Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

This is a controversial episode — and we want to hear from you.
📞 Bite Your Tongue Phone Line: (719) 347-1106
Call and share your thoughts, questions, or experiences.
🎁 FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY:
The first caller will receive a free copy of FCK Them Kids*. Leave your name and email.
Family estrangement has gone mainstream — from Oprah to headlines about celebrity families — and the narrative is almost always the same: parents are to blame.
But what if that story isn’t complete?
In this emotionally charged and controversial episode, Denise is joined by psychologist and author Vivian King, PhD, whose book F* Them Kids* challenges what she calls the one-sided narrative of the estrangement epidemic. Vivian speaks candidly about her own experience with estrangement, the role of social media and therapy culture, and why many loving, non-abusive parents are being dehumanized and silenced.
This conversation is not about dismissing adult children’s pain — it’s about expanding the dialogue, questioning cultural assumptions, and asking hard questions about accountability, boundaries, and dignity on both sides.
Whether you agree or disagree, this episode invites you to listen with curiosity, courage, and an open mind.  We will talk about:
The rise of “no contact” culture and the language of blame
How social media and online echo chambers reinforce estrangement
When therapy helps — and when it harms
Why many estranged parents are not abusive or neglectful
The emotional toll of estrangement on parents
Should parents apologize “no matter what”?
How to hold on to dignity, self-worth, and joy when a child cuts contact
Why this conversation makes so many people uncomfortable — and why it matters
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much. 
Facebook
 Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Support the show

Support the show


The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Send us your feedback here:  [email protected] or give us a ring at 719-347-1106. Tell us what is on your mind.  
Now on to today's episode:
What if the hardest part of parenting adult children isn’t knowing what to do—but knowing when to stop?
In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise sits down with licensed therapist and author Joanna Hardis to unpack her counterintuitive but powerful philosophy: doing nothing can be one of the most supportive things a parent does.
Joanna introduces the concept of distress tolerance—our ability to sit with discomfort without reacting—and explains why parents so often over-function, over-talk, over-explain, and over-apologize when their adult children struggle. While it may feel helpful in the moment, those reactions are often driven by our own anxiety rather than our child’s actual needs.
Together, Denise and Joanna explore:
Why parents confuse love with action—and how that backfires
How “doing nothing” is not abandonment, but emotional regulation
The difference between responding thoughtfully vs. reacting emotionally
Why swooping in sends the message “I don’t trust you”
How over-talking and people-pleasing quietly erode connection
The shift from doing mode to being mode in parenting
Practical, small “weight-lifting” exercises to build distress tolerance
Joanna offers concrete tools parents can start using today—beginning with something surprisingly simple: putting your phone down and sitting with discomfort.
This conversation is a must-listen for parents who love deeply, worry constantly, and want healthier, calmer relationships with their adult children—without losing themselves in the process.
Guest Resources: 🌐 JoannaHardis.com
We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like.  We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode.  So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much. 
Facebook
 Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Support the show

Support the show


The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Send us your feedback here:  [email protected] or give us a ring at 719-347-1106. Tell us what is on your mind.  On to today's episode:
Happy New Year.  We’re kicking off a new season with a best-of compilation of expert advice from 2025, focused on one thing: building healthier relationships with adult children. This episode brings together the most effective, field-tested tools from last season’s most impactful conversations—practical shifts in language, mindset, and boundaries that truly change the tone at home.
You’ll hear guidance on listening without fixing, navigating money and gifts, welcoming partners, easing tension through simple communication tweaks, and more.
We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like.  We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode.  So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much. 
Facebook
 Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Support the show

Support the show


The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Ready to upgrade your relationship with your grown kids without losing yourself in the process? 
We sit down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder author of the amazing book:  "Your Kids are Grown: Parenting 2.O."  
We unpack Parenting 2.0—the shift from managing to relating, from control to connection. If you’ve felt that knot in your stomach after a call, questioned whether your help is actually helpful, or wondered how to be close without being intrusive, this conversation offers a practical, hopeful roadmap.

We dive into the subtle habits that erode trust:
talking more than half the time, offering unsolicited advice
 giving gifts with hidden strings—and how to replace them with adult-to-adult skills: empathy, permission-based feedback, and clear agreements. 
Francine explains why tension can spike even after children are “launched,” how generational shifts created over-involvement, and why your body’s stress signals are a cue to pause, not push. We tackle money head-on, exploring when support fosters growth, how to set timelines and expectations, and how to recognize double messages that quietly sabotage connection.

If you’re ready to listen more, judge less, and build a relationship that feels mutual rather than parental, this episode will meet you where you are and show you the next step. Pick up Dr. Toder’s “Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0,” grab her Parenting 2.0 tip sheet, and join our community as we grow on purpose.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much. 
Facebook
 Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Support the show


The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

We know this isn’t our usual topic about building healthy relationships with adult children—but when we met Joe Dooley, we knew we had to share his story.  Even if this episode helps just one person—it’s worth it.
In honor of No Shave November, we’re taking a short detour to talk about prostate cancer—a subject that affects millions of families, often quietly. Joe, a 65-year-old living with advanced-stage prostate cancer, opens up about his journey from diagnosis to remission. He talks about what he wishes he had known, and why awareness and early testing matter so much.
Joe puts it best:
“Most men know their cholesterol level and their golf handicap, but don't know their PSA level - the key to early detection." (and "normal" is not always "normal")

Joe's story proves why understanding age-specific PSA ranges (not just "normal and "abnormal" is critical for men over 40, especially those with family history or genetic risk factors (and the BRCA Gene matters!)
This episode isn’t just about health—it’s about communication and connection. Joe shares how he’s been open and honest with his three adult sons about his diagnosis and treatment, and how those conversations brought them closer. His story reminds us that transparency and vulnerability can strengthen our relationships—especially during tough times.
And ladies—this one’s for you too. As Joe says, partners and family members can make a real difference by encouraging the men in their lives to get tested and talk about their health.
At the start of the episode, Joe shares a powerful quote that now sits proudly on my desktop. You’ll have to tune in to hear it—but I promise, you’ll love Joe and his story as much as we do.
(note: Joe is not a doctor - this is a personal story from his experience and what he has learned.)
Links: Joe Dooley The Full Story 
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Email us at [email protected] with ideas/feedback.

Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.
Facebook
 Instagram

Support the show


The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.