Sex is about so much more than just fucking. It's about our relationship to ourselves and to our bodies. It’s about how we experience gender and the power dynam...
Rethinking Romance with Amy Key, author and poet and Poppy Jay, co-host of Brown Girls Do It Too
On this week’s episode of the podcast we wanted to talk about love, specifically how we move away from our societal obsession with romantic love and instead cultivate a more expansive, inclusive notion of love. One that releases us from the pressure to find “the one” and instead encourages us to find the romance in our platonic relationships.
According to Pew Research, one in four people will now remain single for their adult lives; the number of people getting married has fallen significantly (in the US have decreased by 60% since the 1970s and 90% of the world's population now live in countries with falling marriage rates). Meanwhile, birthrates are falling globally and have actually halved since 1963.
Yet, despite these changes in the extent to which coupledom, marriage and the traditional family structure are changing, culturally we are still seemingly fixated on romantic love as the pinnacle form of love. For women in particular, there remains so much pressure to find a husband and hence become a wife and a mother, as though our societal worth is pegged solely upon those two things.
And then there’s the so-called ‘single tax’, aka the aka the additional finances single people shoulder by virtue of not having a partner.
But this wasn’t a depressing conversation about the perils of being single. Quite the opposite. Instead it felt to us like a much needed, deeply galvanising discussion about all the ways in which we can find great romance in our lives outside of the prism of marriage and the traditional family structure. It was a reminder to all of us that there is so much to be celebrated in designing your life on your own terms and not waiting for someone to come along in order to create the life you truly want.
Joining Emma-Louise on the podcast was writer, poet and author of Arrangements in Blue, a book exploring a life lived in the absence of love, and Poppy Jay, the Bafta award-winning director and co-host of the Brown Girls Do It Too a BBC Sounds podcast.
Book tickets to the next live recording of the Sex Talks podcast here.
And subscribe to the Sex Talks Substack here.
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1:04:51
Accepting rejection and embracing discomfort with Anna Mather, psychotherapist and bestselling author
On this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m joined by the wonderful Anna Mather.
She’s a psychotherapist, bestselling author and someone intent upon taking therapy out of the therapy room and into the real world, offering therapeutic insights via her instagram, online courses and in-person events and also through her podcast The Therapy Edit.
She joins me today to discuss her brand new book: The Uncomfortable Truth, which tackles head on the ten unavoidable truths that sit at the heart of so many of our most common fears.
From learning to face rejection and getting more comfortable with vulnerability, to overcoming perfectionism and learning self-acceptance, Anna articulates how we can apply her approach to overcoming fears to the context of dating and relationships.
You can purchase Anna’s book here.
Enjoy!
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57:42
The future of sex (is education) with Cindy Gallop, Jameela Jamil and Freddie Feltham
Cindy Gallop is the founder of Make Love Not Porn, a platform for people to post real-world sex videos. It’s not porn, she says, it’s social sex.
Now, she’s on a mission to raise $1 million in crowd funding in oder to build a sex education academy that will operate alongside her Make Love Not Porn.
Set to launch later this year, the Academy will will cover a broad range of topics, including masturbation, LGBTQ+ sex and relationships, first-time sex, menopausal sex, period sex, disability sex and erectile dysfunction. Users will have access to a vast range of sex education content, all vetted by human curators and searchable by age appropriateness, cultural sensibility and comfort level.
During this live recording of the podcast we delved into the problems with our broken sex landscape, how parts of the mainstream porn industry have fed into the rise in toxic masculinity and rape culture, the value of good sex education and what we need to do to create a better culture around sex for everyone.
We were also joined by actor, presenter, activist and the CEO of IWeigh, Jameela Jamil, who is an early-stage investor in the MLNP Academy, and digital consultant and former journalist, Freddie Feltham.
If you are affected by the issues discussed this please seek help via the below:
Rape Crisis are open 24/7 for anyone who has experienced something sexual without their consent. Call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website here.
Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).
116 123 (freephone)
[email protected]
Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS
samaritans.org
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1:05:52
Why do (some) men hate women? With Laura Bates (Everyday Sexism Project) and Ben Hurst (Beyond Equality)
*Trigger warning* we discuss issues around sexual violence, rape and assault in this episode, so please take care while listening. As always, I’ve put resources in the show notes for anyone who has been affected by the topics discussed.
In this live recording of the Sex Talks podcast I wanted to address a question that has been on my mind a lot of late: why do men hate women?
It is provocative, I know, and intentionally so. But amidst the seemingly relentless series of news stories about male violence, It is a question I just can’t shake from my head.
After all, this conversation takes place against a backdrop of ongoing, high profile sexual abuse and rape cases with the likes of Dominuqe Pelicot; Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs; the late Mohammed Al Fayed; and the former CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch Mike Jeffries, amongst some of the high profile names currently under investigation for allegedly committing the most unimaginable crimes.
What’s more, the scale of violence against women and girls is so high police chiefs have declared it a National Emergency here in the UK.
So, the purpose of this discussion was thus to try and better understand what is going on, why and what needs to be done now to end this epidemic of violence.
I was joined by the brilliant Laura Bates - activist, writer, speaker and journalist. She is also the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, an ever-increasing collection of over 200,000 testimonies of gender inequality.
Launched in 2012, the project raises awareness of sexism, provides a cathartic and empowering space for survivors’ stories to be heard and believed, and uses those stories to create real-world change in partnership with politicians, businesses and organisations from the United Nations to the Council of Europe.
She is currently writing her 11th book.
I was also joined by Ben Hurst, Director of Facilitation at Beyond Equality, an organisation that is rethinking masculinity and engaging men and boys in the gender equality conversation.
If you are affected by the issues discussed this please seek help via the below:
Rape Crisis are open 24/7 for anyone who has experienced something sexual without their consent. Call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website here.
Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. You can visit some Samaritans branches in person. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).
116 123 (freephone)
[email protected]
Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS
samaritans.org
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1:15:09
The art of Great Chat with Josh Smith, author, presenter and journalist
On this week’s live recording of the podcast, Emma-Louise was joined by journalist, presenter, podcaster and author, Josh Smith to discuss his brand new book: Great Chat.
The importance of communication is something we talk about ALL the time at Sex Talks, not least because - as we know - it's the key to great sex and deeper intimacy.
So when Josh published a book all about the art of great conversation we knew we had to sit down with him and extract all his tips and insights.
As a celebrity interviewer, Josh has talked with people of every background, mood and personality, (think Oprah, Victoria Beckham and Pamela Anderson) and they really open up to him. He's the master of creating a space that invites and nurtures vulnerability, which is critical to hosting a great interview but also cultivating a deep relationship with somebody.
In this episode Josh shares everything he’s learned about Great Chat in his many years working as a journalist; his two cents on how to translate this to the context of dating; and the best piece of advice he's ever received (from none other than actress Hayley Atwell).
We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did.
You can buy Josh's book here and find out when the next live recording of the podcast is here.
Sex is about so much more than just fucking. It's about our relationship to ourselves and to our bodies. It’s about how we experience gender and the power dynamics that come with it. It’s about our capacity for vulnerability and how willing we are to let others in.
Our relationship to sex tells us so much about who we are and how we show up in the world. So why don't we talk about it more openly?
In this podcast, host and founder of Sex Talks, Emma-Louise Boynton, sits down with a new guest each week to do just that. Opening up discussion on typically taboo topics, Emma-Louise explores issues around sex and relationships, gender and the role technology is playing in changing the way we date, love and fuck.
From writers, authors and therapists, to actors, musicians and founders, the podcast brings in voices from across the board to talk about sex.
If you want to attend one of the monthly LIVE recordings of the Sex Talks podcast at The London Edition hotel, book your ticket(s) here.
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