Teaching Autism and Special Education by Nikki

Power Struggles and Nervous System States

Have you ever found yourself in a classroom power struggle where suddenly neither you nor the student wants to back down?

In this episode, we’re looking at power struggles through a nervous system lens and exploring what happens when an adult and a student both start to feel threatened, frustrated, or out of control.

We’ll chat about:

What’s really happening during a classroom power struggle

How a student’s fight response can show up as arguing, refusal, sarcasm, or defiance

Why adults can become dysregulated during conflict too

Why phrases like “because I said so” can increase the sense of threat

How to lower the intensity without abandoning your boundaries

The role of choice, autonomy, tone, and timing

Why de-escalating is not the same as backing down

Sometimes the most effective thing we can do is stop trying to win the moment and focus on helping both nervous systems return to regulation.

So next time you feel the temperature rising, ask yourself:

“Is this still about the rule, or has it become about regulation?”

Because calm, consistent authority is often far more powerful than winning a dysregulated battle.

Why Students Push Boundaries With Safe Adults

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why are they only like this with me?”

They seem regulated with other teachers, visitors, or senior staff, but with you, you see the big emotions, boundary pushing, testing, and meltdowns.

In this episode, we’re exploring why students can sometimes show more challenging behavior with the adults they feel safest with.

We’ll chat about:

Why feeling safe can allow the mask to drop

How secure relationships can create space for emotional release

Why boundary pushing can be a way of checking safety and consistency

The nervous system response behind those bigger emotions

Why being a safe adult does not mean being permissive

How to hold boundaries calmly while protecting the relationship

The importance of repair after difficult moments

When a student shows you their biggest emotions, it doesn’t necessarily mean they respect you less.

Sometimes, it means they trust that the relationship can handle those difficult moments.

So next time you find yourself wondering, “Why only with me?”, consider another possibility:

“They feel safe enough to be themselves with me.”

And from there, you can offer both the safety and structure they need.

The Function of “I Don’t Care”

Have you ever tried to give a student feedback, only to be met with a shrug, an eye roll, and “I don’t care”?

In this episode, we’re looking beyond the words to explore what “I don’t care” might actually be communicating - because often, it’s not about a lack of caring at all.

We’ll chat about:

Why “I don’t care” can be protective language

How anxiety, embarrassment, and fear of failure can hide behind dismissiveness

The connection between shame and defensive responses

Why caring publicly can feel vulnerable, especially for older students

How emotional overload can make it harder to communicate what’s really going on

What to avoid saying in the moment

How to respond calmly without creating a power struggle

Sometimes “I don’t care” really means “This matters more than I know how to handle.”

So instead of reacting to the words themselves, try asking:

“What might this student be protecting right now?”

Because when we respond to the emotion underneath the words, we create space for regulation, connection, and a much more productive conversation later.

PDA Profiles in the Classroom

Have you ever worked with a student who seems to resist even the smallest everyday demands - sometimes even things they actually want to do?

In this episode, we’re talking about PDA profiles in the classroom and how anxiety, autonomy, and nervous system responses can contribute to extreme demand avoidance.

We’ll chat about:

What a PDA profile can look like in autistic students

Why everyday demands can sometimes trigger such intense reactions

The connection between demand avoidance, anxiety, and autonomy

Why traditional behavior strategies and power struggles can make things worse

Ways to reduce the pressure around everyday classroom demands

How choice, collaboration, and flexible language can support students

Why not every student who avoids demands has a PDA profile

Supporting a demand-avoidant student doesn’t mean removing every expectation or letting them do whatever they want.

Sometimes, the most helpful shift is moving away from “How do I make them comply?” and instead asking:

“How can I lower the threat and increase their sense of autonomy in this moment?”

Rejection Sensitivity and Explosive Reactions

Have you ever given what felt like a tiny piece of feedback, only for a student to have a huge emotional reaction?

In this episode, we’re talking about rejection sensitivity - an intense emotional response to perceived criticism, rejection, or failure that can sometimes lead to tears, anger, defensiveness, shutdown, or refusal.

We’ll chat about:

What rejection sensitivity can look like in neurodivergent students

Why seemingly small corrections can feel so much bigger

How repeated experiences of being corrected can shape a student’s response to feedback

Why explosive reactions aren’t necessarily about manipulation or control

What not to say when a student is already overwhelmed

Simple ways to deliver feedback more safely and effectively

How we can gradually build resilience around mistakes and correction

Understanding rejection sensitivity doesn’t mean avoiding feedback or excusing unsafe behavior.

It means recognizing that sometimes when we say, “Let’s try that again,” a student may hear something completely different.

And understanding that difference can help us respond with care, steadiness, and connection instead of conflict.