Chris Stefanick Catholic Show

Why can't you get yourself to do the things you know you should be doing?

It's not a willpower problem. It's a motivation problem—and there's a science behind fixing it.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Tom Zimmer, a PhD researcher specializing in the science of motivation and a professor at Wyoming Catholic College. Tom has spent years studying why people do what they do—and more importantly, how to change it.

We go deep on the stuff that actually matters: how to motivate your kids to love the faith instead of just enduring it, why "good job" is killing your child's growth, the hidden reason boys are retreating into video games, and how the same motivational principles that apply to kayaking and skiing apply to your prayer life and your Lenten sacrifices.

I'm already thinking about how I can talk to my own kids differently. There's a reason some kids grow up loving what their parents love—and it's not luck. Tom breaks it all down with practical tools you can start using today.

Highlights
0:03:00 — Why the real problem isn't willpower
0:06:30 — Motivating his 8-year-old daughter to nail a kayak roll
0:19:30 — The problem with extrinsic rewards
0:43:25 — Why Dads need to visibly live their faith
1:01:00 — Why "good job" doesn't build self-efficacy
1:04:55 — Flow theory
1:09:45 — Why video games are engineered to exploit

Wyoming Catholic College: www.wyomingcatholiccollege.com

Read Dr. Tom Zimmer's thesis: https://collections.lib.utah.edu/details?id=1422680

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Chapters

(00:00:00) - The Science of Motivation
(00:00:51) - Chris Stefanik
(00:01:33) - Interviewing Dr. Tom Zimmer
(00:02:59) - In the Land of Motivation
(00:05:41) - Behaviorism in Children
(00:09:45) - How to Deal with a 14 Year Old's Behaviorism
(00:12:16) - Christian Parents on Behaviorism
(00:15:35) - Start with extrinsic motivation and get rid of behaviorism
(00:18:09) - MISSIONARY OF JOY
(00:22:38) - The 7 theories of Motivation
(00:24:16) - Self-Destiny and Motivation
(00:27:32) - The Importance of Perceived Autonomy
(00:30:06) - Motivation in the Catholic Church
(00:34:40) - Learn more about the Catholic faith
(00:38:53) - How To Talk To Your Child About Skiing
(00:42:29) - Justin Schneer: Expectation and Value Theory
(00:45:34) - How To Motivate Your Kids
(00:49:09) - Building Competence in the Church
(00:52:00) - Reasons for rewarding and punishing behavior
(00:53:19) - Give Your Kids Perceived Autonomy
(00:55:59) - Self-Advocacy and Self-
(01:00:47) - Self-efficacy 3, The Good Job
(01:03:22) - Understanding the Process of Flow
(01:06:56) - Lent: Too Hard a Sacrifice
(01:09:20) - Crisis in Motivation and Culture
(01:13:23) - A message from the Challenge

What do you do when God feels late?
 
In this Sunday's powerful Gospel on the raising of Lazarus, we are invited into one of the most honest, raw moments in Scripture—when Martha looks at Jesus and says what we’ve all felt at some point: “Lord, if you had been here…”
 
Ever been there? Watch this reflection that gets real about why it’s okay to bring your mess straight to God and how Jesus proves He has power over sin, suffering, and even death itself.
 
But here's my biggest takeaway: Martha's faith wasn't just at the beginning when she asked Jesus for help, or at the end when Lazarus walked out of that tomb. She believed right in the middle—before the miracle, before the answer, while she was still upset and heartbroken.
 
That's where most of us live. In the middle. And that's exactly where Jesus is asking: "Do you believe this?"
 
Come to him as you are. Give him your whole messy heart. And trust him right in the middle.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Martha told Jesus exactly how she felt — "Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died." When have you felt like God showed up too late, and how did you express that to him? Is there something you need to bring to him honestly right now?

2. Chris talks about Martha having "faith in the middle" — believing before the miracle happened. Where in your life right now are you waiting in the middle, and what does it look like to trust God before you see the answer?

3. Chris shares how the words of absolution in confession felt almost too easy for the weight of what he was carrying — and then he looked at the cross. How does the reality of what Jesus did on the cross change the way you approach confession and God's mercy?

4. A religious sister told Chris that a message about loving yourself bothered her for five years before it transformed her life. Has there ever been a truth about your faith that initially stung or made you uncomfortable, but later became a turning point?

5. Chris says God is strong enough to take on all your messiness — that you don't need a "protocol" to come to him. What keeps you from bringing your real, unfiltered heart to God in prayer? What would it look like to drop the protocol this week?

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Join Chris Stefanick on pilgrimage: https://www.reallifecatholic.com/pilgrimages

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Chris Stefanik on the Power of His Words
(00:05:41) - Martha's Faith in the Middle

Most people think St. Patrick's Day is about shamrocks and green beer. But who was the man behind the legend?

In this interview with Eddie Cotter Jr., Catholic author, speaker, and founder of the Dead Theologians Society, we uncover the true story of St. Patrick beyond the legends.

This episode is packed with inspiration for anyone who has ever felt unqualified by their weaknesses or wounds.

St. Patrick was kidnapped as a teenager, dragged to Ireland as a slave, and spent six years in isolation — and that's exactly what made him one of the greatest missionaries in history. His wounds weren't disqualifiers. They were his training.

He learned the language. He learned the culture. He loved the people. And then he went back—voluntarily—to the land of his captivity to bring them the faith.

He felt unqualified. He felt uneducated. He said so himself. And yet he converted an entire nation.

Your wounds might be the exact thing that God is using to prepare you for his glory. Even our darkest moments can become the beginning of our mission.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day—and may his rugged faith inspire you to live yours boldly.

The episode closes with Eddie reading St. Patrick's Lorica (Breastplate) — the prayer Patrick prayed daily for God's protection throughout his mission.

PLUS: Eddie is the talented drummer of an amazing traditional Irish band. They played at my 50th birthday party and you get to listen in on some of the fun at the end of this episode!

Highlights:

00:00 – Intro
01:27 – Eddie Cotter Jr. & the Dead Theologians Society
05:00 – St. Patrick's Day vs. the real St. Patrick
06:17 – Eddie's lifelong vow of sobriety
20:25 – Dead Theologians Society: 28 years, 550 parishes, vocations born from it
22:00 – The 35,000-foot view of St. Patrick's life
31:41 – Patrick's wounds were his greatest qualification
38:43 – Croagh Patrick: Ireland's holy mountain
42:23 – Patrick: the first person in recorded history to condemn slavery
50:18 – Patrick's humility: "a stone lying deep in the mud"
52:04 – You don't need credentials to lead people to Jesus
54:05 – Eddie reads the Lorica (St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer)
57:28 – Traditional Irish music from Eddie's band!

More from Eddie Cotter, Jr.:
Wisdom and Inspiration from the Saints in One-Sentence: https://deadtheologianssociety.com/product/wisdom-inspiration-from-the-saints-in-a-sentence/

Dead Theologians Society: www.deadtheologiansociety.com

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Sign up for The Daily Anchor to get Chris Stefanick's bite-sized reflections every morning: https://bit.ly/4tQCXtP

........
Support the creation of this content by becoming a Missionary of Joy with a monthly gift to Real Life Catholic and get free access to 9 transformative courses: https://bit.ly/4nTHbN0

........
Join Chris Stefanick on pilgrimage: https://www.reallifecatholic.com/pilgrimages

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Missionary of Joy
(00:01:03) - Eddie Cotter on Dead Theologians
(00:02:12) - Eddie Cotter On Chris Stefanik's 50th Birthday
(00:05:00) - Fool on St. Patrick:
(00:08:54) - St. Patrick's Day
(00:13:37) - Irish Catholics talk about the DTS
(00:17:13) - DTS
(00:20:26) - Meet St. Patrick
(00:23:54) - Patrick the Conqueror: The Life
(00:27:50) - St. Patrick the Conqueror
(00:29:43) - Patrick on His Disqualifications
(00:34:17) - Pilgrims on the Road to Ireland
(00:38:10) - Climbing Croak Patrick
(00:41:14) - On Patrick and the Catholic Church
(00:45:59) - How to Love Your Irish Heritage
(00:48:05) - St. Patrick's Confessions
(00:52:04) - St. Patrick's Prayer of the Lorica
(00:53:30) - St. Patrick
(00:54:06) - I Rise Today

Why does God allow suffering?

It’s one of the deepest questions every human heart asks. When things fall apart—when illness hits, relationships break, or life throws unexpected curveballs—it’s natural to wonder: Did I do something wrong? Is God punishing me?

The disciples asked Jesus the same question when they saw a man born blind: “Who sinned, this man or his parents?”

Jesus’ answer changes everything.

Suffering isn’t proof that God is angry, and it’s not karma keeping score. Instead, Jesus reveals a God who is a loving Father...one who can bring incredible good even out of pain.

And the ultimate answer to suffering isn’t a philosophy. It’s the cross.

God didn’t stay distant from our pain. He entered it.

If you’re going through something hard right now, I hope this reflection will help you see suffering in a completely new light—and remind you that even in pain, God is working for your good.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Chris talks about three ways people explain suffering: chance, karma, or God bringing good from it. Which of these explanations do you see most often in the world today?
2. The disciples asked Jesus, “Who sinned, this man or his parents?” Why do you think we instinctively assume suffering must be someone’s fault?
3. How does the Cross of Jesus change the way Christians understand pain and suffering?
4. Chris says Jesus didn’t suffer so we wouldn’t have to, but so we would know how to suffer. What do you think that means in practical terms?
5. Is there an area of suffering in your life right now where you might need to trust that God is bringing a greater good?

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Sign up for the Daily Anchor for free daily reflections from Chris Stefanick in your inbox:
https://bit.ly/4tQCXtP

-----
Join the mission to spread the joy of the Gospel! Become a Missionary of Joy to support this free content: https://bit.ly/4nTHbN0

-----
Join Chris Stefanick on pilgrimage: https://www.reallifecatholic.com/pilgrimages

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Karma and the Problem of Suffering
(00:05:31) - How to Love When You're Sick

Jeremy Rivera was an evangelical pastor who was convinced Catholics didn't really know Jesus.

Then he became one.

In this new episode, Jeremy shares how honest conversations about authority, Mary, and the Eucharist led him back to the Catholic Church—and why true renewal begins with a personal encounter with Jesus Christ.

His journey to the Catholic Church didn't start with theology—it started in the shower on Christmas Eve, 1985, when a 10-year-old boy cried out to God in the middle of his parents' divorce and felt the Holy Spirit show up. His mom, sensing something had happened, pulled a handmade Italian crucifix from under the bed—a Christmas gift she wasn't going to give until morning—and handed it to him on the spot.

That crucifix is still in his kitchen today.

But the road from that moment to the Catholic Church was anything but straight. We unpack Jeremy's winding journey: losing his faith in college, a crisis pregnancy and abortion that brought him to his knees, and the theological questions that nearly kept him from ever becoming Catholic.

We also discuss what the Church gets wrong about evangelization, why most Catholics have never been "ambushed by Jesus," and how an unexpected encounter with the scent of roses in a FOCUS chapel broke through his deepest resistance—Mary.

Whether you're a cradle Catholic, a skeptic, or somewhere in between, this conversation will challenge and encourage you.

HIGHLIGHTS:

0:00:00 — Intro

8:00 A powerful encounter with God at age 10

13:00 Abortion, Romans 5:8, and radical conversion

17:30 Surf ministry, seminary, and church planting

23:40 The restlessness that wouldn’t go away

28:00 Meeting Archbishop Chaput

31:50 “I want to ask your forgiveness.”

37:00 Mary: the greatest hurdle

40:00 The fragrance of roses

47:30 Tradition vs. traditionalism

55:00 Do you actually know Jesus?

1:09:00 A prayer of surrender

Learn more about Jeremy Rivera: https://thelittlej.com

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Sign up for The Daily Anchor to get Chris Stefanick's bite-sized reflections every morning: https://bit.ly/4tQCXtP

........

Support the creation of this content by becoming a Missionary of Joy with a monthly gift to Real Life Catholic and get free access to 9 transformative courses: https://bit.ly/4nTHbN0

........

Join Chris Stefanick on pilgrimage: https://www.reallifecatholic.com/pilgrimages

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Chris Stefanik
(00:01:08) - Jeremy Rivera on Non-Catholic Confessions
(00:02:43) - Does God Think Catholics Are Going to Hell?
(00:03:53) - Religion and the Apology
(00:07:15) - What brought you to the Catholic Church?
(00:09:55) - Mission: Mission of Joy
(00:15:43) - Reveal: The Prodigal Son
(00:20:02) - What's it like on the inside when you're an evangelical pastor
(00:23:05) - The Restlessness of the Pastor
(00:26:14) - 7 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Become Catholic
(00:30:20) - The Crux of the Abuse
(00:33:39) - Paul on Pathways Church
(00:37:24) - The Lord Who Expects Your Whole Life
(00:42:10) - Pilgrims pray the Hail Mary
(00:43:55) - The Catholic Church's Community
(00:48:25) - Catholic Traditionalism: The Preservation of Fire
(00:52:27) - Entering the Mystery of Salvation
(00:56:35) - How Do You Know That You Know God?
(01:00:30) - Evangelization Without Community
(01:04:46) - 5 points of renewal in the Catholic Church
(01:07:24) - Jesus Prays For Real Life Catholics