Powered by RND
PodcastsEducationThe Secure Husband

The Secure Husband

M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC
The Secure Husband
Latest episode

Available Episodes

5 of 118
  • Anxious Attachment & Self-Worth (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    This episode explains why you look confident on the outside but still do not feel “enough” at home. I show how a hidden worth wound drives chasing, fixing, people-pleasing, and fear of conflict. You will learn simple steps to calm your body, keep your truth, and build real safety with your wife without begging for approval.What You’ll Learn:How a hidden worth story runs your marriageWhy distance feels like “I’m not enough”How over-giving and apologizing backfireWhy reassurance never lastsWhat secure self-worth looks like in daily lifeSix clear steps to start healing from the insideChapters / Timestamps:0:00 Opening story: the hidden worth wound2:48 Pattern reveal: “I am not enough unless approved”6:05 1) The invisible worth story behind anxious habits9:22 2) You look confident, but your patterns say otherwise12:40 3) Why her distance triggers “I’m not enough”16:03 4) Performing, proving, and over-functioning19:35 5) Conflict exposes a worth wound, not just attachment23:02 6) Why reassurance never works long-term26:20 7) Being loved vs. feeling lovable29:38 8) Apologizing, pleasing, and over-explaining as protection33:05 9) What secure self-worth looks like in a husband36:22 10) Six steps to reclaim worth from the inside40:10 Closing: worth is returned, not earnedKey Points:You are not broken. You learned to earn love.Distance can feel like a worth loss. Name it and breathe.Peacekeeping is not safety. Honest presence is safety.Reassurance is a bandage. Identity work heals the root.Secure men hold their ground with calm, not force.Try These This Week:Replace “I’m fine” with one clear feeling and one clear need.Pause before you fix. Say, “I’m here. Keep going,” and stay present.Give affection with no strings. Let closeness be free.Before you apologize, ask, “Am I keeping connection or giving up myself?”After hard moments, ask, “Did I keep my worth, or hand it away?”Free 30-Minute Consultation:Want help with this? Book a free 30-minute call. It is a simple chat about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it is a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
    --------  
    25:59
  • Be Emotionally Safe For Her Without Becoming Smaller For Her (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    You do not create safety by shrinking. You create safety by staying rooted. This episode is for anxious or preoccupied men who feel they must keep the peace at all costs. You try to fix her mood. You say you are fine when you are not. You over-apologize and over-give. You disappear to avoid conflict. This does not build trust. It builds pressure. I show you how to be calm, honest, and steady without losing yourself.What You’ll Learn:Why peacekeeping is not safetyHow “making her okay” creates burdenHow to show empathy without self-erasingHow to speak your needs with calm strengthHow to stay present and not go numbHow to validate her and still keep your truthHow to hold space without fixing or chasingHow to stop over-functioning and invite balanceWhat secure leadership looks like in hard momentsChapters / Timestamps:0:00 Intro — Safety comes from being rooted, not small2:45 #1 Peacekeeping vs. love: why “I’m fine” breaks trust6:10 #2 Why “making her okay” kills safety and attraction10:05 #3 Empathy without self-erasure14:02 #4 Keep respect: share needs, feelings, and truth18:00 #5 Safety needs strength, not people-pleasing22:05 #6 Stay calm without going numb26:00 #7 Validate her and yourself at the same time29:40 #8 Hold space without fixing, chasing, or rescuing33:20 #9 Stop over-functioning in the relationship37:10 #10 Secure leadership in emotional moments41:30 Closing — Security comes from you staying youKey Points:Honesty creates safety. Disappearing creates doubt.You regulate your body before you try to connect.Validation works best with your truth included.Affection and care must be free of pressure.Steady presence beats perfect words.Try These Steps This Week:Replace “It’s fine” with one clear feeling and one clear need.Breathe before you speak. Slow your voice. Keep your posture open.Let her have space without chasing. Say, “I’m here. Take your time.”Give affection with no plan to escalate.Stop fixing. Say, “I’m listening. Keep going,” and stay present.Free 30-Minute Consultation:Want help putting this into action? Book a free 30-minute call. It is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it is a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
    --------  
    29:28
  • Sex: The Battle of Anxious vs Avoidant Attachment (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    Sex fights often are not about sex. They are about safety. If you have anxious attachment and your wife leans avoidant, your needs and her needs clash. You reach for closeness to feel calm. She steps back to feel safe. This episode explains why that happens and what to do instead. You will learn how to bring calm, invite freedom, and rebuild desire without pressure.What You’ll Learn-Why anxious husbands use sex to feel close-Why avoidant wives shut down when they feel pressure-How “no” can feel like rejection to you and like self-betrayal to her-How to give affection without a hidden plan-How to regulate your emotions before you initiate-How safety leads to desireChapters / Timestamps0:00 Intro — You are fighting about safety, not sex3:12 #1 You use sex for connection, she feels pressure8:05 #2 “No” feels like rejection to you, “yes” feels like self-betrayal to her12:58 #3 You need sex to feel close; she needs closeness to want sex18:02 #4 You feel undesired; she feels emotionally responsible22:47 #5 Sex becomes your reassurance and her burden27:31 #6 She avoids touch because it “means something” to you32:10 #7 Initiating from fear vs. grounded desire36:44 #8 She goes numb, you build resentment41:20 #9 Intimacy shifts from connection to negotiation46:03 #10 The real path: safety → trust → warmth → play → desire50:40 Closing — It was never about sex. It was about safety.Key Points-Desire needs freedom. Pressure kills it.-Your calm creates safety. Her safety invites desire.-Affection must be free. No strings.-Stop using sex to measure the relationship.-Regulate first. Connect second. Initiate third.Try These Steps This Week:-Breathe and calm your body before you talk about sex.-Offer affection with no plan to escalate.-Thank her for honest “no” answers. Do not argue.-Build small moments of warmth: eye contact, jokes, shared tasks.-Remove scorekeeping. Give without expecting a return.Free 30-Minute ConsultationYou can book a free 30-minute call. It is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it is a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
    --------  
    32:23
  • 10 Ways You Accidentally Push an Avoidant Wife Further Away (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    If you keep trying harder in your marriage and she keeps pulling away, you’re not crazy — and you’re not failing. You may just be anxious attached, and she may be avoidant attached. That means the way you try to connect may feel like pressure to her, even if your heart is in the right place.This episode breaks down 10 common things anxious husbands do that make avoidant wives shut down emotionally — even when the husband thinks he’s helping, loving, fixing, or reconnecting.This is not blame. This is awareness. When you understand how your nervous system and her nervous system respond to love differently, you stop fighting the wrong battle and start leading with calm strength instead of urgency.🔥 What You’ll Learn-Why pursuing her harder makes her pull back faster-Why your “we need to talk” feels like pressure to her-Why she shuts down when you panic, over-talk, or chase-Why reassurance never feels like enough (for you)-How space feels like safety to her (not rejection)-How to create connection that doesn’t feel like emotional weight🕒 Chapters / Timestamps0:00 Intro – You’re not wrong for loving her, and she’s not wrong for needing space4:32 #1 – Needing to “talk now” when she needs space9:15 #2 – Turning anxiety into urgency14:02 #3 – Constantly checking if she’s okay18:50 #4 – Treating every argument like a relationship crisis23:30 #5 – Trying to “fix closeness” instead of respecting rhythm28:18 #6 – Calling it vulnerability but dumping emotion33:21 #7 – Being “nice” but with a hidden expectation38:05 #8 – Asking for reassurance instead of self-regulating42:50 #9 – Chasing when her silence triggers you47:20 #10 – Building resentment when she doesn’t give back52:40 Closing – She’s not avoiding you, she’s avoiding pressure✅ Key TakeawaysShe’s not pulling away from love — she’s pulling away from pressure.You are trying to feel safe through closeness.She is trying to feel safe through space.You chase to calm your fear.She withdraws to calm hers.No one is the villain — but someone has to break the cycle.💬 If this sounds like you...You don’t need to “be less emotional.”You don’t need to “stop caring.”You need regulation before connection — calm before closeness.That’s what creates safety for both nervous systems.That’s what turns urgency into attraction again.📞 Free 30-Minute ConsultationYou can book a free 30-minute call — just a real conversation about what’s happening in your marriage, what you’re feeling, and whether coaching might help.No pressure. No sales push. Just clarity.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
    --------  
    28:00
  • Anxious Attachment - 10 Truths (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    Do you feel anxious when your wife pulls away or goes quiet? Do you replay conversations and overanalyze every text? You’re not weak—you’re just carrying an anxious attachment style. This episode breaks down 10 clear truths about anxious attachment and how to find calm, strength, and security in love.You’ll hear real stories, simple examples, and direct steps you can use to stop chasing reassurance and start leading with peace and confidence.What You’ll LearnHow anxious attachment forms and shows up in marriageWhy calm love feels unfamiliar when you grew up with chaosHow to stop overthinking and replaying every conversationThe difference between love and emotional bargainingSimple daily habits that help you feel secure and groundedChapters / Timestamps0:00 Intro — What anxious attachment really means3:15 Truth #1: Panic when she pulls away8:10 Truth #2: Replaying conversations for safety12:40 Truth #3: Intensity is not connection17:10 Truth #4: Reading between the lines21:50 Truth #5: Overgiving to keep peace26:20 Truth #6: Boundaries aren’t rejection31:00 Truth #7: Apologizing just to end tension35:40 Truth #8: Craving reassurance and feeling weak40:20 Truth #9: Fear of being alone45:10 Truth #10: Healing starts with awareness51:00 Key tools for calm connection55:20 How to build self-trust and masculine steadiness1:00:00 Closing reflection — Becoming the secure husbandKey TakeawaysYour body confuses distance with danger—pause and breathe before reacting.Calm feels strange at first because chaos used to mean love.Reassurance helps for a moment; self-trust lasts longer.Boundaries protect connection, not threaten it.Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means progress.Simple Actions You Can Start TodayWhen you feel anxious, say out loud: “I’m safe. My alarm system is just loud.”Stop apologizing for your emotions—own them calmly.Notice one place where you overgive, and practice saying no.Journal each night: What triggered me today? How can I comfort myself next time?Breathe slower. Speak slower. Move slower. Calm energy creates safety.Free 30-Minute ConsultationYou can book a free 30-minute call — just a conversation about what’s happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you.No sales pitch. No pressure. Just seeing if it’s a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
    --------  
    25:31

More Education podcasts

About The Secure Husband

A Secure Husband no longer seeks validation from his wife—he stands strong in self-worth, meets his own emotional needs, and leads with confidence and clarity. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to help you break free from old patterns, reclaim your strength, and transform your marriage from the inside out.
Podcast website

Listen to The Secure Husband, 6 Minute English and many other podcasts from around the world with the radio.net app

Get the free radio.net app

  • Stations and podcasts to bookmark
  • Stream via Wi-Fi or Bluetooth
  • Supports Carplay & Android Auto
  • Many other app features
Social
v7.23.11 | © 2007-2025 radio.de GmbH
Generated: 11/12/2025 - 11:00:48 AM