throughout the year! Have you created a similar reading list? I'd love to know what you think I need to start adding to my 50 before 50 list!