Voice #5 - Mustafa: "From Revisionism to Redemption: How I Found My Way Home"
When Mustafa first realized his same-sex attractions weren't going away, he spiraled into self-hatred, shame, and thoughts of suicide. Desperate for relief, he embraced revisionist interpretations of Islam that seemed to permit same-sex relationships. This led to marriage with another man—a decision that initially brought him the love and acceptance he'd been craving.Yet beneath the surface happiness lurked an inexplicable emptiness. Despite having what appeared to be everything he wanted, something felt profoundly wrong. "I hid the relationship from everyone," Mustafa reveals. "I was living two lives—a world where I was the Muslim son and one where I was the gay Muslim man married to another guy." The theological contradictions he'd noticed in revisionist arguments grew more apparent, and the marriage eventually ended, leaving him spiritually and emotionally adrift.The turning point came when Mustafa connected with a supportive brother online who encouraged him to pray just two rakats whenever he felt empty. This small act gradually rebuilt his connection with Allah, transforming his understanding of God from a distant, judgmental figure to a loving, present One who "lets me retake the test every day." Through a 12-step program, healthy platonic relationships with other men, and daily spiritual practices, Mustafa discovered how reconnecting with Allah in a deeply personal way can heal the deepest wounds and provide a sense of belonging that no human relationship can match, and how divine love can transform even our darkest moments into opportunities for growth and purpose.Extra references:- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on Islamic revisionism (Part I and Part II) with Mobeen Vaid- Article by Mobeen Vaid "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Qur'anic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" on Muslim Matters- Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) official website- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episode on 12-step programs and sexual recovery programs.Send as an anonymous one-way text messageSupport the show"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up FormBackground music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
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2:08:07
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Voice #4 - Adam: "From Shame to Strength: What Allah's Mercy Taught Me About Being a Man"
In this deeply moving episode, Adam shares his journey through the confusing terrain of same-sex attraction as a Muslim man from Egypt. With remarkable vulnerability, he reveals how complicated family dynamics – a domineering mother and emotionally distant father – created the perfect storm for his internal struggles with identity and sexuality.Adam's story isn't just about attraction; it's about the profound human need for connection. Through tears and triumphs, he describes how childhood wounds manifested as attractions that were less about sex and more about seeking the masculine affirmation and fatherly embrace he never received. "I learned that I just want to bond with men," he explains. "I want this healthy, golden fatherly hug."The turning point came after Egyptian activist Sarah Hegazi's suicide in 2020, which propelled Adam into a spiritual crisis that ultimately led to healing. Through support groups, therapeutic approaches, and reconnecting with Allah, he began to unravel the complex "triangle of fusion" behind his attractions – discovering they contained elements of his mother, his wounded younger self, and the father figure he desperately needed.Today, Adam experiences his masculinity differently. While still navigating occasional same-sex attractions, he's found peace by understanding their roots and addressing his deeper needs for healthy connection. His journey offers hope that healing is possible without denying one's experiences or abandoning faith and one's relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.Resources mentioned in the episode:- Sh. Fadel Soliman's video addressing homosexuality, and his series on Allah's Divine Names- Shame and Attachment Loss by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi- Three books by Richard Cohen: Coming Out Straight; Being Gay: Nature or Nurture; and Healing Humanity: Time, Touch & Talk- How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Secrets of Divine Love by A. Helwa- Breaking the Habit of Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza- Strong Support official website- Journey into Manhood (JiM) - Brothers Road official website- Brothers Road clearance exercise (MANS principle for reframing SSA)Send as an anonymous one-way text messageSupport the show"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up FormBackground music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
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2:30:56
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Voice #3 - Maryam: "From the Rahm to Allah's Rahma: Healing Gender Dysphoria through Hope and Surrender"
Trigger warning: This episode involves a discussion of sensitive subjects like sexual abuse and trauma, in addition to female menstruation and body image wounds. Growing up as a "tomboyish" girl in Pakistan who never quite fit traditional feminine expectations, Maryam eventually developed gender dysphoria alongside same-sex attraction—all while trying to remain faithful to her Islamic beliefs.Maryam takes us through the complex factors that contributed to her gender struggles: early sexualization despite modest dress, cultural pressure to conform to narrow definitions of womanhood, and complicated family dynamics. With remarkable vulnerability, she shares how her relationship with her female body, particularly menstruation, transformed from shame to sacred connection when she discovered the linguistic relationship between "Rahm" (womb) and Allah's attributes of mercy.What makes Maryam's story so powerful is that her healing didn't come from forcing change or focusing obsessively on eliminating unwanted feelings. Instead, it came through complete surrender to Allah when nothing else was working: "I will get out of my own way," she decided, opening herself to approaches she had previously dismissed. The transformation that followed surprised even her—not just in alleviating gender dysphoria but in helping her genuinely embrace her femininity.Today, Maryam describes herself as "a very feminine woman" whose SSA and gender dysphoria no longer define her existence. Yet she's quick to emphasize that this shouldn't be everyone's benchmark for healing: "Being better means being actually content and happy, having good mental health," not necessarily eliminating all challenging feelings. Maryam's story illuminates how spiritual growth, psychological healing, and cultural understanding can work together to create authentic paths forward for Muslims experiencing gender and sexuality struggles.Resources mentioned in the episode:- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on understanding and healing sexual abuse (part I and part II)- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on marital intimacy and sex with Dr. Rana Khaled (part I and part II)- Women of Desire: A Guide to Passionate Love and Sexual Compatibility by Habeeb Akande- Maryam's contact information: mohsinmaryam1993(AT)gmail.comSend as an anonymous one-way text messageSupport the show"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up FormBackground music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
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2:30:35
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Voice #2 - Ishaq: "No More Running: A Revert’s Climb from the Ashes of Desire"
Searching for love in all the wrong places led Ishaq down a path of destructive relationships, identity confusion, and spiritual emptiness. Growing up in a non-religious household with an emotionally distant father and overprotective mother, he found himself defined entirely by his same-sex relationships.Despite living openly gay in an accepting environment, something felt profoundly wrong. The constant cycle of relationship peaks and devastating crashes left him questioning everything. When a chance encounter brought a devout Muslim man into his life, Ishaq was struck by something he'd never witnessed before: genuine peace.What began as curiosity about Islam transformed into a profound spiritual awakening. Through prayer, Ishaq discovered strengths he never believed possible within himself. The journey wasn't smooth—he lost most friends, wrestled with reconciling faith and sexuality, and had to completely rebuild his identity. But through therapy, healthy male friendships, physical discipline, and spiritual surrender, he found what decades of chasing relationships couldn't provide: purpose and contentment.Today, Ishaq offers a powerful message to others struggling with same-sex attraction or considering Islam: "This feeling of emptiness inside is something everyone experiences, and the void is filled with God... Islam doesn't erase you. It refines you." His story challenges us to consider that healing sometimes comes not from embracing desires, but from wholeheartedly surrendering to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.Send as an anonymous one-way text messageSupport the show"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up FormBackground music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
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1:49:39
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1:49:39
Conscience Over Convenience: A Digital Hijrah
In this short but urgent episode, I share why I’ve chosen to leave Big Tech services like Google (among others) in light of their complicity in human rights violations and global injustices. As Muslims - and as human beings - we have a moral obligation to act. I’ve moved to Proton Mail and begun supporting ethical, open-source alternatives. I invite you to begin your own journey toward digital ethics.Updated contact information:- A Way Beyond the Rainbow email address: awaybeyondtherainbow(AT)proton.me- Voices from Beyond the Rainbow email address: voicesfrombeyondtherainbow(AT)proton.me- Waheed Jensen email address: waheedjensen(AT)proton.meHelpful resources:- Switching Software- DeGoogled- Privacy Guides- Techlore- Prism BreakBackground music: "Perfection" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)Send as an anonymous one-way text messageSupport the show"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up FormBackground music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
A podcast series featuring stories of men and women experiencing same-sex attractions and gender dysphoria from around the world who want to live a life true to Allah SWT and Islam.
Ireland