The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset

In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ Betsy helps us focus on the present moments in our lives. She reminds us to emphasize the cozy, reflective moments amidst holiday preparations, to fully “wear our lives” by making conscious choices for ourselves. Betsy clues us into the powerful messages in our dreams; metaphors produced by our unconscious mind that we can learn from. She concludes with a message of hope for the new year and an invitation to embrace our true potential. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the show today. It’s our last show before the holiday, so I hope everybody’s ready. I hope you’re getting some time to decompress. I know the last couple weeks it’s been cold here in Atlanta, like super cold, and I have had. Twinkly lights. I feel like I’ve got my decorations just right. , I haven’t turned on an overhead light in weeks. It feels so nice and cozy. I actually have really been enjoying it, being really chilly out. I don’t know, just I’m in the top floor of my apartment, which I like to call the penthouse and. I can really hear the wind because I’m right , on the corner, but I really love it. The other day , it was like a, it was Saturday, I think. Saturday or Sunday. It was so windy here, so, so, so windy. You could just hear the wind whipping outside. And I was like, this is a perfect conditions for a nap. And yeah, so I just took a nap and I could hear the wind and it was just kind of magical. I grew up in Vermont, you know, I live in Atlanta, but I grew up in Vermont. So anyway, I attribute my love of the cozy to that experience, I guess. . So I’m excited to be here with you today. , Just a reminder, next month we have a fireside chat. It’s January 11th. I’m really gonna try and do these every month, and it’s just a free time for everybody to come together on Zoom, you can sign up by going to my Instagram. The link is gonna be in my bio, but you can also just message me, fire and it will automatically send you the link to get signed up. , We did this in November and it was really so nice to have everybody come together and it was nice to see some of my old clients and favorite people. And we just talked about midlife and some of the challenges. I’ve got some thoughts for this time. Last time was very unscripted, which this time will be two. I mean, I wanna just go with the flow of what everybody needs, but. Wanted to invite you to join us. I know last week, I don’t know, every week probably, I’m talking about that quilted house coat from Cozy Earth and Cozy Earth’s one of our sponsors here on the podcast, but I’m obsessed with my quilted house coat and they’ve sold out. , I’m so sorry if anybody didn’t get theirs, still get it in January. The code live big Betsy. That’ll still get you 20% off like any time of the year. But those are just so great. I’m not surprised it sold out. One of my very best friends was waiting to get one and she was gonna have that be her Christmas gift. And when she went to go buy it, they were completely sold out. I actually looked last night, the night before and they just had extra, extra large. , And if you look at the size and guide, I think they’re pretty. Pretty true to size. So , I was like, get the extra, extra large and then just return it so you get the super discount. But it’s, so good. But I wanna remind you also that they have those cozy lounge socks. Those are great stocking stuffers, so don’t sleep on those. ’cause , I think when I looked at the other night, it was like 30% off on the website and then the live Big Betsy code gets you an additional 20%. So it’s a huge difference. And those stocks are lovely. So. Just wanted to shout out Cozy Earth and remind you guys, I know I’m gonna wear , my bathrobe , to the fireside chat. I have no shame. I love that thing, so I will show up in that. , But I’m really excited to see everybody, so hopefully you’ll be able to make it. All right. So today, okay, so this is kind of a vulnerable thing, but , I, I wanted to share something because I. I talk a lot on the show about unconscious change and how we show up in the world and , a little bit of magic. I think. I love a little bit of magic in the universe and , one of the things that I have done for years is I use a journal on my iPad called Day One. You’ve probably heard me talk about this before, but it is a online journal. It’s an app on my phone and on my iPad. I use it on my iPad. I’ve used it for, I don’t know, probably 12 years, maybe more. And I love this thing because it’s easy. I like, , we continue to do things that are simple, right, and easy. And it gives me a chance in the morning to just sort of like. Data dump, like everything that’s on my mind and whenever I have a dream that was really vivid, I like to write it out with all the detail that I can remember. And I find this really helpful because it helps me remember the dream and I can think about it later and figure out what this means. But also one of the cool things about this journal is it’ll tell me like, this is what you said last year, this is what you said three years ago, 10 years ago. And , sometimes we forget. How much we’ve grown or how much we’ve changed unless it’s right in front of us, , unless it’s like something that we can actually see to compare. And I think we all have this habit, I’m gonna say like a really bad habit where we’re looking forward, right? These are the things I wanna experience. This is what I wanna have in my life. These are the things not working. And so when we’re comparing it to the future, it appears as. Lack, it appears as absence because we’re not where we wanna be, but when we have a chance to reflect and to say, look at where I was and now look where I am. It might be where you are physically, it might be where you live. It might be goals you’ve reached. It might just be, I am shifting and changing and I’m moving forward. And there were years where I would look back at a year ago, two years ago, and I would say to myself, oh my God, , I’m talking about the same exact things. Like I feel like I haven’t changed or grown at all. Like when am I gonna get. Unstuck. But the truth now that I can see when there’s been a little bit more space, and I can look back, I can see that this is actually like turtle, right? Like a turtle. Like little tiny shifts moving me in the direction that I want. And that’s really, really important. So what I wanna do is I wanna talk about a dream that I had last year. So it was right around this time last year and I was on that day that I was taking that little nap. It was so windy, windy out, and I opened my journal and I wrote it in my journal, and then I was like, I’m gonna take a little nap. But in my journal, I looked back and then sometimes I’ll look back at the year before or two years before, but then I’ll look at days surrounding it, you know? I’m like, what was going on? Just so I can remember. And. I had a dream last year and I wanna tell you about this dream. And it’s not because I think dreams are, , mystical or predictive in some like woo woo way, but it’s because I have learned both personally and professionally that when something inside you knows the truth before you are ready to face it. It often speaks to us through our unconscious, and our unconscious speaks to us in metaphor. And so this dream actually happened in one of the final months that I was still living in the same house as my now former husband. And the timing of that really matters because emotionally, , the relationship was over. We were trying to sell the house. It took quite a while, and so we were living in close proximity, but. The relationship was over. My nervous system knew it , just that my body was still there. And when you live like that for too long, right? When your inner world and your outer life are out of sync, something starts trying to get your attention. And so in this dream, I was at the airport. Now I wanna share this dream because, and I’m gonna relate it back , to you and why this. Could be helpful. Okay, so I’m at the airport. It’s not a normal airport though. It’s , packed, like wall to wall to wall people. So as far as you could see, like a sea of people. And , you’re in a crowd, so there’s just, you’re not really walking regular. You’re like shuffling. You know that feeling. So I get this feeling that everyone’s moving really fast. Like everybody is going someplace. They know where they’re going and they’re all. Moving and bumping into me. So I’m like, goochie, goochie, goochie. And they’re bumping into me and I feel like I am not able to actually take a step forward. And , airports are in between places, right? You’re not where you were and you’re not yet where you’re going. You’re in this like in-between place. And that is exactly where I was in my life at that time. So. In this dream. I was traveling with him, but I wasn’t walking beside him. I was following him. So he was like way ahead of me, completely unaware that I was even there just doing his thing, right? He just kept moving forward and I was getting pushed around, like losing my footing, trying to keep up, and in my dream he never turned around and that’s the image that I remember. I remember feeling like I was. Almost a kid getting lost in the shuffle, ? And I, think that experience of my life at that time is reflected in that dream, because that’s where their relationship was , at that time. I, felt like. I was orienting around him, like tracking him or adjusting to him. And when you live that way long enough, , you lose your own internal compass. And at some point in the dream, I realized that I had a backpack that was gone. So I wasn’t carrying the backpack on my shoulders. I had been holding it like by the top straps. You know how sometimes backpacks have that little handle? So I was holding it by that, so it was like an accessory. So at the moment that I realized I was missing the backpack is the same moment that I realized I actually had been carrying a backpack, if that makes sense. And then I looked down and realized it was just gone. It was like I noticed my hand first. I don’t remember setting it down. I don’t remember like choosing to let it go. I just looked down and it was missing, and I think that’s how this actually happens. Like we don’t wake up one day and decide to abandon ourselves. We adapt and we accommodate and we make it work. Until one day we look around and we think, like, where did I go? And I tried to backtrack through the crowd in my dream, and eventually I found a backpack that I thought looked like mine. It was like the same pattern, like the same kind of backpack, but it was empty and it wasn’t quite the right size. And I remember thinking in the dream, and I wrote this in my journal that I don’t even know if this is mine anymore. I think this is like such an important moment because from the outside my life looked the same. Like the same house I was, looked like the same woman. It looked like the same marriage. Right. But inside it was empty. It was empty backpack. And , I don’t think, when I look back I’m like, that wasn’t unhappiness. That was dissociation. Right. Dissociated from what was happening and in my dream, I went to the gate attendant and I told them that the only picture that I had of my mother who died when I was 16, was in that bag. It wasn’t true. I even wrote that in my journal. Like I told her a lie that the only picture I had of my mom was in that backpack because I needed her to understand how serious this felt and that I needed help and I needed somebody to see me. And so they tried and they were confused. And then eventually , the,. Gate attendant, just admitted that she couldn’t do anything. And so I just turned around and just walked away. I just decided to move on, and that is when I realized that my phone was gone too. My voice, like my connection, my ability to call for help, everything was gone. And here’s what I want you to hear in this. This dream wasn’t about my marriage. It, and I wanna say that again. He’s had a, he has his own experience of that. Like it is not about him. It’s not about my marriage. It was about my identity erosion. It was about what happens when you stay in a life that no longer fits for way too long. And I think when we talk about metaphor and , our unconscious minds speaking to us through our dreams. , That backpack was my identity. It was my needs, , my internal resources, and I wasn’t wearing it. I was carrying it by that little handle so lightly so that I could maneuver around other people. And that is what I think self abandonment actually looks like. It’s not like some big dramatic event. It’s not obvious. It’s reasonable. Subtle, and I see this all the time in my work, women who tell me that they can’t quite put their finger on it, like they feel kind of numb or lost or disconnected. And so they think , , that they’re broken, but they’re not. They’re just, I would say like disembodied. Right? And so. I wanted to share that dream because I think it’s was such a good metaphor for where so many of us are and where so many of us are, whether we’re feeling lost or dissociated from a relationship or a job, or after your kids leave to , go off to college and you’re alone for the first time. Like so many things. And so I think that when we think about. A big life, and I’m using air quotes, right? ’cause I talk about a big life. A big life isn’t some fancy living on a yacht. , That’s not what I mean by a big life. I mean, choosing yourself, right? It’s not about blowing everything up. It’s not about dramatic things. It’s , it’s not about certainty even. It’s about embodiment. Embodiment, right? It’s about. Wearing your life, that backpack, instead of carrying it so loosely that anybody could knock it out of your hand. Wearing your life means , that your values live inside your body, not just inside your head. Right? It means that when you speak and something feels off, instead of talking yourself out of it. It means you listen to it, right? It means you, you know what your yes and your no are, and that those come from inside your body, not from managing someone else’s comfort. Most people, and , I’m including myself in this, we don’t lose ourselves because of one big thing. It’s not one big event that happened. We lose ourselves because we are so great at adapting. At, making ourselves smaller to keep things calm or low maintenance or understanding. And then one day you wake up and you realize that you’ve been holding yourselves by the little tiny strap. And so. , If you’ve been struggling in your relationship or in your job or anything where you’re like, should I stay or should I go? Here’s the question that I wanna leave you with, is instead of that, I want you to ask yourself like, where am I managing my life? Instead of inhabiting it, , where am I carrying myself instead of standing in myself? , I think we can abandon ourselves in a million different ways. And, , I’ll say it again, it, had less to do with my ex-husband. It had to do with me. I was the one doing that. I was the one choosing that. And yes, there’s were circumstances around it, but in the end it was when I decided to. Fully embody myself when I decided that I was gonna put myself first, when I decided that being kind wasn’t the end all, be all that what if being kind and people saw me as being so kind. It’s not that I don’t wanna be kind to people. That’s not what I’m saying, but perhaps that was an indicator that. Yeah, I was putting everyone else first and that I didn’t always need to do that. There are times where I put my daughter first and that feels right. That is the right thing to do, and I want to do that, and there are times when I don’t. So having the discernment of that, I think is really important so that we don’t lose ourselves. Because when you can start wearing your life again, that’s when clarity comes back to you. And , this year for me, I don’t know if you saw on Instagram, but every year I give myself an award. So I order these crystal awards from Crown Awards. And this year my award was, , the Chrysalis Award This year has been. So transformative for me, not because I did some big thing or not because I, , had some big, huge success. Like it wasn’t that. It was that I started feeling really solid, that I started really leaning into my body as an oracle, that I started really trusting myself in a totally different way and hearing myself. And I stopped getting lost in that big crowd getting bumped around. So it’s not, , the art of living big isn’t about becoming louder. It is about becoming solid, right? It’s about putting your backpack back on your shoulders, fully, like strapped in with the little strap around the front. You know that clicks in that. That is how you live a big life. I hope you all have a really, really happy holiday. However you celebrate. I hope you have a hopeful New Year, and that 2026 becomes everything that you want it to be, and you get to decide. You get to decide how that goes. All right. I love you so much. I’ll see you after the new year. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ host Betsy Pake discusses her journey of creating new traditions after a significant life change. She shares her experience of making intentional choices and emphasizes the importance of self-trust and honesty, encouraging listeners to honor their true desires. She also highlights the role of community and the value of supportive relationships. The episode concludes with reflections on the past year and the anticipation of new beginnings. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today.. I have something to talk to you today about, but , I wanna start by telling you about my Christmas tree. I, , it’s the holiday time. And if you’re new here, I have been living in an apartment this, whole year. I sold my house towards the end of last year. , , Got divorced, moved into this apartment. And in April I got a kitty. Okay, so these are important aspects to my thought process for the holidays this year, one of the things that I’ve really tried to do is just to create new traditions, , or new rituals in the morning. How I do things. I wanted it to be different. Like I didn’t wanna be rerunning old patterns. I really wanted to create something new for myself. And so. I have been really intentional about that over the year and as we get closer to the holidays, I was really thinking , do I wanna bring in the energy of all the old decorations? , There’s some things that I do wanna pull out like my daughter’s stalking and that kind of thing, but for the most part, I didn’t really feel aligned with it anymore. It’s like that person that owned all those things is so unfamiliar to me that I didn’t wanna bring the energy of it in. And because I got this cat, in Dean Martin I got in April, he’s a sweet, sweet kitty. I think he’s so close to cuddling with me. Honestly, he’s, he’s gonna cuddle any day, but it took a long time for him to warm up. I mean, it took him like four months before he even pured. Literally. I think he’d had like a hard life on the streets, you know? So when he got in my house, I basically kidnapped him and , I got him from the pound, but brought him home. He didn’t have any choice. And then he was like, what woman? You are crazy. So here we are. It’s Christmas time and I’m like, if I get a Christmas tree, , he’s gonna, it’s, he’s, it’s gonna be diabolical. He’s never gonna be able to handle it. And so I was thinking like, do I get like a Christmas tree? . , One of those pre-lit trees, like a big tree. Do I just get maybe a little tree? Do I get like just a tree that’s in a little fake tree that’s in like a pot? Do you know what I mean? I’m like, I could, I, went to a million different stores. I’m like looking at everything. I’m like, what am I gonna get? Because I think he’s gonna be just a nut job. So I finally went to Lowe’s last weekend and they had these two. Trees that kind of went together. One’s like maybe four feet, and the other one’s like maybe three feet. So they are supposed to sit next to each other. They’re connected. Their, light system is connected, or I would love to put them in separate spots, but they’re connected together. And it’s like a cone that has this holographic ribbon that sort of wraps around the cone and a star on top. And the lights are little, they’re not like little Christmas tree lights. It’s like a, I wanna say like a techno light. It’s like a strip. Do you know what I mean? Inside the thing. So it does all kinds of different things. It flashes, it dances, it twirls around. It does a million things. And so I thought. This will be really good because I don’t think Kitty will mess with it, and so anyway, I brought it home. It looks really pretty. Maybe you’ve seen it on Instagram. I’ve shared it in my stories, but I was correct. He is not messing with it, which is great. And it looks really pretty and the lights bring me a lot of joy. So. You know, we can create new experiences for ourselves that can be really good. I talk to women every day that are , trying to make these big decisions in their lives and in their marriage and what to do, and I think there is so much fear in the unknown that I wanted to kind of share that little piece of what’s going on here. Because what if it’s great? , What if it. All works out better than you thought. And we have so much power in our imagination, but so many times we use our imagination to go down the rabbit hole of all the things that could be wrong. And what if we harness that for , , what could happen if it could be great. And , this year I have thought, and I think I mentioned this last week, I’ve thought about doing a podcast just on my year. ’cause I think there have been so many lessons in it . , That everybody could benefit from, right? I mean, so many lessons, and you probably have a lot of lessons in your life too, that people could benefit from if you shared those. And so I have thought about that. ,, I might do it, but this year has been the most wild ups and downs and twists and turns. The way that it’s landing is just like the most beautiful place. Like I’m so happy with the way this year has turned out for me, , and next year already. Really amazing things to look forward to. I went to an event last month with my coach and the coaching group that I’m part of, and there was a new woman in the group who I just hit it off with. She was so fun and so cool, and she lives in New York City. I’ll have to have her on the show sometime. But anyway, the women in this group that I’m in, we all tend to form such tight friendships and we have stayed in the group. ,, This particular woman is new, but the other women. . We stay. And so we’ve been together for many years. And so I went for this walk with this new friend. We were there at the resort and we decided to go get coffee and we were gonna go for a walk. And we were just talking and I was talking about my year and some of the things that have happened and how great it’s been. And I said, , the only thing that I really miss. About having a partner because I really like being single., I’m in a really good place of just doing things on my own and discovering myself, and there’s no space right now for anybody else, , to be honest. But the one thing that I miss is, sometimes it is nice to have a built-in person to go. Travel with, right? Like to be able to go on a trip and to go with, and I have done many trips this year. I’ve gone by myself, I’ve gone with this group to several places, and it’s been great. And I love that. And there’s other places that I wanna go. And so she said, well, where would you go? And I said, well, I really wanna go to, to Morocco. I have a, a friend that I met online, and she and I message back and forth. She’s divorced as well. And you know how you just find somebody and you start talking? She’s a, a, famous author and we just have hit it off. So I’m like, I really wanna go see her. She lives in Marrakesh. And she was like, let’s go. So I was like, okay, we were on the walk, we booked the trip on the walk, opened up our apps. I, I am a big points girl, so I did it with points. I share that just because that is a privilege to be able to open up an app on a phone, on the, on a walk on and book a trip to Morocco. It was, , cost me $11 fees. Um, but I was able to, book my trip and to go to Morocco. So this spring we’re going to Morocco and it just goes to show you that for when you get in a place where it’s really clear what it is you like and what you don’t like, and you’re able to voice it, and you’re around people who are like extraordinary people, right? You’re building your life around people who. Like similar things and are adventurous and able to take those kinds of risks, , it, it can change everything. I think our community is so, so important, and I always say this inside the, women Inside the Navigate method, you know, , once you come into the Navigate Method, you’re sort of like in forever. I joke, that they can never get rid of us, , unless they want to. But you know, after you go through the program, you stay in our alumni group and we meet every month so people can see each other every month and form those relationships. Um, and if you wanna keep going with me, there’s an opportunity to do that in another way. . So building community I think is so incredibly important, and especially when we’re going through big things or hard things, and to be able to say like this is to have somebody witness your life, right? To be able to have somebody witness. Things that you’re going through. It doesn’t always have to be a partner or a spouse. And many times we have partners or spouses and they’re still not witnessing your life. Right. It’s just a, a placeholder. And so I have found that there is just such a, a, need for this and a way to do it. I think women are coming together in community in totally new ways. Which, leads me to remind you that next month in January we’re doing the fireside chat. If you go onto Instagram and you just message me fire, it’ll automatically send you the link or the, link is in my bio. , Every month we’re just getting together, , on Zoom and you can turn your camera on or leave it off, whatever’s comfortable to you. And I’ve got questions that I ask and we just kind of reflect and get together for this. I call it the middle verse, right? This is where we are in the middle verse. And so I think creating those pockets of community is really invaluable in terms of building a life that feels really good and really full, you know? And I think that’s where, , where I could say I am right now. After this year, I have built a life that feels really good and really full there. And when I say that I’m not looking for a partner. I know a lot of times my friends will ask , are you gonna date? And I just, my life is really full and really good. I don’t, I’m not missing anything. And now I have a fun, somebody fun to travel with, so there’s no, there’s nothing missing. Um, and maybe someday there will be, but right now it just feels really good. So I think that as we. Look, and we think about well, what will my life be like? I wanna just reflect that. What if it’s better than you thought it would be? Like, what if things come together in ways you couldn’t expect? If you had told me last Christmas, you will have just booked a free trip to Mor Morocco with a new friend That is so fun and lovely like. Probably, well, I probably would’ve believed you just because, ’cause I’m open to that kind of stuff. But it would have been like, oh my God, that’s cool. That’s really cool. But being in a place where I was open to receiving that is, is the thing maybe that would have surprised me. So to this, week, I wanna talk to you a little bit about something that has been on my mind when I’ve been thinking about this past year, and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. , And I’ve been thinking about the thing that I think rises to the top of so many of our conversations inside the Navigate Method, and it is this moment when a woman realizes that she’s spent years and years editing herself in order to keep the peace. And I think. Probably likely, in my case at least, I know I can say this for myself, years of looking for outward validation, right? I would, kind of throw ideas off of my dad or my sister when I was younger, you know, when I was in my twenties or even thirties, gosh, I mean probably forties. I probably was doing it in my forties, but always looking to make sure I was doing things right. Checking on someone else’s emotional weather before I even knew how I felt about things. And at some point the cost of that becomes really huge. Because when you start to outsource your decisions or your peace long enough, you start to detach from what is you. So instead, you are seeing everything through a lens of what would they think? What would my dad’s response be? How would my sister react to this? What would my spouse think? Or my brothers or sisters, or. Coworkers or whoever that is for you. And in that you stop believing that your instincts are reliable and you start, I think, really doubting parts of you that do speak really loudly. And the more that you deny those parts of you, the harder it is to be able to hear it. Right? I mean, if you keep shushing. Part of you, if you keep shushing someone, pretty soon they’re gonna shush. Right? And that’s the thing that I hear over and over inside the Navigate method when I work with women is like I, I don’t even know. I have no idea what I think. Like you could ask me a question like, do I like shells or spirals, pasta better? I don’t know. But I know what my husband likes better. I know what my kids would prefer. So today what I wanna do is I wanna talk about what it really means to become the woman that you can trust, because I think that is the foundation for all decision making and for creating a really big life, right? It’s not about your partner’s approval, it’s not about your family’s expectations. It is not about the path that is very safe. Or respectable. I hear this a lot too, like what will people think? Right? The foundation of all of this is you and it’s your inner knowing and, I think that there is a, woman inside you who, who has always known, but we were taught out it was taught out of us, right? Or you know, I don’t know. Screamed out of us or whatever, so that we started to quiet that piece. And I have noticed even in myself over the past year and now I’ve been a, coach in doing this work since 2012, like a long time. I have done decades of my own work. I have done. Everything from therapy to meditating for days on end to screaming into a pillow. Do you know what I mean? , I’ve done it all. I’ve run the gamut. And what I know that from this past year is that rebuilding your trust isn’t about becoming fearless. It is about becoming honest. It’s about being honest with yourself and how you feel. It’s becoming honest with what you have tolerated. It’s becoming honest with what you have been carrying that was maybe never yours to carry in the first place. And I think that self-trust starts to build every time that you tell yourself the truth. And I always say this in my groups, is you don’t have to take action on it. You can still betray yourself in the action, but if you’re telling yourself the truth. Being honest about what it is you really want. Even if you don’t do it, it is a step forward. And I wanna say that again ’cause I think it really matters, is that self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and then you can start to learn to stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth. I saw something online a couple days ago and I thought it was so good and it was like, you’re not stuck. You just don’t wanna go through the, consequences of what will happen if you act on that truth. And I thought, oh dang, that’s so good. Right? It’s so good. And I think that for a lot of us, , the idea of being true is foreign because we were really raised to be agreeable. I was talking. Inside one of my groups the other day, and I was saying that my lease is coming up and my plan was to buy a house. And now things have shifted and I’m not sure where, if I wanna stay here, there’s some opportunities that I may take to move to a new city. , I don’t wanna sign a year long lease. And when I asked my body what. How long I wanted to be here. I asked, is it six months? And I felt very unsteady. And I asked, is it a year lease? ’cause those are the options they gave me. They gave me six months, 12 months, 13 months, which I thought was weird. Um, I think that’s what it was. And when I asked my body 12 months, I felt constricted. Like, no, I gotta get outta here. And so it was eight months. Eight months is where my body felt relaxed and happy and positive. And so I asked the apartment, can I get an eight month lease? And the lady, the manager, said, yeah, but I’ll have to, I mean, I don’t know. I’ll have to ask corporate. And she looked at me and she’s very sweet, but she looked at me like, it’s more work for her. God love her. She looked at me like, take the six or the 12, ’cause I have to do more work. If you want eight. And there was a moment where it was uncomfortable, and then a moment where I decided it was okay. That’s what I wanted. That was my truth. And when I was talking in groups, someone in group was like, I could never do that. I could never do that. And I think that you can get to a place where you can do. Because self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and you stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth. And the consequences of that truth were that I had to sit with the uncomfortableness while someone else sorted out in their head how they were gonna take a step forward and ask corporate. And when they were gonna do that, and they were a new person down there, new manager, and they were going through their own process and I didn’t need to fix that. I just asked, I just had to ask and then see what the answer was would be. And I still don’t know. And so we wait. We wait and we’d be comfortable in that waiting. And I think,, , we were raised to just, just take the 12 months, it’s fine, you’ll stay a couple more months. And that may be what I do, but I needed to ask in order to move forward and feel like I had honored myself. You know, if you were, , someone in a family where you had to really walk on eggshells, maybe. You had a explosive mom or dad or an alcoholic, all of these things, you may have been tiptoeing around and minimizing everything that you needed just to be able to move through things. And it can be really hard to make these shifts. So self-trust is rebuilt in the moments. Where you’re truth telling and they’re micro moments., I talked last week, I think it was about micro joy. The, small things, the doing, the puzzle, the snuggling with the cat, if you’ll ever let me, like all these little things are what makes life bearable. ’cause life has big, hard things. And I think self-trust is in micro moments of truth telling, telling the truth to yourself, to the people that matter. And over time those start to become a pattern. It starts to become who you are. , When I was in group and that woman said, I could never do that, I thought to myself, I think I used to be like that too, where I would never do that. And I think that you do over time as you create that, you create a new identity. It’s a new way of being and a new way of relating to yourself and eventually a new way of relating to everybody else. Right? So I think that a woman who really trusts herself doesn’t make the decisions that she has to make from a place of fear. She makes them from a place of clarity. Right? And I think about, , going back to the apartment lease, it may seem insignificant. And I thought to myself, I have to ask because I have to honor what it is that I feel. Even if I end up choosing one of the others, I’ll feel really good that I did this ask, and I think that, , over time we get this new identity and then we don’t even have that conversation back and forth in our head. I’m guessing by next Christmas as I continue and continue and continue to do this, that. It won’t even be, it won’t even be something I would, it would be like tying your shoe, right? I don’t have to watch a YouTube every time I go to tie my shoe. Right? So I think that there is a part of this whole process that surprises women in, in, I notice this when we’re teaching it inside the Navigate method, is that, that when you start doing this, when you start. Rebuilding trust, rebuilding that self-trust, you’re gonna feel grief. And that feels so foreign to people. And sometimes they’ll be like, I don’t know what this is. And we talk a lot about, what are the specifics? I have a dictionary on my desk and someone will say, I have resentment. And I’ll open up and we’ll read the definition. And I’ll say, does that define what you just described? No. So what is this really? And I think that one of the things that we run into so many times is we run into a feeling of grief. And this grief is about the years that you abandon yourself. So many times I hear women say this is resentment towards their husband or resentment towards, , or anger towards si situations or things that have happened. But I can always trace it back. Yes, , did. Somebody overstep your boundaries. Yeah, like all those things, he’s not off the hook. That’s not what this is about. This is about you recognizing that you may have feelings of grief for the moments that you did know better, but you felt you had no choice. You felt you had to do it to keep the peace you felt you had to do it. ’cause that’s what a good wife does, or a good sister does. Or a good daughter does. Grief. Grief for a version of you that, that put everybody else first. That version of you was slowly disappearing while everybody else was really comfortable, and I think that this grief isn’t a sign that. You’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign that you’re actually returning, right? That you are becoming a woman who you can trust. And that means trusting yourself enough to let your past self know that she was never wrong or weak, but she was doing the very best she could with the tools that she had. And now you have new tools, right? So now you can do it differently. So here’s the North Star in all this. To start small. I know I say, I know. Start small, right? Start small, start honest and start with just one moment of noticing when you override yourself. This can even be after. This can be you get in bed at night and you’re like, where did I abandon myself today? It’s gonna be a tiny moment where saying no, when you mean no. Is important and you’re gonna notice where you said yes when you meant no. And there’s gonna be a moment where you are okay saying no, and you might brace yourself and nothing bad will happen. And I think that moment. Also leads to some grief because you may realize that you were doing things to protect yourself, and it was a pattern that you created when you were young and it worked and it was needed at that time. But now you are a grown ass adult and you don’t necessarily need the, pattern. But maybe you’ve created a bit of that experience for yourself by acting that way in places that you didn’t need to, like with the apartment complex, right? Every one of those moments is like a brick in a foundation of the woman that you were and the woman that you’re now becoming. And there can be a new steadiness, right? A new groundedness in this, a new version of you that isn’t looking for permission, or to validate yourself from anybody else, and that’s self-trust,? And that I think is really the beginning , of living a big life, right? So this season, as we’re going really into the, real Christmas holiday season, whatever holiday you that you celebrate, this time of year, new Year’s at least, that is a universal, but I want you to just notice. You are allowed to rebuild a relationship with yourself. I want you to remember that and that you are not necessarily becoming somebody new, but you are returning to the woman that you always have been and that you’ve always been meant to be. And this is the one who knows, the one who is certain, the one who chooses, the one who trusts herself. And the one who trusts herself enough to live a life that is built on that reflection of truth. And you can start it right now, practice through the holidays. There’ll be so many opportunities to practice on the holidays. And just start with one little promise. I will not abandon myself again. Alright. That’s all I got for you this week. Thanks so much for listening. I love you guys so much. I will see you, I will see you next week. I think what we’re gonna do, we’ll have maybe one more this year, and then I’m gonna take some time off for the holiday, which I’m really excited about, and then we’ll be back after the new year. , My plan is to be here next week. Then take some time. So I’ll see you next week, but I hope if you don’t catch next week, I hope you have a really wonderful, a wonderful holiday and new year. I hope you do something that really lights you up. I hope you see the value that you brought to everybody over this past year and. How you can really show up for yourself in a new way in 2026. , 2025 is the year of endings. It is a nine year in numerology. We are moving into a one year, and that is the year of new beginnings. So what do you need to leave behind this year and what can you call in for next? We’ll talk about that maybe more next week. All right. I love you guys. I’ll see you then. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake. And on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big.

In this episode Betsy talks a bit about midlife and 3 things women who are ready to make their mark in midlife typically do. Transcript: 410 reinvention in midlife Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome to The Art of Living Big. Hi, everybody. I have, I have a couple things to share with you as we get kicked off today, and I wanna do this episode really about being in the middle, the middle midlife, and being in the middle of all the things, the middle verse as I like to call it. And. You know, I, and, and before I continue, I also wanna just remind you, we are doing another fireside chat. If you go to my Instagram in the bio, so if you go to my Instagram [00:01:00] page and you click on the links, there’s a link to the next fireside chat, and it is in January. It’s a Sunday night, I think it’s the ninth, if I remember right. And we really just get together and talk about things that are coming up in midlife. So I have some. Thoughts to share this time. Last time it was just really lovely and I think there was like, I don’t know, 40 people or something there. So, so put it on your calendar. Go check that out. Um, come and join us and today we’re gonna talk a little bit about midlife and all the things. And I’ll tell you, I have the most midlife story ever. So I got this idea. I have been really actively working on all the little things that bring me joy. I have the belief, and you probably have this belief too, that hard things happen and the things that make hard things easier is having a lot of little micro happiness, right? [00:02:00] Little things that can support you through the hard times. This year has been like one of the strangest years. I need to do a podcast on this year, like, like an incredible, incredible transformational year for me, and I can feel myself like. It’s like I’ve gone through the portal, like I can feel myself like just being ejected from the portal. I know this summer I kept saying I’m in the birth canal, like I feel like I’m in the birth canal and I am definitely out now, but the most midlife thing to ever happen to anybody ever on the planet ever happened to me. So I have this idea. About these little things that bring me joy, and one of the things that I really like is I like to color on my iPad. Okay? I like to listen to audio books, right? I want somebody to read me a story. I like to do puzzles. Okay? I haven’t done a puzzle in forever, and I really like doing puzzles. I like [00:03:00] doing like, like those small focused things while I’m listening to music or while I’m listening to. Uh, like I have a YouTube channel that I love that is like my comfort show and. I also like to do it when I listen to audio books, right? So, or podcasts, you know what I’m saying? So something. And so I decided I was gonna get a puzzle and I was really excited about it. I went to the store and I was like looking at all the puzzles and trying to figure out one that would be hard enough, but not too hard, and. Anyway, I found one, it’s like these stickers you would put on a suitcase, right? So it’s all like these travel stickers. So I was like, that’ll be fun. It’s cute, it’ll be easy enough because there’s so much uniqueness to it, right? So each of the pieces will be unique. So. I get it home. I mean, I have it all like laid out. I’m sorting the pieces. I’m like, I am like a professional [00:04:00] puzzler at this point. And so I get to work. I got an I or I got a, an audio book going like, I mean, I’m feeling good about this, right? A, a couple hours go by, I’m standing up because I’m like leaning over the table and organizing it all, and I got the whole like outline together and I’m starting to get like the second and third row of the puzzles and then I’m like, man, I’m getting tired. Like I’ve been doing this puzzle for like three hours and then I go to stand up and I realize that I have been leaning over, sort of like if you were brushing your teeth for three hours. And this midlife back was very unhappy. It was just tired. Do you know what I mean? I, there’s nothing bad that happened, but it was so tired that it was starting to spasm on one side of my back. I mean, I was like, are you joking? I don’t know if you’ve been here for a long time. You might remember I had that back spasm when I was in Iceland like four years [00:05:00] ago. It was that same spot, right? So I just about died, but the thing that I learned from Iceland was not to put ice on it. I needed heat. So I laid on a heating pad and I made it through, and I’m feeling better, much better today. You know, it took a couple days, but I was like, is this not the most midlife thing to ever happen? That I have a puzzle injury, like I puzzled too close to the sun and I had a puzzle injury. With that. I wanna talk this week about being in midlife, but also this reinvention and why this time of our lives. I really believe with the wisdom that we have and. The life lessons that we’ve learned and the experiences and the things that we’ve gone through. We are actually in one of the best possible places ever to have a real invention, reinvention that [00:06:00] creates like amazing change and an arrival of something really new for us. You know? So let’s dive in here. You know, I think. As I was thinking about this, I was like, you know, I, I think when I think about midlife, you know what I think about, I think about. The guy with the sports car, right? Isn’t that what we kind of always think about? At least when I was younger, that’s what I thought about. Like the guy that got a younger girlfriend and had a red sports car. And I also think there is something that we are meant to believe about women in midlife. Which is that we’re going through all these crazy hormonal changes and everything is different and it’s something that you actually have to survive, like something that you have to really get through or endure. And I also think until recently it was something you were supposed to endure like silently. You [00:07:00] weren’t supposed to talk about anything actually happening biologically in midlife. That was sort of taboo until recently. I think even like the last five years, maybe 10 years, but like five years probably. But I am wondering, and these, this is the thing that I always talk to the ladies inside the Navigate Method about is that what if midlife is actually the most incredible, powerful portal that you will ever step into? N not because it’s easy, magical, like birth canal, but because things get stripped away and now you get to tell the truth. And I think every woman that I work with reaches this moment where the performance of life and being a woman, the performance of being a [00:08:00] woman, right? Like I. Of how you’re supposed to be a woman. Let’s say it that way. That performance stops, right? You stop performing stability, you stop performing the roles that you had to, and your roles change. Like maybe you had kids and now your kids are moved out, like you, you, you know what I mean? All these different things happen. You stop pretending. That everything in your marriage is fine or that you can just sweep stuff under the rug that it’s it like it’s fine. Like that. You can stop pretending that the life that you built, even if you put a lot of effort into building it, you get to stop pretending that it still fits. And I think this is a huge breakthrough because we are refusing to whisper. Because we are refusing to stay the same, and we are in a [00:09:00] world that really wants us to stay the same. It wants us to still look 20. It wants us to still have the body that we had in our twenties. It wants us to still be performing all the things and all the tasks and have the energy and all these things, but that’s just not our lives anymore. And I think that, you know. Men in a lot of ways are allowed to age. We say even when men get gray, it’s distinguished. I, I can’t, I, I feel rage. I feel rage even now as I say that. It’s distinguished, but women are supposed to. Sit and put chemicals on your hair, and if you want to do that, I salute you. Do it like I love it. I’m thinking about getting some Botox because I want to, but probably because I’ve been told that I need to do, you know what I mean? Like probably my eyelids are heavy, so I have this idea that I could get some Botox and lift my eyelid a little bit so that I wouldn’t have to get surgery on my eyelids, which a side note I think will probably be a medical [00:10:00] procedure at some point soon. But the point is. That there is a difference between what we do and what we are supposed to do and what men do and what men are supposed to do. Men are supposed to just age and women, we have to evolve in a totally different way, and I feel that too. I haven’t colored my hair in years, but I still look in the mirror sometime and like should I, would I look better? How do I define better? I’m not sure, but I think it has to do with being younger. I think it has to do with looking youthful. And of course I want those things, but why do I, and so I think that this, that midlife starts to feel like a collapse, right? There’s this point where all of your old coping strategies sort of lose their oomph. [00:11:00] So I think that this, this point of midlife is a reinvention, but it’s not a reinvention of starting over. I think it’s a reinvention about becoming the version of you that is renewed, right? It’s about remembering someone old, the version of you that got buried under, you know, e expectations or responsibilities or the, the roles that you had, right? Marriage dynamics, how you operate in a professional capacity, like all of that stuff. And we are layered. So you’re not lost, but this is now those layers starting to peel back, right? Because you’re starting to catch up to your evolvement. So this is all right on time. I really think all of this comes at a place that is [00:12:00] divine intervention for us. When we are listening, and I think I mentioned this last week. Maybe it was last week. I know I’ve talked about it in my groups incessantly, but my friend Jamie and I keep talking about how our body is an oracle. That’s how we’re describing it. Our body is an oracle. We know the truth. When we can get out of our head and listen to our body, and I think with all these changes going on in our bodies, we start really paying attention and it’s like a magical door that opens. Allows us to be able to see something that we were able to ignore, right? That we were able to sweep under the rug before, and now we, we just don’t get to as much. And you know, as we keep talking about midlife. We have a sponsor for the podcast, and I know you’ve heard me talk about Cozy Earth and I wanted [00:13:00] to talk about them in this particular podcast, both because their sheets are magical if you have night sweats, but also because, um, this is gonna go live right in the beginning of December, and right in the middle of December is when their, the coupons that they have on their website are gonna change. So you can use a code. R code. So it’s live Big Betsy, live big Betsy, one word. You can use that and you can stack it. To the discounts that they have on their website. So you could get those sheets, those luxury sheets that I always talk about for 40% off, which I think is crazy. So I want to tell you about the sheets. They have a money back guarantee, so check them out. But also, like if you’re looking for little stocking stuffers, they’re, they’re socks. They have these like cozy lounge socks and I got a three pack. It’s these really pretty pink colors and they’re really like my most favorite socks. [00:14:00] I think maybe I talked about ’em last week. I feel like I talk about ’em all the time though. Like for real, because they’re cozy and I wear ’em a lot with, I have these Tory Birch, um, like Birkenstocks. They’re like Boston Birkenstocks, but they’re Tory Birch. So a little bit different, but I wear ’em with those all the time and I just love ’em. Um, and then of course. The quilted house coat. I mean, if I had sound effects in this podcast, I would have like angels singing. Oh, it’s the, the best thing ever. You’ve heard me say it. Uh, I won’t, I won’t belabor this issue, but it’s the best thing ever. I’m gonna wear it to the fireside chat this next month because, um, it’s cozy. Cozy, and I put it in the dryer and it is a comforter basically that’s made into a. House coat. They call it a house coat. I call it a bathrobe, but on the website it’s called quilted house coat. But it’s lovely and 40% off. I mean, it’s crazy. So the sizing that’s on there is accurate. So check that out. [00:15:00] And like I said, they have this a hundred night sleep trial on the sheets, so you get to try the Cozy Earth sheets, and if you’re not totally in love, you can just return it. They won’t even. Hassle you about it, but you won’t wanna return ’em, you’ll love them. Um, so. 10 year warranty on all the bedding products. You get this a hundred night sleep sale. It’s a, it’s a no brainer, but please get the bathrobe because I want everybody to come to the fireside chat in their bathrobe. Like I’ll be so excited. But I think this is like, one of the things about midlife is we get to do some stuff for ourselves, right? We get to buy the cozy socks and have our quilted house coat and drink our tea or coffee and just do what we want. Do you know what I mean? And I love that for us. So let’s talk about what I think reinvention in midlife actually requires, because I think that who we are becoming. Does require something of you and I [00:16:00] have been through it this year, I feel like I need to do a episode. That would just be a personal download of everything I’ve been through and I think everybody would relate and it would probably be fascinating case study, but you know the person you are becoming, this new version of you that happens in midlife costs you a lot, it costs you the patterns that have kept you small. Like Be reinvention is about making a really honest. Moves forward. It’s not about, I always say the ladies in my program are brave because it takes a lot to look at the, look at your crap, right? But it’s really also about making not just brave moves, but honest moves. And so here are three things that I see again and again in women who really show up and step into this next chapter. First, and I have a little story to tell you too, about last night. Uh, [00:17:00] this is a good little story. A little woowoo story, but let me get through these like first little things. The first thing is they, they stop apologizing for wanting more. I can’t tell you how many time I’m talking to somebody and they’re like, I mean, I feel bad, but I would really like, or it would be nice if they could, right? So they get to have more, they get to have more peace. They get to be in their quilted, housecoat and drink their tea, and everybody can go figure out what they want for dinner. Ketchup packets for everybody. They get to have more connection. They get to feel purpose in a new way, right? So many times women felt purpose when their kids were young or when they were building their careers or things were happening, but now they get to choose what that looks like. They get to choose more alignment. Your body is an oracle. What feels right to you, and this doesn’t come from entitlement. It doesn’t come from like everyone else, be damned. It comes from truth. So the three things I [00:18:00] see over and over again for women that are really ready to step into the next chapter as they stop apologizing for wanting more, and the next thing is they learn how to listen inward instead of outward. You can’t build a new way of being like you can’t build a new life with old validation. Your clarity comes from your inner voice, not from being approved by someone else. And I think a huge part of that comes down to listening to yourself and your body being the oracle. Like how does that feel? That’s such a great directive. And inside the Navigate method, we teach people how to know if something’s a yes or a no. It’s actually really easy when you know how to do it, and then all of a sudden, every decision they’re running through this blueprint and all of a sudden they’re like, oh my God, this feels so good. Right. The third thing is they make micro, micro decisions that feel.[00:19:00] Self-respect. So it’s not these huge leaps. You know how I was talking about having a puzzle and listening to an audio book? It’s not, I’m not going to Vegas for the weekend on a private jet. It’s not little, it’s not big things. It’s little things. It’s not huge leaps. It’s tiny moments of choosing yourself over and over and over again until the whole trajectory of your life starts to change. So reinvention, I think, is a series of quiet choices that start to recalibrate things and recalibrate your future. So. The story I wanted to tell you was last night we had our alumni group. So if you, if you, if you’re a member of the Navigate Method and you go through the Navigate Method, once you are complete, you go into our alumni group and our alumni group, you get certain things and you also get every week, or I’m sorry, every month we meet live. Okay. [00:20:00] So you can continue to get coaching like forever. And I always joke that that’s really for me ’cause I. I get obsessed with everybody and I wanna be with everybody. But one of the last night, there was a woman that was there that I love. She’s been in the program, you know, in the sphere, in the community for two years, and she’s, we did a little visualization exercise at the end of our group. When we got to group and she showed up on camera, I said, you look so pretty. And she’s like, my hair is curly. And I said, I haven’t seen you in a couple months. She was traveling and she’s like, yeah, I feel so good. She said, I feel so whole and complete. Like I feel really good. And she’s like, and the weird thing is, well, for the summer my hair just got curly. She’s like, my hair has always been really straight and fine. And now it’s curly. And I was like, oh, it looks cute, you know? And on with the group we went and at the end of the group I did this [00:21:00] visualization. And at the end of the visualization, she like popped into the camera and she was like, white, like a ghost white. And I was like, how was that? And she said, you did this with me. When I very first started, like two years ago, and she said the woman that came to me in the vision as me had curly hair and I didn’t recognize her. And so I didn’t relate to the visualization at all. And it was really like, how do you, what do you, who are you at you 2.0? Right? And she was like, I realized when you were doing it again that I am. I am her like two years later here I am like, like fully healed, fully whole feel, fully like in alignment, listening to myself. And she was like using all the skills and tools that you taught me and I have created this life and now I have curly hair just like I am two years ago in that visualization. And so I [00:22:00] joked like, do you have the curly hair? ’cause you imagined it so your hair got curly ’cause you thought that’s what would signify it. Or did you know you were gonna have curly hair? I don’t know. It was pretty cool though. It was pretty cool. So, you know, here’s the thing about midlife is you don’t get a map ahead of time unless you do one of my visualizations. And then you might get the map and it’ll make no sense ’cause your hair will be curly, but you get the next step. You know when you get the next step, and then you get the next step when you get the next and the next. And your only job. Is to stay in relationship with yourself, because that is where the clarity always returns. So women tell me all the time, like, I just feel so lost. But what they really mean is like, I feel unfamiliar because I’m not who I was. I’ve outgrown that identity, you know? But I don’t know who I am yet. Like I’m not moved into the one that I’m becoming. And so this period [00:23:00] of in between. This period of the middle verse, right? It is not failure, it’s the formation, it’s you becoming. So take a breath. Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself, what is the truth that I have been whispering to myself, that I am finally ready to hear out loud. It might be small, it might be enormous. Both of those are sacred, and that wisp, that whisper is truly the beginning of your reinvention. So I think when you can grasp ahold of that, that is how you live a big life. All right y’all. It was so good to see you here. I hope to see you at the Fireside chat. Make sure to go and register for that. Get your cozy Earth stuff live big. Betsy is the code. Get it 40% off. ’cause you know we love a deal over [00:24:00] here and I will see you guys next week. I love you. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

This week, Betsy highlights the importance of women giving themselves permission to make choices that bring joy. We often pour so much into creating memorable experiences for our loved ones, especially during the holidays, but it’s essential to remember that our own moments are just as special. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We are so thankful you are here. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome. Welcome to The Art of Living Big this week. It’s a holiday week, so a little shorter episode, but I wanted to share a thought, and it’s actually something that I shared last year in a reel on Instagram. In fact, I may share it. I may re repost it this year because it resonated with so many people and I think it’s. Such a good message. So here’s the message. , I realized when my daughter was young and she’s about to be 24, but when she was young, , like a little kid, like a toddler, I started to realize how many things that I always just took as like the magic of Christmas where actually my mom doing all this work, right? Like . The cupcakes and champagne that go out for Santa every year. , , when my daughter, it was time for her to do well. We didn’t do cookies and milk. I did cookies and milk when I was little, but when my daughter, well, Santa changed his preferences by the time I had a kid. And cupcakes and champagne is what we left out. , But I had to make the cupcake. Right. It didn’t just like magically happen. We used to leave out reindeer food and I remember as a little kid leaving out reindeer food, well, that actually has to be created reindeer food. And then the whole magic of it has to be implemented and was implemented by my mom. I remember being a little kid and my parents would have the elves do something crazy in the house like. We had a little craft table, and I remember one year the chairs were upside down on the table and my socks were over the legs. I remember thinking that was so crazy and evidence that elves had actually been there and done something so silly. And I remember when my daughter was little thinking about that and going, oh my God. All that magic. All that magic was my mom. Filling the stockings, figuring out what to put in ’em, putting out the little reindeer, all the little things. And , as we head into Thanksgiving here in the US I, I wanna just offer this thought. And it is the idea that as women who do so much, we. Matter too. Our experience matters too. And if you’re putting together a big dinner, if you’ve got people coming over, if you’re doing something special where you are entertaining, I want you to also think about yourself in that. And one of the things I realized a couple years ago was that I was getting everybody’s order for. Pie right after Thanksgiving. What does everybody want? And everybody that I was asking wanted pumpkin pie. I, I don’t dislike pumpkin pie, but I really love cherry pie. Like I really love cherry pie and I don’t have cherry pie very often. I don’t know why we don’t have pie as much as we have cake because pie is superior. I love pie season. So here we are in pie season. I’m asking everybody what do you want? Everyone’s saying, pumpkin, and I’m feeling this tiny kernel of disappointment because I can’t have my cherry pie. Now you may already be thinking in your head like, yeah, you can. But when you’re in that moment, you’re like, I don’t wanna get a whole pie just for one piece, just for me. And if you’re like me, I also think, , I don’t wanna get the whole pie and end up eating the, whole pie all by myself. ’cause that’s likely to happen too. But I remember last year , when I did this reel on Instagram, my message was Get the pie. Get the pie. I remember leaning over at Kroger and looking down and seeing the pumpkin pie and seeing the cherry pie and feeling that paying of guilt. Where did that come from? Like we get to have a holiday too. It doesn’t have to all be just about creating magic for other people and , I think that if you want the cherry pie, get the cherry pie is a great metaphor for other things in our lives too. So if you want something, just because everybody else doesn’t want it or doesn’t want it for you, doesn’t mean it’s not for you. And so I wanna offer you that little nugget, , as we move forward. And I will say this too, and this is so silly that I’m even saying this out loud, but you know, one of our sponsors here on the podcast is Cozy Earth, and I get asked all the time to do sponsorships, and I never want to, because very few people that reach out to me, it’s already something that I love , and so. When I tell you about Cozy Earth, I really mean it. But one of the things, if you have been seeing my stuff on Instagram, and here’s what I mean, this goes with the Cherry Pie theme. So many times I post my quilted house coat that I got on Cozy Earth. It’s, one of my favorite things in the whole world. I know that sounds so insane that a house coat would be, but I put it in the dryer. It’s a, like a comforter, you guys, it’s, a comforter. If you took a comforter and then you cut out a bathrobe shape and sewed it together, that is what this is. And I put it in the dryer at night. And then when I. Get outta the tub, or if I take a shower at night or whatever, I put that on and it’s, magical and it brings me joy. So much joy. That and their cozy socks, and I love their sheets. I mean, all this stuff, there’s nothing, you can’t go wrong with any of it. But this bathrobe, I’m telling you, I’m obsessed. So on the website, it’s called the Quilted House coat, but I have so many people that reach out because I post this. House code all the time because I really love it. And , right now through the middle of December, they have 20% off that you can get on their website. But you can stack the coupons. So you can use the R code here for the R of Living Big, it’s just, it’s a live big Betsy. You can use that code and stack it so it’s, you get 40% off. I’m actually thinking about getting a second one ’cause I love it so much, but then I’m like, why would I need in case one’s in the wash, I guess. I just love it. So I always am like jumping on Marco Polo with my girlfriends and they’re like, oh my God, that freaking bathrobe is like, it’s six 15 at night. Why do you have that bathrobe on? And I say, do not judge me. It is my cherry pie. I want to wear it all the time, and so I shall. So if you’ve seen that. , Cozy Earth has a really fabulous return policy. They’re amazing. The stuff is amazing. Get yourself what you want for the holiday and get the quilted bathrobe, but I really do want you to get it, but I want you to tag me when you get it. ’cause I really wanna see, I’m so excited for all my friends that bought it for themselves to put under the tree. So. , Whether it’s cherry pie or the quilted bathrobe or a walk in the afternoon where somebody else cleans up the dishes. , Give yourself what it is that you need. We are so sold, this idea that we are supposed to be second or third or fourth or fifth or put everybody, it’s it, a virtue to put everyone else first to be selfless. And I think there has to be balance. I think you cannot give of yourself if you’re totally depleted and even though you’re a mom, even though you’re a wife, even though you’re a working woman, even though you exist as a female in this world, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have the things that bring you joy. I think these little joys that we get to have. These are the things that make the big things, the big, hard things manageable. I think it’s the thing that makes grief doable. I think it’s the thing that makes struggles at work . Tolerable is by finding the little things that we can notice and give ourselves and be part of that are. Tiny joys., I, on my Instagram stories every morning I always post good things. And I asked this past week, I said, I feel like this is different from gratitude, right? My list of good things. And I asked people, is it gratitude or is it a little bit different? And , it was pretty 50 50 of what people thought, but I have been thinking about it ’cause I love words and I love nuance of things. And I think it’s appreciation. I think it’s not gratitude as much as appreciation, and that feels like a higher vibration to me. Right? Appreciation. And so when I think about getting the cherry pie or getting the quilted house code or whatever it is, I, think about this idea that I get to appreciate these things in my life and I’m allowed to choose them for myself. I’m allowed. To create the experiences for myself that bring me joy. It’s wonderful when somebody else does that for you too. And you don’t have to wait. You can create it for yourself. So get your cherry pie if that’s what you like, or whatever you like. Get the thing you like. And if you get the house coat tag me. , We’re gonna do a fireside chat. In January, so there’s already one scheduled, so make sure to look. The link is in my bio, , my Instagram bio. If you go there, it’ll show you the fireside chat. But I, I want, everybody to wear their quilted house coat. Oh my gosh. Maybe we could make that a fun thing. I’ll wear mine. It’s, so good. And then we could really be cozy and chat by the fire that doesn’t exist. But I put a candle out last time I put a candle out, and that made me feel like we were, , achieving the goal. So I hope that if you’re listening, you’re having a really good Thanksgiving. I hope you got the cherry pie. I hope you join me for the fireside chat. And if you get the quilted House coat, I hope you wear it. All right. I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

This episode aims to inspire listeners to live authentically and joyfully, just like we did before the world shaped our identities. Betsy shares insight on honoring the impulses we feel, like we did when we were kids, but this time with the intention of discovering ourselves again. So grab a wooden spoon and sing… after you listen:) Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello everyone. Hi. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. This week, hopefully I will be in Florida meeting with my coach and the mastermind team that I’m part of. I with the airline flights, I’m getting a little concerned. I’m getting a little concerned, but I’m really hopeful. So I’m recording this podcast early so that you still get one, even though I’m gone and we’re just gonna keep our fingers crossed that I actually am gone. Although I think my kitty will be happy if it doesn’t work out. My kid will be happy. . My adult daughter will be happy if I’m. Still around, but I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to go. So I wanted to record this and , this episode is something that has been on my mind, like sort of in the back of my mind as the years gone by. And then, , the other day we did. The fireside chat, which was just an open invitation for people to come and get together in community and just talk about some of the challenges and commonalities that happen in midlife. Right. And I think more and more I’m recognizing how important my village is, and as I have started to create my own village over the past year, really focusing on that. I can see how helpful it is. So I wanted to create that for people that maybe don’t have it, and then also for people who just wanted more of it. So we’ve been doing these, what I say we’ve been doing, we did ’em once. We’re gonna keep doing these fireside chats. And so, , in that, one of the things that kept coming up was that this idea that in midlife what’s really happening is an uncovering. What’s really happening is you’re getting back to who you were before, , before the world told you had to be a certain way. And gosh, this is something I feel like has been, like I said in the back of my mind and something I have been thinking about of what really makes me happy. And I did a whole episode on that, on joy and the things that I’m finding that bring me joy. But what really makes me happy and. What are the things that make me uniquely me? And I think there’s a component of this that can be really hard to dissect because so much of who we are is what we were told we were right when we’re young or when we formed relationships that we have now that are significant and whatever role that we’re playing in that begins to define how we are. It may not be what we would choose if we could wipe the slate clean and say, this is who I am, this is how I wanna show up. And the thing is, once you’ve started down a path of showing up a certain way, it’s really hard to change course. Not only because. It feels unsafe internally. Our nervous systems, they don’t do that. But also because other people around us start to react differently to that. And that’s, , one of the challenges and positive things that can happen. And one of the things we talk about inside the Navigate Method, when you show up different, your partners going to have to show up different. Right. Or you’ll just recognize you’re just. You’re not interested anymore. Right? So there, there is this shift that happens organically, I think, when we hit midlife, but also when we really wanna start looking at this and discovering this. So what I wanna talk about today is really who you were before the whole world told you who you needed to be. And I think this is something that. Impacts all of us in different ways at different times of our lives, right? And it is a question that shows up, , in, midlife when you have a breakdown or when something really big happens in your life or it just in those moments. I know there are times where I’ve got my coffee and I’m just thinking, , on the thinking couch in my thinking chair. And I think , what is. The version of me who is really, really joyful. There’s this, idea that I have that, and maybe you have this too, that our soul, right? So I’m thinking like my soul is inside me, but it’s, that is the essence of me. I think that I’ve had this soul for a lot of different lifetimes, and so the. Packaging shows up this time as Betsy and Betsy’s choosing to live her life in the way that she is. And in another life I was somebody else and in a different life I was somebody else. Like I, the outside could change, the packaging could change, the circumstances might change to give me an opportunity to experience lots of different things. But there is this soul. Peace of me and I really feel like I can, I get to her and I say her, but I don’t even feel like it’s a gender. I know this sounds kinda strange. I can feel this soul part of me. And sometimes when things are really bad, I check in with my soul and my soul loves it. I know. Is that so weird? When things are bad and I check in? My soul is really happy because my soul came here to have experiences. It didn’t come here to just have positive experiences, and I don’t know if that’s my delusional way of dealing with hard things, but it really does help me deal with hard things. But I think there’s, I believe there, it feels like truth, even when I say that it feels like truth. And so. When I think about who I was before the world told me who I needed to be, there is this soul piece of me that has been a lot of different things and a lot of different versions. And so who I was perhaps is a piece of this, of something that I get to choose and if I haven’t chosen, which so often we haven’t, and in most ways I haven’t. Then maybe there’s something to look at, right? And so I think we start to look at this when we have a big transition. We get married, we get divorced, we have kids, even we start a new job, right? All of those things, we have a breakdown. Or when we’re just sitting thinking like, what happened to me? You know, there’s that Oprah book. , And I read it years ago, but I think it’s called What, Happened to You? And it’s the idea that. Everyone is acting or reacting out of a place of what they know and what has been handed to them in many cases. And that instead of saying like, why are you so frustrating or whatever, it’s like, what happened to you to make you that way? Right? And I think about that in terms of myself, like what happened that made me. The way that I am, that made, that gave this packaging right, this shell, this exterior, when I can touch my soul and I know that my soul is just skipping along, real oblivious to the danger, but. It also gives me a lot of, a peace, you know, and I think that there have been a lot of roles and expectations. I think about, gosh, I think about some things that I’ve done. , Even when I was dating my, , former boyfriends or my former husband, , and. Like the things that I did, were in an effort to be a good girlfriend, right? In an effort to be a good friend in an effort. And that’s not necessarily bad, but does it align with who I really am or is it some rule that we were following to just make you more lovable or valuable? And who were you before all of that rules came into place? And so here’s what I think. I think that most of our lives were built around who we think we’re supposed to be, but not who we actually are. So I go all the way back to when I’m little, when I think about this, and , when we’re little, we’re wide open, we laugh at everything. We cry when we need to. I mean, I saw a kid on the floor of the grocery store the other day, like having a tantrum. And I’m like, , that’s how I feel too when my ice cream is out. Like it, we. We, go with the flow of whatever is the experience and emotion, and we’re curious, right? We follow curiosity. We ask a lot of questions, and then we learn and we learn at some point that being loud gets you in trouble. That making a mistake gets you a big red check mark on your page. You know that you crying or being emotional can make people really uncomfortable. I remember crying when my mom died and everybody comes to your house, you know, after somebody dies, like everybody just comes. So, I mean, this was within hours and there was an adult , that I love. I loved then, and I still love now, but an adult man who said, don’t cry, stop crying. I was like, I remember even at the time being like, if any time seems appropriate, it’s this , but it makes people uncomfortable, right? He, loved me and so he was uncomfortable with me being in pain. It takes a lot to be okay with witnessing someone’s pain, , and we become the achiever and the peacemaker, right? We hold back our pain just to make people feel better. Then we become caretakers and, little by little, I think we start to trade our, truth for belonging, for being chosen, right? Not because we’re weak, but because we are really smart. And because fitting in and being chosen meant survival. But the problem is, especially now, it’s 2025, , we wake up and we have a life that might look good on paper, but it feels like somebody else’s story. And we start to wonder, look what happened. Like, who am I? Where did I go? What do I even like? I can’t even tell you how many times people are like, I don’t even know what I like. That I think is the moment. It’s the moment where we begin to remember, , I think that there is a cost to becoming who you were told that you needed to be. Right. There’s a cost to all that adapting, and I think it’s, I think it’s really subtle and it’s quiet. I think it looks sometime like. Resentment. I think it can feel like being invisible. It’s the, thing, and I hear people say this all the time, and I’ve said it too, like I should be grateful, but, and so you might notice that you have become really, really good at seeing what everybody else wants. Caring for everybody else, but not yourself. I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. Last year, last March, we were in California and I said something and I, wasn’t even like venting or I just said something and I’ll never forget because she looked at me and she said, do you always sweep things like that under the rug that way? And I remember being like, well, I’m not sweeping it under the rug. Like it’s just how it is. , And I remember the look on her face. She didn’t even have to say anything else, but I remember I felt, I felt so, I’m gonna use this word, but it’s not be, not, I felt ashamed, but not because she was making me feel ashamed and not because I was ashamed in front of her. I was ashamed ’cause I knew it was right. I was ashamed. ’cause I knew I had totally abandoned myself. And laughed when things weren’t funny and pretended everything was okay. And just a million different ways. A million different ways. And so, you may notice that you have become really excellent at making sure everybody else is comfortable, but not yourself, you know? You know what your kids need for school. You know what everybody needs at work. You know what everybody wants for dinner, but if somebody asks you what you want, your mind goes totally blank. And the blank isn’t a flaw. It’s just evidence, right? It’s just evidence of, slow self abandonment and you know that forgetting it, it’s not failure, it’s a survival strategy. And when you start to remember yourself, that becomes a spiritual one. So let’s talk about this then. How do you start to find yourself again? , I don’t think this is like some aha moment or some bolt of lightning comes down or aliens come down and say, this is what you do. , I think this is a much more. Um, , gentle. I’m gonna say gentle excavation. You have to get really curious. You have to start to ask yourself what actually feels like me? And, , maybe it’s, I just find music so powerful, but maybe it’s simply like the music that you used to love before. Everything became like productivity or reading books. I know I started reading books this year and I always read books that would be like productive where I would be learning something and then I found I would buy all these books and I wouldn’t wanna read ’em, but it’s ’cause I was just done reading stuff that was like meant to make me better or different. Maybe it’s painting. , I mentioned that I started watercolor painting, which if you are interested in painting, watercolor’s really good. ’cause you kind of can’t screw it up. It looks sort of pretty no matter what you do, , but maybe it’s going for walks or it’s just sitting, , maybe you have a thinking couch and you just sit quietly with a cup of tea. It might be saying no to things and just noticing how good that feels. So. Start paying attention to small impulses. And I always say to people, even if you do the other thing, like I said, yes, but I really didn’t want to. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s great. ’cause then you notice I didn’t want to and think through it. How, what would it have felt like to say no? Sometimes that can feel dangerous, right? And not because you’re in danger, but because your nervous system thinks saying yes is what keeps you safe. But noticing and saying, I wish I had said no. How could I have said that? That would’ve felt really good to me, that’s still honoring yourself because you’re moving in the direction that you wanna go. So start noticing these little things. There, there might be a little voice, under the, under all the noise. And you’ll start to excavate her. You’ll start to know, I, think of this as like the original. You, the one who loved everything and was curious and loud and fun and giggly and magic, and didn’t have to apologize for any of it. And I think when you start doing this work. You’ll start getting her in flashes. , It’ll be moments where you laugh. I know when I moved into this apartment and my daughter came over and there was a song on, I need to Look ’cause she sent me the recording, like the video I was singing. Oh, I know. It was,, ,, we Are The World and I was doing all the voices with a. With a soup spoon, ? And it, that was the version of me that it just felt right. I mean, it was so silly and it was such the young version of me. So you’ll notice right when you laugh so hard that you snore, you know, you say something and you can immediately feel your body exhale because it was the truth,? That’s how you remember. That’s how you remember. It’s not one big thing. It’s little pieces piece by piece by piece. And then you know, the hard part is when you start remembering things around, you are gonna shift. And sometimes that’s great and sometimes that’s really messy. And you know you’re not gonna fit in the same old spaces anymore. You are not gonna be. Quiet perhaps in relationships that used to really demand your silence. You’re not gonna keep pretending that you’re fine in a job that actually drains you. You’re not gonna put up with someone putting you down. You’re not gonna keep apologizing for wanting more in your life. And that’s where courage comes in. I always say the women inside the Navigate Method are brave. That courage leans into bravery, right to let go of what was built around this false version of you. Because what’s real can only come when everything else is safe enough to fall away, and that looks, it might look like loss. Sometimes people are like, oh my God, your life, when they look at me like things changed, or anybody that’s gone through a big transition, a divorce, moving to a new place, they’re like, oh my gosh. And I’m like, it’s not loss. What you’re witnessing is liberation. I got all these messages a year or so ago about, oh my God, you look glowy. I got messages from people that I didn’t even , , that were. Friends of people and like that, that I heard, , that I had met before, but they were like, oh my God, you look so glowy. And I’m like, it’s, liberation. It’s, it’s being able to take a big, deep breath. It’s being me again. You know? And so maybe, maybe this invitation is actually really simple. It’s just to ask yourself, who was I? Before the world told me who to be, what did she love, what did she dream about, and what part of her wants to show up again. So you don’t have to force anything or make something happen. Just ask. But give the space to get curious, give the space to answer, to be, , journaling. Be still, go for walks, make choices, because what I know. What I know is that the world doesn’t need a version of you who’s acquiescing to make everything okay. It doesn’t need this like hyper polished version of you. It mean it needs the remembered version of you. I think about my soul came here to have this experience inside me as it came. Not to have it as everyone told me to have it. It knows the way, and there’s a version of you that’s no longer performing belonging, but actually being it. So you were meant to live big, not just in what you do, but in who you are. So when you do that. I think that is how you live a big life. All right. Thank you so much for listening this week. I love you guys so much. I hope that you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, please share it with a friend and I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.