The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if:
You've been told to attend mediation but feel unsafe agreeing to child care arrangements

Your ex is pushing for 50/50 care and you don't believe it's appropriate for the kids

You're dealing with substance abuse, family violence, or safety concerns and your child's safety

You feel pressured to compromise at mediation when you don't want to

You want to understand your options without giving in on safety

Have you been told you need to go to mediation, but you're worried about the outcome because you simply cannot budge when it comes to your child's safety?
Has your ex demanded 50/50 care, but deep down you know that arrangement isn't in your child's best interests right now?
We talk about how to approach mediation when you feel stuck, how to clearly communicate your concerns, and the practical options that may be discussed  including supervised time, stepped arrangements, and drug and alcohol testing.
If you're feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or unsure how to stand your ground, this episode will help you navigate mediation with clarity and confidence.
⏱️ Episode Timeline -Refusing 50/50 Care? What to Do in Mediation When Your Child's Safety Comes First
[00:00] – Mediation With Safety Fears
[02:33] – What Mediation Really Is
[05:40] – Holding The Safety Line
Why you don't have to agree to unsafe arrangements just to reach an outcome.
[06:37] – Define The Real Risks
How to clearly identify and communicate your specific safety concerns.
[09:27] – What Courts Call Unsafe
Understanding how the court views risk and safety in parenting matters.
[10:33] – Supervised Time Options
Exploring supervised contact as a way to maintain relationships safely.
[12:56] – Choosing Contact Centres
How supervised contact works and what to consider when selecting a centre.
[16:34] – Cutting Contact And Court Optics
What happens if time is stopped altogether and how it may be viewed legally.
[18:43] – Stepped Parenting Orders
Using gradual increases in time to build safety and trust over time.
[21:26] – Therapy Conditions And Pitfalls
When therapy is suggested, what to watch out for and potential risks.
[23:06] – Drug And Alcohol Testing
How testing can be used to address concerns and create accountability.
[26:25] – Costs And Waitlists
The practical realities of supervision services and delays.
[26:45] – Paying For Supervision
Who pays for supervised time and how this is handled.
[27:28] – Preparing For Mediation
How to go into mediation feeling clear, confident, and prepared.
[28:13] – When They Refuse Supervision
What to do if the other parent won't agree to safe options.
[28:48] – Best Interests Not 50/50
Why equal time is not automatic and must reflect the child's needs.
[30:40] – Court View On Refusal
How the court may interpret refusal to compromise or engage.
[33:27] – Holding Your Safety Line
Practical ways to stay firm without escalating conflict.
[35:17] – If Mediation Hits Impasse
What happens when no agreement is reached and what comes next.
[38:17] – Costs Threats Reality Check
Addressing fear around legal costs and pressure tactics.
[39:07] – Using Mediation For Property
How mediation can still be useful even if parenting isn't resolved.
[43:16] – Authenticity And Support
Staying grounded, supported, and focused during a difficult process.
⚖️ Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer
This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners.
If you are affected, please consider listening with support or contact:
Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14
1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732
This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your specific circumstances.
🔗 Helpful Resources
1800 RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14

Relationships Australia (Supervised Contact Services)

Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose

🎧 Recommended Episodes
Mediation: What It Is (and What It Isn't)  https://youtu.be/YvcWAYuG4QA?si=hSiXFvVDaFDV4J6v

Understanding the Best Interests of the Child (Section 60CC) https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=SDzN2cIzO4FtlMQu

Mediation Series: How to Prepare and What to Expect https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=TqUcJvQzmd2MMNJc

🎧 Listen to this episode if:
You are about to negotiate parenting orders or a parenting plan



Your coparent is high conflict, manipulative or controlling



You're worried they will twist agreements or exploit loopholes



You're preparing for mediation or family court for parenting orders



You want parenting orders that actually reduce future arguments

Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer
This episode contains discussion of family conflict and family violence which may be distressing for some listeners.If you are experiencing family violence or feel unsafe, please contact 1800 RESPECT (Australia) or your local domestic violence support service.
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Laura and Lynette are discussing general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and listeners should obtain independent professional guidance about their specific circumstances.
Episode Time Stamps: The Parenting Order Loopholes Your Ex Will Exploit (And How to Close Them)
00:00 High Conflict Co Parenting
01:59 Why Orders Need Clarity
05:10 Changing Orders Is Hard
07:03 Loophole 1 Communication Rules
11:53 Loophole 2 Last Minute Changes
14:12 Loophole 3 Handover Boundaries
20:14 Loophole 4 Extracurricular Conflicts
26:30 Loophole 5 Stop Trash Talking
28:04 High School Choice Traps
29:39 Private School Fee Fights
31:14 School Updates and Access
32:07 Kids Phones and Screen Rules
35:50 Passports and Travel Clauses
40:06 Medical Decisions and Info
44:34 Emergency Contact Requirements
46:27 Rosters Holidays and Ambiguity
50:07 Think About What Ifs
51:12 Wrap Up and Disclaimers
 
 
Helpful Resources
Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14



1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732



Family Court of Australia resources on parenting arrangements



Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, Talking Parents

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode
1. 12 Agreements to Include in Parenting Plans
Referenced when discussing the main structure of parenting agreements before talking about loopholes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j325rOj96QvV8spPnYsX5?si=td4XlKQZSr6CXfCSm9H_bA
2. Handover Hell
Mentioned during the discussion about pick-up and drop-off conflicts and handover disputes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=guIkwi1ITJuTOnshvpP9VA
3. Trash Talking
Referenced when discussing parents speaking negatively about the other parent around the children.https://open.spotify.com/episode/7bxqn5I6B1HCzO9r0zKnxY?si=nEH3splzQxSTBOUikJJHhA
4. Interstate Travel With Children After Separation
Mentioned during the travel and passport boundary discussion. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0auxUUS6QSh0ILcGHXbQgk?si=CmhYz74pSquyhTI2dgRMbQ
5. Tech Facilitated Abuse
Referenced during the children's phones, devices and monitoring discussion. COMING SOON
6. Sole Parental Responsibility
Suggested for listeners who want to understand decision-making authority around medical or school issues. https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O0VczmgtAPUrvcgJiF8HP?si=BM0nanlwTP6k67SMF8yg4g
Summary
Many parents believe that once parenting orders are made, the conflict will finally stop.
But the reality is court orders don't magically change behaviour.
If you are dealing with a high-conflict, manipulative, controlling or avoidant ex, poorly written parenting orders can become a playground for loopholes, misunderstandings and ongoing arguments.
In this episode of the Divorce Course Podcast, Laura and Lynette break down the most common loopholes people exploit in parenting orders and the practical boundaries you may want to think about before signing anything.
Because while parenting orders can't eliminate conflict entirely, clear boundaries can prevent many of the arguments before they even start.
You'll learn how to think about communication, handovers, school decisions, travel rules, technology, medical issues and more all through the lens of preventing future conflict.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:
You are separated but still living under the same roof as your ex

You feel stuck in the house and don't know how to move forward

You want to know what an ouster order is

You want to understand sole occupancy

Someone told you if you leave the house you will lose your rights to it

You want to understand what you can legally do to create space after separation

Your ex refuses to move out and you don't know what your options are

You're wondering whether you can make your ex leave the house

You're dealing with a manipulative, avoidant, high-conflict, or coercive control type ex

You want to learn about trial separations, nesting, temporary arrangements, and sole occupancy orders
You're worried about how staying under one roof is affecting you or your children

You want practical strategies to move forward without damaging your property settlement



⚖️ Legal & Safety Disclaimer
This podcast provides general educational information only and is based primarily on Australian family law. It is not legal advice and should not replace advice from a qualified legal professional. Always seek independent legal advice specific to your circumstances.
This episode also discusses family violence and coercive control, which may be distressing. If you feel unsafe or need support in Australia, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline (13 11 14), or call 000 in an emergency.
When a relationship breaks down, most people focus on the big things: the kids, the property settlement, and the future. But one of the most suffocating parts of separation is often the very first step — how do you stop living under the same roof as your ex?
If you're walking on eggshells at home, wondering whether you can leave, whether you'll lose your rights to the house, or whether you can legally make your ex move out, you're not alone. These questions come up for almost everyone navigating separation.
In this episode, Mum and I break down five realistic ways to create space after separation without damaging your property settlement. We talk about what you can legally do, what you absolutely shouldn't do, and the myths that keep so many people stuck living under one roof for far longer than they need to.
[00:00] – The Fear of Being Stuck in the House During Separation
Why the family home becomes one of the biggest emotional pressure points in divorce, and why living under one roof with your ex can feel suffocating for you and your children.
[02:43] – What You Should NEVER Do During Separation
Why throwing belongings outside, changing locks, cutting utilities, or intimidating your ex can backfire legally and even be considered family violence.
[04:44] – Divorce Myth: Do You Lose Your Rights If You Leave the House?
Debunking one of the most damaging divorce myths that keeps people trapped in toxic living situations during property settlement.
[06:05] – Five Ways to Create Space After Separation
An overview of the five realistic strategies couples use to stop living under one roof during divorce.
[07:45] – Option 1: Simply Asking Your Ex to Move Out
When a calm, respectful conversation about separation can actually work and how to confirm agreements without escalating conflict.
[09:58] – Option 2: Creating a Temporary Living Arrangement
How structured temporary agreements can help one partner move out while property settlement negotiations continue.
[13:16] – Option 3: Nesting or House Swapping for the Kids
What "bird nesting" is, why some divorced parents try it, and the emotional and logistical challenges that often arise.
[18:47] – Option 4: The Trial Move-Out Strategy
How trial separations can reduce confrontation and why temporary moves often become permanent.
[20:23] – Trial Separation Tactics That Reduce Conflict
Why trial separations can help avoid high-conflict confrontations, especially with manipulative or controlling partners.
[21:06] – Why Many Partners Don't See Divorce Coming
Why some people emotionally check out of relationships long before the separation conversation happens.
[22:47] – The Risk of Control and Financial Backlash After Separation
How manipulative or controlling partners may react when separation becomes real.
[24:04] – Coercive Control and the 'Amnesia' Effect
How distance from a controlling relationship can help you recognise patterns of manipulation you couldn't see before.
[25:40] – Ouster Orders and Sole Occupancy Explained
When courts can legally order one spouse to leave the home during separation.
[27:59] – The Risks of Applying for Sole Occupancy Orders
Why asking the court to decide who stays in the house can sometimes backfire.
[29:55] – Domestic Violence Orders Without Leaving the House
How protection orders can sometimes be issued even when couples continue living under one roof.
[32:54] – Safety Planning and Support Resources
Why separation can be a high-risk time and the importance of having a safety plan in place.
[34:12] – Common Divorce Myths That Keep People Stuck
Debunking misinformation about living under one roof, property rights, and separation timelines.
[35:42] – Why Physical Space Makes Divorce Negotiations Easier
How creating distance can improve mediation outcomes and reduce emotional conflict.
[37:41] – Final Takeaways: Moving Forward After Separation
Why creating physical and emotional space is often the first step toward starting your new life after divorce.
Episodes Mentioned in This Episode
"I Really Want to Keep the House" https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=t9q2a8TRRS-x7FAWEfBS9g
"Five Out-of-the-Box Ideas to Keep the House in Property Settlement"https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=CRxIPgc-Sm6gRvin285Q_A 
"The Divorce Personality Types Quiz Episode" https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IPDOWvfPKsSrPaCvf7Se8?si=7LfUwX6OSa-ym_OOujCt5Q
"How to Create a Safety Plan"
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Oh5NMylQRs2HWuVFDT6szg
Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
National domestic, family and sexual violence support service.

Lifeline – 13 11 14
24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service.

Emergency Services – Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:
You're unsure whether what you experienced was abuse
You've heard the term "coercive control" but don't fully understand it
You feel confused, guilty or constantly off balance in your relationship
Negotiations during separation feel manipulative rather than constructive
You're worried about how coercive control affects children
You want clarity and validation around your experience
This episode discusses family violence and may be triggering for some listeners. If you need support, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). This discussion is general education only and not psychological or legal advice.
⏱️ Episode Timeline: When It's Not Just Conflict: How Coercive Control Shows Up in Divorce
[00:00] – Is This Normal Conflict or Something More?
[01:45] – Safety Disclaimer & Family Violence Support Services
[02:35] – Why Naming Coercive Control Matters
[03:35] – What Coercive Control Actually Is (Simple Definition)
[04:32] – Patterns, Not Incidents: Why Abuse Isn't Always Obvious
 Why domestic violence is no longer viewed as isolated incidents but as ongoing patterns of behaviour that create harm over time.
[05:35] – No Bruises, Still Harm: Emotional & Psychological Abuse Explained
 How gaslighting, micromanagement, silent treatment and financial control cause real psychological damage without visible injuries.
[07:13] – How Do You Explain Coercive Control to Others?
[10:03] – The Three D's: Disrespect, Disempowerment & Distortion
 A practical framework to identify coercive control behaviours in relationships and divorce negotiations.
[11:09] – Disempowerment: Fear, Micromanagement & Loss of Autonomy
 How controlling partners create dependency, intimidation and fear of consequences — even without physical violence.
[12:11] – Post-Separation Control: When Abuse Continues After Divorce
 Why coercive control often escalates during separation, mediation and family court proceedings.
[13:59] – Disrespect & Double Standards in Abusive Relationships
[16:27] – Distortion & Gaslighting: Rewriting Reality
[18:48] – Narcissism vs Coercive Control: What's the Difference?
 Understanding the overlap between narcissistic traits and coercive control in emotionally abusive relationships.
[20:09] – Seeing the Whole Pattern (Not Just One Argument)
 Why focusing on single incidents hides the broader pattern of domination and manipulation.
[21:56] – How Coercive Control Impacts Children
 Why children are not just witnesses but victims in coercively controlled households — including hypervigilance and emotional harm.
[24:22] – Protecting Children in Family Court
 How concerns about coercive control can be reframed as "alienation" — and why understanding legal narratives matters.
[25:34] – One Safe Parent: The Protective Buffer for Kids
[26:15] – Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship
 Financial dependence, fear, threats, trauma bonding and loss of autonomy explained.
[27:56] – The Power Myth: Why Abusers Seem So Smart and Untouchable
[28:54] – Trauma Bonding Explained
 The cycle of highs and lows that keeps people emotionally attached in abusive dynamics.
[30:01] – Court Fears & Post-Separation Abuse
 Why people fear family court when coercive control continues through legal processes.
[31:03] – Negotiation vs Control: The Simple Test
 How to tell the difference between genuine divorce negotiation and manipulation disguised as cooperation.
[33:05] – The Three D's in Legal Tactics
[34:15] – Legal Examples: Silent Treatment, Rigid Demands & Pressure Tactics
 Recognising micromanagement, unreasonable timelines, and threats dressed up as "legal process."
[38:04] – Using Children to Maintain Control After Separation
 Excessive updates, micromanaging parenting decisions, and control disguised as "concern."
[44:25] – Hold Onto Clarity: Documenting Patterns of Abuse
 Why writing things down helps counter gaslighting and protects your psychological stability during divorce.
[46:37] – Legal Narratives & Gatekeeping in Court
 How coercive control can be minimised or reframed in legal settings — and why showing patterns matters.
[48:12] – Hope, Support & Life After Coercive Control
 side.
[49:06] – Workshop Resources & Next Steps
🔗 Resources Mentioned
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
Lifeline – 13 11 14
https://kirovapsychology.com.au/ (Melbourne workshops & resources)
Previous episodes on:
Mediation vs Manipulation https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=LOOTB_BwYJIQSmn9
Legal Abuse: https://youtu.be/h2Pu2MmbDxw?si=-HiUdJAfdvoMK8fL
Alienation Allegations: https://youtu.be/g8ofj-Sp3n4?si=_0tX3XSweEMzYp6o
Safety Planning https://youtu.be/R4M8Hr9cbh0?si=0XyklWL2VMwx_cmN

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
● Your ex's parents or extended family are texting, pressuring or negotiating on their behalf
● Grandparents are demanding time with your children
● You're being accused of owing money that was supposedly a "gift"
● You're dealing with coercive control through third parties
● You feel like you're negotiating with an entire extended family
● You're unsure what you legally have to respond to
● Your mediation agreements change after your ex speaks to their family
● You want clear boundaries and practical guidance during separation
If you are going through separation or divorce and suddenly your ex's family has become involved, this episode will help you understand what your responsibility actually is  and where it ends.
In this conversation, Mum and I unpack what you legally have to respond to, what you can ignore, and how to protect your peace when outside pressure starts escalating conflict. We talk about grandparents family members negotiating property settlement, so-called "loans" during property disputes, mediation interference, coercive control via in-laws, and how to set boundaries without damaging your credibility.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, ganged up on, or unsure how to manage extended family pressure  this episode is your permission slip to protect yourself.
Legal Disclaimer:This episode contains general educational discussion only and is not legal advice. We are based in Australia and laws differ between countries. Always seek independent legal advice tailored to your personal circumstances before making decisions. 
Family Violence & Safety Trigger Warning Disclaimer This episode includes discussion of family violence, coercive control and high-conflict dynamics.If you are experiencing family violence, intimidation, harassment or feel unsafe at any time, please seek support immediately.
⏱️ Episode Timeline for When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (What You Have to Respond To)
00:00 – Introduction: When Your Ex's Family Gets Involved
What happens when parents, siblings or extended family step into your separation?
02:05 – How Family Dynamics Shift After Separation
Why "blood is thicker than water" can suddenly feel very real.
05:35 – Do You Have to Respond to In-Laws Negotiating on Your Ex's Behalf?
What you can ignore, what to document, and how to protect yourself.
08:10 – Grandparents' Rights Explained (Australia)
When grandparents can see children and what your responsibility actually is.
14:15 – Gifts vs Loans in Property Settlement
When a $100,000 "gift" suddenly becomes a claimed debt.
19:50 – Can Grandparents Demand Time If Your Ex Isn't Seeing the Kids?
Understanding the best interests of the children and practical considerations.
24:20 – Family Members Pressuring or Manipulating Children
How courts view this behaviour and what you can do.
27:10 – Divorce Mediation Agreements Changing After Family Influence
Why outside pressure can derail settlements and how to manage it.
30:30 – Boundaries With Your Own Family During Divorce
How to handle well-meaning but unhelpful advice and pressure.
31:45 – What You Can Control vs What You Can't
Practical mindset shifts to protect your peace.
35:45 – "It's Not About Them"
Why your focus must remain on you, your children, and your divorce case.
 
🔗 Links & Resources
● DIY Divorce Blueprint – Courses & Support
www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol
● 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
● Lifeline – 13 11 14
Related Episodes:
● Trash Talking – What To Do When Your Ex Badmouths You
● 10 Boundaries for a Healthy Divorce
● How to Create a Safety Plan
● Dealing With Narc Lies in Court
● When Your Ex Lies in Court
Closing Reminder
Divorce is hard enough without feeling like you're negotiating with an entire extended family.If this episode helped you feel clearer, calmer or more confident about setting boundaries during separation, please follow, rate and review the podcast. Your support helps more women find grounded, practical information when they need it most.And remember you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions.This is not about them.