Mary's Cup of Tea: the Self Love Podcast for Women

There’s a lot more to self-love than feeling good about yourself. Though self-compassion is clearly associated with better mental health, stronger relationships, healthier behaviors, and greater resilience, the interesting part of the research is what happens underneath all of that: how changing the way you relate to yourself can actually change the way you behave, especially when you fail, struggle, or suffer.
So let’s dive into the science of self-love and self-compassion to uncover some surprising ways they can change your motivation, emotional regulation, and relationship with failure.
Tune into our self-love podcast to learn…
Why self-compassion may be more stable than self-esteem, and why constantly evaluating yourself can get in the way of feeling good about yourself
Whether positive affirmations can be too positive, and why believing you’re exceptional might make failure feel even scarier
Why being kinder to yourself can actually make you more motivated to improve after you mess up
How your inner voice can work more like a supportive coach than a drill sergeant
Why self-compassion may help us regulate uncomfortable emotions and stop putting off things we know are good for us
Why something can feel comforting when you say it to yourself but completely insensitive when someone else says it to you, especially during grief
We’ll also get into a surprising question: do you have to think highly of yourself in order to love yourself? The science suggests there may be another way to feel secure in yourself, one that doesn’t require being the prettiest, smartest, most successful, or most impressive person in the room.
Remember: self-love isn’t about convincing yourself that everything is great. Self-love is about building a relationship with yourself that allows you to be imperfect, learn from your mistakes, and keep going LONG ENOUGH TO GET BETTER.
Mentioned In This Episode...
Kristin Neff’s review of the research on self-compassion
Neff & Vonk (2009), self-compassion and self-esteem
Breines & Chen (2012), self-compassion and motivation after failure
Research on inflated praise and self-esteem
Research on self-compassion and bedtime procrastination
Research on cultural differences in self-compassion
Research on grief support and messages after a death
Research on helpful and unhelpful grief support
Heart rate variability and the HeartMath technique
Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:
The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.
100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.
Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast
And if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love!

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Learning to love yourself can be complicated when the world around you keeps sending messages that you’re not worthy of self-love. Today we are joined by Dr. Thema Bryant to explore how racism, colorism, generational trauma, and survival strategies can shape the way we see ourselves.
You will learn…
How Dr. Thema’s childhood in Baltimore and time living in Liberia shaped her confidence and self-esteem
How to help young girls be more resilient to beauty standards
The difference between personal, intergenerational, and collective trauma, and how survival strategies can be passed down through generations
How to recognize when you’re living in survival mode, even when your life may look successful from the outside
Why you can begin to heal and cultivate joy even while living in circumstances that continue to challenge you
Why some of our deepest healing happens in healthy relationships, community, and through dance, music, and movement

Remember: You don’t have to wait for the world to become perfectly safe before you begin to love yourself. Healing can mean learning to stay connected to yourself while continuing to navigate an imperfect world.
Dr. Thema Bryant is a psychologist, author, professor, sacred artist, and minister who is leading the way in creating healthy relationships, healing traumas, and overcoming stress and oppression. Her life changing books include Matters of the Heart, Homecoming, Reclaim Yourself: The Homecoming Workbook, and The Antiracism Handbook: Practical Tools to Shift Your Mindset and Uproot Racism in Your Life and Community. Her work empowers readers to connect with themselves and others while exploring mental health, relationships, trauma, and liberation.
Get Dr. Thema's new book, Matter of the Heart: https://drthema.com/matters-of-the-heart/
Dr. Thema completed her doctorate in Clinical Psychology at Duke University and her post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Center’s Victims of Violence Program. She is currently a tenured professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, where she directs the Culture and Trauma Research Laboratory. Dr. Thema is also an ordained elder in the African Methodist Episcopal Church and leads the mental health ministry at First A.M.E. Church in Los Angeles. In 2023, she served as president of the American Psychological Association and is the host of The Homecoming Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.thema

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Think of this like an extra-long voice note from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while.

A lot has happened over the summer, but also, nothing at all.

I took a little break from this self-love podcast thinking I’d have everything figured out before I came back. But jokes on me. 😂

This is somewhat of an “in-between” season for me, a knowing that change is on the horizon coupled with the realization that patience is not my strong suit.

Nevertheless, I’m so happy to be back hosting our self-love podcast!

In this comeback episode, I’m opening up about…

how chronic pain has been affecting my mental health

a social media experiment I did over the summer

why we moved from Phoenix to Northern Arizona

my journey of trying to conceive

how I’m approaching this self-love podcast a little differently than before…

Remember: self-love isn’t always about becoming a better version of yourself. Sometimes it’s learning to be okay with the version of you who is still figuring it out.

Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:

The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.

100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.

Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast

And if you’re enjoying this self-love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Mary’s Cup of Tea is nothing without the support of our self-lovers.

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If you’ve ever felt like you’re somehow responsible for remembering, planning, anticipating, organizing, and keeping track of ALL THE THINGS in your relationship, this conversation with Eve Rodsky is going to make you feel very seen.

Eve and I talk about the mental load women carry in relationships, the invisible and unpaid work that can be so difficult to put into words, and why creating a more equal partnership can completely change the way you experience your relationship. Whether you’re married, dating, single, or thinking about the kind of partnership you want someday, this is relationship advice you’ll want to hear.

You will learn…

Why women so often end up carrying the mental load in relationships

The invisible work that goes into keeping a household and family running

Why some of the most frustrating relationship dynamics are about much more than chores

How cultural expectations can shape the roles we fall into with our partners

What it can look like to create a more equal relationship without keeping score

Why “doing it all” isn't necessarily a sign that you're doing relationships well

How to start thinking differently about responsibility, partnership, and fairness

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why am I the one who has to think about everything?”, you are absolutely not alone. The mental load can be exhausting precisely because so much of it happens internally — and because a lot of the work women do in relationships doesn't look like work from the outside.

And while we talk about this through the lens of heterosexual relationships, this conversation is really for anyone who feels like they’re taking on more responsibility than their partner. The goal isn't to blame women or men. It's to understand the systems and expectations we’ve inherited so we can start creating relationships that actually work for the people in them.

Remember: the imbalance isn't your fault, but you can still be part of changing it. A healthy relationship doesn't have to look perfectly equal from the outside. It should, however, feel like a partnership where both people’s time, energy, and contributions matter.

About Eve Rodsky

Eve Rodsky transformed her “blueberries breakdown” into a catalyst for social change when she applied her Harvard-trained background in organizational management to ask a simple question: What would happen if we treated our homes as our most important organizations?

Her New York Times bestselling book and Reese’s Book Club Pick, Fair Play, introduced a gamified life-management system designed to help partners rebalance their domestic workload and rethink the value of unpaid labor and care.

In her follow-up book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Eve explores creativity, productivity, resilience, and the importance of reclaiming time for yourself.

Learn more about Fair Play and Unicorn Space at fairplaylife.com

If you enjoyed this episode, share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @fairplay so we can see!

Mentioned In This Episode...

the Fair Play card deck

Extreme Ownership book

TED Talk Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

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How do you know if your romantic relationship consists of real, healthy love versus just chemistry, anxiety, or the excitement of something new? I’m talking all things love and relationships with renowned relationship psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon in one of my favorite conversations from the archive.

You will learn…

What actually makes a healthy relationship work long-term

Why you shouldn’t necessarily trust the butterflies as much as you think

How to become more self-aware in your relationships without overanalyzing everything

What to do when you feel like you’re carrying more of the emotional burden

How relationships, attraction, and desire naturally change over time

This conversation is full of the kind of relationship advice I wish we all got before getting into serious relationships. We talk about green flags, communication, emotional labor, self-awareness, sex, marriage, and what it really looks like to build a healthy relationship with another person. And what makes a partnership last long-term.

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how much permission Alexandra gives us to stop trying to perfect our relationships. A healthy relationship doesn't mean you never get annoyed with your partner, never disagree, or never wonder if you're doing it “right.” It's about learning how to be curious about yourself and each other, communicate what you actually need, and keep growing together.

Whether you're single, dating, married, or somewhere in between, there's so much relationship advice here to take with you. And if you're anything like me, you'll probably walk away thinking about your own relationship in a slightly different way.

Remember: a healthy relationship isn't something you find and then magically get to keep forever. It's something you build, revisit, and grow into together.

 

Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, author, and relationship expert. She is a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and the creator and host of the Reimagining Love podcast.

She is also the author of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want.

Learn more at dralexandrasolomon.com and follow her on Instagram at @dr.alexandra.solomon

If you're enjoying this self-love podcast, send it to the women in your life! Or screenshot it and share it on social media. Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.alexandra.solomon so we can see it!

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