Attuned Spectrum: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Autism Tips

This episode explores PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and PDA strategies for low demand parenting within children on the Autism Spectrum and within other neurodivergence, through a neurodiversity-affirming lens, focusing on foundations built by paediatric occupational therapy (OT), co-regulation, and DIR Floortime. Learn how the parent–therapist relationship supports the child’s nervous system, and the parent's nervous system, long-term wellbeing, and everyday functioning. We move from rigid, outcome-focused strategies to flexible, relationship-driven care that honors each child’s unique profile and the familys' thriving as a whole.
Guest
Rachel Gebers, Pediatric Occupational Therapist. Instagram: Growing Joy OT — https://www.instagram.com/growingjoyot/

Key takeaways
Foundations and relationships come first: the child’s nervous system needs safety and co-regulation.
PDA requires a flexible, child-led, neurodiversity-affirming approach—avoid rigid autism “playbooks.”
The parent–therapist dyad is central; alignment and energy state matter for progress.
A long-term mindset is essential: “slow to go fast” builds durable gains and reduces avoidance.
Equity in school and home matters: support for autonomy, balanced to the child’s needs and context.
Ensuring you find a neurodiversity affirming therapist
Guest: Rachel Gebers, Pediatric Occupational Therapist. Instagram: Growing Joy OT — https://www.instagram.com/growingjoyot/

Connect with Rachel via Growing Joy OT on Instagram for consults or floor-time parent coaching: https://www.instagram.com/growingjoyot/

Follow Attuned Spectrum on Spotify/Apple/your listening App. :)
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If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA
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✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching)

✨ Join Our Supportive Community PDA Motherhood (for mothers) $9/Month (increasing once we have our first group of members, is it you? :) ).
If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting.
Join us here
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE
About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting.
Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

If you’ve tried “autism parenting” tips that aren’t moving the needle, this episode brings you back to your own nervous system as the missing piece. I share real examples of how to co-regulate through meltdowns and a four-step co-regulation framework—Pause, Observe, Connect, Support—that helps PDA and PDA autistic children move through meltdowns with safety and autonomy. Learn why nervous-system safety and low-demand parenting are the keys to long-term wellbeing.
What you’ll hear in this episode
Your nervous system as your child’s most powerful co-regulator: why the parent’s regulation matters above all else
Mirror neurons and wellbeing: how your child’s nervous system mirrors yours and what that means for daily moments
The four-step framework to shift from trigger to co-regulator: Pause → Observe → Connect → Support
What lies beneath the behavior: moving from behavior-focused ideas to understanding the nervous system and safety
Practical links to low-demand parenting, nervous-system safety, and caregiver regulation to support PDA-autistic children
Key takeaways
You are the primary environment your PDA-autistic child experiences; your nervous system safety is foundational to their wellbeing.
Co-regulation is a practice you embody, not something you “switch on” in the moment.
The four-step framework (Pause, Observe, Connect, Support) provides a simple, sustainable path through meltdowns and shutdowns.
Focus on what’s happening beneath behavior (autonomy, safety, and nervous-system safety) to reduce power struggles and build trust.
Mirror neurons connect caregiver and child; when you regulate, your child’s regulation follows.
Episode structure (highlights)
Opening: why traditional strategies often fail for PDA and why focusing on the parent’s nervous system changes the game
Segment 1: The best tool you have is your own nervous system and nervous-system regulation
Segment 2: Mirror neurons and long-term wellbeing
Segment 3: The four-step roadmap to co-regulation (Pause, Observe, Connect, Support)
Segment 4: Conversations that matter—what lies beneath behavior and how to talk about it
Closing: practical tips for everyday use and where to get the starter tools
🔗 RESOURCES MENTIONED:
My 4-Step Approach (simplified!)
Special Co-reg
Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?
Support the show
✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching)

✨ Join Our Supportive Community PDA Motherhood (for mothers) $9/Month (increasing once we have our first group of members, is it you? :) ).
If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting.
Join us here
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE
About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting.
Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

Stop traditional methods. Learn how Low Demand Parenting on the Autism Spectrum creates safety through a PDA Autism Parenting lens that actually works.
If you’ve tried the rewards, the consequences, and the firm boundaries only to find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed, this episode is for you. We are throwing out the traditional rulebook and rebuilding your understanding of Pathological Demand Avoidance around the nervous system.
In this episode, we dive into:
Why behavior-focused advice is often harmful to Autistic children.
The transition to a safety-led, Low Demand Parenting framework.
How to prioritize Nervous System Regulation over compliance.
Practical PDA Strategies for reducing household distress and burnout.
Explore these topics on your favorite player:
⚡ Regulation & Safety: Understand why PDA is a Nervous System Response here.
🗣️ PDA Foundations: Master the shift to Declarative Language & Safety here.
🏫 Education & Advocacy: Navigating masking and School Refusal here.
🧭 New to the Spectrum? Check out our latest episodes on the Autism Spectrum to find your path forward.
You are not failing, and your child is not broken. If you're ready to establish deeper foundations around burnout and sustainability, visit chantalhewitt.com for more resources and 1:1 support.
Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?
Support the show
✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching)

✨ Join Our Supportive Community PDA Motherhood (for mothers) $9/Month (increasing once we have our first group of members, is it you? :) ).
If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting.
Join us here
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE
About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting.
Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

If you’ve tried every strategy, consequence, or reward and nothing seems to help your child, the problem isn't that you haven't found the right technique. In this episode, we explore why traditional parenting fails for the Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile and how shifting to a safety-led, low-demand approach changes everything.
Episode Summary: 
Join Chantal Hewitt—AuDHD PDAer and parent—as she unpacks the essential move from "managing behavior" to "prioritizing the nervous system." We dive deep into the power of declarative language and why "safety-led parenting" is the opposite of being permissive. If you are navigating school refusal, autism meltdowns, or extreme demand avoidance, this episode offers the grounded, practical reframes you need to move toward connection.
In this episode, we cover:
The Problem with Compliance: Why traditional rewards and consequences often trigger a "threat response" in PDA children.
Safety vs. Permissiveness: Debunking the myth that low-demand parenting is "lazy" parenting.
Declarative Language 101: How simple shifts in how you speak can reduce pressure and invite collaboration.
The 24-Hour Child: Understanding that your child's needs don't stop when they leave the house or the classroom.
Co-Regulation as a Tool: Moving away from "fixing" behavior and toward being a steady anchor for your child.
Resources & Links
✨ Join the Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for a special discount when we open again in March 2026!
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: Download the Low-Demand Language Guide — This walks you through the exact shifts mentioned in today's episode.
✨ 1:1 Support: Enquire about my limited-space 8-week coaching programme HERE.
✨ Connect with me: * YouTube: @chantal.hewitt
Email: [email protected]
If this episode helped you, please rate the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—it helps more PDA families find this support!
Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?
Support the show
✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching)

✨ Join Our Supportive Community PDA Motherhood (for mothers) $9/Month (increasing once we have our first group of members, is it you? :) ).
If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting.
Join us here
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE
About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting.
Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

If your PDA autistic child copes at school but falls apart at home, this isn’t a failure — it’s a sign they finally feel safe.
In this episode, I explore how masking in PDA and autistic children allows them to “hold it together” all day — and why that comes at such a high cost to their nervous system and wellbeing.
If you’ve ever been told your child is “fine” at school while you’re holding the emotional aftermath at home, this conversation is for you. I unpack why many PDA autistic children cope in structured, neurotypical environments, only to unravel once they’re with the person they feel safest with.
We talk about what masking really is, why PDA children are often high maskers, and how behaviour-based frameworks in schools can completely miss a child’s internal experience. What looks like resilience or good behaviour from the outside is often survival — and it can lead to anxiety, burnout, and emotional overload.
I also explore why home becomes the place where everything spills out, why this isn’t caused by “bad behaviour” or poor parenting, and why advocacy becomes unavoidable for parents of PDA autistic children — even when we’re exhausted.
This episode invites a gentle shift away from “Why does my child behave worse with me?” and towards “What have they been holding in all day?” — and why nervous-system-led, autonomy-supportive approaches matter for long-term wellbeing.
Key takeaways / shifts
Masking is a nervous system survival response — not a choice
PDA children often cope all day, then collapse where they feel safest
Behavioural frameworks miss what’s happening internally
Advocacy is not optional when systems don’t understand PDA
Increased autonomy and reduced demand support real wellbeing
If this episode supported you, I’d love you to follow along and leave a rating — it helps other parents find this support. You’re also warmly invited to share your experience in the comments or connect with other parents walking this path.
If this resonates, you’re not alone — and calmer, more connected homes are possible.
And head to chantalhewitt.com/pda to download your FREE PDA Language Guide x
Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?
Support the show
✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching)

✨ Join Our Supportive Community PDA Motherhood (for mothers) $9/Month (increasing once we have our first group of members, is it you? :) ).
If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting.
Join us here
✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE
About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting.
Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt