The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You're selling the family home during divorce or de facto separation



A real estate agent has told you to renovate or stage before selling



Your ex wants to delay settlement until renovations are finished



You're stuck with a half-renovated or unfinished house



You've already spent money on renovations and want to know if it "counts"



Your ex is demanding reimbursement for renovations



Parents or in-laws contributed money to renovations



You're deciding whether to keep the house, sell it, or buy your ex out



Renovations feel emotionally or financially overwhelming right now

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal, financial, and real estate advice for your situation.
📌 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence and property damage. Support services are listed below.
 
📝 Episode Summary
Should you renovate or stage the house when you're going through divorce or is it a costly mistake that keeps you stuck longer than you need to be?
In this episode, Mum and I break down renovations, staging, and selling the family home during separation, and what actually matters in property settlements. We talk honestly about when spending money might make sense, when it won't, and how renovations are often used intentionally or not as a delay tactic or control mechanism.
We cover staging versus maintenance, half-finished renovations, DIY disasters, family contributions, damage to property, and how the court really views all of it. Most importantly, we talk about how to decide whether renovations are worth the financial and emotional cost, and how to avoid getting trapped in a house  or a settlement that never seems to move forward.
📌 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence and property damage. Support services are listed below.
 
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 Should You Renovate Before Selling During Divorce?
00:40 Renovations During Divorce: Common Questions Answered
01:09 Legal and Financial Rules Around Renovations
02:03 Staging vs Renovations: What Actually Adds Value?
05:52 Renovation Traps: Delays, Control and Emotional Attachment
08:41 Half-Finished Renovations and Unsellable Homes
13:32 Renovations as Non-Financial Contributions Explained
16:49 Family Loans, Gifts and Renovation Contributions
23:14 Property Damage, Wastage and How Courts Value Homes
23:47 Keep, Sell or Buy Out the Family Home?
24:51 Renovation Reimbursements: Do You Have to Pay Them Back?
26:34 Renovating During Separation: What to Do and What to Avoid
28:51 How Family Law Courts Determine Property Value
30:02 Renovations and Consent Orders: What Courts Will and Won't Enforce
35:22 Property Valuations in Divorce: What Courts Accept
40:04 Final Thoughts: Avoiding Renovation Mistakes in Divorce
 
🔗 Links & Resources
Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732



Lifeline – 13 11 14



Related Episodes
Selling Your House During Divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6YUc34CVu6aCmunjQT1Sp6?si=Aks8s1YMTguzG-wyYO33Xw
Property Settlement Explained

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5WcJwbOkw7UcCdla48EpXj?si=JRrkI8pZRdu6EUn0h8gncw
Financial Abuse After Separation
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wxVtk6TOSCgqCJikfk6LD?si=Uxr0alr8TeKwX-WvzKx6Cg

 
🚨 Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732



Lifeline – 13 11 14

 
📌 Legal Disclaimer
This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal, financial, and real estate advice for your situation.
 
🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!
If this episode helped you, please share it you never know who might be stuck in a renovation trap right now.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You're separating or divorcing someone with narcissistic traits

Your ex keeps changing tactics and you feel like you're always one step behind

You've experienced love-bombing, guilt, threats, or emotional manipulation

Your ex is running smear campaigns or trying to control the narrative

Money, disclosure, or property settlement keeps getting delayed

Your children are being pulled into adult conflict

Your ex is using the legal system as a weapon

You feel like the abuse didn't end after separation

You want to know what's coming next  before it happens



📌 Legal Disclaimer
This episode is for education only and not legal or psychological advice. Please seek your own independent legal support based on your circumstances.
📝 Episode Summary
Divorcing a narcissist isn't just difficult  it's predictable. In this episode, Mum and I walk you through the seven phases most people experience when separating from someone with narcissistic traits, based on what we see every single day in real cases.
We talk about how tactics have evolved, why the mask eventually drops, and how emotional manipulation turns into smear campaigns, financial control, legal abuse, and ongoing chaos even after court ends.
We're not diagnosing anyone, and this isn't about labelling. It's about pattern recognition. Once you understand the phases, you can stop blaming yourself, protect your boundaries, and make informed decisions instead of reacting in survival mode.
📌 This episode contains discussions around family violence. Support numbers are listed below.
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 Divorcing a Narcissist – What to Expect & Why It's Different
01:50 Narcissistic Traits in Divorce and Separation
02:34 Phase One: Love Bombing, Guilt Tripping & Emotional Manipulation
03:50 How Narcissists Use Legal Delays and Manipulation
07:51 Phase Two: Control Tactics, Hoovering & Threats
11:57 Setting Boundaries When Divorcing a Narcissist
14:22 Phase Three: Smear Campaigns & Image Management Tactics
16:16 How to Protect Yourself Before Things Escalate
18:23 The Financial Motives Behind 50/50 Parenting Claims
18:36 Unethical Family Court Reports & Image Control
19:54 Social Media Smear Campaigns and Reputation Control
22:18 Financial Abuse Through Control and Delay Tactics
26:18 Using Children as Pawns in High-Conflict Divorce
28:47 Manipulating the Legal System After Separation
30:48 Post-Separation Abuse: Chaos and Control After Court
32:42 Final Support, Safety Planning & What to Do Next
 
🔗 Links & Resources
Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
Lifeline – 13 11 14


Episodes Mentioned

The Narcissist Playbook



10 Boundaries You Must Set in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=0tfzIRFrTuWSfrywenG4lA

What About Their Belongings? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bPd3wWLQh3pzQmL2KCR0v?si=ABBaDvMVRgqnkvfXHJh66A

Protecting Your Role as Primary Carer https://open.spotify.com/episode/6oZAEkj18NEcUfJPXP0FOT?si=PR8-zKyXRru7oVeW2Allew

Legal & Financial Abuse After Separation

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1V23F0O5yhQt9NFLPOu6uJ?si=ZkP-KquxREeTCyQPk8I-TA
What If Your Ex Lies in Court?
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5SdkXhj3vC2tfO3gDdkM6y?si=sQjxVlNSTm2wnaHQdWxdlA

Safety Planning After Separation

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Y98mBgDoTiK1LQud-tr9BQ

DARVO in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JyfH5fCoqrUoxeDj6jCtu?si=mDoKfN3fQWONekpLUQflXg

False allegations of Parental Alienation https://open.spotify.com/episode/0l9L5SDovV515EU4H5gpIf?si=5z2-pibvRKavyrPkMeuMIw

Resources
"Before You Go" Checklist – thedivorcecourse.com.au



🚨 Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732



Lifeline – 13 11 14



RSPCA Safe Beds for Pets (state dependent)



📌 Legal Disclaimer
This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal support based on your circumstances.
🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!
If this episode helped you, please share it — you never know who else needs to hear this before they get blindsided.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You're unsure whether your relationship legally counts as de facto



Your ex is denying the relationship, the dates, or the level of commitment



You want to know how de facto status impacts property settlement



You've heard about the 2-year rule and want to know if it applies to you



You're wondering if having kids changes your legal rights



You're not married, but financially tangled, and don't know where you stand



You're trying to prove you were (or weren't) de facto



You were "separated under one roof" and need clarity



You're with someone who's still married but claim they're de facto with you



Episode Summary
What exactly does it mean to be de facto in Australia? And why does it matter so much when you separate?
In this episode, Mum and I unpack de facto relationships in family law in Australia what counts, what doesn't, and what the court actually looks at when deciding whether a de facto relationship existed.
We break down the difference between being married and being de facto, the rules around the two-year relationship requirement, how children change everything, and what happens with short vs long relationships.
We also talk through what happens when one person denies the relationship ever existed, how to prove your timeline, and the evidence the court takes most seriously from finances to living arrangements to social media and everything in between.
If you've ever thought "Are we de facto? Does this count? What does this mean for my rights?" this episode will give you clarity, confidence and the facts that might help you in your situation.
📌 This is general information only. Always seek your own legal support for your exact situation.
 
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – What Is a De Facto Relationship in Australia?
A clear explanation of the legal meaning of "de facto" and why it matters.
00:28 – Understanding the Term 'De Facto' Under the Family Law Act
Breaking down the true definition and what "genuine domestic relationship" actually means.
01:16 – Why De Facto Status Matters for Property and Parenting
How your relationship status affects your rights in separation.
01:47 – How to Prove You're in a De Facto Relationship
Evidence, timelines, documents and what the courts look for.
03:50 – Common Myths About De Facto Relationships (Debunked)
Misunderstandings about living together, bank accounts, and "we're not married so it doesn't count."
06:46 – Short vs Long De Facto Relationships: What's the Difference?
How the length of the relationship can influence property outcomes.
17:45 – How Having Children Impacts De Facto Separation
Why children change eligibility, contributions, and financial outcomes.
19:16 – Contributions in De Facto Relationships Explained
Financial, non-financial, homemaking and parenting contributions — what the court considers.
19:49 – Proving a De Facto Relationship: Evidence That Helps
Photos, messages, leases, documents and everyday interactions that build your case.
21:44 – What Evidence Can Be Used to Show a De Facto Relationship?
From moving-day photos to shared responsibilities — what actually matters.
24:11 – Mediation Options When Your Ex Denies the Relationship
How mediation and disclosure work when one person disputes being de facto.
26:55 – Can You Be Married and De Facto at the Same Time?
How overlap occurs with affairs, breakups under one roof and blurred timelines.
33:31 – Clarifying the Rules Between Marriage vs De Facto
How the law treats both pathways similarly for financial and parenting matters.
34:39 – Final Thoughts: Understanding Your Status and Next Steps
Key takeaways on proving de facto status and protecting your future.
 
🔗 Links & Resources
"Before You Go" Checklist –
thedivorcecourse.com.au


Episodes Mentioned
Separated Under one Roof Episode 
https://youtu.be/er5qlClqOGs?si=o6f2apVsjWNHE_ID
Beyond the Split Understanding Separation Dates 
https://youtu.be/HDL4mhO94TY?si=1aUlslHr4xGqL_dN
Future Needs 
https://youtu.be/_-5JlRLCNxY?si=YQKBsqG2cCAEVNqs
Cheating and Dating during Divorce 
https://youtu.be/kBOV2sRtq7E?si=SlAgBVMkwf-LoaMU
 
 
🚨 Support Services (Australia)
1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732



Lifeline – 13 11 14



 
📌 Legal Disclaimer:
This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support based on your circumstances.
 
🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!
If this episode helped you, please share it  you never know who else needs this clarity.

Listen to this episode if…
You're thinking about dating before your divorce, property or children's matters are final



Your ex has a new partner and you're worried about parenting or property issues



You're unsure how the court sees new relationships in family law matters



You want to know what's okay, what's risky, and what doesn't matter at all

Wondering if it's okay to date while your divorce is still in progress? You're not alone.
In this episode, we unpack the legal, emotional, and strategic impacts of dating during divorce especially when children, property settlements, or court appearances are involved.
Whether you've just met someone new, or your ex is already flaunting their next relationship, we break down how new partners can influence family law outcomes in both parenting and property matters.
We cover the risks, realities, and misconceptions about what the court actually looks at and how to protect your position without putting your future on hold.
📌 Please remember this episode is for general information only and does not replace individual legal or safety advice. For immediate support in Australia, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
 
 
🔑 Episode Timeline:
[00:00] Introduction: How New Relationships Can Impact Your Divorce Case
[01:13] Important Legal Disclaimer and Emotional Trigger Warnings
[02:02] Can a New Partner Affect Your Property Settlement in Divorce?
[09:35] Understanding No-Fault Divorce and How History Shaped Today's Rules
[15:11] Spousal Maintenance: Does Repartnering Change Eligibility?
[19:50] Child Support Implications When a New Partner Has Money
[22:11] Parenting Orders and Custody: What Role Do New Partners Play?
[25:25] How the Court Prioritizes Children's Welfare Over Relationship Status
[26:03] When (and How) to Introduce Your Kids to a New Partner
[28:13] Coercive Control, Repartnering, and Family Court Considerations
[30:05] What Are New Partners Responsible for in a Family Law Context?
[31:46] Red Flags: What Family Court Looks for in New Relationships
[33:34] Raising Concerns About New Partners Without Going to Court
[39:43] How to Document and Present Concerns the Right Way
[42:51] Does the Court Judge You for Repartnering During Divorce?
[45:16] Final Takeaways: Moving Forward with Caution and Clarity
 
🔗 Links & Resources:
1800RESPECT – 24/7 Support Service


Daisy App – Connect to Local Services



Technology and Safety Guide


Before you go Checklist - https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in
 
Example Safety plans template - https://yourtoolkit.com/resource/safety-plan-template/
 
Family Court Safety Plan information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/fl/fvbpp#intro
 
The Purple Book https://domesticviolence.com.au/resources/the-purple-book/

Episode Links
 
Separated under one roof do's and don'ts
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0?si=RXwC_koDSD2foKqOEIENBQ
 
Stuck under one roof what are your options
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1i5baNjrk3XwbD1KrHC8hb?si=s-umof6ATtWWhdm893idUg
 
Reporting Family Violence or Coercive Control to Police
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EZwSuK51JNZjHT8r4Wzz9?si=p5MmpiUKSmC9UqHLyfMAvw



🚨 Support Services:
Safe Beds RSPCA - check your state for details https://www.rspcaqld.org.au/what-we-do/save-animals/Pets%20in%20Crisis%20Program
 
1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)


Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. Warning discussions for Family Violence occur in this episode.
 
📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!
 
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:
This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation. Discussions of Family Violence and Coercive Control.

Listen to this episode if…
You're in a relationship or home where you feel unsafe
You've left but still don't feel secure
You're not ready to leave yet but want to prepare
You're supporting someone who may be experiencing abuse
You want to understand how to help a friend or loved one stay safe
You have a court or mediation event you need to attend with an unsafe ex
📌 Please remember this episode is for general information only and does not replace individual legal or safety advice. For immediate support in Australia, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
When things feel uncertain or even unsafe it's not being paranoid to think ahead. It's being prepared.
In this important episode, we break down what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, and how to build one tailored to your situation. Whether you're living with abuse, planning to leave, or simply want to feel more secure going through the Family Court, we talk through the key steps and considerations from protecting your children to securing your documents and digital life.
You'll learn how safety planning can be a quiet, empowering way to take back control and set up the support you need. I also share resources, tools, and who to call if you want help doing it safely and confidentially.
🔑 Episode Timeline: From Fear to Freedom: Creating a Safety Plan Before You Need One
Safety Plans — What They Are & How to Make One
00:00 – Introduction: What is a Safety Plan and Why It Matters
Overview of safety planning and who needs one.
02:06 – Why You Might Need a Safety Plan for Domestic Violence
Signs, risks, and when it's time to prepare.
03:41 – Recognising Coercive Control and Hidden Danger Signals
How emotional and behavioural control can put you at risk.
07:55 – Step‑by‑Step Guide to Creating Your Safety Plan
Essential steps to start planning your safety today.
09:04 – Safety at Home: Preparing for a Potential Escape
Practical tips for making your environment safer.
16:33 – Safety Technology: Real‑Time Tracking and Digital Risk
Understanding digital abuse and how it affects your plan.
16:57 – Important Documents You Should Have Ready
Checklist of documents to keep handy for safety or sudden departure.
17:33 – Leaving Without Explanation: When It's Necessary
How to plan a quiet departure without alerting an abuser.
18:10 – The Power of Code Words and Communication Safety
Using discreet signals to reach out for help.
19:20 – Planning Your Escape Route: Fast and Safe Exits
How to map out the quickest way out when it's unsafe to stay.
20:11 – Handling Vehicle Safety and Transport During Escape
Car strategies and avoiding being blocked in.
23:29 – Keeping Your Pets Safe During an Escape Plan
Options and programs that support pets in family violence situations.
24:22 – Work, Online and Tech Safety Measures
Protecting your devices, social media, and work life from monitoring or abuse.
27:00 – Staying Safe After Leaving a Violent Situation
Changes to routines, communication, and personal security.
27:56 – Legal Steps to Support Your Safety Plan
Protection orders, police involvement, and legal safety mechanisms.
30:58 – Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone — Support Is Available
Encouragement and next steps with reminder resources.
 
🔗 Links & Resources:
1800RESPECT – 24/7 Support Service


Daisy App – Connect to Local Services



Technology and Safety Guide


Before you go Checklist - https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in
 
Example Safety plans template - https://yourtoolkit.com/resource/safety-plan-template/
 
Family Court Safety Plan information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/fl/fvbpp#intro
 
The Purple Book https://domesticviolence.com.au/resources/the-purple-book/
 
Episode Links
Who gets the Car in the long and short term https://open.spotify.com/episode/7CmoF5nrBhVfDlJgVyXlGp?si=uXtMvH1dRoG74CSd-7pD9w
Separated under one roof do's and don'ts
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0?si=RXwC_koDSD2foKqOEIENBQ
Stuck under one roof what are your options
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1i5baNjrk3XwbD1KrHC8hb?si=s-umof6ATtWWhdm893idUg
Reporting Family Violence or Coercive Control to Police
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EZwSuK51JNZjHT8r4Wzz9?si=p5MmpiUKSmC9UqHLyfMAvw
🚨 Support Services:
Safe Beds RSPCA - check your state for details https://www.rspcaqld.org.au/what-we-do/save-animals/Pets%20in%20Crisis%20Program
1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)
Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)
📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:
This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation. Discussions of Family Violence and Coercive Control.