The Secure Start® Podcast

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What if the behaviour that drives you up the wall is actually armour against shame? We sit down with psychotherapist and author Vicky McKeown to unpack how shame and attachment shape everyday life for children, parents, and the professionals who support them. From adoption and fostering to classrooms and case reports, we trace the subtle ways shame shows up and how a shift in language and stance can transform outcomes.

Vicky shares her journey from criminology to trauma therapy and makes a strong case for working with the whole caregiving unit, not just “the child.” We break down Lisa Etherson’s shame containment theory in plain language: why shame fires when connection feels at risk, how people build protective strategies like perfectionism, aggression, or withdrawal, and what adults can do to respond without piling on more shame. We also challenge common behaviour tools in schools — public colour charts, red cards, and time-outs that silence kids but feed their inner critic — and offer simple, shame-aware alternatives that preserve dignity and teach skills.

You’ll hear how Jake and His Shame Armour opens safe conversations at home and in therapy, plus practical exercises Vicky uses to map triggers, slow tricky moments, and help parents “own their stuff.” We talk frankly about child protection and adoption disruptions, why report language matters, and how moving from blame to context supports real change while holding responsibility. If you care about trauma-informed practice, attachment, adoption, or behaviour in schools, this is a grounded, hands-on guide to seeing the mind behind the behaviour and building safety that lasts.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a colleague or friend, and leave a quick review — what’s one shame-aware change you’ll try this week?

Vicki's Bio:

Vicki McKeown is a qualified social worker, psychotherapeutic counsellor, and trauma-informed practitioner with over 15 years of experience supporting children, families, and professionals around attachment, shame, and relational trauma. She is the co-author of Jake and His Shame Armour, a children’s book underpinned by Lisa Etherson’s Shame Containment Theory. Through her work with VLM Therapy Ltd and Better Me Better Us Ltd, Vicki provides specialised training, consultation, and therapeutic support, helping individuals, families and organisations build safer, more connected, and emotionally attuned environments.

Links:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TheSecureStartPodcast

Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Podcast site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.buzzsprout.com
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/

Disclaimer:
Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce. Further, any advice discussed is general in nature and does not replace clinical advice from a treating clinician.
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I am very excited to release my conversation with Peter Blake on The Secure Start Podcast.
We explore how children communicate through behaviour and play, why containment matters, and how to balance understanding with practical management. We share tools to notice meaning, time conversations well, and use a child’s passions to build safety, trust, and growth.

• why being relaxed and steady allows containment 
• inner and outer worlds shaping behaviour 
• OTT method: observe, think, talk in good time 
• early anxieties, attachment, and security needs 
• unrepressed unconscious and right-brain attunement 
• play as the medium for change 
• joining passions to say “your mind matters” 
• naming thinking without therapy-speak 
• projective identification and holding strong feelings 
• signs therapy can wind down responsibly

Across a warm, grounded conversation, Peter explains how to Observe, Think, and Talk in a way that children can digest, and why the right moment and tone matter more than the perfect words. We dive into early anxieties, attachment security, and the “unrepressed unconscious”—experiences from infancy that live in the body and spill into relationships. You’ll hear practical examples of responding rather than reacting, repairing ruptures, and using ordinary moments to create extraordinary change.

Play takes centre stage as the engine of therapy. From computer games to surfboards and movie obsessions, passions carry emotional truth; joining them says “your mind matters.” 
We also explore endings: how to recognise steadier behaviour, more integrative play, and a more ordinary, balanced bond as signals that therapy can wind down, with other relationships now carrying the holding.

If you’re a parent, teacher, therapist, or carer, you’ll leave with a clearer map: keep boundaries firm, language simple, curiosity open, and focus on creating a felt experience of being known. That’s where change settles in. 
Peter's Bio:
Peter is a Clinical Psychologist and Tavistock trained child and adolescent psychotherapist. For 25 years Peter worked in child and family teams in Community Health Centres in England and Australia. For the last 25 years he has worked in private practice in Sydney. He was the Foundation President of the Child Psychoanalytic Foundation, a charity  based in Sydney.
He is currently Director of the Institute of Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy ( ICAPP). This is a training body offering child and adolescent psychotherapy, based in Sydney but offered online. 
He has lectured in a number of Australian Universities and has given workshops to professionals across Australia. The third edition of his book, “Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy: Maaking the Conscious Unconscious” (2021, Routledge), is now useed as a textbook in a number of different countries. It has been translated into Georgian and Mandarin. He has contributed to numerous publications and Journals.
Links:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TheSecureStartPodcast

Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/

Disclaimer:

Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce. Further, any advice discussed is general in nature and does not replace clinical advice from a treating clinician. 
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What if the most powerful safeguarding tool isn’t another form, but a steady adult who shows up with love? That’s the heart of my conversation with Carla Keyte, founder of Lighthouse and a leading voice in UK residential care, as we unpack how safe, stable, loving homes are built—and measured—through relationships, not fear. We explore how love-led practice, not fear-based compliance, creates safe, stable, loving homes in residential care.

We trace the sector’s language shift from behaviour management to relational healing, and ask the tough question: how do we evaluate what children actually feel? Carla makes a compelling case that compliance is essential but should be the floor, not the ceiling. She explains why incident counts miss the lived experience of safety, and how psychologically safe teams create environments where children can play, connect, and grow. We dive into the Lighthouse model—safeguard the child, stabilise adults through supervision and reflective practice, and strengthen the home’s culture and governance—so that regulation supports, rather than stifles, love-led care.

We also challenge the idea that professional boundaries mean emotional distance. Drawing on attachment and neuroscience, Carla shows how attuned relationships rebuild trust and reduce fear. We explore how inspections could function as safeguarding partnerships, bringing multi-agency expertise to design therapeutic interventions instead of handing out labels. From Scotland’s Promise to extending support beyond 18, we highlight the policies that protect the human connection that truly changes lives. If you care about residential care quality, trauma-informed practice, and practical ways to create homes where children feel they matter, this conversation offers a clear, hopeful path forward.
About Carla:
Carla is the Founder and Director of Lighthouse, bringing extensive expertise in quality, compliance, and safeguarding across the residential childcare sector in the UK. With a background spanning Registered Manager, Head of Care, and Head of Quality & Compliance for an organisation operating over 30 homes rated Good and Outstanding, Carla has deep, practical insight into operational leadership, regulatory compliance, and governance.
 
Carla has a proven track record of resolving complex compliance issues and supporting organisations through challenging regulatory actions. Her specialism lies in developing and embedding Quality and Governance frameworks that drive sustainable improvement and ensure the highest standards of care.
 
Passionate about love-led practice and the power of meaningful relationships, Carla champions approaches that create safe, nurturing, and stable environments where children and young people can truly thrive.  
Carla founded Lighthouse to provide expert guidance and tailored support to providers navigating an increasingly complex regulatory landscape. The name Lighthouse reflects Carla’s vision: to act as a guiding beacon for organisations, illuminating the path through complexity toward excellence in care, safeguarding, and relational practice.
Links:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TheSecureStartPodcast
Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/

Disclaimer: Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce.
Support the show

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This is a recap of the first 33 episodes of The Secure Start Podcast, all released in 2025.  It has been an incredible honour to host them and I am looking forward to 2026!

If you take something inspirational from the video, please consider liking and subscribing to this channel and related platforms.

Links:

Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Podcast site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.buzzsprout.com
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/
Please also consider becoming as member on my Patreon page. Membership is free, but you can also take up a paid membership if you would like to support the ongoing development of the podcast. Visit: Patreon: 
https://www.patreon.com/c/TheSecureStartPodcast

Disclaimer:

Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce.
Support the show

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What happens when belief meets opportunity and doesn’t let go? We sit down with Surja—care‑experienced leader, LIFT alum, and global advocate—to trace a path from a village in Uttar Pradesh to a seat at international tables, and to unpack what real aftercare looks like when lived experience leads. With Dr Kiran Modi offering context on Udayan Care’s model, we explore how mentoring, peer networks, and co‑creation turn care leavers into care leaders.

Across the conversation, we map the mechanics of the LIFT Fellowship: a one‑year journey that blends mentoring, life skills, and project design to strengthen aftercare systems. We talk about failing early and thriving later, about teachers who stayed late and house mentors who stay for life, and about the shift from telling hard stories to proposing practical solutions. When alumni return as coordinators and network builders, advocacy stops being an event and becomes an ecosystem. That’s where policy changes—when people closest to the gaps design the bridge.

We also step into the Global Care Leavers Community. From Africa’s aftercare gaps to language barriers in Latin America, cross‑regional learning sparks better ideas and fairer access to platforms. The network acts as a hub for research, conferences, and leadership development, making sure participation includes pay, preparation, and ongoing support. The biggest lesson? Short‑term fixes rarely change a life. Long‑term mentoring, multi‑year pathways, and true partnership between experience and expertise are what anchor success.

If you care about child protection, aftercare, youth leadership, or how to build systems that don’t let people fall through the cracks, this story will stay with you. 
Surja's Bio:
Surja is a care leaver from Uttar Pradeshm who spent nine years in a Udayan Care Childrens home. In 2022, she joined the LIFT (Learning in Fellowship Together) Fellowship, where she raised awareness about care leavers through impactful blog writing, and mobilized care leavers in Uttar Pradesh to form Care Leavers Unite, a growing state network.
Since BICON 2023, Surja has been part of the BICON Reference Group, contributing her ideas and experiences to strengthen global care leaver advocacy. In 2025, she became a member of the BICON Coordination Group, taking an active role in the BICON Committee to help shape future gatherings with her insights and leadership.
Surja is a core member of the National Care Leavers Network since 2023 and an active part of the Global Care Leavers Community, where she has been advocating for care leavers on national and international platforms for over three years.
In 2023, Surja also became the Coordinator for LIFT – the National Care Leavers Fellowship at Udayan Care, where she guides care leaders to design and implement innovative, personalized projects that strengthen care and aftercare systems while bridging gaps in support for young people transitioning out of care. Her work reflects a deep commitment to building strong connections, amplifying care leavers’ voices, and shaping better policies for aftercare across India and beyond.
Links:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TheSecureStartPodcast

Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Podcast site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.buzzsprout.com
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/

Disclaimer:

Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast ow
Support the show