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The Secure Husband

M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC
The Secure Husband
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  • Repetition Compulsion: Why Wounded Partners Choose Each Other (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    This episode explains why anxious and avoidant partners often feel drawn to each other, why the early red flags felt invisible, and how brain chemistry can hide major differences during the infatuation stage. You will learn how repetition compulsion shapes attraction, how your nervous system pulls you toward familiar patterns, and how to break the cycle so you can show up as a secure man in your marriage.If this episode speaks to you, you can also sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. It’s simply a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might support you. No pressure, no sales pitch, just clarity and direction.⏱️ Timestamps0:00 Intro — Why you chose each other2:15 What repetition compulsion really means5:10 Why opposite attachment styles feel magnetic9:05 How brain chemistry hides red flags12:40 The signs that were always there16:10 The deeper truth about why you picked each other20:32 Why infatuation felt like love but was really familiarity24:00 What repetition compulsion pushes you to repeat27:30 How to break the cycle using the Secure Husband steps33:20 Final reflection — You were not blind, you were wounded36:40 How to start healing the pattern todayWhat This Episode Covers✔ Why wounded partners feel drawn togetherYou learn how the nervous system searches for familiar patterns from childhood and why this creates strong attraction between anxious and avoidant partners.✔ How repetition compulsion worksYour body looks for the same emotional climate you grew up in, hoping this time you can “win” the love you did not receive as a kid.✔ Why your wife felt perfect in the beginningYou will understand how brain chemicals amplify the good and mute the hard, making early red flags feel small or invisible.✔ How the anxious–avoidant cycle formsYou chase to feel safe.She withdraws to feel safe.Both reactions come from wounds, not personality flaws.✔ Why the early signs were present from day oneYou will see how her distance, your chasing, and both of your fears showed up early — just hidden under chemistry.✔ The deeper truth of your attractionYou did not choose each other because you were secure.You chose each other because your wounds recognized each other.If You Want Support:You can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation.It’s simply a conversation about what you are facing and whether coaching could help.No pressure. No sales pitch.Just clarity, support, and space to talk through what is going on.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
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  • Oversharing to Prove Your Growth? (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    This episode explains why anxious husbands overshare to feel seen, and why avoidant wives shut down when they feel pressure. I walk you through clear patterns, simple steps, and grounded actions that help you stop chasing approval and start leading yourself with calm strength. You will learn how to grow without performing, share without pressure, and build safety without losing yourself.Chapters / Timestamps0:00 Intro — Why oversharing feels natural for anxious men1:55 The urge to be seen and the question beneath it3:40 Why anxious men share to feel safe5:10 How avoidant wives experience oversharing as pressure8:22 Why oversharing is unconscious self-abandonment10:48 The real wound: reliving childhood abandonment13:30 How a secure husband lives, leads, and grows16:05 The Secure Husband Process applied20:22 What to do this week to break the oversharing cycle23:10 Closing words — grow without proving, love without chasingWhat You Will Learn:Why you feel the need to tell her every step of your growthWhy avoidant partners feel pressure when you share too muchWhy oversharing is a sign of fear, not confidenceHow to ground yourself before you seek closenessHow to become secure without performingHow to create connection through calm action, not anxious updatesClear Points From the Episode:Anxious men overshare because sharing feels like safety.Avoidant wives pull back because emotional pressure feels unsafe.Oversharing asks her to regulate your worth, which overwhelms her.You must learn to hold your progress without handing it to her for approval.Real growth is lived quietly, not reported loudly.Your nervous system must learn self-trust before the marriage can heal.Simple Actions You Can Start Today:Pause before you share. Ask, “Am I sharing to connect or to feel validated?”Let your actions speak for you.Give her space without collapsing inside.Let God, truth, and identity anchor you instead of her approval.Soothe your inner child before you reach outward.Share less. Embody more.Trust that real change doesn’t need an audience.Free 30-Minute Consultation:If you want support with anxious attachment, avoidant dynamics, or the cycle of oversharing and withdrawal, you can book a free 30-minute call.It’s simply a conversation about what’s happening in your marriage and how coaching might help.No sales pitch. No pressure.Just clarity, direction, and support if it feels right.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
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  • 10 Traits of Avoidant Attachment Wives (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    This episode explains why your wife pulls away when you reach for closeness. I break down 10 clear traits of avoidant attachment and show simple ways to respond with calm, respect, and strength. You will learn how to stop chasing, reduce pressure, and build safety without losing yourself.Who This Helps:- Married men who feel invisible or shut out- Anxious or preoccupied husbands paired with avoidant wives- Men who want connection without pressure or panicWhat You’ll Learn:- Why she needs space to feel safe- How your chasing increases her stress- How to pause, breathe, and stay steady- How to offer affection with no hidden agenda- How to lead with peace instead of urgencyChapters / Timestamps:0:00 Intro — “You’re not wrong; you’re wired different”2:06 What avoidant attachment looks like in marriage3:25 Trait 1: She wants connection but panics when it arrives6:05 Trait 2: She links independence with safety8:28 Trait 3: She shuts down during conflict11:02 Trait 4: She keeps intimacy on her terms13:45 Trait 5: She deflects emotion to stay in control16:10 Trait 6: She stays busy to avoid feeling18:40 Trait 7: She pulls away when you seek reassurance21:05 Trait 8: She seems calm but hides anxiety23:22 Trait 9: She withdraws when shame is triggered26:00 Trait 10: She protects herself from love itself28:40 The Secure Husband steps: Awareness, Choose, Inner Child, Spiritual Guidance, Loving Action, Evaluate31:30 What to do this week (simple actions)34:00 Closing — Be the anchor, not the rescuerQuick Actions You Can Use Today:- Pause before you follow. Say, “We can talk later. I’m here.”- Offer touch with no next step. Let affection be free.- Replace “Are we okay?” with “I care about you. I’m steady.”- Join her world without pressure. Walk with her. Sit nearby.- After tense moments, ask yourself: “Did I lead with peace or pressure?”Key Takeaways:- She is not ignoring you; she is managing overwhelm.- Your calm makes space safe. Your chasing makes space feel small.- Affection without strings rebuilds trust.- Lead yourself first. Connection follows safety.Free 30-Minute Consultation:Want help applying this to your marriage? Book a free 30-minute call. It’s a simple conversation about what is happening and how coaching might work for you. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it’s a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
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  • Anxious Attachment & Self-Worth (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    This episode explains why you look confident on the outside but still do not feel “enough” at home. I show how a hidden worth wound drives chasing, fixing, people-pleasing, and fear of conflict. You will learn simple steps to calm your body, keep your truth, and build real safety with your wife without begging for approval.What You’ll Learn:How a hidden worth story runs your marriageWhy distance feels like “I’m not enough”How over-giving and apologizing backfireWhy reassurance never lastsWhat secure self-worth looks like in daily lifeSix clear steps to start healing from the insideChapters / Timestamps:0:00 Opening story: the hidden worth wound2:48 Pattern reveal: “I am not enough unless approved”6:05 1) The invisible worth story behind anxious habits9:22 2) You look confident, but your patterns say otherwise12:40 3) Why her distance triggers “I’m not enough”16:03 4) Performing, proving, and over-functioning19:35 5) Conflict exposes a worth wound, not just attachment23:02 6) Why reassurance never works long-term26:20 7) Being loved vs. feeling lovable29:38 8) Apologizing, pleasing, and over-explaining as protection33:05 9) What secure self-worth looks like in a husband36:22 10) Six steps to reclaim worth from the inside40:10 Closing: worth is returned, not earnedKey Points:You are not broken. You learned to earn love.Distance can feel like a worth loss. Name it and breathe.Peacekeeping is not safety. Honest presence is safety.Reassurance is a bandage. Identity work heals the root.Secure men hold their ground with calm, not force.Try These This Week:Replace “I’m fine” with one clear feeling and one clear need.Pause before you fix. Say, “I’m here. Keep going,” and stay present.Give affection with no strings. Let closeness be free.Before you apologize, ask, “Am I keeping connection or giving up myself?”After hard moments, ask, “Did I keep my worth, or hand it away?”Free 30-Minute Consultation:Want help with this? Book a free 30-minute call. It is a simple chat about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might help. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it is a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
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  • Be Emotionally Safe For Her Without Becoming Smaller For Her (Attachment Styles Podcast Series)
    You do not create safety by shrinking. You create safety by staying rooted. This episode is for anxious or preoccupied men who feel they must keep the peace at all costs. You try to fix her mood. You say you are fine when you are not. You over-apologize and over-give. You disappear to avoid conflict. This does not build trust. It builds pressure. I show you how to be calm, honest, and steady without losing yourself.What You’ll Learn:Why peacekeeping is not safetyHow “making her okay” creates burdenHow to show empathy without self-erasingHow to speak your needs with calm strengthHow to stay present and not go numbHow to validate her and still keep your truthHow to hold space without fixing or chasingHow to stop over-functioning and invite balanceWhat secure leadership looks like in hard momentsChapters / Timestamps:0:00 Intro — Safety comes from being rooted, not small2:45 #1 Peacekeeping vs. love: why “I’m fine” breaks trust6:10 #2 Why “making her okay” kills safety and attraction10:05 #3 Empathy without self-erasure14:02 #4 Keep respect: share needs, feelings, and truth18:00 #5 Safety needs strength, not people-pleasing22:05 #6 Stay calm without going numb26:00 #7 Validate her and yourself at the same time29:40 #8 Hold space without fixing, chasing, or rescuing33:20 #9 Stop over-functioning in the relationship37:10 #10 Secure leadership in emotional moments41:30 Closing — Security comes from you staying youKey Points:Honesty creates safety. Disappearing creates doubt.You regulate your body before you try to connect.Validation works best with your truth included.Affection and care must be free of pressure.Steady presence beats perfect words.Try These Steps This Week:Replace “It’s fine” with one clear feeling and one clear need.Breathe before you speak. Slow your voice. Keep your posture open.Let her have space without chasing. Say, “I’m here. Take your time.”Give affection with no plan to escalate.Stop fixing. Say, “I’m listening. Keep going,” and stay present.Free 30-Minute Consultation:Want help putting this into action? Book a free 30-minute call. It is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. No sales pitch. No pressure. We will see if it is a good fit and how I can help.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowth#attachmenttheory#attachmentstyles#anxiousattachment#preoccupiedattachment#attachment#avoidantattachmentAll content is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical or psychological diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician before starting any treatment or therapy. This includes all content on this site, email, blogs, podcasts, social media, and events. Nothing shared constitutes medical or legal advice. Use of this information is at your own risk.
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About The Secure Husband

A Secure Husband no longer seeks validation from his wife—he stands strong in self-worth, meets his own emotional needs, and leads with confidence and clarity. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to help you break free from old patterns, reclaim your strength, and transform your marriage from the inside out.
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