40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

Negotiating love feels responsible until you realize it is costing you your self-respect.


For many gay men over 40, relationships quietly turn into endurance tests disguised as commitment. You tolerate distance. You excuse confusion. You call chemistry connection and safety love.

In this eve before Valnetines Day episode, Rick Clemons exposes the heated rivalry (with cheeky, but wise observations from the HBO Max series by the same name) playing out beneath your dating patterns. The fight between choosing comfort or choosing truth. This conversation cuts through avoidance, people-pleasing, and half-choices that keep men stuck repeating the same emotional loop.

You will walk away clearer about where you are negotiating, why honesty feels risky, and what changes when you stop disappearing in the name of love.

It’s about seeing your own bullshit clearly enough to stop flirting with half-choices.

This is the Perfect Detour moment where you stop negotiating and start living like you mean it.

Key takeaways:
Endurance is not devotion.If love requires you to disappear, you’re not committed — you’re negotiating.
Chemistry opens the door. Capacity determines whether love stays.Most men keep choosing heat over honesty.
Truth builds intimacy faster than approval ever will.Being lovable keeps you safe. Being honest makes you alive.


About Rick






Rick Clemons is a kick-ass coach, captivating speaker, and tell-it-like-it-is podcast host bringing a no-nonsense approach for gay men over 40 to see their own bullshit, stop flirting with decisions, hook up with life, and never go back.

If you’re still explaining your life, you’re not ready for Rick.

His line in the sand is simple: stop negotiating, or stop pretending you want more.

Stop Negotiating Your Gay Life After 40.
Live like you mean it — no fears, no excuses, no apologies.
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Many gay men over 40 quietly panic when sex stops working the way it used to. Erections feel unpredictable. Anxiety creeps in. Porn, media, and aging myths make it worse.

Men’s coach Shay Doran brings a grounded, no nonsense perspective to performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, stress, medication side effects, and the emotional pressure gay men carry into the bedroom. This conversation reframes sexual performance as a whole life issue, not a broken body problem. When stress, self worth, and identity are addressed, desire and connection often follow. The episode challenges shame based thinking and replaces it with curiosity, honesty, and a better understanding of sex after 40.

Key Takeaways from the Podcast:
Why performance anxiety is often a stress response, not a sexual failure
How porn and cultural expectations distort confidence for gay men over 40
What actually helps rebuild intimacy, trust, and desire without shame


About Shay

Shay Doran is a men’s coach, specializing in helping men fix erection problems & performance anxiety. After experiencing this himself, Shay has now helped men around the world overcome erection problems & feel normal again.
Connect With Shay

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In this powerful midlife conversation, Ralph Brewer, author of Rebuild: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man,  unpacks the universal relationship challenges men face, gay or straight.

From anxious attachment and dead bedrooms to boundaries, neurodivergence, and long-term monogamy, this episode reveals how male relationship patterns cross orientation lines. Ralph shares his journey from heterosexual marriage and divorce to becoming a leading voice in men’s relationship coaching, while Rick connects these insights directly to gay men navigating midlife transitions. This episode is a must-listen for men ready to rebuild relationships with clarity, self-awareness, and support.

Key take aways from this episode
Attachment styles, especially anxious attachment, and how it impacts gay and straight men in nearly identical ways.
Boundaries aren’t about control; they’re about self-respect and emotional safety.
Community and honest self-reflection are essential tools for rebuilding relationships after loss, divorce, or identity shifts.


About Ralph

Ralph Brewer is the author of REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, The Dead Bedroom Fix, Divorce Panic, Red Flags, and Real Talk: No Bullsh*t Life Advice for Young Men. His work has been read and listened to by hundreds of thousands of men around the world. Through his writing, podcast, and global men’s community, Ralph has become one of the most trusted voices helping men navigate the modern landscape of relationships, masculinity, and personal transformation.

Ralph’s journey started the hard way. After going through a painful divorce and personal collapse more than a decade ago, he found himself questioning everything — his role as a man, a father, and a partner. What began as his own process of rebuilding evolved into an international movement. Today, his message reaches hundreds of thousands of men each week through his books, videos, and the growing Help For Men organization.
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In this bold and eye-opening episode, I sit down with male boudoir photographer Trey Fox to explore how intimate portraiture helps men reclaim confidence, reconnect with their bodies, and see themselves through a more empowered lens.

Trey shares the artistry and psychology behind photographing men—from building trust and consent to creating a safe, shame-free environment for vulnerability and expression. During this episode we explore the misconceptions surrounding erotic photography, the emotional transformations clients experience, and the challenges of navigating this profession while in a relationship. Whether you’re curious about male boudoir, body positivity, or redefining masculinity, this episode offers a candid and inspiring look inside Trey's world.

Key take aways from this episode
Explore how photography can be healing. Trey’s male boudoir sessions help men confront insecurities, reclaim self-worth, and see themselves with fresh eyes.
Learn why trust is everything. Building safety, clarity, and consent is essential for intimate portraiture, and it transforms the entire experience.
Discover why masculinity is evolving, and how more men are seeking spaces to express vulnerability, sensuality, and authenticity without judgment.


About Trey

Trey Fox is a full-time professional photographer specializing in intimate, transformative portraits for men. Over the past two decades, his distinctive approach has helped clients embrace their sensuality and sexuality, seeing themselves not just through their own eyes, but as others truly see them.

The experience goes far beyond creating beautiful photographs. Many clients walk away with a renewed sense of confidence and a deeper connection to themselves - one that lingers long after the camera is put away.

Because of his deep respect for discretion and privacy, Trey has been entrusted by a wide range of men- from corporate executives and public figures to everyday guys - to create striking, one-of-a-kind portraits in extraordinary locations across the country and abroad.
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In this episode, author Peter Leahy shares his powerful late-life coming out story towards true authenticity. In this episode we explore what it means to shed old personas, embrace your identity at any age, and rewrite the stories you once hid behind.

From navigating professional masks to discovering emotional freedom through writing, Peter’s memoir Glowing Up Gay has resonated with thousands for its raw honesty and relatable truth. Whether you’re coming out later in life or reclaiming parts of yourself you’ve long avoided, this episode is a bold reminder that it’s never too late to become who you really are.

Key take aways from this episode
Authenticity isn’t immediate—it’s practiced. Coming out later in life often means unlearning years of hiding and slowly stepping into wholeness.
Labels can connect or confine. Understanding LGBTQ+ language helps people find belonging while honoring their own identity.
Your story matters. Writing, sharing, or even speaking your truth can create healing and inspire others on their own journey.


About Peter

A self-proclaimed “ideas guy,” Peter worked in marketing for over twenty-five years. For many years, he saw himself as a coward – too scared to admit that he was gay and embrace who hewas. Throughout his 20’s and 30’s, his active life was masked with what he believed was “normalcy,” but underneath it he was tormented by sadness, emptiness and most importantly, self-loathing, Finally, he summoned the courage to walk away and eventually become a proud (and fabulous) gay man.

Now happily married to his husband for over five years, he lives in California with our Chihuahua Zoey, the queen of our household.
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