The Divorce Course Podcast

• Can You Write to Your Ex’s Lawyer? Family Law Tips for Self-Represented People

  Listen to This Episode If You: ✉️ You’re self-represented in your family law matter 🤯 You’re feeling overwhelmed trying to respond to legal letters ⚖️ You’re unsure of your rights when communicating without a lawyer 📬 You need tips for writing clear, respectful, and protective responses 🚨 You’ve been told you must respond but don’t know where to start 🧾 You want to avoid common traps and stay legally safe  📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation. Episode Summary: Can you write to your ex’s lawyer if you don’t have one yourself? What are the legal and strategic risks—and how can you protect yourself? In this essential episode, we break down how to navigate communication in your family law matter when you’re self-represented. From tone and structure to legal obligations and emotional traps, we cover everything you need to know to respond with confidence and protect your position. We also talk about when not to respond, what the Family Law Rules say about unrepresented parties, and what to do if the other side’s lawyer refuses to deal with you directly. If you’re facing legal letters, emotional pressure, or confusion about your next step—this episode is your guide.   ⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: 00:00 Introduction: Responding to Your Ex's Lawyer 01:45 Understanding the Stress of Legal Letters 04:13 What are the Rules for Communicating with Your Ex's Lawyer 06:31 Best Practices for Writing Legal Letters 15:43 Common Tactics in Family Lawyer Letters and How to Handle Them 19:42 Guidelines for Self-Represented Individuals in Family Law and Divorce 24:54 Handling Lawyer-Guided Mediation 25:16 When to Seek Legal Advice 25:43 Responding to Offers and Legal Letters in your Divorce 27:44 Managing Emotional Reactions in your Divorce 29:27 Timing and Professionalism in Legal Responses 31:44 Disagreeing Professionally in a letter to a family lawyer 36:26 Avoidant Personality Tips in Divorce Communication 38:02 High Conflict Personality Tips in Divorce Communication 39:36 Manipulative and Controlling Personality Tips in Divorce Communication 41:34 Amicable Personality Tips in Divorce Communication 45:17 Final Tips for Self-Represented Litigants Resources Case N Johnson (Appellant/Husband) and M L Johnson (Cross-Appellant/Wife) [1997] FamCA 32 (7 July 1997) https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FamCA/1997/32.html?query= RE: F Litigants in Person Guidelines [2001] FamCA 348 (4 June 2001) http://www6.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FamCA/2001/348.html?query= 102na Information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/fv-info-sheet Related Episodes Read a letter like a lawyer Decoding Divorce Word Salad Letters: Seven steps https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ?si=l_8Iu5hoSZmxw2mvkajU_A   Costs & Calderbank Offers https://open.spotify.com/episode/2B2Se7hTIBAOg5f5YJ5wqE?si=7xSMeQdYQRePtZ6kHWbnfw   Divorce Deals 101 https://open.spotify.com/episode/0cjgFLg0SGCOx98WkyTnXg?si=-lt0fSQcR9qvs01P5j0_WA Ten Essential Boundaries for Divorce  https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=PCrZb2qiRW617tOB4iJ--A   Community Legal Services and Legal Aid Episode https://open.spotify.com/episode/24RyAciJ6LAqMZpjUWXoJT?si=opezHO29QniWfu5lMUwowg   🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women’s Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)  

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• Is It Family Violence? Legal Definitions and Proof in Court

  🎧 Listen to This Episode If You… 🧾 Are trying to prove family violence in family court or to your lawyer 💔 Have experienced abuse and need to understand what counts under the law ⚖️ Want to know what evidence is helpful in a family law case 🕵️‍♀️ Are navigating post-separation abuse or coercive control 👨‍👩‍👧 Are worried about your children being exposed to family violence 📚 Want clarity on Australia’s legal definition of family violence  📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation. ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses domestic and family violence. Episode Summary: What counts as family violence in Australia? And more importantly—how do you prove it in court or explain it to your lawyer? In this vital episode, we unpack the newer and expanded definition of family violence under the Family Law Act, section 4AB, and explain how each part can show up in real life—and in legal documents. From stalking, coercive control and financial abuse, to how children are affected—we cover each part of the legal definition and give guidance on how to identify, name, and prepare evidence for your case. Whether you're writing an affidavit, preparing for mediation, or just trying to make sense of what’s happened to you, this episode is here to help you take the next step. ⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: 00:00 – What is this episode about and why does it matter? 00:40 – What trigger warnings and legal disclaimers should you know before listening? 02:09 – What recent changes have been made to the Family Law Act regarding family violence? 03:50 – What exactly is included in the new definition of family violence? 04:54 – How can you start gathering evidence of family violence? 11:46 – How do you prove emotional and psychological abuse in court? 17:16 – What counts as financial or economic abuse—and how can you show it? 27:58 – How does isolation and social control factor into family violence? 32:05 – Can friends or support people help provide evidence of abuse? 32:41 – What is the legal impact of family violence on children? 34:23 – How should you document incidents of family violence? 35:58 – Why are detailed affidavits so important in family court? 37:12 – When should you seek legal advice or a lawyer's help? 46:47 – What challenges might arise in mediation or court when trying to prove abuse? 57:17 – What are the key takeaways and support resources mentioned?   📌 Key Takeaways: The legal definition of family violence under Section 4AB Real-life examples of what courts consider family violence Emotional, economic, and psychological abuse explained How to describe incidents in affidavits or when reporting to professionals Children’s exposure to family violence and its legal weight Practical ways to document your experience for court     Resources Family Law Act  Section 4AB Definition of Family Violence https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html#:~:text=1975%20%2D%20SECT%204AB-,Definition%20of%20family%20violence%20etc.,family%20member%20to%20be%20fearful. Affidavit DIY Kit: https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/preparing-affidavit   Related Episodes Four things you might not realise are coercive control https://open.spotify.com/episode/37TbRPx2QlIf6IhTjIu21t?si=14F0S44DTV-auLxa1JZ7fQ Is it emotional abuse? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=xN-N_3QpSZ6bVoiPjmvnag Is it financial abuse? https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wxVtk6TOSCgqCJikfk6LD?si=fg9uTg5IR3iS9TqmMZejYg Divorcing your abuser https://open.spotify.com/episode/21TpYbC15VJt9lnb82Ub13?si=qai60uWwRg-kbkQ5nRYvdQ Telling your story: putting coercive control into writing https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Ci0M4DqznBf1L1kcZM3vY?si=6nY8QhxvSCuy92hPpLbfXg Affidavits  https://open.spotify.com/episode/6aGOz28irKroZfpYwlovyo?si=D_bm7-ftRjW6rozzjMbUbw   🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women’s Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)  

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• Living Arrangement Decisions For Divorce — What to Know Before You Buy, Sell or Rent

  🎧 Listen to This Episode If You: 💸 Are weighing the pros and cons of buying, selling or renting post-divorce  ⚖️ Need to understand how your living decisions affect property settlement under family law  👨‍👧 Are parenting and want to make housing choices that work for your kids  🏡 Just separated and unsure about where to live 📉 Are worried about financial risk and long-term planning Episode Summary: Where will you live after your separation or divorce? It’s one of the most important—and emotionally loaded—questions you’ll face. In this episode, I’m joined by Pedro Marin, Financial Planner from Marin Wealth, and my mum Lyn, an experienced family lawyer, to explore the options: keeping the house, selling, buying again, renting, or trying rentvesting. We look at the emotional, financial, and legal implications of each choice—and how they interact with the Family Law Act, especially Section 79(2) and 79(5), which focus on the needs of the children and future financial considerations. If you’re unsure what to do next or feel stuck between financial reality and emotional decisions, this conversation will help you start to look over the situation.  Disclaimer: This is not legal or financial advice and you MUST see a lawyer or financial advisor before making any decision. We are not liable for the outcome of your case and by listening to this podcast you agree to this.  ⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: 00:00 – What’s this episode about and why is it crucial for separated couples? 00:15 – Who are Pedro Marin Ramirez and Lynette Galvin, and how can they help? 00:36 – What property decisions do you need to consider during divorce? 01:42 – Why do you need both financial planning and legal advice after separation? 03:05 – Should you keep the family home after divorce? What to consider 09:42 – Is now the right time to sell your house? Key market insights for separating couples 12:49 – What should you do with lump sum payments after selling the house? 20:47 – What is rent-vesting and how can it work after divorce? 23:21 – What are the risks of renting or investing in property post-divorce? 24:34 – How does the Family Court consider children’s housing needs in property settlement? 25:11 – Why is “just renting” sometimes not enough post-separation? 26:15 – Why do you need an emergency fund and solid financial planning after divorce? 28:50 – What does The Barefoot Investor say about post-separation money management? 29:31 – What are the pathways to home ownership after a divorce? 34:43 – What are the risks of property surgery after separation? 36:01 – How do you navigate home loans and bank requirements after divorce? 40:01 – What are the final takeaways and key resources for post-separation housing? Resources Marin Wealth Free Calculators https://marinwealth.com.au/calculators/ Family Law Act 79(5)  https://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html 🎙️ Related Episodes: I really want to keep the house https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=vUHKQ7vUS0egoexZ5QQ7Zw Out of the box ideas to keep the house https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=Zct17ZGEQxaWg8xX4wEF0A Understanding Property Settlement Options in Divorce Future Financial Needs in Family Law: Explained Weapons of Tax Destruction in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Bvc2JFmgcLMpIZLIXEwVR?si=5zrzU_AHR_KSnJ9IovdUnA Taking Control of your Finances in Divorce - Financial Abuse Red Flags https://open.spotify.com/episode/0RzZTAL7xwRo1dvGoR8Ywr?si=iNX3fN1LQJijcucOnfKvOQ 🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women’s Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) 📌 Key Takeaways: You have more options than you think—but each comes with trade-offs Emotional attachment to a home can cloud financial judgment Rentvesting can work, but it's not a silver bullet Selling might feel like a loss but can also give you financial breathing space Legal and financial decisions are intertwined, especially with children involved The court considers both your current and future needs under family law

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• Divorcing an Abuser: Dealing with Post Separation Abuse

  🎧 Listen to This Episode If You… 😢 Feel like your ex is still trying to control you, even after the breakup 🧠 Want to understand how emotional abuse can continue post-separation 🛡️ Need strategies to protect your mental health during negotiations ⚖️ Are co-parenting with someone who is manipulative or abusive 👂 Want to learn what psychologists say about responding calmly and firmly 💔 Are feeling exhausted, anxious, or stuck in the dynamic even though it’s over 📚 Need real guidance from someone who understands trauma and divorce ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions about  abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Always speak to your own psychologist or lawyer about your specific situation. Divorce should bring closure, but for many, the abuse doesn’t end when the relationship does. In this powerful episode, we're joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova, who specialises in complex trauma, emotional and psychological abuse, and family violence. Together, we unpack post-separation abuse—what it looks like, why it’s so common, and how to recognise the subtle and not-so-subtle ways a controlling ex might continue to manipulate and harass you during legal negotiations and co-parenting. Krasi shares practical tools for setting boundaries, managing emotional triggers, and protecting yourself mentally and emotionally as you navigate separation and the legal  divorce process. If you're in the thick of divorce with an abusive or high-conflict ex, this episode is your lifeline.   🔑 Key Topics Discussed in This Episode: 00:00 – What is emotional abuse in the context of divorce? 00:15 – Who is Krasi Kirova and why is she an expert in emotional and psychological abuse? 00:54 – How can you set boundaries and protect your emotional health during and after divorce? 01:08 – What legal and psychological disclaimers should listeners be aware of? 01:42 – What did listeners say about our previous episode on emotional abuse? 03:13 – What challenges do survivors face after leaving an abusive relationship? 07:34 – How do you co-parent with an abusive ex-partner? 10:41 – How can you manage anxiety when dealing with legal communications from your ex? 12:34 – Why are support systems and legal preparation so important in these cases? 18:21 – How can you manage trauma and stress in family law settings? 21:01 – What should you understand about trauma reactions during supervised visits? 22:16 – What regulations and training exist for contact centers? 22:34 – Why are victims sometimes misidentified as perpetrators in court? 23:27 – What strategies do abusers use to sabotage mothers post-separation? 24:21 – What is the DIY Divorce Blueprint and how can it help you? 25:04 – How can you handle manipulative communication from your ex? 29:04 – How do you rebuild confidence after surviving coercive control? 31:45 – What are the common self-gaslighting patterns in legal processes? 37:00 – How do you create a supportive community during and after separation? 40:14 – What are the key takeaways and resources shared in this episode? 📌 Links & Resources Mentioned: 🔗 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service 🔗 Lifeline – 13 11 14 – 24/7 Crisis Support 🔗 Legal Aid – Access to legal help for those in need 🔗 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800 – Support for young people Dr Emma Katz - https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/how-domestically-abusive-men-continue  🔗 [Krasi Kirova's workshop – Understanding Emotional Abuse in Relationships] https://kirovapsychology.com.au/workshop/ 🎙️ Related Episodes: Do I really need to respond to that? https://open.spotify.com/episode/30yut1I0YFLaAAMSKsRoxe?si=WdkeKNSyTuaFVmoxDM3wUA   Is that Emotional Abuse? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=1ryvYQmYTOm56lzuYCHiUQ 🧠 Let’s keep the conversation going If this episode resonated, please share it with a friend or leave us a review. Your support helps more people find the show and feel empowered in their own journey. ENROL NOW www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol 🆘 Support Services: 💜 Women’s Shelter Service: 1800 811 811 ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state’s Legal Aid website 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): 13 11 14 👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800 🚨 National DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) 🖤 Aboriginal Family DV Hotline: 1800 019 123  

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• The Hidden Costs of Doing Nothing – Why Waiting in Limbo Might Be Hurting You

  🎙️ Episode 198: The Hidden Costs of Doing Nothing – Why Waiting in Limbo Might Be Hurting You   🎧 Listen to This Episode If You: 🔁 Feel stuck or overwhelmed since separating 📅 Keep delaying property or parenting decisions 💔 Are hoping things might just “work out” without action 💸 Worry about legal costs or can’t afford a lawyer yet 🛑 Feel like taking action will start a fight 🚧 Want a plan but don’t know where to begin 🧭 Need clarity to move forward without fear ⚠️ Trigger Warning: Discussions include separation, family court, and financial and emotional abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: General info only. Please get specific legal advice for your situation. Separation is overwhelming—there’s grief, uncertainty, and a mountain of legal stuff no one feels ready for. But what happens when you do nothing? In this episode, I sit down with my mum Lyn (a family lawyer) to talk about the risks of delaying action after separation or divorce. From financial pitfalls to missed opportunities and emotional burnout, we explore what it really costs to stay stuck in limbo. You’ll learn if waiting “until things settle down” can actually work against you—and how small steps today can protect your future. If you’ve been unsure about where to start, afraid to rock the boat, or feeling too exhausted to make decisions, this episode is here to give you the clarity and confidence to take your first step.   ⏱️ Episode Timeline: 0:00 – Trigger warning, legal disclaimer & welcome 1:30 – Why so many people stay stuck after separation 3:00 – What it feels like to be in post-separation “limbo” 4:45 – Common fears: lawyers, conflict, making the wrong move 6:10 – Emotional costs of doing nothing: guilt, stress, burnout 9:00 – Financial costs: how waiting can shrink your property pool 10:30 – Parenting: when not taking action can hurt your child’s stability 13:00 – False hope: thinking your ex will change or agree later 15:00 – How court views delays—and why judges may not be sympathetic 17:00 – Misconceptions that delay people from acting 20:00 – What to do if you’re scared of your ex’s reaction 22:30 – First steps you can take—without lawyers or court 25:00 – Why the DIY Divorce Blueprint was created for people in limbo 27:00 – Reassurance: you don’t have to figure it all out right now 28:30 – Final thoughts: permission to take action at your own pace     📚 Related Episodes: Four things you might not realise are coercive control https://open.spotify.com/episode/37TbRPx2QlIf6IhTjIu21t?si=Adxp2mmVSR62CXVWCJ8d2A ENROL NOW www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol   🆘 Support Services: 💜 Women’s Shelter Service: 1800 811 811 ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state’s Legal Aid website 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): 13 11 14 👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800 🚨 National DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) 🖤 Aboriginal Family DV Hotline: 1800 019 123  

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