ENHEARTENED with Xavier Dagba

Join SEEN — a live group experience for those ready to be fully seen, unleash their gifts and no longer betray their truth:
👉 https://www.xavierdagba.com/seen2

Healing the Masculine Wound: Choosing Love Over Control

In this episode of Enheartened, Xavier Dagba is joined by Jeremie Lotemo for a grounded conversation on masculine healing, emotional maturity, and heart-led leadership.

Together, they explore how control, emotional shutdown, and performance often function as survival strategies within masculinity—and how mature leadership requires presence, accountability, and the capacity to remain open rather than armored.

This conversation addresses emotional repression, relational responsibility, integrity, and the inner work required for men to move beyond dominance or passivity and lead from love without collapsing their strength.

EXPLORE XAVIER’S WORK

Book — Scars of Gold
https://www.scarsofgold.com

Newsletter — Embodied Light
https://newsletter.xavierdagba.com

🎧 Listen to the Enheartened Podcast
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363

ABOUT JEREMIE LOTEMO

Instagram: https://instagram.com/jeremielotemo

Jeremie’s work:
• The Woman He Wants (private group)
https://www.skool.com/the-woman-he-wants/about

Life Lessons from 50 Dates That Went Nowhere
https://connect.byermeas.com/life-lessons-ebook

Dear Men Podcast
https://open.spotify.com/show/2v1sdERAJjZg25dewXZrki

⏱️ CHAPTERS

00:00 — Men drifting away from themselves and relationships
02:15 — Avoidance, discomfort, and emotional numbing
05:10 — Growth through exposure and relational risk
08:40 — Jeremie's path into relational and inner work
12:00 — Emotional repression and masculine survival strategies
16:30 — Mental health tools and relational healing
21:10 — Truth-telling, fear, and emotional wounding
27:45 — Safety, expression, and being seen in relationship
33:40 — Masculinity, vulnerability, and emotional responsibility
39:30 — Leading without certainty or control
45:10 — Frustration, guidance, and inner orientation
50:45 — Devotion, integrity, and staying present
56:30 — Partnership, appreciation, and emotional intimacy
1:02:40 — Accountability without self-betrayal
1:09:20 — Control versus grounded leadership
1:15:40 — Witnessing oneself through relationship
1:21:50 — Longing, purpose, and masculine direction
1:28:30 — Inner authority and emotional maturity
1:34:50 — Letting go of performance and expectation
1:41:00 — Integration and closing reflections

#Masculinity #MasculineHealing #EmotionalMaturity #ConsciousMen #RelationalIntegrity #EmbodiedLeadership #ShadowIntegration #LoveOverControl #EnheartenedPodcast

What if some of the ways spirituality is practiced today are actually reinforcing the very suffering they claim to heal?

In this powerful and confronting conversation, Xavier Dagba sits down with Scott Kiloby, founder of the Kiloby Inquiry and a pioneer in trauma-informed nondual work, to explore a hidden pattern affecting countless seekers, teachers, and healers:

Spirituality used as a way to avoid feeling.

Together, they unpack what happens when spiritual concepts are used to bypass pain, suppress emotions, or dissociate from the body, and how this “spiritual illness” quietly keeps people stuck, fragmented, and disconnected from real integration.

This episode is for you if:

You’ve done years of inner work but still feel blocked, numb, or disconnected

You sense that “letting go,” “transcending the ego,” or “staying high-vibe” has cost you access to your humanity

You’re ready for a grounded, embodied, trauma-aware approach to awakening

You want spirituality that includes the nervous system, the body, and emotional truth

This is not a rejection of spirituality. It’s an invitation to make it honest, embodied, and liberating.

ABOUT SCOTT KILOBY

Scott Kiloby is the founder of Kiloby Inquiry, a trauma-informed approach to nonduality that directly addresses emotional repression, compulsions, and nervous system dysregulation.

Website: https://kiloby.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/scottkiloby

EXPLORE XAVIER’S WORK

Book — Scars of Gold
A framework for shadow integration, self-liberation, and embodied truth
https://www.scarsofgold.com

Newsletter — Embodied Light
Weekly reflections, teachings, and invitations
https://newsletter.xavierdagba.com

🎧 Listen to the Enheartened Podcast
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363

⏱️ CHAPTERS

00:00 — Introduction: the hidden cost of spiritual avoidance
02:30 — Scott Kiloby’s background and path into inquiry
06:10 — When spirituality becomes another addiction
10:45 — Spiritual bypassing vs. true liberation
15:05 — Trauma, dissociation, and the nervous system
20:20 — Why “letting go” often doesn’t work
26:30 — Avoiding feelings in the name of awakening
32:10 — The problem with transcendence without embodiment
38:25 — How suppression masquerades as peace
45:40 — Spiritual suppression and emotional numbness
52:15 — Nonduality, inquiry, and meeting what’s here
58:00 — What real integration actually requires
1:05:10 — Bringing awareness into the body
1:12:40 — A more honest path to freedom
1:21:00 — Closing reflections and invitations

#SpiritualBypassing #EmbodiedSpirituality #ShadowIntegration #TraumaInformed #SomaticHealing #NonDuality #EmotionalHealing #SpiritualAwakening #InnerWork #EnheartenedPodcast

JOIN THE RETREAT (this Saturday):

UPROOTING THE RELATIONAL SHADOWS THAT HIJACK YOUR MISSION: THE RETREAT
➡️ Live Saturday, December 13th — Replay Included
https://www.xavierdagba.com/retreat

ABOUT THIS EPISODE — How Your Mother & Father Wounds Hijack Your Purpose

In this episode, I explore one of the deepest truths I’ve seen in my own journey and in the lives of every lightworker, creative, and soul-led entrepreneur I’ve worked with:

Your mission is not being blocked by strategy.
Your purpose is being hijacked by your relational blueprint.

We look at how your mother and father wounds, inner child dynamics, attachment patterns, and the internalized voices of your caregivers shape:

your ability to be visible,

your emotional resilience,

your capacity to lead from the heart,

your relationship with responsibility,

your ability to receive support and abundance,

your confidence in shining your light,

and your willingness to take up space.

We also explore the toxic mix of the inner child + inner critic that quietly sabotages creativity, leadership, and self-expression, especially for lightworkers and mission-led leaders.

And because holiday season relational patterns are activating right now, this episode is also a guide to stay sovereign rather than spiraling into old dynamics.

If you’ve ever wondered why you can KNOW your purpose but still feel unable to live it, this episode will give you the map.

ORDER MY BOOK — Scars of Gold

Until Saturday, December 13th, the eBook is only $2.99 on most online retailers:
Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and more.

Claim your bonuses here when you register your order:
https://www.scarsofgold.com

LISTEN TO THE ENHEARTENED PODCAST

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363

If this resonates, subscribe, leave a review & share the episode with someone who needs this.

CHAPTERS

00:00 – Why you’re not stuck: the hidden relational imprint
01:20 – Strategy isn’t the issue — inner fragmentation is
03:00 – The holiday activation window & why this work matters now
04:10 – You learned to abandon your light in relationships
06:00 – The core fears behind self-expression
07:15 – Childhood fragmentation & staying attached
09:05 – Mapping the inner archetypes (Mother, Father, Child, Critic)
11:30 – When the inner critic becomes spiritualized
13:05 – Inner mother distortions: overgiving, collapsing boundaries
15:00 – Inner father distortions: visibility, authority & decisiveness
17:00 – When the inner child runs your mission
19:00 – Becoming the leader your light deserves
20:30 – Personal story: relational patterns surfacing during your book launch
22:00 – Recognizing ancestral patterns & internalized narratives
25:00 – Purpose as a trauma bond: the anxious attachment to your mission
27:15 – Why the holidays amplify relational wounds
29:00 – Personal story: leaving your PhD & early father imprints
33:00 – Breaking the inherited template in 2018
36:00 – 2026: The year of sovereign leadership
38:10 – What the retreat will help you reclaim
39:05 – Closing invitation & gratitude

#shadowwork #innerchildhealing #motherwound #fatherwound #relationalhealing #purposework #selfliberation #nervoussystemregulation #lightworkers #spiritualentrepreneur #somatichealing #archetypes #attachmenthealing #innerauthority #healingjourney #EnheartenedPodcast #XavierDagba #ScarsOfGold #relationalalchemy #leadershiphealing

Join the workshop - The Alchemy of Self-Abandonment
Transcend the protective patterns that keep your voice, truth, and brilliance in the shadows.
Live on Wednesday Nov 5th — Replay included
https://www.xavierdagba.com/returntosoul

About this episode.

These times are putting us through a sacred friction. We are living in a collective pressure-cooker. An era where authenticity can feel risky and self-abandonment can feel like safety.

In this episode, we explore how the world is inviting you to either collapse into old patterns of shrinking, silence, and self-betrayal…

Or ignite a profound return to your Self. To your truth. To your light. To the part of you that refuses to betray your soul again.

We’ll talk about the subtle ways self-abandonment still sneaks in—especially for conscious people—and why this moment in history is calling something powerful forward in you.

📖 Order my book, Scars of Gold
A guide for shadow integration, self-liberation, and reclaiming your light.
https://www.scarsofgold.com

🎧 Listen to EnHeartened Podcast
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC

If this resonates, subscribe, leave a review & share the episode with someone who needs this.

⏱️ Chapters

0:00 Welcome & Introduction
0:24 Why I've been offline — choosing presence
2:42 The vulnerability of publishing a book
4:30 Getting married & pausing promotion
6:20 Presence over performance
8:02 When your mission becomes self-abandonment
9:20 Divine timing: Book launch & family reunion
13:30 Full-circle moment with my parents
15:10 Collective turmoil & self-abandonment
16:30 Hyper-polarization & identity pressure
18:50 Information overload & losing discernment
20:35 Fear-based narratives & shrinking
22:15 Performative empathy & silencing truth
24:36 Outsourcing authority & losing inner power
26:30 Soul abandonment — the most painful kind
28:18 Cynicism as a trauma response
31:10 Reclaiming your power in friction
33:02 New definition of safety: Light is safe
34:45 The Archetypal Fears (Humiliation / Alienation / Loss / Persecution / Death)
37:38 Quiet rebellion — living your truth without performing
39:30 The collective is training us for sovereignty
41:50 A world asking you to armor up — and choosing to stay open-hearted
45:00 Your soul is not meant to remain in the shadows
47:10 Workshop Invitation & Closing

#selfabandonment #shadowintegration #selfliberation #sovereignty #innerwork #healingjourney #consciousleadership #spiritualawakening #soulwork #embodiment #innerauthority #authenticity #lightwork #traumainformedhealing #personaldevelopment #enheartened #scarsofgold #xavierdagba

My new book Scars of Gold (Hay House, Sept 23, 2025) is available for preorder.

Claim exclusive bonuses when you preorder and register your copy here: www.scarsofgold.com

About this episode of ENHEARTENED

What if every symptom your body creates is not a mistake, but an intelligent adaptation? In this powerful episode of ENHEARTENED, Xavier Dagba sits down with Dr. Melissa Sell to explore the revolutionary framework of German New Medicine (GNM) and the 5 Biological Laws.

You’ll discover:

* How the body’s symptoms reveal unresolved conflicts

* Why healing begins with awareness, not fear

* The most common biological conflicts affecting modern health

* Practical tools to reclaim freedom, peace, and trust in your body

* How to decode your body’s wisdom and step into vibrant health

This is not medical advice but an invitation to expand your perspective and reclaim agency in your healing journey.

Connect with Dr. Melissa Sell

Website: drmelissasell.com

Instagram: @drmelissasell

Connect with Xavier Dagba

Website: www.xavierdagba.com

Substack: newsletter.xavierdagba.com

Podcast — ENHEARTENED with Xavier Dagba

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363

The Embodied Light Project (Membership) - ENROLLMENT OPEN

https://www.xavierdagba.com/elp-unleashed

📖 Scars of Gold (Book)

Amazon (Canada): https://www.amazon.ca/Scars-Gold-Framework-Self-Liberation-Integration/dp/1401995675/

Amazon (US) https://www.amazon.com/Scars-Gold-Framework-Self-Liberation-Integration/dp/1401995675

Audible: https://www.audible.ca/pd/B0DMTRSC88

⏳ Chapters

00:00 – Opening: Cancer as adaptation?

04:34 – The story of Dr. Hamer and German New Medicine

08:45 – Rethinking cancer: mistake or logic?

13:00 – What triggers biological adaptation

17:08 – Conflict shocks and resourcefulness

21:11 – Symptoms as mirrors of freedom

25:28 – Why the body never makes mistakes

29:52 – Every symptom tells a story

34:00 – Early separation conflicts & childhood links

38:10 – Trusting the body’s intelligence

42:26 – Responsibility vs. victimhood

47:06 – Learning to trust your body again

52:11 – Resolution: practical and perceptual shifts

56:08 – Emotional maturity and healing capacity

1:00:21 – Facing mirrors in relationships

1:05:07 – Curiosity: decoding symptoms

1:09:26 – The 5 Biological Laws explained

1:13:57 – Microbes as the body’s repair crew

1:18:52 – Nature’s logic and benevolence

1:23:38 – Common biological conflicts

1:27:30 – Becoming your own detective

1:31:40 – An integrated model of health

1:36:09 – Escaping the fragility paradigm

1:40:47 – Scars of Gold and truth in healing

1:45:07 – Closing reflections & final wisdom

#GermanNewMedicine #DrMelissaSell #XavierDagba #EnheartenedPodcast #BodyWisdom #SelfHealing #ScarsOfGold #HolisticHealth #ShadowIntegration #EmotionalHealing #MindBodyConnection