The Powerful Man Show

Episode #1208
How much of what you're chasing is something you actually need, and how much is simply something you want?
For successful men, that distinction can become surprisingly difficult to see. You can spend years building the business, providing for your family, solving everyone else's problems, and achieving more, while still feeling disconnected or unfulfilled.
In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews sits down with Stephen Fleming to explore the difference between needs and wants and why understanding that difference can change the way you approach success, marriage, relationships, and your own well-being.
Tim defines a need as something that meaningfully contributes to your life and is necessary for your well-being. A want is something you may strongly desire but can ultimately live without.
The conversation explores needs like connection, growth, competence, contribution, adventure, being heard and understood, and autonomy. Tim and Stephen also discuss how even legitimate needs can have healthy and unhealthy expressions.
The goal isn't to eliminate ambition or stop wanting more. It's to understand what actually matters so you can organize your life around the things that contribute to a meaningful and fulfilling life.
Episode Chapters
00:00 How familiar are you with needs versus wants?
00:38 Why understanding needs and wants matters
01:36 How to define a need versus a want
02:16 Why successful men lose sight of what they need
03:04 Looking successful while struggling internally
04:00 Organizing your life around what matters most
05:10 Why some needs can't be met alone
06:19 Why human connection is a real need
06:45 What happens when your needs aren't being met
09:25 Scales Free Training
10:28 When boundaries around your needs go too far
11:00 Rebuilding connection instead of demanding it
12:14 Needs that come from within and through relationships
12:46 Significance and the need to matter
13:50 When achievement becomes a way to prove yourself
14:26 Competence, mastery, connection, and community
15:04 How do you define success?
16:11 Financial security versus waking up happy
17:30 Why money doesn't meet every need
18:40 Comfort, control, and staying inside your comfort zone
20:18 Healthy versus unhealthy expressions of your needs
21:13 Respect and external validation
22:36 Achievement, growth, and contribution
24:14 Why asking for help isn't weakness
25:04 Identifying your personal needs and wants
26:47 Using the 24-hour filter to clarify what matters
28:38 Why a shorter list of needs creates clarity
31:17 Connection, intimacy, and belonging
32:29 The need to be heard and understood
33:19 Autonomy versus control
35:39 Common wants that can masquerade as needs
37:49 Living from internal instead of external validation
40:18 Stephen's three biggest takeaways
41:25 Building your life around what actually matters
42:28 The 24-hour test for needs versus wants
If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, the Scales Free Training can help you identify what may be missing and understand the methodology for beginning to rebuild it:
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KWXw4mDWPjA
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing greater self-awareness, relationship skills, self-leadership, and clarity around what matters most.

Episode #1206
What happens when every disagreement with your wife turns into defending yourself, explaining your intentions, or reacting emotionally? And what do you do when she shuts down after an argument or tells you she needs space?
In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to three listener questions about emotional safety, conflict, stonewalling, and what a husband can do when his wife seems to be pulling away.
Doug starts by breaking down DEER mode: Defend, Explain, Excuse, React. When a man automatically falls into this pattern, a disagreement can quickly escalate. Instead, Doug discusses becoming more grounded, recognizing what TPM calls safety tests, and learning to respond without allowing every complaint to control your emotional state.
They also discuss what happens after a fight when your wife shuts down and refuses to talk. Rather than chasing her or leaving the conflict unresolved indefinitely, Doug explains how to take responsibility for your side, communicate what you actually want for the relationship, and close the loop by agreeing on when you'll reconnect.
Finally, they tackle one of the most concerning things a husband can hear: "I need space to find myself."
Doug explains why giving her space and fighting for the marriage don't necessarily have to be opposites. The key is understanding what "space" actually means while also taking action on yourself.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Why emotional safety changes how your wife responds
00:42 Listener Q&A on marriage and relationships
00:58 How to stop falling into DEER mode during arguments
01:28 DEER versus WOLF
02:00 Emotional safety and relationship safety tests
04:31 How your response can change the relationship
06:20 Why safety tests don't simply disappear
07:00 Staying grounded instead of reacting
08:30 Why certain comments trigger you
10:22 Why healthy relationships still have conflict
10:43 Cleaning up your mistakes quickly
11:30 What to do when your wife stonewalls after a fight
12:07 Taking ownership without becoming needy
12:49 Helping your wife feel like you're on the same team
15:00 How to close the loop after an argument
16:44 Free Book
17:36 What does "I need space" really mean?
17:55 Give her space or fight for the marriage?
19:00 Defining what space actually looks like
21:10 When your wife's request for space becomes a call to action
21:43 "I love you, but I'm not in love with this version of you"
22:30 Why men delay taking action
24:12 How fear keeps men stuck
25:41 Admitting when you're scared
27:49 Why you deserve more than an average marriage
29:29 Taking action and submitting questions to TPM
If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug's A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It gives you an action-focused place to start:
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xQ7ETaNe3Lw
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, self-leadership, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to create stronger marriages and families.
emotional safety in marriage, wife needs space, wife stonewalling husband, DEER mode, marriage conflict, how to stop being defensive with your wife, relationship safety tests, wife says she needs space, rebuilding connection with your wife, marriage advice for men

Episode #1205
What would you do differently if you knew today was your last day alive?
Would you spend more time working, scrolling your phone, or worrying about what other people think? Or would you put the distractions aside, spend time with the people you love, say what needs to be said, and become fully present?
In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews sits down with Stephen to explore how creating an intentional sense of urgency can change the way you approach your marriage, family, business, and life.
They discuss why people often wait for urgency to be imposed on them. Divorce papers arrive. A health problem appears. A business reaches a crisis point. Suddenly, the things that have been avoided for months or years need attention immediately.
But what if you didn't wait for the crisis?
Tim and Stephen explore the idea of asking, "What if I only had 24 hours?" as a way to cut through procrastination, distraction, fear, and the stories that prevent you from taking meaningful action.
For a man struggling in his marriage, that could mean asking a more specific question: What if I had 24 hours to save my marriage?
The point isn't to frantically do everything. It's to identify what actually matters and show up with greater presence, honesty, gratitude, appreciation, love, and action.
Episode Chapters
00:00 What would you do if today was your last day?
00:39 Living with greater urgency and intention
01:15 What actually matters on your final day?
02:09 Presence, family, and putting away distractions
03:06 Why connection becomes more important when time is limited
04:11 Creating urgency around what matters
04:30 Scales Free Training
05:33 Stop assuming there will always be another day
06:03 Looking for connection in the wrong places
06:35 How urgency brings your priorities into focus
07:17 Vulnerability when you have nothing to lose
08:05 Letting go of the stories holding you back
09:10 How having more time can create complacency
10:27 Stop sweating the small stuff
11:06 What meaningful family connection actually looks like
12:21 Bringing the last-24-hours mindset into everyday life
13:13 Choosing connection over rigid routines
14:48 Don't wait for divorce papers to create urgency
15:26 Imposing urgency on yourself before a crisis does
17:23 Performing when your back is against the wall
18:38 Using urgency to take massive action
19:38 Stop searching for connection through distractions
21:16 Compressing time through action
24:04 Using urgency to overcome procrastination
25:30 Challenging the stories that keep you stuck
26:41 What if you had 24 hours to save your marriage?
27:19 Leave it all on the field
28:27 Making the most of the life you have now
If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, the Scales Free Training can help you identify what's missing and understand practical steps for rebuilding it.
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/17TkeuSvsj8
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the self-leadership, relationship skills, and brotherhood needed to build stronger marriages and more meaningful lives.

Episode #1204
Successful businessmen are used to making decisions, solving problems, and staying in control. But what happens when that same approach enters family court?
In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt sits down with family law attorney April Jones to discuss why CEOs, founders, and high-performing men can struggle when divorce moves from the boardroom into the courtroom.
April brings more than 35 years of legal experience to the conversation. She is the founder and CEO of Jones Law Firm, which she built in 2000, and her firm has handled thousands of complex family law and divorce cases. She is a multi-year Super Lawyers honoree, was named an Outstanding Woman in Business by the Denver Business Journal, and serves in leadership roles connected to judicial selection in Colorado.
Doug and April discuss why the financial settlement is only one part of divorce. There is also the emotional impact, disruption to business performance, parenting time, and the reality that another person may eventually become part of your children's lives.
April explains why getting legal information early doesn't necessarily mean you've decided to divorce. Understanding what divorce could actually look like may help someone make better decisions while reconciliation is still possible.
They also address one of the biggest mistakes business owners can make: trying to hide or move assets. April explains how this can increase litigation costs, damage trust, and create additional problems in court.
The conversation ultimately returns to something men can control even before divorce becomes inevitable: changing how they show up in their marriage.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Why successful businessmen can struggle in family court
00:37 From the boardroom to the courtroom
01:00 April Jones' family law experience and credentials
03:21 Why CEOs can struggle with losing control
05:38 When charm and persuasion stop working
08:16 The hidden costs of divorce
09:13 Parenting, business, and the emotional cost of separation
11:06 How men sedate themselves during divorce
12:20 When should you speak with a family lawyer?
14:30 Why hiding assets can backfire
15:13 Free Book
16:06 The financial and emotional cost of moving money
17:01 Why successful men need expert guidance
19:00 Infidelity, intimacy, and warning signs in marriage
21:08 Resentment and sexless marriages
22:33 What happens during a family law intake
24:01 Privacy and revealing difficult information
24:38 Why your attorney needs to know the skeletons
26:51 Preparing strategically for difficult issues
27:37 Divorce, workaholism, and losing connection with your children
31:19 Gray divorce later in life
32:21 How changing your behavior changes the relationship
34:01 Self-leadership when your marriage is on the edge
If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan.
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DrbubtX3yTI
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, self-leadership, and relationship tools designed to build stronger marriages and families.

Episode #1203
What do you do when you've tried marriage counseling but feel like you keep revisiting the same problems? What if your wife seems more interested in her phone than connecting with you? And how do you handle sexual rejection without becoming needy, resentful, or afraid to initiate again?
In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to a practical Q&A covering three situations men commonly face when their marriage feels disconnected.
The first question comes from a man who has already tried marriage counseling and wants to know how TPM's approach differs. Doug shares his own experience with counseling and explains why the TPM approach focuses on acknowledging what happened, cleaning it up, and then moving forward through action.
The conversation then turns to a husband whose wife is constantly on her phone and hides the screen when he enters the room. Doug's advice is not to compete with the phone directly. Instead, become more engaged, curious, decisive, and interesting in the relationship. His simple reminder is: be more interesting than Instagram.
Finally, Doug and Chris address sexual rejection. Doug discusses trust, emotional safety, polarity, keeping your word, and why repeatedly trying to keep the peace can sometimes create the opposite of the connection a man wants.
Throughout the episode, the focus stays on what a man can actually control: his actions, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and how he shows up in the relationship.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Stop driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror
00:41 Marriage coaching versus marriage counseling
01:32 Doug's experience with marriage counseling
03:00 Why constantly revisiting the past can create disconnection
04:00 The Clean Slate Method and Marriage 2.0
05:00 Creating change through action
06:00 Emotional safety and helping your wife feel seen, heard, and desired
07:00 Rebuilding confidence and masculine energy
09:15 Understanding the "why" versus creating change
09:25 Scales Free Training
10:26 Why understanding the past may not be enough
11:17 What to do when your wife is always on her phone
11:50 Be more interesting than Instagram
13:15 Your wife has changed, and so have you
14:00 Why dinner alone isn't necessarily a date
16:25 How to handle sexual rejection from your wife
16:59 Trust, emotional safety, and polarity
18:00 How broken promises affect attraction
19:00 Nice guy behavior and keeping the peace
21:24 Taking action on what you've learned
If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, Doug's Scales Free Training walks through how you got here and gives you a methodology for beginning to rebuild it.
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UuIbkgzy7h4
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to help men create stronger marriages and families.