The Messy Parts

"They cut me from that team." That's how Columbia women's basketball head coach Megan Griffith opens this episode of The Messy Parts — and it's just the beginning of her story. Megan tells Maryam about growing up a Chinese American kid in a homogeneous Pennsylvania suburb, playing for four different coaches in four years as a student at Columbia, and deciding to pursue a professional basketball career across Finland, Sweden, and the Netherlands. Megan gets candid about identity, belonging, getting benched by life more than once, and the leadership lessons she now hands down to her players as Columbia's most successful women’s basketball coach in program history.  It's a conversation about turning setbacks into strategy — on and off the court. 
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Key Moments

00:00 - "They Cut Me From That Team" 🏀
Megan opens with the gut-punch story of getting cut from her professional team in Sweden — the moment that set off a chain reaction leading her all the way back to Columbia.

01:15 - Growing Up Between Two Worlds 🌏
Megan reflects on growing up in a mostly white suburb of King of Prussia, PA, with a mother from Hong Kong, and how she and her sister came into their Asian American identity later in life.

04:56 - The Recruiting Fluke That Brought Her to Columbia 🎓
Megan explains how a chance connection — not a big recruiting push — landed her at Columbia.

07:22 - Four Head Coaches in Four Years 👕
Megan recalls playing for a program with no brand, no real uniforms, and constant coaching turnover — and the leadership lesson she took from staying loyal through the chaos.

10:25 - The Pencil Skirt That Didn't Fit 💼
Megan describes trying out corporate finance after graduating, and the exact moment she knew it wasn't for her.

12:14 - The Conversation That Changed Everything ✈️
A friend's offhand suggestion to "keep playing" sends Megan overseas to Finland — and into a professional career she never planned for.

16:51 - From Cut Player to Coach 🔑
After coming home from playing abroad, Megan stumbles into coaching almost by accident — and gets told point-blank that "no Ivy League alums coach."

20:27 - Taking the Job Everyone Called "Messy" 📋
Megan explains why she almost didn't take the Columbia head coaching job, and what made her finally go all in on a program everyone else saw as a lost cause.

23:14 - The Recruiting Pitch That Rebuilt the Program 🌟
Megan breaks down her strategy for recruiting talent Columbia had never landed before — including two future WNBA draft picks other programs passed on.

30:43 - The NCAA Snub She Refused to Stay Quiet About 📢
Megan tells the story of being excluded from the NCAA tournament, handed a script for her next press conference, and choosing to advocate loudly for her team — even if it meant blowback.

37:44 - "Feedback Is Food, Failure Is Fertilizer" 🌱
Megan shares the philosophy that drives her coaching, plus her advice on setting boundaries, owning your decisions, and what success actually costs.
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What really happens after a founder sells their company? Blake Mycoskie built one of the most recognized brands in the world at TOMS — and hit rock bottom the moment he walked away. In this episode of The Messy Parts, Blake talks candidly with Maryam about founder identity, the mental health crisis hiding behind big exits, and why more money and more success never made him feel like enough. He also shares the advice he'd give every founder in their 20s and 30s, what Ted Turner told him before he made his first billion, and how healing his "core wound" changed his relationships, his parenting, and the way he builds companies today.
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Key Moments
02:15 - Why Blake Broke His 3.5-Year Social Media Silence 📱
After years of suffering quietly and feeling ashamed, Blake explains what finally pushed him to publish that vulnerable LinkedIn post.

6:24 - Naming the Core Wound 🔍
Blake identifies the belief that secretly drove every business he ever built: that he was never enough, and that the only way to earn love was to keep proving himself.

10:18 - How TOMS Was Really Born 👟
Blake tells the origin story — a simple idea hatched in Argentina, started out of his Venice Beach apartment with no investors and no business plan, that grew into a huge movement.

12:24 - The Night He Got a Nelson Mandela Award and Felt Terrible 🏆
One of the most striking moments in the episode: Blake describes receiving one of the biggest honors of his career and calling it one of the worst nights of his life.

15:20 - What Blake Would Tell Every Founder Before a Big Exit 💡
Hard-won advice: make sure you have something meaningful to pour your energy into on the other side — because the dopamine drop is real, and snowboarding only lasts so long.

21:45 - What Depression Actually Feels Like 🌊
Blake offers one of the most accessible descriptions of depression you'll hear: like really bad jet lag — knowing you should be awake, but being unable to move.

26:39 - What Ted Turner Told Blake Before He Made His First Billion 🏔️
In a private green room moment at the UN, Ted Turner warned Blake that when he reached the top of the mountain, the chest would be empty.

29:25 - How Healing Changed His Relationship With His Kids 👨‍👧‍👦
Blake reflects on a painful realization: that for years, his own "not enough" wound was being projected silently onto his children.

36:45 - The Advice He'd Give His 30-Something Self 🎯
Blake's closing wisdom: do something you genuinely love in your 20s and 30s, because true financial freedom almost always follows mastery — not the other way around.

37:32 - The Send-Off 💛
Maryam closes with three words that land differently after everything Blake has shared: "You are enough."
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She's a staff writer at The New York Times Magazine, a Yale lecturer, and one of the most celebrated journalists working today. So why does Susan Dominus still feel like she's figuring it out? In a candid conversation with Maryam, Susan gets into the imposter syndrome that nearly stopped her from calling herself a writer, the sibling rivalry that quietly shaped her ambition, and the career regret she wishes she could go back and fix. Plus: what AI has changed about her reporting, why she thinks Substack isn't enough, and the advice she gives every student who wants to break into media. If you've ever played it safe when you knew you shouldn't have — this one's for you. 
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Key Moments

01:28 - The Psychology Behind the Byline 🧠
Susan explains why people tell journalists things they've never told anyone else, and why being truly seen is rarer than we think.

03:15 - The Bookish Kid Who Pretended to Read 📚
Susan paints a vivid picture of her Westchester childhood — the youngest of three, already pretending to read before she could, and processing her entire emotional life through books.

09:29 - The Piano Teacher Ultimatum ⏰
Her piano teacher forced a choice: piano or the school newspaper. Susan didn't hesitate for a second. 

13:07 - Imposter Syndrome at Yale 😰
Getting into Yale didn't cure the self-doubt — it deepened it. Susan opens up about feeling like a "pretty average suburban kid" surrounded by legacy admits, children of academics, and people she found genuinely intimidating.

14:25 - "I Couldn't Risk It" 😶
Susan admits she avoided Yale's competitive writing classes entirely, not because she wasn't interested, but because she was too afraid to find out she wasn't good enough. 

21:13 - The Good Girl Who Waited Until 30 ⏳
Despite always wanting to be a writer, Susan spent her entire 20s as an editor — partly for job security, partly to please her parents.

27:08 - How AI Changed Susan's Entire Reporting Process 🤖
Susan goes from AI skeptic to convert in real time. She breaks down exactly how she used NotebookLM and Google Gemini on her most recent NYT piece, and why she can't imagine going back to the way she did her job before.

30:17 - The Wasserstein Book Origin Story 📖
Susan traces her obsession with the famous Wasserstein family, and reveals the question that consumed her childhood: what would it feel like to grow up in a family where someone tells you "the sky's the limit"?

33:42 - The Limits We Put on Ourselves 🪞
Maryam holds up a mirror: Susan has won Pulitzers, teaches at Yale, and writes for the NYT Magazine — and yet she still talks about herself like someone playing it safe. 

40:24 - The Twitter Regret She Can't Shake 🐦
Susan confesses that when the NYT begged her to tweet out her column back in 2011, she was too uncomfortable with self-promotion. Her advice to young journalists: get on the edge of what's new, even when it scares you.

43:11 - What She’d Tell Her 30-Something Self 💡
Susan closes with a deceptively simple piece of wisdom: if something new is forming around you at work, stop wishing it away and get involved.
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In this re-release of one of our favorite episodes, Gary Vaynerchuk opens up to Maryam about fear, self-esteem, forgiveness, AI, leadership, and what he believes is a growing crisis of “late adulthood.” Gary shares why so many professionals feel stuck — not because of burnout, but because of insecurity and unresolved resentment. He breaks down his philosophy on kind candor vs. radical candor, why fear is the real career killer, and how over-coddling may be delaying independence for an entire generation. From parenting teenagers to leading thousands of employees, Gary explains why self-worth is the operating system behind success — and why forgiveness (especially of yourself) might be the most underrated personal development tool of all. If you’ve ever felt behind, afraid to pivot, or unsure of your next move in the age of AI, this episode is for you.

Key Moments

00:00 — Forgiveness Is the Answer We’re Avoiding ❤️‍🩹
Gary opens with a bold claim: most people are emotionally “clogged” because they’re holding resentment. He explains why forgiveness — especially forgiving yourself — may be the most underrated growth tool.

02:46 — “Nice Guys Finish First” 🏆
Gary unpacks the tension between competitiveness and kindness — and why he believes you can be fierce in business without losing your humanity.

05:17 — The Late Adulthood Crisis 🚨
Are we raising adults who aren’t ready to be adults? Gary shares his controversial take on over-coddling, privilege, and why independence matters more than ever.

08:52 — Why He Doesn’t Fear AI (And You Shouldn’t Either) 🤖
Using historical pattern recognition, Gary explains why AI is just the next evolution — not the apocalypse.

14:18 — The Self-Esteem Conversation Nobody Wants to Have 🧠
Gary breaks it down: almost everything — career fear, content paralysis, insecurity — comes back to self-worth.

15:33 — The Rejection He Was Actually Afraid Of 💔
Despite fearless business moves, Gary admits he was afraid to ask girls out in high school. A revealing look at how fear shows up in unexpected places.

18:38 — Kind Candor vs. Radical Candor 🎯
Gary shares his leadership “kryptonite” — struggling with candor — and why he now believes honest feedback must come with kindness.

28:57 — Walking Away From the Family Business 🏪
After building his dad’s liquor store into a $65M company, Gary explains why leaving wasn’t guilt — it was growth.

31:14 — Maximizing Joy vs. Maximizing Money 🔥
Why Gary doesn’t optimize for profit alone — and how curiosity drives his many ventures.

33:35 — Call Your Mom. Forgive Yourself. 📞
One of the most emotional moments of the episode. Gary urges listeners to make the call — to forgive others or themselves.

43:53 — At What Age Do You Stop Blaming Your Parents? 🧨
Gary poses a provocative question: when do you fully own your life? A raw discussion about responsibility and adulthood.

47:46 — The Jets Jersey Story 🧵💚
Gary shares the powerful story of his mom knitting him a Jets jersey when they couldn’t afford one — and how that shaped his confidence forever.
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What happens when you walk away from the career everyone expected you to have? Chef Ayesha Nurdjaja was on a path toward law school, working at a prestigious law firm and doing everything “right.” But something was missing. In this episode of The Messy Parts, Ayesha shares with Maryam how she left a promising legal career to pursue cooking, even when her parents stopped speaking to her and everyone around her thought she was making a huge mistake. She opens up about growing up in Brooklyn, discovering her passion for food later in life, working brutal restaurant hours for almost no money, and refusing to accept “no” as an answer. Ayesha also reveals the surprising story behind the creation of Shuka and Shukette, and how one bold decision changed the course of her career.
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00:00 - The Lie That Launched Her Career 🚪
Ayesha tells the unbelievable story of sneaking her way into Lidia Bastianich’s legendary restaurant kitchen after being repeatedly told no, and how that gamble changed her life forever.

03:40 - Growing Up Between Two Worlds 🌎
Ayesha reflects on her Brooklyn childhood, her Italian and Indonesian roots, and how family, culture, and belonging shaped who she became.

07:26 - When Religion Tore Her Family Apart 💔
She opens up about her parents’ divorce, the cultural and religious tensions behind it, and the lasting impact it had on her life.

11:06 - The Career Everyone Wanted for Her 🎓
From pharmacy school to business school to a law firm job, Ayesha shares the path her parents hoped she’d follow, and why it never felt right.

16:24 - The Bucket List That Changed Everything ✍️
A train ride, a list of passions, and a moment of honesty helped Ayesha realize she was chasing the wrong dream.

18:26 - Diamonds, DJing & Finding Her Calling 💎
Before becoming a chef, Ayesha seriously considered careers in music and diamonds—and explains how cooking unexpectedly won.

20:21 - The First Dish That Sparked Something Special 🍅
A simple risotto-stuffed tomato became the moment Ayesha discovered the joy of creating food with her own hands.

21:26 - The Day Her Parents Stopped Speaking to Her 📵
After quitting a stable legal career to work in kitchens for almost no money, Ayesha faced the toughest rejection of all — from her own family, who struggled to understand her radical pivot.

25:37 - Why She Never Quit the Kitchen 🔥
Ayesha explains the relentless drive that pushed her through 16-hour days, exhausting labor, and years of sacrifice.

39:33 - The New Year's Eve Party That Created Shuka 🎉
What started as a risky, Moroccan-inspired dinner party became the spark that led to one of New York City's most beloved restaurants.

41:22 - Betting on Yourself Every Time 🎲
Ayesha reflects on risk-taking, resilience, and why she's always been willing to go all-in on the things she truly believes in.
Send us Fan Mail
Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com
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Thank you for listening.