The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation came when Amber said:
"I didn't want to do what I was doing… but it became my comfort zone."
If you've ever struggled with food, alcohol, or any compulsive behavior, you know exactly what she means.
This episode isn't about dieting.

It's about why the body holds on — to weight, habits, protection, and survival patterns — even when we desperately want to change.
Amber walks us through her healing journey, from childhood trauma and food addiction to full recovery, and explains why binge eating isn't a lack of discipline — it's often a nervous system trying to self-soothe.
We discuss:
Why restriction and "all-or-nothing" thinking backfire



How hormones quietly sabotage progress



Why negative self-talk keeps the body in fight-or-flight



The difference between managing symptoms and fully healing



And why detachment — not obsession — is what allows real change



The biggest takeaway?
Your body isn't broken. It's protecting you.
And once you understand why, everything changes.
 
 
✅ Action Steps for Listeners
Identify your triggers
Write down emotional, physical, and environmental triggers (fatigue, stress, scale-checking, restriction).



Stop blaming willpower
Start asking: "What does my body need right now?"



Pay attention to self-talk
Notice when inner criticism appears — it's often a stress response.



Support your nervous system
Breathwork, journaling, walking in nature, and rest are not optional — they're foundational.



Get curious about hormones
If weight or cravings feel "stuck," there may be a biological reason.



📚 Resources Mentioned
Hormone testing & functional ranges



EFT tapping



Journaling & emotional processing



Nervous system regulation practices



Amber's Body Freedom work & free quiz



The No Sugarcoating Podcast




Guest Contact Info: https://amberapproved.ca/
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!
 
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK.
We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations.
We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year.
Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware.
This episode was a reminder of what really matters.
 
 
Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters
One of the first things we talked about was listening.
When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me.
But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority.
Listening to people who've been there.
Listening to patterns.
Listening instead of reacting.
There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages.
Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn.
 
 
Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are)
A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems.
But isolation is where addiction thrives.
Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone.
And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you.
 
 
Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority
This might be the most important lesson from the episode.
Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly.
You stop meditating.
You stop checking in.
You stop telling the truth.
You stop doing the practices.
And slowly… your nervous system takes over.
John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop.
Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from.
It's something you maintain.
 
 
Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior
One thing I'm passionate about is identity.
You're not trying to get sober.
If you didn't drink today, you are sober.
Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming.
Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask:
Who do I admire?



What traits do they embody?



What small actions would reinforce those traits?



Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line.
 
 
Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That)
We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us.
If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past.
Triggers aren't signs that you're failing.
They're invitations to heal.
When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip.
There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort.
 
 
Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand
One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict.
Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance.
A simple shift like:
"Help me understand how you feel"



"This is what I'm hearing — is that right?"



can completely change the outcome of a conversation.
Feeling understood often dissolves the fight entirely.
 
 
Action Steps You Can Take This Week
If you want to apply what we talked about, start here:
Choose one daily recovery practice
Meditation, journaling, meetings, movement — consistency matters more than intensity.



Check your priority list
Ask honestly: Is sobriety still at the top — or has it slipped?



Identify one trigger
When you feel emotionally hijacked, ask: What does this remind me of?



Clarify your identity
Write down 5 character traits you want to embody — then choose one small daily action that supports them.



Strengthen accountability
Make sure there's at least one person you can be fully honest with — without editing yourself.



 
 
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
12-Step Recovery Programs – For connection, structure, and accountability



SMART Recovery – A non-12-step alternative focused on tools and self-management



Atomic Habits by James Clear – Identity-based behavior change



Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer – Understanding habit loops and emotional patterns



Meditation & Journaling – Daily practices for emotional regulation



EMDR Therapy – Trauma-focused healing for emotional triggers




Guest Contact Info: 
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!
 
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK.
We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations.
We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year.
Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware.
This episode was a reminder of what really matters.
 
 
Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters
One of the first things we talked about was listening.
When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me.
But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority.
Listening to people who've been there.
Listening to patterns.
Listening instead of reacting.
There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages.
Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn.
 
 
Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are)
A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems.
But isolation is where addiction thrives.
Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone.
And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you.
 
 
Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority
This might be the most important lesson from the episode.
Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly.
You stop meditating.
You stop checking in.
You stop telling the truth.
You stop doing the practices.
And slowly… your nervous system takes over.
John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop.
Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from.
It's something you maintain.
 
 
Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior
One thing I'm passionate about is identity.
You're not trying to get sober.
If you didn't drink today, you are sober.
Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming.
Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask:
Who do I admire?



What traits do they embody?



What small actions would reinforce those traits?



Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line.
 
 
Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That)
We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us.
If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past.
Triggers aren't signs that you're failing.
They're invitations to heal.
When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip.
There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort.
 
 
Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand
One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict.
Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance.
A simple shift like:
"Help me understand how you feel"



"This is what I'm hearing — is that right?"



can completely change the outcome of a conversation.
Feeling understood often dissolves the fight entirely.
 
 
Action Steps You Can Take This Week
If you want to apply what we talked about, start here:
Choose one daily recovery practice
Meditation, journaling, meetings, movement — consistency matters more than intensity.



Check your priority list
Ask honestly: Is sobriety still at the top — or has it slipped?



Identify one trigger
When you feel emotionally hijacked, ask: What does this remind me of?



Clarify your identity
Write down 5 character traits you want to embody — then choose one small daily action that supports them.



Strengthen accountability
Make sure there's at least one person you can be fully honest with — without editing yourself.



 
 
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
12-Step Recovery Programs – For connection, structure, and accountability



SMART Recovery – A non-12-step alternative focused on tools and self-management



Atomic Habits by James Clear – Identity-based behavior change



Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer – Understanding habit loops and emotional patterns



Meditation & Journaling – Daily practices for emotional regulation



EMDR Therapy – Trauma-focused healing for emotional triggers




Guest Contact Info: 
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!
 
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Hi friend, thank you for downloading the episode, my name is Arlina and I'll be your host.
 
In case you haven't seen it, the new show notes include all the action steps and links to resources mentioned in the podcast, along with a link to the YouTube interview. You can access them by visiting the website at odaatchat.com
 
I keep hearing from listeners that they are missing some of the episodes and as it turns out, only 73% percent of listeners are subscribed. So if you could do me a favor and take a moment to make sure you are subscribed, that would be tremendously helpful. It's the free and easy way to support the podcast and help us keep things going. Thank you so much for being a part of our journey and the mission to help others struggling with addiction, mental health and personal growth. With your support, you are quite literally helping us to save lives. Thank you so much!
This episode is with one of my biggest recovery heroes, Dr. Stephanie Covington. She is a pioneer in addiction recovery, and the author of "A Woman's Way Through The 12 Steps", published more than 30 years ago. It  was the first book to interpret the steps specifically to address the unique issues women in recovery face, which has helped an untold number of people.
Today I sit down with her to talk about her new book, Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy after Addiction and Trauma
This is a topic that has remained largely silent in recovery spaces for decades.
We explore why sexuality is so often ignored in treatment and 12-step settings, how shame thrives in silence, and what it actually takes to rebuild a healthy, integrated relationship with our bodies, desires, and boundaries. Dr. Covington shares why healing must start with the self, how childhood trauma shapes adult intimacy.
This episode is compassionate, practical, and incredibly validating for anyone in recovery who has ever felt lost and alone when dealing with their sexuality.
So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Dr Stephanie Covington.
 
SHOW NOTES:
 
Guest Contact Info: 
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!
 
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Anxiety Isn't the Problem — It's the Habit Loop Behind It
I recently had a conversation with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Jud Brewer that stopped me in my tracks — not because it was abstract or inspirational, but because it finally explained something I've lived with for decades.
Even in long-term sobriety.
Even with years of self-work, therapy, meetings, journaling, and personal development.
That thing is anxiety — and more specifically, how anxiety quietly turns into habits like worrying, overthinking, scrolling, information hoarding, procrastinating, and self-judgment.
What Dr. Brewer helped me see is this:
Anxiety isn't a personal flaw.
It's a learned habit loop.
And once I saw that clearly, everything changed.
 
 
Worry Is a Behavior — Not a Personality Trait
One of the most powerful reframes from our conversation was this:
Worry isn't just a feeling — it's something we do.
Anxiety shows up as a sensation in the body.
Worry is the mental behavior we use to try to control that sensation.
And here's the trap:
Worry feels productive. It feels like we're doing something. That tiny sense of relief is enough to reward the brain — which means the loop gets reinforced.
Anxiety → Worry → Temporary relief → Repeat
Over time, this becomes automatic. So automatic we don't even realize we're doing it.
That's the definition of a habit.
 
 
Why "Why Am I Like This?" Keeps Us Stuck
As someone in recovery, I'm very familiar with the idea of "getting to the root cause." Childhood trauma, identity, shame, conditioning — all of that matters.
But here's what surprised me:
Dr. Brewer says the "why" is often the least important part when it comes to changing anxiety.
Not because the past doesn't matter — but because focusing on why often keeps us stuck in our heads instead of helping us change what we're doing right now.
When anxiety hits, the more helpful question isn't:
"Why am I like this?"
It's:
"What am I getting from this behavior?"
That question shifts us from self-blame to curiosity — and curiosity is where real change begins.
 
 
The Default Mode Network (AKA: The Overthinking Machine)
We also talked about the brain's default mode network — the system that activates when we're not focused on a task.
This network lights up when we:
Worry about the future

Replay the past

Judge ourselves

Compare ourselves to others

Crave, resist, or ruminate

In other words: it's the "me, me, me" network.
When fear (an urge to act now) gets crossed with planning (thinking about the future), we get anxiety.
Anxiety doesn't help us act.
It freezes us.
That's why so many high-achievers know exactly what to do — and still don't do it.
 
 
The Three Gears of Change (This Is the Part That Actually Helps)
Dr. Brewer's work focuses on a simple but profound process he calls the three gears:
⚙️ Gear 1: Awareness
Notice the behavior.
Worrying.
Scrolling.
Self-judging.
Avoiding.
No fixing. No shaming. Just noticing.
If it's automatic, it's a habit — and habits can be changed.
 
 
⚙️ Gear 2: Ask "What Am I Getting From This?"
This is the most overlooked step.
Not:
"What should I be doing?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why can't I just stop?"

But:
What is this giving me right now?
Safety?
Distraction?
Avoidance of shame?
Temporary relief?
When we see clearly that the reward is small — and the cost is high — the habit starts to lose its power.
 
 
⚙️ Gear 3: Find the Bigger, Better Offer
This is where things shift.
Instead of numbing, distracting, or fighting anxiety, we learn to meet it differently — and that feels better than the habit itself.
That's where the RAIN practice comes in.
 
 
RAIN: A Way to Be With Anxiety Without Escaping It
RAIN stands for:
R – Recognize what's happening

A – Allow it to be there

I – Investigate with curiosity (What does this feel like in my body?)

N – Note what's happening moment to moment

Here's the surprising part:
When we stop trying to get rid of anxiety and simply observe it, it often passes on its own.
Cravings peak and fall.
Sensations rise and fade.
Even when they feel like they'll last forever — they don't.
 
 
Action Steps (Try This This Week)
If anxiety, overthinking, or procrastination are showing up in your life, try this:
Catch the Habit
Notice when anxiety turns into worrying, scrolling, or self-judgment.

Ask One Question
What am I getting from this right now?

Practice RAIN
Don't fix. Don't flee. Just observe.

Change the Language
Instead of "I am anxious," try:
"I'm noticing anxiety in my body."

Let the Wave Pass
You don't have to do anything for it to end.

 
 
Resources Mentioned
Unwinding Anxiety by Jud Brewer

Trigger–Habit–Outcome Mapping (free worksheet referenced by Dr. Brewer)

RAIN mindfulness practice

Going Beyond Anxiety program (Dr. Brewer's advanced work)

 
 
Final Thought
You're not broken.
You're not failing.
You're not missing some secret piece of information.
Your brain learned a habit — and habits can be unlearned.
With awareness, curiosity, and kindness, anxiety doesn't have to run your life.
It can become a signal — not a sentence.
💛



Guest Contact Info: 
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!
 
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast