The AuDHD Boss: Neurodiversity at Work with Brett Whitmarsh

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.”
Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith, they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program—inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received.
In this episode we talk about:
What purity culture is (and how it became a movement)

How shame and fear shape relationships and identity

Why rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your values

What “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing

“Is it too late?” (No. Ever.)

Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timeline

How to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for it

Links & resources:
Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304
Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-program
More from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com
(For education and lived experience—not medical advice.)
00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking
00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules
01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide
02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific)
04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits)
05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating
07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book)
10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught
12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection
14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap
16:04 Replacing rules with your values
18:02 What “deconstruction” means
18:47 “Is it too late?”
21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence”
24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold
28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing
30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica

What was that moment you thought, “Oh… I think I have ADHD”?
In this episode, I’m joined by Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus) and Erik Gude (Hey Gude)—the authors of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults—for a practical, honest conversation about what it actually looks like to live with ADHD as an adult.
We talk about why so much “helpful” advice doesn’t work for ADHD brains, how to build systems you can restart without shame, and what support can look like when you’re late-diagnosed (including when ADHD overlaps with autism/AuDHD).
And yes—we also go into the adult stuff: relationships, intimacy, sex, communication, and the parts of ADHD life people don’t always say out loud.
In this episode, we cover:
How Cate and Erik approached writing a book as two people with ADHD

Executive dysfunction, motivation, and why “simple” solutions often fail

ADHD-friendly systems, accommodations, and sustainable routines

ADHD and relationships: intimacy, communication, and repair

Self-compassion and personal responsibility—holding both at once

 The ADHD Field Guide for Adults

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow/subscribe and leave a review—it helps more neurodivergent adults find the show.

Self-esteem has been a complicated one for me as an AuDHD adult (autism + ADHD). I can be confident and capable in certain areas—and then hit a wall in others and immediately start wondering, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do the thing?”
In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about how AuDHD can impact self-esteem for me—especially on the other side of diagnosis—along with what I try when I feel a spiral coming on. I talk about internalized ableism and masking, imposter syndrome at work, what it looks like when my body knows I’m overwhelmed before I do (alexithymia), and how I anchor back to what I know is true.
This isn’t a “you should” episode. It’s me being honest about what it feels like in my brain—and what I’m experimenting with to build self-trust.
Resources mentioned
Neurodivergent Insights glossary (alexithymia): https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergent-insights-glossary/

Self-Care Activities for Autistic People card deck (Dr. Megan Anna Neff): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507225066

Show notes bullets (for apps that surface these):
AuDHD and why it can feel “not quite ADHD, not quite autism”

Strengths vs. struggles and the imposter syndrome gap

“A different way in” — reframing walls without self-blame

Support without shame (reducing steps, ordering takeout when needed)

Alexithymia + body cues + spiraling thoughts

Anchoring to what I know is true + a 20–22 minute reset

Practicing pride: “take the win”

For the first time in my life, I’m starting a job as my full AuDHD self—fully diagnosed, fully open, and not trying to pretend I’m neurotypical. And it made me ask a question I think every AuDHD person deserves to ask:
What kind of employee do you want to be when masking isn’t the price of admission?
In this episode, I reflect on masking in new roles, what changed after my late autism + ADHD diagnosis, and how I’m learning to build a job around my needs instead of retrofitting myself into “corporate rules.”
We talk about AuDHD needs at work (novelty, collaboration, structure, recovery), the push/pull of ADHD chaos and autism routines, meetings I miss vs meetings I don’t—and the grief of losing built-in workplace community.
Question for you: What’s one accommodation, routine, or boundary that helps you thrive at work?
Substack: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AuDHDBoss
Website: AuDHDBoss.com

Ever googled “best jobs for ADHD” or “best jobs for autism” — especially after a late diagnosis — and hoped someone would finally hand you the answer?
In this episode, I’m going to give you the real answer: there isn’t one perfect job title for AuDHD (ADHD + autism). What actually matters is job fit — the match between your interests, your work environment needs, and the communication style you’ll have with your manager and team.
You’ll learn:
How to use “the spark” of a special interest to find realistic career entry points

What environment factors to consider so you can thrive (not just survive)

Why manager communication and check-ins can make or break a role

Interview questions that help you spot green flags and red flags

How to answer: “What do you need to be successful in this role?” without disclosing

Links
Website: https://audhdboss.com

Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtu.be/R_Lx6TFvZ2A

Question for you: Which part of job fit is hardest right now—interests, environment, or manager communication?