The Love Doc Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 35: The Fearful AvoidantIn episode 35 of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the world of the Fearful Avoidant (FA) attachment style, the most complex and variable of all attachment types. Known in earlier psychological frameworks as disorganized attachment, FAs oscillate between seeking closeness and pulling away, leaving both themselves and their partners in a cycle of confusion and pain.What Makes the Fearful Avoidant Unique?Dr. Hensley explains that FAs are the hardest attachment style to pinpoint because they embody traits from both anxious and avoidant types. Their deep inner conflict is rooted in a profound trust and betrayal wound, which makes it challenging for them to feel secure in relationships.• The Push-Pull Dynamic: FAs often seek connection, craving closeness, but then feel misunderstood or betrayed and instinctively push their partner away. This paradox creates a cycle of emotional highs and lows in their romantic relationships.Where Attachment Begins: The Childhood of an FADr. Hensley traces the origins of FA attachment back to childhood, often shaped by the most trauma-filled environments. These traumas can include:• Big T traumas (e.g., abuse, neglect, abandonment).• Little T traumas (e.g., invalidation, inconsistency, emotional neglect).She also emphasizes that FAs typically grow up with at least one emotionally dysfunctional caregiver, further complicating their ability to trust and feel safe.The Role of Parents:• Same-gender parent: Science suggests this parent leaves the deepest imprint on the child’s attachment patterns.• Both parents: Combined, their behaviors create the template that teaches the FA that love is not safe, leading to deep-seated trust and betrayal wounds.The Negative Traits of an FADr. Hensley breaks down the challenging traits of FAs, especially how they manifest in adult romantic relationships:1. Hypervigilance:• FAs are highly attuned to subtle cues but often catastrophize them.• This makes them extremely sensitive and easily triggered, as their deep wounds leave them vulnerable to perceived rejection or betrayal.2. Trauma Responses:• Anxious-leaning FAs tend to react with anger and heightened emotional reactivity.• Avoidant-leaning FAs often dissociate, emotionally shutting down after feeling they’ve tried too hard for too long.3. Negative Bias in Relationships:• FAs often approach their romantic relationships with a belief that betrayal is inevitable, leading to high levels of criticism and difficulty repairing conflicts.4. Poor Partner Choices:• Subconscious patterns often lead FAs to pick emotionally unavailable or harmful partners, such as other FAs, dismissive avoidants, narcissists, or individuals struggling with substance abuse.The Positive Traits of an FADespite their challenges, FAs possess incredible strengths, especially once they begin healing:1. High Empathy:• Their ability to deeply understand and feel for others allows them to create profound connections.• Dr. Hensley cautions FAs to establish boundaries around their empathy to avoid co-dependency or self-abandonment.2. High Emotional Intelligence (EQ):• FAs are often exceptional in careers requiring deep emotional awareness and social skills, such as sales, law, or politics.3. Depth and Connection:• As deep feelers, healed FAs can foster rich, meaningful relationships that are both emotionally fulfilling and long-lasting.Final ThoughtsDr. Hensley concludes the episode by emphasizing that while FAs are complex and deeply wounded, their capacity for growth and transformation is unparalleled. They are true fighters, with a grit that comes only from thier deep feelings and high emotional IQ's. With healing and self-awareness, FAs can become some of the most empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and loving partners.“Fearful Avoidants,” Dr. Hensley says, “are proof that beauty can emerge from brokenness. Their complexity is what makes them truly special.”Tune in to hear more about how FAs can harness their strengths, heal their wounds, and build secure, lasting connections.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 34: "Accountability"In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of accountability, exploring what it means, what it looks like, and why it is essential for the success of all relationships. Dr. Hensley highlights that lack of accountability is at the root of most relationship issues, emphasizing that true accountability involves both a statement of acknowledgment and actionable change.Why Is Accountability So Difficult?Dr. Hensley explains that the core barrier to accountability is shame. Criticism is hard for anyone to hear, especially when it comes from someone they love. Yet, taking responsibility for how our actions impact others is vital for relational growth.She explores how accountability challenges manifest across attachment styles:• Fearful Avoidants: Often struggle due to complex trauma and high levels of shame, leading them to become defensive before accepting responsibility.• Anxious Preoccupied: Tend to take too much accountability, often self-abandoning or apologizing without understanding what they’re apologizing for, in an effort to avoid conflict.• Dismissive Avoidants: The least likely to take accountability due to low emotional intelligence, making it hard for them to see their role in relational issues.The Role of Accountability in Conflict RepairDr. Hensley delves into how resentment builds when neither party takes accountability, stressing that acknowledgment and action are the foundations for repairing conflict. This applies not just to romantic relationships but also to friendships and parent-child dynamics.She clarifies that accountability doesn’t mean sacrificing your own beliefs or boundaries—it’s about recognizing how your actions may hurt someone else and taking responsibility, even if the same behavior wouldn’t affect you in the same way.Accountability as a Two-Way StreetTowards the end of the episode, Dr. Hensley addresses common objections people have when confronted with accountability, such as:• “But what about their behavior?”• “My partner is so unreasonable.”• “I never hear ‘I’m sorry.’”While grace is essential in relationships, Dr. Hensley challenges listeners to reflect on why they continue to accept hurtful behaviors. Ultimately, accountability is a two-way street—it’s about both taking responsibility for your actions and holding yourself accountable for staying in relationships that don’t meet your needs.Key Takeaway: Accountability is the hallmark of emotional resilience and maturity, and it’s fundamental for conflict repair and relationship success.Tune in for this powerful episode and learn how to cultivate accountability to strengthen your relationships and honor yourself.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 33: The Dismissive AvoidantIn this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the attachment style that many find both fascinating and frustrating—the dismissive avoidant (DA). While the DA is often seen as the most perplexing of the insecure attachment styles, Dr. Hensley explains that their behaviors are actually the most predictable.The episode begins with an exploration of two common childhood experiences that shape the dismissive avoidant attachment style. Many DAs report having a “good” childhood—parents who stayed married and supported instrumental needs like attending events. However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear there was little to no emotional support. From a young age, DAs learned that suppressing emotions kept them safe, as big emotions were unwelcome or even punished.Dr. Hensley then explains the infamous 4-6 month “bait and switch” often seen in DA relationships. In the early stages, they appear open and even vulnerable, but as the relationship deepens, they start to deactivate. These deactivation behaviors—feeling smothered, doubting the relationship, or fearing a loss of independence—are often unconscious yet highly predictable.The discussion moves to the DA’s core wound: defectiveness. Growing up, their emotions were invalidated, leading them to believe they were inherently flawed. In adult relationships, when their partner expresses intense emotions, the DA subconsciously feels responsible, thinking, “I must be bad if I made you feel this way.” Unfortunately, they lack the capacity to hold space for those feelings, perpetuating the cycle of disconnection.Dr. Hensley also tackles the topic of sex and intimacy in DA relationships. For some, sex feels like another expectation they’re unable to fulfill emotionally or physically. Others use sex as a way to meet their limited need for emotional and physical connection.A key highlight of the episode is Dr. Hensley’s explanation of the DA’s trauma responses, particularly their tendency to live in a state of functional freeze. They’re either “on,” constantly busy with tasks to avoid emotions, or “off,” dissociating from the important things in their lives.Midway through, Dr. Hensley addresses a small subset of DAs who experience severe trauma within the first five years of life. In these cases, the brain shuts down to protect itself, resulting in even deeper emotional challenges, through disconnection, later in life.The episode concludes with a path to healing for both DAs and their partners. Dr. Hensley provides actionable strategies for recognizing DA patterns in the dating phase and practical interventions for those in long-term relationships or marriages. Through her programs, she has witnessed countless transformations, with DAs finding genuine connection and their formerly anxious partners moving toward secure attachment.Additional topics include:• Why DAs are the attachment style most likely to cheat.• The motivations behind a DA’s decision to heal.• How the tools and strategies in Dr. Hensley’s coaching program enable true healing for DAs and their partners.This episode offers hope, clarity, and a practical roadmap for navigating relationships with dismissive avoidants and fostering secure attachment.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 32: Live Coaching Session with RozerinIn this groundbreaking episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah invites listeners into her virtual coaching room for the first-ever live adult attachment interview with special guest Rozerin. A graduate of Dr. Sarah’s hybrid group coaching program, Rozerin had long dreamed of experiencing a one-on-one assessment. Dr. Sarah opens this session to the public, giving listeners a firsthand look at the depth, insight, and transformation these sessions provide.Topics Explored in the InterviewDr. Sarah guides Rozerin through a detailed exploration of four key areas:1. Childhood Experiences• Rozerin shares her upbringing, reflecting on trauma-related events, the dynamics between her parents, and how her caregivers influenced her ability to emotionally regulate as a child.2. Previous Romantic Relationships• The session delves into Rozerin’s two or three most significant relationships, unpacking their core challenges and the reasons they ended, and/or if she is currently still in any of them.3. Emotional Vulnerability• Rozerin examines her capacity to share her deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with her partner, discussing the ease or difficulty of achieving emotional intimacy.4. Conflict Behaviors• The discussion covers the ways she and her partner respond to conflict, including levels of emotional reactivity, resolution strategies, and patterns that emerge during disagreements.Attachment Style AnalysisFollowing the interview, Dr. Sarah determines that both Rozerin and her partner are fearful avoidants, with Rozerin leaning more anxious and her boyfriend more dismissive. Dr. Sarah provides an in-depth explanation of how fearful avoidant attachment is formed, highlighting the core wounds of betrayal and abandonment. She connects these wounds to Rozerin’s childhood experiences and illustrates how they manifest in her current relationship dynamics.Exploring Healing GoalsAcknowledging that healing is an ongoing journey, Dr. Sarah asks Rozerin to identify areas where she still feels gaps in her progress. Rozerin admits to struggling with a negative bias toward her partner, often assuming the worst-case scenario in their interactions. However, she shares that the tools and strategies from Dr. Sarah’s group program have significantly improved her mindset, leading to increased happiness, positivity, and reduced anxiety.Concrete Tools for Overcoming Negative BiasDr. Sarah closes the session with actionable interventions to help Rozerin stop negative biases in their tracks. She emphasizes the importance of catching and correcting old patterns, a hallmark of secure attachment, and equips Rozerin with practical tools to continue her healing journey.This powerful episode offers deep insights into attachment theory, personal growth, and the transformative potential of Dr. Sarah’s coaching methods. Tune in for a raw, real, and inspirational look at Dr. Hensley's healing process in action.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: @drsarahhensleyInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.