Conversations with Kristi

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi speaks with Andrew Goss about the lifelong impact of childhood abuse - and the role silence, minimisation, and adult neutrality play in allowing harm to continue.

Andrew shares his lived experience of family violence, sexual abuse (including female offending), and the repeated moments where warning signs were visible - but not acted upon. Together, Kristi and Andrew explore why children often try to communicate harm through behaviour, how grooming operates across different contexts, and why asking questions early can interrupt abuse before it escalates.

This is not a sensational conversation.
It’s a necessary one.

⚠️ Content Warning

This episode includes discussion of:

childhood sexual abuse

family and domestic violence

grooming behaviours

trauma responses

Some listeners may find this content confronting. Please listen with care and step away if needed. Support resources are listed below.

Key Themes Covered

Why silence and “staying neutral” is not harmless

How children communicate harm through behaviour

Grooming behaviours across male and female offending

Why adults often dismiss or minimise warning signs

The long-term impact of not being believed

How early intervention can change outcomes

Advocacy, boundaries, and choosing how to help safely

Why This Conversation Matters

Most abuse doesn’t continue because no one notices.
It continues because adults feel uncomfortable asking questions - or assume someone else will act.

This episode invites parents, carers, and professionals to reflect on the small moments where intervention matters, and how noticing, listening, and responding early can disrupt harm.

Practical Support & Resources

If this episode has raised questions about how to start calm, age-appropriate safety conversations with children, Kristi has created practical tools to support parents and carers.

🔗 Explore resources and education:
👉 www.kristimcvee.com

Resources include:

conversation guides for parents

body safety education tools

support for having protective conversations without fear or overwhelm

Support Services (Australia)

If you or someone you love needs support, help is available:

Lifeline – 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au

1800RESPECT (sexual assault, domestic & family violence) – 1800 737 732 or 1800respect.org.au

Kids Helpline (for young people aged 5–25) – 1800 55 1800 or kidshelpline.com.au

If you are in immediate danger, please contact emergency services.

Episode Summary:

The conversation delves into the alarming risks that young people face regarding sexual violence, emphasizing the lack of awareness among parents about these issues. It highlights the prevalence of unwanted sexual encounters and the disturbing trend of children perpetrating sexual violence against their peers.

Key Takeaways:

Parents often underestimate the risks of sexual violence.

There are high rates of unwanted sexual encounters among youth.

Children can be both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence.

Awareness is crucial for prevention and protection.

Education on sexual violence should start early.

Open conversations about consent are necessary.

Support systems for victims need to be strengthened.

Community involvement is essential in addressing these issues.

Resources for parents should be more accessible.

Schools play a vital role in educating children about these risks.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 - Introduction to the Conversation on Sexual Education
04:23 - Understanding Parental Challenges in Discussing Sex
07:11 - The Importance of Early Conversations
10:15 - Navigating Teachable Moments
13:22 - Age-Appropriate Discussions and Their Impact
16:26 - Counteracting Negative Influences
19:25 - Promoting Positive Sexual Relationships
22:31 - Empowering Parents to Start Conversations
25:23 - Utilising Resources for Effective Communication
28:24 - Conclusion and Encouragement for Parents
31:45 - Introduction to Child Safety Education

Episode Summary:

The conversation explores the challenges faced by the digital generation as they navigate technology independently. It emphasises the importance of introducing technology in a safe manner, akin to teaching children to swim, where they gradually gain skills and independence.

Key Takeaways:

The digital generation faces unique challenges in technology.

Children are often left to navigate technology on their own.

Introducing technology should be done safely, similar to swimming lessons.

Using apps and platforms can help develop skills in a controlled environment.

Gradual exposure to technology fosters independence in children.

Safety measures, like floaties in swimming, are essential in tech introduction.

Monitoring children while they learn technology is crucial.

As children grow, they can handle more complex tech tasks.

Skills development in technology is a gradual process.

Technology education should evolve with the child's age and abilities.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 - Introduction to Cyber Safety
02:23 - Understanding the Dangers of Online Gaming
05:17 - Navigating Parental Guidance and Restrictions
08:19 - Empowering Conversations with Children
11:46 - The Importance of Early Cyber Safety Education
15:34 - Building Trust and Open Communication
20:23 - Introducing Technology Safely
21:53 - Resources for Parents on Technology
23:46 - Establishing Family Rules for Online Safety
25:56 - Understanding App Classifications
27:48 - Reflecting on Childhood and Social Media
29:19 - Tips for Managing Screen Time
31:49 - Transitioning from Screen Time to Offline Activities
34:39 - Empowering Healthy Digital Consumption
37:12 - Introduction to Child Safety Education

EPISODE SUMMARY:

In this episode of "Conversations with Kristi," Kristi discusses the alarming rise in online child exploitation with Ben Gillenwater, an IT and cybersecurity expert. They explore the challenges parents face in protecting their children from digital dangers, emphasising the importance of education and proactive parenting. Ben shares his personal journey of becoming the "family IT guy" and offers insights into managing children's online presence safely.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

The alarming rise in online child exploitation cases, with significant increases in AI deepfakes.

The importance of proactive parenting in managing children's online presence.

Ben Gillenwater's journey from IT expert to family IT advisor.

The role of education in empowering parents and children against digital threats.

The impact of social media and online platforms on children's mental health.

Strategies for setting boundaries and expectations for children's device usage.

The significance of leading by example in digital habits.

The challenges of balancing parental control with children's privacy.

The need for open communication between parents and children about online risks.

The benefits of community and educational resources in supporting digital safety.

CHAPTERS:

00:00:00 Introduction and Background

00:06:00 The Rise of Online Exploitation

00:12:00 Ben's Journey to Family IT

00:18:00 Parenting Challenges in the Digital Age

00:24:00 Proactive Parenting Strategies

00:30:00 The Role of Education in Digital Safety

00:36:00 Managing Children's Online Presence

00:42:00 Balancing Control and Privacy

00:48:00 Community and Educational Resources

00:54:00 Final Thoughts and Takeaways



For additional resources and support services, please head to my website at https://www.cape-au.com/free-resources

You can also watch the full video version of this episode on my YouTube channel at https://youtu.be/8dg5zBwZKhs

To learn more and connect with Ben, head over to his LinkedIn page at https://www.linkedin.com/in/bgilly/ or connect with him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/family_it_guy

Summary:

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, we delve into the profound impact of trauma on identity, particularly for women as Jessica Ella shares her profound journey of healing from childhood sexual abuse.

Jess discusses her unique approach to trauma recovery, emphasising the importance of understanding complex trauma and its impact on identity. She recounts her personal experiences of abuse, the challenges of navigating family dynamics, and the power of disclosure. The conversation highlights the flaws in the justice system and the necessity of support systems for survivors. Ultimately, Jessica's message is one of empowerment and hope, encouraging others to reclaim their power and heal from their past.

Takeaways:

Jessica Ella's journey into healing began from her own trauma.

She developed a unique method to help others heal from trauma.

Complex trauma can significantly affect one's identity and self-worth.

The act of abuse is often less traumatic than the secrecy surrounding it.

Disclosure is a powerful tool for survivors to reclaim their narrative.

Family dynamics play a crucial role in the experience of abuse.

Support systems are essential for healing and recovery.

The justice system often fails to protect victims of familial abuse.

Survivors can choose how to respond to their abusers.

Healing is possible, and it requires a commitment to self-discovery. Healing is a continuous journey that requires daily commitment.

Children often mirror the behaviors of their parents, triggering unresolved issues.

Seeking justice can be a complex and emotional process.

Empowerment comes from healing and helping others.

Trauma can be understood as an open memory that needs closure.

Creating safe spaces for children to express their feelings is crucial.

Parents must address their own trauma to effectively support their children.

It's important to communicate openly with children about difficult topics.

Healing from trauma is possible and does not define a person's future.

Resources and education are vital for both parents and children.

Chapters:

00:00 - Introduction to Jessica Ella's Journey

03:09 - Healing Through Trauma: Jessica's Methodology

07:08 - Understanding Complex Trauma and Identity

10:24 - Jessica's Personal Story of Abuse

13:59 - The Impact of Abuse on Mental Health

17:38 - The Power of Healing and Self-Discovery

22:08 - The Dynamics of Power in Abuse

24:23 - The Role of Family in Trauma

27:46 - Recognising Red Flags in Abusive Relationships

29:51 - The Challenges of Family Court and Child Support

31:07 - Trust Issues with the Justice System

32:12 - The Complexity of Child Disclosure

34:08 - Factors Influencing Child Recantation

35:51 - The Confusion of Love and Abuse

37:21 - The Child's Need for Parental Love

40:08 - The Impact of Parental Abuse on Self-Love

42:15 - The Betrayal of Trust in Family Dynamics

44:06 - Navigating the Justice System

47:37 - Finding Empowerment Beyond Trauma

51:53 - Understanding Trauma and Healing Methods

55:54 - Understanding Trauma and Memory Processing

01:00:59 - Navigating Difficult Conversations with Children

01:05:19 - Healing from Complex Trauma

01:09:34 - Supporting Children After Trauma Disclosure

01:12:19 - Resources for Parents and Caregivers

01:16:07 - Introduction to Child Safety Education

For additional resources and support services, please head to my website at https://www.cape-au.com/free-resources

You can also watch the full video version of this episode on my YouTube channel at https://youtu.be/zl2VFsIw8qA

To learn more and connect with Jess please head to her Instagram @iamjessicaella and you can grab a copy of the book "Secret or Surprise" at https://www.secretorsurprise.com.au