Moms of Medicine

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In this conversation, Ali and Shani revisit the realities of burnout, perfectionism, and rebuilding a career in medicine in a way that actually fits your life. Shani shares how closing her practice, going part time, and coaching women in medicine all connect to one idea: you do not have to wait for some future milestone to feel joy. We discuss practical mindset tools for handling difficult moments, how to reframe failure and sunk cost thinking, and why small daily actions matter more than waiting for the “right” time to change.
Key topics
Shani shares what has changed since her last visit, including selling her practice in January and continuing to work part time as a retina specialist.
In this episode, she explains why closing a practice is not automatically a failure and how it can actually create more alignment and joy.
We discuss the concept of duality and how two things can be true at once, like being worried about a patient complication and still being fully present with your kids at Disneyland.
Shani breaks down a step-by-step approach for handling stressful moments: feel the feelings
separate facts from fiction
create a plan
trust your decisions

She explains the “arrival fallacy” and why so many physicians keep postponing joy until after the next exam, promotion, publication, or career milestone.
We talk about making goals smaller and more specific so progress feels achievable and worth celebrating along the way.
Shani reflects on her own burnout experience, including ending up in the ER, and uses The Gap and the Gain to show how the same story can be framed as shame or growth.
In this episode, she emphasizes that burnout is largely system driven, but there is still a portion within your control, especially around boundaries, mindset, and rest.
She shares practical ways she recovered, including slowing down, going part time, journaling, yoga, friendship, and creative work.
We discuss why people know what would help them feel better yet still self-sabotage, often because of fear, guilt, perfectionism, or identity shifts.
Shani closes with the idea that saying yes to yourself strengthens your boundaries and helps you show up better for patients, kids, and partners.

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Key topics

In this episode, Susan explains that getting pregnant with Nicholas took about a year, similar to her experience conceiving Maddie, but for different reasons.
She shares that after Maddie’s birth she had prolonged bleeding, which led to a DNC after a retained piece of placenta was found.
Susan describes how that earlier procedure likely contributed to Asherman syndrome, with significant scar tissue in the uterus discovered during fertility workup.
We discuss the repeated procedures she needed to clear scar tissue, including use of a Foley balloon to keep the uterus open while it healed.
Susan talks about the emotional stress of fertility treatment while starting her first attending job and trying to manage clinic schedules, OR time, and appointments.
She reflects on how hard it was to feel like a responsible new attending while also dealing with fertility care and early pregnancy visits.
Susan compares postpartum anxiety with her first baby to the second time around, saying she was less overwhelmed, less intrusive-thought driven, and more able to recognize hard phases as temporary.
She talks how the second baby changed the logistics of parenting, especially with a toddler already at home and less free time to ruminate.
We discuss the difference between emotional and logistical difficulty when returning to work, including the intense feelings around daycare dropoff the first time.
Susan explains how her family planned childcare coverage around the reality of daycare sickness by splitting parental leave and saving time for sick days.
She talks through the weekly division of labor at home, including dropoffs, pickups, bottle prep, meals, and the constant negotiation between flexibility and structure.
Susan shares that outsourcing more tasks, like laundry, feels like the next step, even though she still struggles with guilt about paying for help.
Susan discusses how hard it can be to accept help with tasks you are technically capable of doing yourself.
Susan says one of the biggest mindset shifts has been redefining what a successful day looks like, especially when parenting young children and working long hours.
She names watching her two children interact as one of the most meaningful parts of parenting now.
Susan also reflects on the strange, awe-inspiring biology of motherhood, including thinking about the eggs that existed in her body long before her children were born.
Timestamps

00:00 - Reconnecting with Susan and introducing the second-baby conversation

00:41 - Nicholas turns one and the family keeps his birthday low-key

01:30 - Getting pregnant with Nicholas took another long road

03:47 - The postpartum bleeding after Maddie and the retained placenta

04:44 - Fertility testing leads to an unexpected diagnosis

05:18 - Discovering scar tissue and Asherman syndrome

06:14 - Multiple procedures with Foley balloons to reopen the uterus

07:16 - What it felt like to hear grim fertility statistics at nearly 40

08:32 - Managing pregnancy while starting a new attending job

09:47 - Balancing fertility appointments with clinic days and OR scheduling

10:47 - Why pregnancy felt hard to fully believe until much later

12:36 - Nicholas arrives and the second postpartum experience begins

13:02 - Less anxiety, fewer intrusive thoughts, and more emotional ease

14:28 - Why the second baby phase felt more peaceful overall

15:19 - Postpartum anxiety, vigilance, and intrusive thoughts

16:39 - Breastfeeding with less pressure the second time around

18:21 - The emotional pain of first daycare dropoff

19:41 - Why returning to work was harder logistically than emotionally

20:58 - Leaving a child at daycare versus leaving with familiar help

23:57 - Leave policy discussion gets cut from the conversation

24:57 - Why childcare planning starts with backup support

25:56 - Splitting parental leave and saving time for sick days

27:22 - Weekly dropoff and pickup coordination between parents

28:16 - The daily battle over meals, bottles, and night versus morning tasks

31:17 - Why outsourcing laundry feels like a realistic next step

32:31 - Hiring help for meal prep and folding laundry, and still feeling weird about it

35:29 - Relearning that not every productive task is the right task

36:27 - Redefining a successful day beyond housework and to-do lists

37:32 - Cleaning as a way to regain control in a chaotic season

38:29 - Favorite and least favorite parts of parenting

39:19 - Watching siblings interact and the wonder of family biology

40:40 - The “baby store” joke and closing thoughts

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Finally sharing about the day Colin was born!

Timestamps
00:00 - Introducing Colin’s birth story and the weekend that led up to it
 01:00 - Why the induction was scheduled around 37 weeks
 02:00 - A calm morning with Connor before heading to daycare
 03:00 - Boston rush hour versus the chaos of natural labor
 04:00 - Checking in at the hospital and the first emotional moment with the OB team
 05:00 - Crying when kindness hit harder than strength
 06:00 - Why she chose to proceed with induction despite grief
 07:00 - What “birth plan” meant in this context
 08:00 - Wearing her dad’s Patriots hat and wanting an epidural ASAP
 09:00 - Reflections on epidurals, pain, and her first labor with Connor
 10:00 - Starting the induction and wanting to be a passenger this time
 11:00 - Cytotec, Foley balloon, and contractions that got things moving
 12:00 - Her husband points out they do not need to wait for pain before requesting the epidural
 13:00 - Her outpatient OB’s unusual commitment to seeing her for every prenatal visit
 14:00 - How thoughtful communication and data-driven care shaped the pregnancy
 15:00 - Her OB’s support behind the scenes, including tumor board advocacy
 16:00 - Brief Pitocin trial and the baby’s immediate reaction
 17:00 - Watching TV, laughing, and keeping the room light during labor
 18:00 - The surprise baby-name vote and the fun of not knowing the sex
 19:00 - Checking the ICU schedule just in case birth complications sent her there
 20:00 - Pressure builds and the team realizes the baby is crowning
 21:00 - Waiting for the OB to arrive before pushing
 22:00 - Colin is born and the room fills with tears and emotion
 23:00 - Why pregnancy felt emotionally distant and uncertain
 24:00 - Seeing the baby on ultrasound and struggling with chemo-related worry
 25:00 - How not knowing the sex helped her stay detached and hopeful
 26:00 - Colin arrives healthy, despite the cord being wrapped twice
 27:00 - Naming Colin Robert and honoring her dad through the middle name
 28:00 - Telling family the baby is a boy and heading to postpartum recovery
 29:00 - Post-birth CT and MRI scans while still processing the cancer
 30:00 - Crying in the MRI and the strain of high highs and low lows
 31:00 - Why she does not believe grief and trauma can always be neatly processed
 32:00 - Family meeting Colin and the reminder that life keeps moving
 33:00 - Watching both boys grow and comparing first-time parenting to second-time parenting
 34:00 - Colin’s bright, social personality and the sense that he brought light into the family
 35:00 - Looking back on cancer during pregnancy as an unexpected blessing
 36:00 - Closing gratitude for Colin, Connor, and the listeners
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Summary

In this episode, I talk about grieving my dad's death while preparing for the birth of my son and navigating cancer treatment. 

Key topics
Coping with grief after losing a parent
Balancing emotional pain with joyful moments
Preparing for childbirth amidst health challenges
The significance of meaningful keepsakes and rituals
The coexistence of sadness and happiness in life
 Keywords

grief, motherhood, cancer, resilience, personal story, loss, emotional strength, life challenges

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and overview of the episode
00:28 Personal reflection on the impact of losing her father
01:21 The challenge of coping with grief in daily life
02:21 The unpredictability of grief and emotional responses
03:19 A moment of humor during a difficult day
04:49 The significance of photos and memories
05:48 Managing cancer pain while preparing for childbirth
07:12 Medical check-up and reassurance about the baby
08:54 The innocence of children and their impact on grief
09:33 Scheduling conflicts between birth and funeral arrangements
11:22 Deciding on the timing of induction and funeral
12:46 Making the most of last family moments before birth
14:24 The significance of meaningful keepsakes and symbols
16:32 Carrying a piece of her father with her during labor
17:54 Conclusion and upcoming episode focus

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