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Insights from the Couch - Real Talk for Women at Midlife

Colette Fehr, Laura Bowman
Insights from the Couch - Real Talk for Women at Midlife
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  • Ep.72: The Power of Being Difficult: How to Reclaim Your Boundaries and Your Voice with Tonya Lester
    We are beyond excited to welcome the brilliant Tonya Lester to the couch this week! As a psychotherapist, writer, and author of the new book Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself, Tonya joins us for a raw and resonant conversation about how women lose their voices in relationships, how to reclaim them, and why it’s never too late to start showing up fully for yourself.We dig into some of the most pressing issues we see with women in midlife—emotional labor, resentment, perfectionism, and the dreaded “burned out pursuer” dynamic. Tonya shares powerful truths about why many marriages break down long before anyone leaves, what holds women back from setting boundaries, and how we can all take emotional risks to wake up to the lives we want. This is an honest, compassionate, and deeply validating episode that will leave you feeling seen, fired up, and ready to push back in all the right ways.  Episode Highlights: [0:26] – Welcoming Tonya Lester and her powerful new book [2:04] – From acting to therapy: Tonya’s journey into couples work [4:28] – The repeated story of women hitting their breaking point [7:47] – What pushback really looks like in relationships [10:04] – Burned out pursuers: when women have nothing left to give [13:50] – Why powerful women lose their voice in marriage [15:34] – The “bad deal” many women are stuck in [16:03] – Are women outgrowing men? [17:24] – The invisible labor of “man keeping” [18:49] – How women are penalized for assertiveness at work [22:55] – Perfectionism: it’s not about excellence, it’s about anxiety [27:29] – Visibility, risk-taking, and the fear of not being good enough [30:23] – Reclaiming your life force after years of disconnection [31:58] – Weather vane emotions: resentment, jealousy, anger [35:52] – The long, slow process of waking up to your needs [38:36] – What if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for? [40:58] – Modeling empowered living for the next generation [42:05] – Tonya’s biggest hope for readers of Push Back Links and Resources: Tonya Lester’s website: https://www.tonyalester.com/ Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself — Available on Amazon, Bookshop, and Barnes & NoblePsychology Today Blog: Staying Sane Inside InsanityFollow Tonya on Instagram: @tonyalesterpsychotherapy If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]
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  • Ep.71: Reclaiming Identity After Divorce with Heather Sweeney
    In this deeply moving episode, we sit down with the brilliant author and military spouse-turned-memoirist, Heather Sweeney. Her new book Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage takes us inside the complex emotional terrain of identity loss, divorce, resilience, and ultimately, self-discovery. Heather's story is not just one of heartbreak, but of reclaiming voice, power, and purpose—especially for women navigating life after a long-term partnership.We talk about everything from the layered reality of military marriage to the quiet courage it takes to start over. Heather shares what it's like to lose yourself inside someone else’s story—and how she found her way back. If you’re feeling stuck, alone, or like your identity has been swallowed by your roles, this episode is your permission slip to rediscover who you are. Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Introducing Heather Sweeney: Writer, military spouse, and memoirist [1:35] – From blogging to bylines: Heather’s journey to becoming a published author [3:42] – Riding the roller coaster of military life and finding connection online [5:38] – Heather’s national writing credits and how she landed in The New York Times [8:38] – The invisible load of military marriage and emotional isolation [10:41] – Losing identity in someone else’s career—and the silent toll it takes [15:00] – Why divorce was always “in the air” and how it evolved over years [19:43] – The emotional aftermath of a partner’s divorce request [23:25] – Financial freedom as the catalyst for leaving [26:03] – Navigating in-house separation and the complicated new normal [28:20] – Military custody realities: long-distance parenting and letting go [31:31] – The bridge from loss to liberation: reclaiming your voice [33:56] – Building a new relationship from a place of strength and clarity [36:52] – Advice for women at the edge of leaving: where to begin [39:34] – Heather’s reflections on rediscovering herself through writing and therapy [40:13] – Where to find Heather’s book and follow her journeyLinks and Resources:·         Order Camouflage: http://posthill.to/B0F316HJTD ·         Website: https://www.heatherlsweeney.com/ ·         Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writersweeney ·         Substack: https://heathersweeney.substack.com/ If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]
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  • Ep.70: The New Rules of Parenting and Grandparenting Toddlers with Devon Kuntzman
    Ever feel like your toddler is trying to break you? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re joined by the incredible Devon Kuntzman—toddler parenting expert and author of the brand new book Transforming Toddlerhood: How to Handle Tantrums and Power Struggles and Raise Resilient Kids Without Losing Your Mind. We dive into the real talk about toddler behavior, emotional regulation, and how we as parents can stay sane and connected in the chaos.Whether you’re in the thick of toddlerhood yourself, preparing for grandparenting, or just love understanding the "why" behind those tiny tornadoes, this conversation is packed with empathy, science-backed strategies, and hope. Devon gives us a totally refreshing reframe on discipline, tantrums, and screen time—and we also explore how much has changed (and how much hasn’t) in parenting over the decades. Episode Highlights:[0:00] Meet Devon and her just-launched book on toddlerhood [3:06] Redefining what “toddler” really means [4:33] What’s changed in the way we understand toddler behavior [7:48] Why toddler meltdowns aren’t bad behavior—they’re communication [9:47] Parenting styles: from controlling commander to confident guide [12:49] Real-world scenario: what to do when your toddler hits you [15:24] Teaching kids to cope with emotions instead of just punishing behavior [17:19] The importance of reparenting yourself while raising your child [18:24] How to avoid permissiveness while still setting healthy limits [21:08] It’s okay to be overwhelmed—and why repair is more powerful than perfection [25:00] Devon’s 4-step process for repairing relationships after a parenting slip [27:27] Generational gaps: parenting now vs. then [29:53] Navigating boundaries with your child and your parents [32:04] Real talk: toddlers and restaurants are not always a match [33:53] What’s the deal with screens? Devon breaks down screen time and brain health [35:32] Parenting isn’t passive—it’s the hardest job you’ll ever love [37:56] Self-compassion, strong-willed toddlers, and hilarious parenting fails [39:44] Final takeaways: discipline that connects, teaches, and sets limits Links and Resources: 🍼 Transforming Toddlerhood by Devon Kuntzman: https://www.transformingtoddlerhood.com/book/📲 Follow Devon on Instagram: @transformingtoddlerhood If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more! 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]
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  • Ep.69: Mothers Gone Wrong: The Psychology of Unknown Number and the Most Notorious True Crime Cases
    In this intense and emotionally charged episode, we dive deep into some of the most chilling and perplexing true crime cases involving mothers who committed unimaginable acts against their own children. From psychological abuse to cold-blooded murder, we’re peeling back the layers on what happens when motherhood takes a dark, dangerous turn.We explore the twisted motivations and complex psychopathology behind cases like Unknown Number, Casey Anthony, Lindsay Clancy, Ruby Franke, and her notorious partner Jodi Hildebrandt. We’re not just recapping the crimes—you’ll hear our raw reactions as therapists and mothers, and we’ll take you into the murky territory of trauma, sociopathy, narcissism, and the haunting dynamics of parent-child bonds gone horribly wrong. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Kicking off with our Midlife Masterclass and a true crime deep dive[1:24] - “Mothers Gone Wrong” intro and a therapist’s disbelief at these cases[3:00] - Breaking down the “Unknown Number” Netflix documentary[5:54] - The big reveal: a mother as the digital abuser of her own daughter[10:22] - Exploring Munchausen by proxy, sociopathy, and attention-seeking behavior[13:32] - Control, puppet-mastery, and compulsive lying[19:31] - Is pathological lying an addiction?[22:41] - Shifting to Ruby Franke and the cult-like influence of Jodi Hildebrandt[26:14] - Exploitation, rigidity, and mental manipulation in parenting[30:16] - The horrifying rescue of Ruby Franke’s emaciated son[32:47] - Discussing Lindsay Clancy and the reality of postpartum psychosis[36:52] - The tragic consequences of untreated mental health struggles[38:45] - Revisiting Casey Anthony from a therapist’s lens[42:12] - Sociopathy hiding behind maternal faces[45:01] - Wrapping up with empathy for victims and a plea for prevention[46:50] - Community callout and how to stay connected If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]
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  • Ep.68: Disappointing Affirmations: The Sarcastic Self-Help You Didn't Know You Needed with Dave Tarnowski
     We’re thrilled to bring you this heartfelt and hilarious conversation with Dave Tarnowski—author, creative force behind the Instagram phenomenon Disappointing Affirmations, and the man redefining self-help with a dose of sharp wit and raw honesty. With over 2.5 million followers, Dave’s take on mental health, neurodivergence, grief, and healing resonates deeply—and this episode is no exception.Together, we explore Dave’s late-in-life diagnoses of bipolar disorder and ADHD, his journey through therapy, sobriety, and grief, and how humor became his lifeline. We dive into the making of his newest book, Sorry in Advance for Making Things Weird, and talk about what it means to “do the work”—even when it sucks. If you’ve ever felt like you’re falling apart while still managing to laugh, this episode will make you feel seen, heard, and a little more okay with not being okay. Episode Highlights:[1:19] – Dave shares the origin story of Disappointing Affirmations and how his mental health journey shaped his work. [3:04] – Getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD later in life. [5:03] – The neurodivergent mind: creativity, sensitivity, and deep knowing. [7:43] – Using humor to bring healing to heavy emotions. [9:52] – Why negative thoughts deserve affirmation too. [13:04] – Medication trials, missteps, and finally finding a fit. [15:31] – From unfinished novels to viral memes: how the Instagram page was born. [21:26] – The power of dark humor, cynicism, and embracing absurdity. [23:00] – Creating a safe space for all—why Dave stays out of divisive commentary. [26:17] – Generational therapy gaps and shifting the mental health narrative. [29:19] – What it means to actually do the work in therapy. [33:38] – Sibling trauma, family hierarchy, and navigating long-standing dynamics. [38:35] – Grief, loss, and finally facing what we try to avoid. [42:22] – What's inside the new book—and why it goes deeper than the first. [46:13] – Where to find Dave’s books, cards, and more. [48:13] – The importance of men accessing therapy and emotional healing. Links and Resources: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/disappointingaffirmations Dave Tarnowski’s book Disappointing Affirmations Dave Tarnowski’s book Sorry in advance for making things weird If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]
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About Insights from the Couch - Real Talk for Women at Midlife

Insights from the Couch is your go-to podcast for smart, self-aware women in midlife navigating perimenopause, burnout, marriage shifts, identity changes, and the emotional chaos of “What now?” Hosted by best friends and seasoned therapists Colette Fehr and Laura Bowman, this is where therapy meets real life — bold conversations, hard truths, and powerful tools to help you get unstuck and come alive.Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling with empty nest, battling people-pleasing or perfectionism, or just feeling flat and disconnected from yourself — this show is for you.Colette and Laura bring decades of clinical experience (and lived midlife wisdom) to every episode. Expect real talk on the things no one prepares you for: midlife reinvention, perimenopause and hormone shifts, marriage and divorce, boundaries, friendships, confidence, identity loss, and what it actually takes to build a life you want at this stage — not just one you tolerate.This is where smart women get unstuck and come alive.🎧 New episodes every week🌟 Join the Midlife Masterclass: insightsfromthecouch.org/group-coaching-program🩷 Grab your free guide: The Midlife Roadmap — 7 Skills to Get Unstuck and Come Alive👉 Follow us on Instagram: @insightsfromthecouch
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