Let Them Lead: The Child-Led Autism Podcast

Download the handout for this episode here!
Join us inside The Child-Led Collective! childled.org/collective
If you have been doing this work for a while and you are still mostly targeting requesting... I need you to hear this episode.
Not because requesting is wrong. But because there is so much more your student could be doing, and one specific communication function might be the exact thing that shifts the dynamic in your sessions.
This episode is about directing actions: what it is, why most of us skip it, and how to start building it in without overhauling your whole approach.
This is Part 3 of the expanding communication functions series, and today we are talking about directing actions. Directing actions is when a child tells another person what to do, things like push me, open, stop, go, come here. It is different from requesting because the child is directing a person to do something, not asking for an object. Nicole shares why this communication function matters for autonomy, vocabulary growth, and real social back-and-forth, and why she spent way too many years ignoring it. She also walks through practical strategies for modeling in context, working with teams, and supporting both gestalt language processors and early communicators who use AAC. 
What You'll Learn
Why teaching only requesting can accidentally teach kids that communication is just a transaction for getting things

What "directing actions" actually means, and how it is different from the requesting you are already targeting

The moment Nicole realized she had been sitting across from kids and making them earn pretzels they both knew they wanted, over and over

Why giving kids the words to direct other people is one of the most powerful autonomy moves you can make with autistic students

The starter verbs that make this easier to teach (open, stop, go, push, jump, pour, spin) and why they work when more abstract verbs do not

How to model directing actions without drilling, and why you should never make a child repeat what you just modeled to get the action

What to do with the "verbs are too abstract for my kids" objection, and why it is less true than we think

How to use playful sabotage (doing the wrong thing on purpose) to actually give kids a reason to direct you

How to bring your para and team with you without making them feel like they are starting from scratch

Why boundary-setting still applies: directing actions does not mean the child runs everything

Your next steps:
Join The Child-Led Collective at childled.org/collective

Subscribe to Let Them Lead so you do not miss the next episode in this communication functions series

Share this episode with a para or team member who works snack time, swing time, or any routine where directing actions could show up naturally

Download this episode's summary and action plan
Learn more about The Child-Led Collective
Nicole shares the real stories behind how she used to use kids' special interests as reinforcers (Harry Potter worksheets, co-opting a child's favorite songs) and the moment she realized kids were actually hiding their interests to protect them. She walks through what it looks like now when deep interests become the therapy itself, including a student whose love of Google Maps turned into sessions full of language, sequencing, and inside jokes. She also talks through what to do when a team or family worries that a deep interest is "too distracting," including a Hardest Case Roundtable example about a child fascinated by clocks and a family who removed every letter and number toy from their home on a previous therapist's advice.
 KEY TOPICS + TIMESTAMPS
 [00:00] Welcome and intro: today's topic is special interests and deep interests
[02:02] How most of us were trained: interests as "reinforcers," withhold and reward
[04:28] The Harry Potter example: camouflaging worksheets with a child's interest
[06:49] When kids see through it: "You're using my interests against me"
[07:45] The student who loved music and stopped sharing his songs with the team
[09:14] The coloring book analogy: what if someone used YOUR hobby as bribery?
[11:34] A current student who loves maps and has an incredible sense of direction
[13:42] What sessions look like now: Google Maps as the therapy itself
[16:06] Why Nicole hears the most language and sees the most progress inside deep interests
[17:50] The "there's you!" inside joke on Google Earth and what it reveals about connection
[18:54] "What if that's ALL they want to do?" Addressing the tension honestly
[20:41] When the interest won't fit (gym class, broken technology) and presuming competence
[22:54] The slippery slope fear and why it doesn't hold up after 12 years of practice
[25:15] Building variety within a single deep interest (crash pad example)
[27:30] Hardest Case Roundtable coaching: a child obsessed with clocks and time
[29:58] Making the clock interest a strength: the timekeeper idea and wearing a watch
[32:11] The family who removed all letter and number toys on a therapist's advice
[34:21] Nicole's son and monster trucks: the double standard for neurotypical deep interests
[36:41] The relief on a parent's face when given permission to lean in
[39:05] Deep interests are doorways, not obstacles
RESOURCES MENTIONED
The Child-Led Collective: childled.org/collective
The Hardest Case Roundtable (monthly feature inside The Collective) 
ABOUT NICOLE
Nicole Casey, MS, CCC-SLP, is the founder of The Child-Led SLP and creator of The Child-Led Collective. She has spent over 12 years working exclusively with autistic children and is on a mission to help SLPs, OTs, and special educators shift from compliance-based practices to child-led, neuroaffirming approaches that actually work. She hosts the Let Them Lead podcast and lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two young children.

Download this episode's summary and action plan
Learn more about The Child-Led Collective
EPISODE SUMMARY
Nicole breaks down the Let Them Lead Framework, the four-part approach she uses in every child-led session: Regulate, Connect, Honor, and Expand. She walks through what each component looks like in real sessions (including a monster chase game and a little boy who loved rainbow order), talks about why "child-led" is not a buzzword, and explains why these four things are not a step-by-step checklist but a set of lenses she keeps in mind throughout every session.
KEY TOPICS + TIMESTAMPS
[00:00] What does "child-led" actually mean? And why Nicole still finds it hard to answer
[02:29] Introducing the Let Them Lead Framework
[03:15] When "play-based" became a buzzword and Nicole's first "huh" moment at a local clinic
[04:48] Doing the hard parts of child-led therapy, not just the fun parts
[05:30] The gatekeeping problem in our field and why Nicole is not that person
[07:12] Social media pressure, imperfection, and giving yourself grace
[08:30] "You're not wrong, you're early." Why child-led professionals are early adopters
[11:49] In 10 years, everyone will say they were always child-led
[13:00] The Let Them Lead Framework overview: Regulate, Connect, Honor, Expand
[14:12] These are not linear steps. They're components that float within a session
[15:30] REGULATE: What regulation actually means (hint: it's not just "calm")
[16:26] Nicki Smit's explanation that changed everything for Nicole
[18:51] Can the child's nervous system tolerate connection right now?
[21:09] Regulation as an ongoing lens, not a checkbox at the start of the session
[23:30] The monster chase game: co-regulation in action (the sleepy, tiptoe monster)
[28:03] Explaining co-regulation to a parent in real time
[30:07] CONNECT: Why being a partner matters more than being the director
[32:33] "Slower but stickier" progress in a child-led approach
[34:57] The window story: building connection by joining a child where they already are
[37:18] Retraining the voice in our heads that says "I'm not doing anything"
[39:35] Letting go of the anxiety about what others might think of your sessions
[41:57] HONOR: Understanding what a child is trying to accomplish and not getting in the way
[44:18] The rainbow crayons story: honoring a child's vision
[48:54] Honoring how a child communicates, not just what they're doing
[51:12] Multimodal communication and why one way is not better than another
[53:33] EXPAND: Where clinical expertise meets child-led practice
[55:55] Modeling one step beyond where the child is (GLP example)
[58:19] "If I push too hard and expand, the other three components fall apart"
[59:30] Why rubric-based goals make the Let Them Lead Framework possible
[01:00:40] How the framework was developed from hundreds of hours of real sessions
[01:02:57] Going deeper inside The Child-Led Collective
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED
The Child-Led Collective: childled.org/collective
Nicki Schmidt Therapy  https://www.instagram.com/nikkismittherapy/
 
ABOUT NICOLE
Nicole Casey, MS, CCC-SLP, is the founder of The Child-Led SLP and creator of The Child-Led Collective. She has spent over 12 years working exclusively with autistic children and is on a mission to help SLPs, OTs, and special educators shift from compliance-based practices to child-led, neuroaffirming approaches that actually work. She hosts the Let Them Lead podcast and lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two young children.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE SUMMARY & ACTION STEPS FROM THIS EPISODE HERE!
SUMMARY
Nicole shares the story of the first time an autistic student told her to "go away" and why that moment was worth celebrating. She breaks down why protesting is one of the most important and most overlooked communication functions we should be supporting, how the slippery slope fallacy keeps professionals from teaching it, and what to say to team members who worry that letting kids say no means they'll never cooperate again.
KEY TOPICS + TIMESTAMPS
[00:00] The "go away" moment and why Nicole was thrilled
[03:15] Protesting as self-advocacy, boundary setting, and autonomy
[04:30] Why protesting is often one of the first goals Nicole targets
[05:34] The slippery slope fallacy and why "they'll never stop saying no" isn't real
[06:30] Nicole's personal story: wake windows, postpartum depression, and all-or-nothing thinking
[10:18] How rigid systems thinking carries over into how we support autistic kids
[11:00] Why honoring a child's "no" actually strengthens the relationship
[12:43] The tickling analogy: what happens when you can't say stop
[15:09] Protesting as protection against harm and abuse
[16:30] The developmental "no" phase and why autistic kids need it too
[19:56] Going back to the "go away" moment and what it really communicated
[22:00] Why politeness shouldn't come before reliable communication
[25:30] When a child protests, they're testing trust and safety in your relationship
[27:00] Honoring "no" reduces the need for escalation
[29:20] Being child-led makes this easier
[30:30] Going deeper inside The Child-Led Collective
 
RESOURCES MENTIONED
The Child-Led Collective: childled.org/collective
Previous episode on the Slippery Slope Fallacy
 
ABOUT NICOLE
Nicole Casey, MS, CCC-SLP, is the founder of The Child-Led SLP and creator of The Child-Led Collective. She has spent over 12 years working exclusively with autistic children and is on a mission to help SLPs, OTs, and special educators shift from compliance-based practices to child-led, neuroaffirming approaches that actually work. She hosts the Let Them Lead podcast and lives in Philadelphia with her husband and two children.
 
META DESCRIPTION 
Why teaching autistic kids to protest is protective, empowering, and one of the first communication goals Nicole targets. Plus what to say to skeptical teams.
 
TARGET KEYWORDS/PHRASES
1. teaching protesting to autistic children
2. child-led speech therapy
3. neuroaffirming communication goals
4. teaching kids to say no
5. protesting as a communication function
6. compliance vs connection speech therapy
7. autistic self-advocacy skills
8. child-led SLP podcast
9. honoring communication in autism
10. boundary setting for autistic kids

Join us inside The Child-Led Collective!
If you've ever felt that nagging feeling in a session like, "okay, but we've been working on requesting for a really long time and I don't know what to do next," this episode is going to feel like a deep exhale.
Requesting tends to get a bit of a bad rep, and you know what, sometimes for good reason. Not because helping a child ask for what they want or need is wrong, but because so many of us were taught to start there and then just... stay there. For years. And in the meantime, our students' communication functions stay narrow when they could be expanding in beautiful, meaningful, connected ways.
In this episode, you'll get a full breakdown of the different kinds of requesting we can support, why each one matters, and how to start building these into your day without overhauling your whole approach. Plus, the gentle case for why "he might ask for the playground all day" isn't a good enough reason to skip teaching a skill.
What you'll hear inside this episode
Why requesting is a great place to start, and a not-so-great place to stay

How traditional requesting work can accidentally turn communication into a transaction

The 10+ different kinds of requests you can support (and how to know where your student is with each one)

A real story about a little girl who couldn't open her lunch and what it taught me about requesting help

How requesting people (yes, people) can transform a child's connection with their family

How to honor a child's "I'm all done" without throwing safety out the window

Why measuring a child against their own previous skills is the most honest way to see progress

Why this episode matters
So many of our autistic students walk around with "I want" essentially baked into their communication. And not because they actually mean "I want" every time, but because that's what we've modeled, taught, and reinforced for years.
When we expand the purposes for which a child can communicate, we're not just adding more vocabulary to a device or more goals to a paper. We're giving them more access to their world. To their people. To their wants and needs and preferences and limits. That is what child-led speech therapy looks like in practice.
The kinds of requests we walk through in this episode
Requesting favorite things

Requesting things they need (the spoon for the yogurt situation)

Requesting places they want to go

Requesting actions (and directing actions)

Requesting people they want to see

Requesting help

Requesting something different

Requesting more

Requesting a break

Requesting to be all done

A few things to sit with after you listen
Which of these requests does your student already have reliable access to?

Which one feels the most overlooked on your caseload right now?

If your student suddenly had a way to request a person, who would they ask for first?

Where might "I want" be doing more work in your student's communication than it should?

A moment from this episode you'll probably remember
There's a story in this episode about a hyperlexic student riding in the car with his mom. He says "Chick-fil-A" from the back seat for the first time ever. She does what any of us would do. She makes a sharp turn into the parking lot. He gets his food. He's happy.
That's the whole point of this work. Not the perfect request. Not the polished sentence. Just a child finally having a way to tell the people who love him where he wants to go.
Resources mentioned
The communication functions checklist for requesting (available inside The Child-Led Collective)

Season 1 episodes on supporting early gestalt language processors

Keep going with us inside The Collective
If this episode helped you see requesting differently, you're going to feel right at home inside The Child-Led Collective. The checklist I'm reading from in this episode is one of many tools members have access to, along with implementation videos, monthly trainings, a community of professionals doing this work alongside you, and ongoing coaching from me.
You can join us at jointhechildledcollective.com.
This is the start of a series
I'm planning to break down communication functions one by one across upcoming episodes. If this format was helpful, send me a DM, send me an email, or leave a review and let me know. Your feedback shapes where we go next.
Stay connected
Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss the next episode in this series

Leave a review if this one helped you

Share it with a teammate who is feeling stuck on requesting